Moving On

Life went on in Feudal Japan, though it did take quite a long time for the hubbub to wind down.

Villagers wondered what could have possibly caused such a light...

Could it be a new demon intent upon destroying the world? If so, what had happened to it?

The destruction caused by this demon was devastating, but surprisingly enough, there was not one death reported in the vicinity.

Repairs to buildings began, the earth delved into its natural cycle of mending, and soon everything was back to normal for the people and demons of Feudal Japan.

Years sped by, filled with life and death, happiness and grief, laughter and tears...

--------- --------- ---------

One more day had passed...

Looking up from the rosary beads in his hands, Inuyasha stared out over the land from his perch on the tree, gazing at the setting sun. His golden eyes darkened with misery...

So much time had passed, yet still a void existed within him... empty yet filled with pain...

Just as it had been that day...

If not worse.

His ears flattened back against his head, the hands clenching the rosary beads tightening painfully, but his thoughts wouldn't let him go that easily.

Sure, maybe physically she wasn't there anymore...

Shaking his head roughly, he stopped that thought, knowing if he started, he wouldn't stop.

His mind floated back to these last years, the worst years of his life...

After that fateful day, he had wandered the land for months on end, not knowing to do with himself.

What was the purpose of living?

Did he deserve to live when she...

A stab of pain tore through him, even thinking about her, and he once again switched his thoughts back to neutral ground.

Finally he had returned to find the group at Kaede's village, now repaired, and things had changed drastically.

While he was sure they missed her (he inwardly cringed), Miroku hadn't wasted precious time following the advice given to him by...

A shaky sigh escaped Inuyasha's lips, trying to sooth the pain inside of him without giving into violence, and he braved the onslaught of pain as he continued with his thoughts.

Kagome... god, even thinking her name hurt... had hinted at the monk's love, telling him not to look too far, and when he had arrived back at the village, Sango and Miroku had been happily married for six months.

They had gotten married two months after Kag...

After she had...

A vicious snarl was ripped from his lips as he glared at the sunset, the last rays of light washing over the earth, and he felt anger wash over the misery he was feeling.

He had wondered how they could do such a thing, it was as if they didn't even care that she... was gone.

How dare they?

While he had been out... doing nothing.

The logic had quickly kicked in, a painful kick right in the gut, and he had left the village quickly, not staying even a day nor checking up on the rest of his group...

He had fled and contemplated the situation.

Realized that what they had done hadn't been wrong, instead it had been sensible...

The lecherous monk had done what Inuyasha couldn't do. He had moved on and taken his life in the palm of his hand, making sure that there wasn't a moment of his life he regretted...

Not that Miroku didn't think about Kag... her.

That fact had been uprooted after the hanyou had returned some months later, nearly a year after that day...

The damn monk had been asking him if he was okay.

Even now he felt laughter bubble up inside of him, just as it had after the question.

Okay?

Was he okay?

Damn no!

He felt like shit...

He missed her every damn second he lived, wondering why it had to be him to live, and not her!

He wondered what it would have been like if he had been able to save her, or if he could have prevented it...

There had to have been a way!

There just had to been, damn it, and there Miroku was, married, happy as ever, with Shippo and Kohaku to watch over.

Fuck, he didn't feel good, he felt miserable!

He missed her so much...

He had told the monk exactly how he felt with angry shouts, spending all his pent up emotions on that one question, and when he had run himself hoarse, Miroku had merely looked up with sad eyes and softly whispered, "Me too."

That had torn through him like the arrow Kikyo had shot, painfully and without mercy, but the monk had said no more, simply stood up and walked away.

During his stay at Kaede's village, Inuyasha had noticed he wasn't the only one who had been sucked into the hellhole of misery, but the kitsune, who he had found such an irritation before, was also drowning and unable to escape the murky depths.

Exactly a year after... that day, everyone who had known the cheerful, optimistic girl stood around the crater in the earth where she had last stood, now teaming with plant life and small shrubs.

That day seemed to be especially grave, not one thought of happiness existed to lighten the mood that had hung over them, and after nearly an hour of just standing by the crater, he couldn't stand it any longer.

Guilt tore at him like steel teeth, shredding him apart from the inside out, misery was like poison in his blood, sucking the life from him, and he had to get away.

Just had to.

Even now Inuyasha remembered the bleakness of it, cold chills crawling up his spine.

He had turned his back to the crater and started walking away with his head lowered, but a hand on his shoulder had stopped him, along with the whisper, "Inuyasha, will you talk to me?"

Sango's voice had trembled, yet her hand on his shoulder had been reassuringly warm, and with a glance at her, he had nodded.

She had led him away from the group a distance, her gaze troubled when she looked back at him.

Stopping, she turned so she was face to face with him, giving him a perfect view of the tears in her eyes.

"It wasn't your fault."

The statement was serious, nothing of what he had expected, and he had stared at her for endless minutes before it clicked into place, shoving the misery to the back of his mind for a brief second.

"Not my fault?"

He remembered those three words had bounced around in his hazy mind for what seemed forever, that whisper slipping along with a strangled laugh as he stared at her with clouded gold eyes, the misery returning double fold, nearly causing him to collapse, but he had used it to his advantage to spur his words.

"Not my fault?!? That's good Sango, I'll remember to repeat that to myself just to make sure I believe it... but it's hard to change truth isn't it? Damn it, how could it not be my fault?"

"Inuyasha, it wasn't your fault! Kagome wouldn't want you tearing yourself apart like this! She sacrifice herself so you could live your life, not destroy it!"

"Don't. don't! You are wrong, I don't deserve to live! She should be the one standing here right now... but..."

His emotions had been so tangled then he couldn't even stumble with his words, instead standing there with tear filled eyes and staring at the demon exterminator in front of him, who own gaze had been teary eye-ed.

With a cry, Sango had rushed forward and hugged him tight, placing her forehead on his chest, so he had let his own emotions roll from him like waves, the tears that he had held in check for so long fell, the silent cries of misery exploded forth.

He had hugged her tightly with all his worth, letting his emotions out until he was exhausted.

After a while he had fallen silent, the embrace broken when Sango had stepped back, her cheeks puffy, eyes red, and with a sniffle, she had whispered, "Can I ask a favor of you?"

He would have done anything for her at that moment, having let him ease the misery that threatened to suffocate him, and he had quickly nodded, listening intently when she added, "Shippo... he's not doing any better than you, could you... see if you could do something to help him? It's really... hard for him, even if Kagome... well..."

"I'll try." Was all he had replied, not knowing how he would do anything if he couldn't help himself, but Sango's grateful smile was reward enough for trying.

He felt a spark of happiness, a long year of deprive of it making him delirious, and he given Sango a small smile, whispering, "Miroku's a lucky man to have you as his wife Sango, I'm glad you're both happy."

That had brought another bout of tears on from her, though he certainly hadn't minded...

It had felt good to feel something other than misery and nothingness.

Nearly a month passed, every day dragging by without purpose, and he had decided it was time to confront Shippo...

He didn't have a clue of what to say, how to help the kitsune who was so silent now.

Searching around, Inuyasha had found him next to the Bone Eater's Well...

Or what was left of it.

With wide eyes, he had stopped behind the kitsune, staring at the remains of the well, vaguely noting it had caved in on itself, half filled with stones, dirt, and more.

His arrival went by unnoticed, so he was forced to clear his throat to get Shippo's attention, and the kitsune had glanced up at him with dull eyes, a small light of recognition in them.

"What do you want?" Came the dead voice as he turned back to the gaze at the well, and Inuyasha had simply stared at him, brows furrowed with disbelief.

"Shippo..." He whispered, bending down to be closer to the young kitsune, but no acknowledgment had come.

Determining the best course would be to get everything out in the open, he had silently shifted and plopped to the ground, crossing his legs and tucking his hands into his sleeves, finally announcing, "I miss her too Shippo."

That startled the kitsune so bad he jumped, spinning around to stare at the hanyou with wide tear filled eyes as he shouted, "Why? Why did she leave me?!?"

The question had torn at Inuyasha, as it did even now, the same one that had crossed his thoughts many times, yet still he couldn't answer it...

"I don't know..." He had replied, glancing away from the kitsune, but he had gotten Shippo started so there was no stop, "I... I asked her not to leave! But... but she said... she said she had to go! She died... she died!"

"Shippo, it wasn't her fault..."

"Yes it was! She left me... I thought she loved me... she said she loved me!"

"She does Sh... I mean, she did! She loved you with all her heart Shippo, you can't blame her! If you want to be mad, blame me..."

"Inu-Inuyasha... I... I-I miss her so much, and I don't even have anything to remember her by!"

A sob then came from the kitsune, dashing into his arms and crying loudly as Inuyasha had squeezed his own eyes shut, tears slipping down his cheeks.

What could he do? He didn't have anything of Kagome's...

The fire that consumed their camp so long ago had destroyed everything that was hers.

Except one thing...

His eyes had snapped open with that last thought as he reached one hand into his pocket, drawing the rosary beads out, and he at that moment he had felt a small flood of anger flood him...

The damn beads that brought them together and then destroyed them.

Sitting on the tree as the last rays of light disappeared over the horizon, Inuyasha growled with anger.

The damn beads that were clenched in his hands, the only object of Kagome's other than the Shikon Jewel shards.

"Here Shippo, take these to remember Kagome by..." He had told the kitsune, holding out the necklace, and Shippo had been so happy...

More tears had followed, as a deep bond of friendship seemed to grow...

Maybe even brotherly love.

Blinking, Inuyasha watched the last ray of sunshine flicker and die just as he felt lightheaded...

********* ********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

To those who reviewed: Thanks!

~VioletRose4, Jammies2000, Unholy-angle, Mattielover, Lady Mayhem, Pink twilight, Morlana, Kokoro, Three-Letter-Word, Shadow Wraith, Queen of Blades, Pua lahi lahi, Mimi-chan, FallenSk8rAngel, Tiger of the Wind, Kaida Celeborn, N Rogue Pryde~

Letz move on to the next chappie, eh?

Hugz N Kissez, Ali