New Moon
Blinking, Inuyasha watched the last ray of sunshine flicker and die just as he felt lightheaded. his senses dimmed dramatically, the melodic sounds of nature dying off softly, the strong smells of the forest dulling, and the darkness swallowing him.
Damn, is it the new moon already?!?
Glancing up at the sky, he realized it was...
The clear sky was devoid of any light other than the stars that twinkled down at him, and he growled in frustration.
Dammit, he hated being human!
The only time he had even enjoyed it the slightest had been... with Kagome.
When he had been poisoned, she had let him lay his head on her lap, and then it didn't matter that he was human...
He could still smell the wonderful scent that seemed to be only her and see her beautiful face.
Agony tore through him at the memory, his hands tightening unconsciously around the rosary beads...
His gaze lowered until it rested on the necklace, lying so innocently in his hands, and he felt another wave of agony impend him.
What he wouldn't give to have her back...
He'd do anything at all.
He'd give up every bowl of ramen he ever ate, he'd let her put the rosary beads back on and sit him a thousand times if that's what it took, he'd give up the Shikon Jewel...
'Good luck with the Shikon Jewel...'
Her final words to him floated through his mind, his body tightening with anger once again.
Damn it, how could he let her think that was the most important thing of his life?
How could he think that was the only thing that mattered?
Kikyo's words seemed to hover over him like a shadow, always gnawing at his conscious, threatening to throw him into despair...
'You had taken everything she did for granted... everything.'
The words echoed around in his head once again...
Yet, they were true...
Too true.
Misery settled upon him once again, unmindful to him, and his mind shifted back to what happened these last years...
After he had given Shippo the rosary beads, the kitsune had seemed to slowly recover, though there had still been moments when Shippo was do something, then just stop, a memory from long ago coming back...
Those times happened less and less frequently as time passed, but he had been sure Shippo never forgot her...
Just as he couldn't.
Another year had slowly crawled by; the time spent doing absolutely nothing...
He just hadn't been able to shake off the depression, instead dwelling in memories...
Memories led to regrets...
And regrets to more memories, it had been an endless cycle.
He had no reason to live...
More time passed without happenings, Miroku and Sango living life to the fullest, yet whenever he had been around them, he saw it in their eyes.
The anguish that tore him apart lies within them too, silent and terrible, but they held up their faces, not taking one thing for granted...
God, how he had wished that he could do that too, but the one thing in life he wanted was gone.
Sitting on the tree where he had first met Kagome, he had been remembering again, holding the only thing he had left of Kagome in his hand...
The Shikon Jewel shards.
Not one thought of becoming full demon had passed through his mind those last years.
Not once, but that night he had become human.
What would it be like not to have to worry about being weak once a month?
It would be amazing...
The memories had been swept away as he sat there contemplating that question just as another thought popped up...
How would he find the jewel shards without Kagome...
Thinking about her hurt so much, but that one thought had stirred his interest.
It was true what Sango said...
Kagome didn't die just for him to waste away nor bleed in misery.
No, she died so he could live without trouble...
How much of a fool he had been those last couple of years, simply trudging about without purpose, miserable with grief.
But, damn it, it had been her fault!
Once again his thoughts had switched back to her, asking himself, 'How could she think the Shikon Jewel was more important then her? How could I think that?'
The two questions that haunted him every living moment, tearing him apart inside, but this time, it did more than cause misery...
It sent a thrill through him.
The Shikon Jewel!
Why hadn't he thought of it before?
The first glow of hope since her death appeared over the horizon as he sat on that tree, staring off over the distance, much like he was doing right now.
All this time he had wasted! Now it would take even longer!
The next day, once he was half demon again, he had hurried to Lady Kaede's hut, telling her of his plan.
He would complete the Shikon Jewel and wish for her back! What had he been thinking before, it was so simple!
Lady Kaede had agreed that was a wise course of action, her aged face wrinkled more than he remembered, and he had hugged her in his joy, swinging her about.
It was going to work! Kagome was going to come back!
Later that day he had gathered the group, with an extra addition of Sango's brother, who had grown tall and strong.
A sad smile lit Inuyasha's face at the memory of him telling everyone his plan...
They'd all reacted exactly as he had.
With cries of joy, excitement, and enthusiasm...
Yes, every signal one of them missed their shining beacon of hope, the girl that had changed their lives forever.
They started out that day in search of jewel shards...
Everything went downhill.
Two years passed with only one success of finding a jewel shard...
Spirits were low, hopes dashed.
Another thing they had taken for granted...
Kagome's ability to help them find jewel shards.
More than four years had passed now, though it had seemed like eternity to him. A damn eternity without Kagome, only his memories of her to soothe him, and that wasn't enough.
He needed her.
He had wandered away from the group, settling himself in a tree and listening to nature's sounds, so distracted by his own misery he didn't even notice Shippo crawl up the tree until he was practically on his lap.
The young kitsune had gazed at him with understanding eyes, not saying a thing for the longest time, and they just sat there in a heavy silence, their feelings communicated without words.
"We'll find the jewel shards no matter what." Shippo announced with determination beyond his years, as if he had grown up these last years...
Which was the truth.
Those last four years had been a hard journey for the kitsune, testing his strength and boundaries, but Shippo had managed it, with a little help from him...
The rosary beads had hung around the kitsune's neck all the time, never removed or placed aside.
He had gazed at them after Shippo had made the announcement, a longing inside of him so strong he was forced to swallow, and quite calmly Shippo glanced down to see what he was looking at.
Next thing he knew, Shippo had removed the necklace and was handing it to him, whispering, "I think you need the rosary beads more than me now Inuyasha... I'll never forget Kagome no matter what, but neither will she ever be gone... for she's always in my heart... and yours."
With those wise words the young kitsune left him to stare at the rosary beads in his hands...
Much like he was doing now, Inuyasha mused, rubbing the smooth beads against his hands.
Sometimes, when he tried hard enough, he imagined he could smell her on them...
Holding the necklace to his nose, dulled by being human, he inhaled, seeking some whiff of her wonderful scent.
None came.
From that time on, when Shippo had given him the necklace back, he had worn them around his neck, not letting them out of his sight...
They felt like his last connection to her.
Sure, he had the Shikon Jewel shards...
But that only brought about pain and anger, her last words rising from the depths.
The rosary beads were also a symbol of pain, though this was comforting...
Their connection was delved from this necklace.
Damn, how he wished things hadn't gone to shit...
Wished she were back here with them right now.
He didn't care if Naraku would still be around, at least he'd be able to see her smiling face...
With one last glance at the rosary beads, Inuyasha reached up and tied them around his neck, comforted by their weight there.
A memory popped into his mind, one of him and Kaede...
They had been back at her village for a break, probably half a year after Shippo had returned the rosary beads, almost five years since Kagome had... gone.
Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, and Shippo had all been resting inside the hut, tired from a long day's journey to get back. Though he had been tired himself, he had resigned to not sleeping, but instead sitting outside with Kaede as she made stew...
Moments such as that he remembered the ramen that Kagome made...
Delicious, warm, mouth watering...
Taken for granted, he remembered with darkening eyes, the deep violet turning a color close to black in the darkness, swinging one of his legs from the tree branch as he leaned back against the tree, staring up at the sky.
He hated himself sometimes, berated himself for taking everything Kagome did for granted...
Damn it, and Kikyo pointed it out to him!
That damn bitch had to be the one to point it out...
Point it out and rub it in.
She just had to go fall in love with that sick bastard Naraku, plot against them, and destroy his life didn't she?
Shit, he needed to redirect his thoughts...
Back to Kaede, she had been cooking the stew, and kept glancing at him with her one eye, still sparkling with intelligence even at her elder age.
Finally pushed beyond his patience, he had shouted at her, asking what the hell was the matter, and she had replied calmly, used to his bouts of temper, "I don't see why ye still wear thee beads Inuyasha... with Kagome gone, thee have no use, for the only way to reactivate them is by her doing so..."
"Old crone, it's none of your business!"
With those hateful words, pain was shredding him apart inside; he had raced away, not speaking to her again, even when they left.
His stomach clenched as he remembered that, he hadn't spoke to her...
And never would again.
When they returned the next time, just a while ago, he had learned that she had been killed by a rogue demon.
God, and to think the last thing last thing he said...
Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, and Shippo are still at Kaede's village, mourning her loss, but he hadn't been able to stand it.
Everything he had once known was now gone, except for the Shikon Jewel...
And even that was now being threatened.
A hand went up to the partially completed Shikon Jewel that hung around his neck, gripping it tightly, and he growled, realizing it sounded wimpy to his human ears.
Damn it, did everything have to be torn away from him?
Kikyo killed by Naraku, brought back to life, Kagome coming, changing him forever, Naraku deceiving bastard, Kaede always there throughout the years...
All of them gone, dead.
The only thing to show for his life was the Shikon Jewel...
Rumors had been heard while they had been traveling.
A powerful demon destroying everything in its path, seeking Shikon Jewel shards, so unbelievably strong...
Even Sesshomaru had fallen.
Eyes misting, Inuyasha felt an unbearable pain tear through him, caused by the loss of his bastard of a half brother...
But brother no less.
What kind of demon could be strong enough to destroy Sesshomaru when he couldn't?
What would happen if that demon came after him, since it was inevitable...
He has the majority of the jewel.
He couldn't give it to the demon...
Damn no, it was the only reason he had survived these last six years, the only thing keeping him going when everything had become too much.
The only reason he was living.
The only reason to live...
To bring Kagome back to him when he completed it.
There was no indecision; he had decided it long ago, without second thoughts.
He missed her with all his body, mind, and soul...
There wasn't a moment he didn't think about her, even when he tried not to.
Jumping from the tree he had been occupying, he landed hard, his human body much weaker then his half demon self, and with a grunt, he started walking away from the tree, intent on stretching his cramped legs.
Sure he hated being human, that had always been the reason why he wanted the Shikon Jewel...
To become full demon.
But now, he'd suffer the fate of being forced to be human once a month if it meant Kagome would be with him...
He'd be human if that's what it took damn it!
He just wanted to finish collecting the Shikon Jewel shards so he could wish her back, and he didn't need the complication of this demon!
What if the rumors were true?
What the hell could he do?
Damn, with his luck, the demon would show up when he was human!
He was at the edge of the clearing now, and he turned around to gaze at the tree he had just sat in, startled when his eyes caught sight of a cloaked figure.
Warnings whirled through his mind, so ridiculously fast they became jumbled and were no help at all.
The only clear thought was the question:
What could he do?
If it was the demon rumored about, wouldn't it have already sliced him into pieces and taken the jewel?
Yes, of course, so there was no way it could be.
So, should he just continue walking away or approach the figure?
Undecided, Inuyasha stood there silently, watching the figure with narrowed eyes, and his heart stopped when the figure walked closer and announced, "Give me your jewel shards."
********* ********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Thanks so much to those who reviewed!!!
~Lady Mayhem, KittiesK, Fukai Mori no Owari-Nai Yume, mattielover, Koneko- chan star, jammies2000, VioletRose4, SailorKagome, Shadow Wraith, Three- Letter-Word, pau lahi lahi, carrie, FluffyLuver4Eva, Rogue Pryde, Kaida Celeborn, Tiger of the Wind1, Chikai Tenshi, Nakamura-san, Queen of Blades, koishii-glory, chibimara~
Next chapter, eh? (finally.)
Hugz N Kissez, Ali
Blinking, Inuyasha watched the last ray of sunshine flicker and die just as he felt lightheaded. his senses dimmed dramatically, the melodic sounds of nature dying off softly, the strong smells of the forest dulling, and the darkness swallowing him.
Damn, is it the new moon already?!?
Glancing up at the sky, he realized it was...
The clear sky was devoid of any light other than the stars that twinkled down at him, and he growled in frustration.
Dammit, he hated being human!
The only time he had even enjoyed it the slightest had been... with Kagome.
When he had been poisoned, she had let him lay his head on her lap, and then it didn't matter that he was human...
He could still smell the wonderful scent that seemed to be only her and see her beautiful face.
Agony tore through him at the memory, his hands tightening unconsciously around the rosary beads...
His gaze lowered until it rested on the necklace, lying so innocently in his hands, and he felt another wave of agony impend him.
What he wouldn't give to have her back...
He'd do anything at all.
He'd give up every bowl of ramen he ever ate, he'd let her put the rosary beads back on and sit him a thousand times if that's what it took, he'd give up the Shikon Jewel...
'Good luck with the Shikon Jewel...'
Her final words to him floated through his mind, his body tightening with anger once again.
Damn it, how could he let her think that was the most important thing of his life?
How could he think that was the only thing that mattered?
Kikyo's words seemed to hover over him like a shadow, always gnawing at his conscious, threatening to throw him into despair...
'You had taken everything she did for granted... everything.'
The words echoed around in his head once again...
Yet, they were true...
Too true.
Misery settled upon him once again, unmindful to him, and his mind shifted back to what happened these last years...
After he had given Shippo the rosary beads, the kitsune had seemed to slowly recover, though there had still been moments when Shippo was do something, then just stop, a memory from long ago coming back...
Those times happened less and less frequently as time passed, but he had been sure Shippo never forgot her...
Just as he couldn't.
Another year had slowly crawled by; the time spent doing absolutely nothing...
He just hadn't been able to shake off the depression, instead dwelling in memories...
Memories led to regrets...
And regrets to more memories, it had been an endless cycle.
He had no reason to live...
More time passed without happenings, Miroku and Sango living life to the fullest, yet whenever he had been around them, he saw it in their eyes.
The anguish that tore him apart lies within them too, silent and terrible, but they held up their faces, not taking one thing for granted...
God, how he had wished that he could do that too, but the one thing in life he wanted was gone.
Sitting on the tree where he had first met Kagome, he had been remembering again, holding the only thing he had left of Kagome in his hand...
The Shikon Jewel shards.
Not one thought of becoming full demon had passed through his mind those last years.
Not once, but that night he had become human.
What would it be like not to have to worry about being weak once a month?
It would be amazing...
The memories had been swept away as he sat there contemplating that question just as another thought popped up...
How would he find the jewel shards without Kagome...
Thinking about her hurt so much, but that one thought had stirred his interest.
It was true what Sango said...
Kagome didn't die just for him to waste away nor bleed in misery.
No, she died so he could live without trouble...
How much of a fool he had been those last couple of years, simply trudging about without purpose, miserable with grief.
But, damn it, it had been her fault!
Once again his thoughts had switched back to her, asking himself, 'How could she think the Shikon Jewel was more important then her? How could I think that?'
The two questions that haunted him every living moment, tearing him apart inside, but this time, it did more than cause misery...
It sent a thrill through him.
The Shikon Jewel!
Why hadn't he thought of it before?
The first glow of hope since her death appeared over the horizon as he sat on that tree, staring off over the distance, much like he was doing right now.
All this time he had wasted! Now it would take even longer!
The next day, once he was half demon again, he had hurried to Lady Kaede's hut, telling her of his plan.
He would complete the Shikon Jewel and wish for her back! What had he been thinking before, it was so simple!
Lady Kaede had agreed that was a wise course of action, her aged face wrinkled more than he remembered, and he had hugged her in his joy, swinging her about.
It was going to work! Kagome was going to come back!
Later that day he had gathered the group, with an extra addition of Sango's brother, who had grown tall and strong.
A sad smile lit Inuyasha's face at the memory of him telling everyone his plan...
They'd all reacted exactly as he had.
With cries of joy, excitement, and enthusiasm...
Yes, every signal one of them missed their shining beacon of hope, the girl that had changed their lives forever.
They started out that day in search of jewel shards...
Everything went downhill.
Two years passed with only one success of finding a jewel shard...
Spirits were low, hopes dashed.
Another thing they had taken for granted...
Kagome's ability to help them find jewel shards.
More than four years had passed now, though it had seemed like eternity to him. A damn eternity without Kagome, only his memories of her to soothe him, and that wasn't enough.
He needed her.
He had wandered away from the group, settling himself in a tree and listening to nature's sounds, so distracted by his own misery he didn't even notice Shippo crawl up the tree until he was practically on his lap.
The young kitsune had gazed at him with understanding eyes, not saying a thing for the longest time, and they just sat there in a heavy silence, their feelings communicated without words.
"We'll find the jewel shards no matter what." Shippo announced with determination beyond his years, as if he had grown up these last years...
Which was the truth.
Those last four years had been a hard journey for the kitsune, testing his strength and boundaries, but Shippo had managed it, with a little help from him...
The rosary beads had hung around the kitsune's neck all the time, never removed or placed aside.
He had gazed at them after Shippo had made the announcement, a longing inside of him so strong he was forced to swallow, and quite calmly Shippo glanced down to see what he was looking at.
Next thing he knew, Shippo had removed the necklace and was handing it to him, whispering, "I think you need the rosary beads more than me now Inuyasha... I'll never forget Kagome no matter what, but neither will she ever be gone... for she's always in my heart... and yours."
With those wise words the young kitsune left him to stare at the rosary beads in his hands...
Much like he was doing now, Inuyasha mused, rubbing the smooth beads against his hands.
Sometimes, when he tried hard enough, he imagined he could smell her on them...
Holding the necklace to his nose, dulled by being human, he inhaled, seeking some whiff of her wonderful scent.
None came.
From that time on, when Shippo had given him the necklace back, he had worn them around his neck, not letting them out of his sight...
They felt like his last connection to her.
Sure, he had the Shikon Jewel shards...
But that only brought about pain and anger, her last words rising from the depths.
The rosary beads were also a symbol of pain, though this was comforting...
Their connection was delved from this necklace.
Damn, how he wished things hadn't gone to shit...
Wished she were back here with them right now.
He didn't care if Naraku would still be around, at least he'd be able to see her smiling face...
With one last glance at the rosary beads, Inuyasha reached up and tied them around his neck, comforted by their weight there.
A memory popped into his mind, one of him and Kaede...
They had been back at her village for a break, probably half a year after Shippo had returned the rosary beads, almost five years since Kagome had... gone.
Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, and Shippo had all been resting inside the hut, tired from a long day's journey to get back. Though he had been tired himself, he had resigned to not sleeping, but instead sitting outside with Kaede as she made stew...
Moments such as that he remembered the ramen that Kagome made...
Delicious, warm, mouth watering...
Taken for granted, he remembered with darkening eyes, the deep violet turning a color close to black in the darkness, swinging one of his legs from the tree branch as he leaned back against the tree, staring up at the sky.
He hated himself sometimes, berated himself for taking everything Kagome did for granted...
Damn it, and Kikyo pointed it out to him!
That damn bitch had to be the one to point it out...
Point it out and rub it in.
She just had to go fall in love with that sick bastard Naraku, plot against them, and destroy his life didn't she?
Shit, he needed to redirect his thoughts...
Back to Kaede, she had been cooking the stew, and kept glancing at him with her one eye, still sparkling with intelligence even at her elder age.
Finally pushed beyond his patience, he had shouted at her, asking what the hell was the matter, and she had replied calmly, used to his bouts of temper, "I don't see why ye still wear thee beads Inuyasha... with Kagome gone, thee have no use, for the only way to reactivate them is by her doing so..."
"Old crone, it's none of your business!"
With those hateful words, pain was shredding him apart inside; he had raced away, not speaking to her again, even when they left.
His stomach clenched as he remembered that, he hadn't spoke to her...
And never would again.
When they returned the next time, just a while ago, he had learned that she had been killed by a rogue demon.
God, and to think the last thing last thing he said...
Miroku, Sango, Kohaku, and Shippo are still at Kaede's village, mourning her loss, but he hadn't been able to stand it.
Everything he had once known was now gone, except for the Shikon Jewel...
And even that was now being threatened.
A hand went up to the partially completed Shikon Jewel that hung around his neck, gripping it tightly, and he growled, realizing it sounded wimpy to his human ears.
Damn it, did everything have to be torn away from him?
Kikyo killed by Naraku, brought back to life, Kagome coming, changing him forever, Naraku deceiving bastard, Kaede always there throughout the years...
All of them gone, dead.
The only thing to show for his life was the Shikon Jewel...
Rumors had been heard while they had been traveling.
A powerful demon destroying everything in its path, seeking Shikon Jewel shards, so unbelievably strong...
Even Sesshomaru had fallen.
Eyes misting, Inuyasha felt an unbearable pain tear through him, caused by the loss of his bastard of a half brother...
But brother no less.
What kind of demon could be strong enough to destroy Sesshomaru when he couldn't?
What would happen if that demon came after him, since it was inevitable...
He has the majority of the jewel.
He couldn't give it to the demon...
Damn no, it was the only reason he had survived these last six years, the only thing keeping him going when everything had become too much.
The only reason he was living.
The only reason to live...
To bring Kagome back to him when he completed it.
There was no indecision; he had decided it long ago, without second thoughts.
He missed her with all his body, mind, and soul...
There wasn't a moment he didn't think about her, even when he tried not to.
Jumping from the tree he had been occupying, he landed hard, his human body much weaker then his half demon self, and with a grunt, he started walking away from the tree, intent on stretching his cramped legs.
Sure he hated being human, that had always been the reason why he wanted the Shikon Jewel...
To become full demon.
But now, he'd suffer the fate of being forced to be human once a month if it meant Kagome would be with him...
He'd be human if that's what it took damn it!
He just wanted to finish collecting the Shikon Jewel shards so he could wish her back, and he didn't need the complication of this demon!
What if the rumors were true?
What the hell could he do?
Damn, with his luck, the demon would show up when he was human!
He was at the edge of the clearing now, and he turned around to gaze at the tree he had just sat in, startled when his eyes caught sight of a cloaked figure.
Warnings whirled through his mind, so ridiculously fast they became jumbled and were no help at all.
The only clear thought was the question:
What could he do?
If it was the demon rumored about, wouldn't it have already sliced him into pieces and taken the jewel?
Yes, of course, so there was no way it could be.
So, should he just continue walking away or approach the figure?
Undecided, Inuyasha stood there silently, watching the figure with narrowed eyes, and his heart stopped when the figure walked closer and announced, "Give me your jewel shards."
********* ********** ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Thanks so much to those who reviewed!!!
~Lady Mayhem, KittiesK, Fukai Mori no Owari-Nai Yume, mattielover, Koneko- chan star, jammies2000, VioletRose4, SailorKagome, Shadow Wraith, Three- Letter-Word, pau lahi lahi, carrie, FluffyLuver4Eva, Rogue Pryde, Kaida Celeborn, Tiger of the Wind1, Chikai Tenshi, Nakamura-san, Queen of Blades, koishii-glory, chibimara~
Next chapter, eh? (finally.)
Hugz N Kissez, Ali
