title: Marriage, Sunnydale-Style
author: Heather (heather@hella-good.org)
rating: R
spoilers: none...completely an au/fantasy fic except for things borrowed from the Buffyverse (season 1-7) that are twisted to fit in this universe.
disclaimer: If I actually owned anything, I probably wouldn't be doing this :)
summary: After almost 10 years of dating, Buffy and Spike finally find themselves in the midst of planning a wedding and remembering the long journey that got them there.

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Chapter 2

"How about this one?" Dawn asked Buffy holding up the magazine.

"Now, I know you are joking," Buffy answered, scrunching up her nose in disgust. "There are bows. Bows are the work of the devil." She took another sip of her drink and leaned back on the couch, resting her head on Spike's outstretched arm. "Besides, I've picked out my dress. I just have to actually purchase it."

"Was it the one at Helson's?" Willow asked, her face lighting up at the thought. Buffy nodded, a large smile breaking out on her face as well. "Spike won't be able to make it through the ceremony."

"Why's that now?" Spike asked.

"It's...um...very nice," Willow muttered, giggling.

"Luv, you can't torture me. You can not wear anything that will lead to inevitable torture of the lower regions. I forbid it."

"You forwhat it?" Buffy asked cracking up. "The day you forbid anything I do, is the day that I am no longer on this plain of existence."

"All the boys will be in torture. Our dresses are very drool worthy," Cordy added. "So much better than Anya's bridesmaid dresses." The girls all shuddered in memory of those horrid neon green dresses.

"Yeah, she was definitely wearing the wedding goggles," Buffy commented.

"Wedding goggles?" Xander asked at a loss.

"Like beer goggles...but in regards to a wedding. Everything looks beautiful and great and

then you realize, holy shit, what was I thinking? Although, I have yet to see Anya get to that point."

"I thought you looked nice. A little bright, but still beautiful," Spike murmured in Buffy's ear.

"We've had this discussion. Radioactive coloring leads to looking luminescent." Buffy sighed as she remembered the wedding and started to laugh. "Do you remember when Anya's old boss's gift got away? What the hell was that again?"

"A snake," Dawn answered, not finding it amusing at all. "Yeah, it was really great. You didn't have to go looking for it. Who actually gives someone a snake as a wedding present? Isn't that just...odd?"

"Anya is a bit odd, so..." Xander remarked.

"You should be the one to know," Cordy pointed out. Seeing him flinch visibly, she instantly felt bad. "Sorry, Xand. Tactless girl strikes again."

"Hey, I'm over it. No big." No one really believed that but they all nodded to reassure Xander that they did, even though he, himself, knew that no one believed him. It was hard to convince people you were over something when you couldn't even convince yourself.

"Find yourself a hot date for the wedding?" Dawn asked.

"I'm going in blind," Xander said, a goofy smirk on his face. "As in date."

"You're going on a blind date at my wedding?" Buffy shook her head. "No, this won't be any good. You and women are like...well, what if she's evil?"

"Not to worry. Wes and Gunn wouldn't do that to me. Uh, right?" he asked not as confident as he once was.

"Met the bird. Cute, nice, shy...doesn't seem to be harboring any delusional May Queen fascinations or Capitalist ideas," Spike jumped in quickly.

"She just moved up here from Texas, right?" Tara asked and Spike nodded. "Yes, she's very nice. You might actually like her a lot, Xander."

"Are we talking about the girl who was published in Science Weekly?" Willow asked, astonished. "I didn't mean to sound so surpri...not that Xander couldn't date the smart girl..." Cordy quirked her eyebrow in offense. "I mean, every girl he's dated is smart and I'm just going to be quiet." She turned to Tara and muttered, "Don't let me talk anymore tonight."

"Okay, sweetie," Tara whispered, giving her a kiss on her temple.

 

"Published in the what weekly? Is she a geek? Am I suddenly going to feel like less of a man when I meet her?" Xander asked, looking around worriedly.

"Suddenly?" Dawn quipped.

"Is she smarter than you, Willow?" She shrugged in response. "Oh, man, Will's right. I can't date the smart girl. I usually feel lacking in that area anyways and now I'm going to have to try and impress someone when I won't have a clue as to what she's talking about? Forget it. I'm not going. Nope. Not doing it. Can't date the smart one."

"Hey, mister! One of your exes is sitting right here. Have some decency," Cordy complained.

"I've never realized before just how incestuous your little gang of friends are, Buffy," Dawn commented. Everyone looked at her, mouths agape. She continued to flip through the magazine in a nonchalant fashion. "Well, think about it. You dated Angel and Spike, Xander's fooled around with Willow, dated both Cordy and Anya, Anya's now married to Giles, who, shudder to say, had sex with our mother, Cordy and Wes had a fling, now she's with Lindsey who if I remember slept with Darla at one time." Dawn took a breath, still not noticing the wide-eyed expressions on everyone's faces. "Gunn and Wes both liked this new girl and I think she went on a couple of dates with Gunn but then he met Gwen so that ended the Fred thing, Wes hooked up with Faith, who has come on to anything with a penis including but not limited to Xander, Angel and Spike." She took another breath. "You know, Angel seems to get around about as much as Xander."

"I do not get-"

"It seems the only one who has not made the rounds a lot is Willow. I guess it's a good thing you realized you liked the ladies," Dawn teased.

"One lady," Willow said defensively.

"Anyhoo, I'm just saying maybe you guys should, you know, branch out a little bit. Try dating people that aren't in the inner sanctum," Dawn stated matter-of-factly.

"And who are you bringing to the wedding, Miss Smarty Pants?" Buffy asked her irksome little sister. Dawn finally looked up at Buffy, her face resembling that of those in the room. "Oh, that's right. Connor...and he's who? Oh, Angel's brother. Riiighht."

"He's not my date in the technical sense. He's the only one there who is my age so you put us together. I don't need a date."

"Wait...Wes is with Faith?" Xander asked, a little more of his ego deflating.

"Sure, a couple of months now. Since she's, and I sarcastically say, turned herself around. Apparently, Wesley had a lot to do with that. Never mind the fact that he was hurt the most while she was on her tear of the West Coast," Cordy answered haughtily. "Besides, that's not important...Dawn, how do you know all this stuff and why don't I know it?"

"Duh, no one notices me, especially when I was younger so I could easily eavesdrop on everything. I bet I know a lot more about all of you and those that aren't here than any of you actually know," Dawn told her, smirking. The friends all looked at each other, flashes of fear in their eyes, all trying to desperately remember any embarrassing stories told when Dawn could have been present. "Like a deer caught in headlights...I finally understand that expression."

"I have plenty on you, too, girly. Don't you forget that," Buffy warned.

Dawn ignored her sister as she stood up from the floor, gathering her things. "I'd say my work here is done." She leaned over giving Buffy a quick kiss on the cheek and did the same to Spike. "I'll see you guys for breakfast at the house, tomorrow, right?" They both nodded, shock still coursing through them. "No later than 10 Mom said because then it's brunch and she doesn't want to cook lunch. See ya guys!" And with that she was gone.

"Uh...does anyone else feel like we're on Candid Camera? Like any minute that annoying man or maybe Suzanne Somers will pop out and be like hardy har har?" Tara asked, looking around her, hoping that someone will agree that the evening spiraled into Bizarro World territory.

"That show sucked when they brought in Suzanne Somers," Xander acknowledged.

"Apparently, Dawn is a force to be reckoned with. She could seriously hold the key to all of our downfalls," Cordy said, visibly shaken. "And can someone please reassure me that my boyfriend did not sleep with that vampy tramp?" Everyone looked away, at their shoes, the ceiling, whatever they could find to not have to look at her. "God, she's right. You know that scary commercial with the guy and girl in bed and the guy is, of course, insisting that they don't need a condom, he's clean but then all their exes come in the room, along with everyone they've slept with and the big scary announcer says something like you sleep with everyone that the person you're sleeping with has slept with? That's us." After a moment of thought, everyone grabbed their drinks.

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