title: Marriage, Sunnydale-Style
author: Heather (heather@hella-good.org)
rating: R
spoilers: none...completely an au/fantasy fic except for things borrowed from the Buffyverse (season 1-7) that are twisted to fit in this universe.
disclaimer: If I actually owned anything, I probably wouldn't be doing this :)
summary: After almost 10 years of dating, Buffy and Spike finally find themselves in the midst of planning a wedding and remembering the long journey that got them there.

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Chapter 14

Flashback

"Spike, this is my sister, Dawn."

"Hey there, Nibblet." Dawn made an "eep" sound and ran in the direction of the kitchen. "Is that normal?"

"She sometimes doesn't like new people." Buffy paused. "Or it could be the hair that frightened her off." Spike's hands went to his head instantly and he huffed. "Kidding, just kidding with you. And they say girls are the ones who are obsessed with appearances..." Buffy led them into the living room and they sat on the couch, both wondering what to do or say next. Buffy decided to take the initiative and said, "So, you don't really have to watch her with me. The gang's heading to the Bronze tonight and I can totally handle the brat by myself."

"Not feeling the club atmosphere tonight. Besides, I got us a movie...probably shouldn't show it to lil' sis," Spike said, frowning his brow.

"What movie?" He handed her the cassette. "Suspiria? What is that? Did I even say it right?"

"From the '70's, cheesy and horrible."

"So why would I want to watch that?"

"From the '70's, cheesy and horrible," Spike repeated, as if that was enough of an answer.

"Okay, then, I'll give it a shot. We'll have to wait until Dawn goes to bed..."

"I have no place to be, pet."

Dawn came running into the room, arms loaded up with board games. She smiled shyly at Spike and asked, "Do you want to play a game?"

"Dawn, did you do your homework yet?" Buffy asked, trying to conceal the annoyance she felt.

Dawn merely rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to Spike. "You can pick...or if you don't like these, we have some more." Without waiting for his answer, she started off towards the kitchen again, yelling, "I'll get some more!" as she went.

"Which one is your sis's favorite?" Spike asked.

"Uh, why?"

"Just tell me." Buffy pointed to Clue and when Dawn entered the room again with another armload, Spike said, "I love Clue. Do you like that one, Bit?"

Dawn dropped the games on the floor, her mouth opened in shock. Oh my god, he's my soul mate. "Who doesn't love Clue?!?" Dawn went over to the couch, sitting between Buffy and Spike, her back to Buffy, all her attention on Spike. Buffy swallowed a laugh and shook her head in amazement. "I'm so good. I can figure out who did it in like three turns."

"Impressive. I'll bet that I can do better," Spike challenged.

"Well, statistically speaking it would be impossible for you to win in two turns," Dawn told him.

"'Statistically speaking'?" Buffy asked, surprise in her voice. She turned Dawn's shoulder so Dawn was facing her. "Huh, you look like Dawn and yet you sound like Giles."

"Who's Giles?"

"Someone you will meet in about four years," Buffy told her. Off of Dawn's confused look, she added, "He's the librarian at the high school."

"Oh...the British guy?" Buffy nodded, her face now displaying the confused look. "I've met him."

"When? How?" Buffy asked.

"He used to come over a lot during the summer. Mom was upset all the time because you just up and ran away." Spike glanced over at Buffy in surprise. Buffy kept looking at Dawn, ignoring Spike's questioning gaze. "I thought that he was going to be her new boyfriend but then he suddenly stopped coming around."

"Okay...and that was when?"

"I think August. I was used to him coming over all summer. Then one night, they had some wine and I haven't seen him since."

"'Some wine'? How much is some, Dawnie?" Buffy's voice began to raise a few octaves higher than normal and Dawn instantly knew that Buffy was getting upset at all this information.

"Two, I think?" Dawn answered hesitantly.

Buffy flew off the couch and started pacing around the living room, her arms waving about as she spoke. "How could no one tell me this? I mean, you go away for a bit and apparently your mother shacks up with the librarian. Why wouldn't she tell me that? It's not so much to ask, you know?"

"Buffy, maybe it's not what you think-" Spike began.

"No, I have the feeling it's exactly what I think!" She paused and eyed him suspiciously. "And so do you."

"What are you two thinking? I liked Mr. Giles. He used to bring over some interesting books," Dawn broke in.

"Dawn, why don't you bring Clue into the dining room and get it all set-up so we can play, okay?" Buffy asked, turning her sweet voice on.

"You could just say 'get out, Dawn. We're going to talk about sex now'," Dawn complained as she picked up the board game and went into the other room. Buffy shook her head again as she watched her sister leave.

"Are you going to sit or just continue to make me dizzy?" Spike asked as he watched her zoom back and forth across the rug.

"You were here last summer, right? You came here after you graduated..."

"Yeah, I did, but I don't know anything about this-"

"Likely story. How do I know that you did know and that they told you not to tell me you knew? They had to have known we'd meet eventually, what with your relationship with Giles and my mother's apparent...oh god, this is like the most horrible thing. Ever." She fell back on the couch, placing her forearm over her eyes. Her other arm still moving wildly as her thoughts kept playing this new information over and over again.

"It's not so bad. Two people finding comfort-"

Buffy sat upright and looked at him. "So you did know!"

"I did not know, Buffy. I'm trying to say, if you would let me get a word in, is that maybe whatever happened with you and your mum...she found a bit of comfort with Rupert."

"But that's gross," Buffy whined. Spike laughed and leaned back on the couch. "Do you think that they..."

"If I was a betting man, I'd put money on it," Spike told her in absolute seriousness. Buffy groaned again and began to rub her temples. Hoping to lighten the mood, Spike asked, "Does your sister often know about things she probably shouldn't?"

"Yeah, she's like a one- person sewing circle. It keeps her entertained and obviously, wigs me out completely. It's our thing," Buffy answered, a slight smile on her lips.

"Are we playing tonight or are we waiting for the Armageddon?" Dawn asked from the dining room.

Buffy and Spike shared a look, both sighing and got up from the couch, making their way into the dining room for a fun night of Clue.

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"Goodnight, losers," Dawn joked as she went up to her room. "I told you that you couldn't win in less than three turns."

"Not against the master of Clue, apparently," Spike jibbed back.

"I just have to make sure she brushes and what not. Make yourself comfortable. You can throw that movie in, if you want," Buffy suggested. Spike nodded and watched Buffy walk up the stairs. It doesn't get much better than that. Spike shook himself out of his reverie and went back to the living room to get the movie ready.

While waiting for Buffy to return, he glanced around the room, taking in the home-like feel that the house gave off. Giles's apartment was great and Spike knew he was lucky enough to be able to stay there with him but this house is what he really wanted. This was a home and that was something he had never had. He perused the pictures on the mantle, smiling at a little Buffy playing on the beach. He saw a picture of Buffy, Dawn and who he assumed was their mother on the wall and he felt that pang in his chest. The longing for family, of pictures never taken during his childhood, of a little sister or brother, a mother who just looked like a great mother in one picture...he longed for it all. He looked more closely at the picture of the three women, trying to see something there that would give him the answers he had always been searching for. He knew he'd never get them unless he found his parents, which was something he still didn't know if he wanted to embark on. Just by looking at the picture, he saw how happy they were, how close and he felt the bitter taste of jealousy in the back of his throat.

Buffy walked into the living room and saw Spike studying a picture on the wall. She back peddled a bit and looked around the corner, seeing everything he was thinking written on his face. Buffy's heart ached for him and she had to keep telling herself to stay where she was, not to go in there and wrap him up in her arms. It didn't work too well and she could feel her resolve fading the more she watched him. You can't do it, Buffy. You can't start something with him. You're still going through stages of Angel. You're being transfer-y and you don't want to hurt Spike. You're friends. End of discussion. Right?

"Right," Buffy muttered softly to herself, feeling instantly miserable. The phone rang, shocking her enough that she squealed in surprise. She quickly ducked out of Spike's view before he saw her and went into the dining room to answer the phone, hoping that it was her mother so she could get some answers once and for all. "Hello?"

"Buffy?" It wasn't her mother.

"Angel?" She felt her stomach flip over and she thought for sure she wasn't going to keep her supper down. "Uh, hi."

"How have you been?"

"Fine...how's L.A. treating you?" Buffy asked, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"Fine," Angel replied softly, feeling the sting of her question.

"Well, as intellectually stimulating as this conversation is, I'm watching Dawn and I have a friend over. I don't want to be rude so...why are you calling?"

"I feel badly, Buffy, for leaving-"

"Well, you should," she spat out.

"I know you have that dance-"

"Yeah, the one you made abundantly clear you had no desire to go to when you left me for better things in L.A., Angel."

"I'm trying to do the right thing here, Buffy. I know it's important to you and I don't want you to miss it."

"You think that because you're not here to take me that I wouldn't go?" Buffy laughed harshly. "I'd go by myself, Angel. My life did not stop because we stopped."

"That's good, Buffy. I'm glad to hear that. You know that I love-"

"Don't do it, Angel. Don't say anything like that." Buffy closed her eyes, trying her hardest to calm herself. "Look, I don't want to do this. Be mean or catty...but I can't have you calling. I can't talk to you like we're friends because we're not. Not right now." With that, she hung up not able to bare anything Angel would say in response. She blinked back a few tears, forcing herself to not let it bother her. She jumped a bit when she heard a noise next to her and saw that Spike was standing in the doorway. "Hey..."

"I don't have another handkerchief, but do you need something?" Buffy smiled in appreciation of his effort and shook her head no. "Do you want me to go?"

"No!" Buffy said too quickly and Spike fought hard to hide his smile. "We have a cheesy, horrible 70's movie to watch, right?" As they made their way back to the living room, she said, "So do you notice that you're often around when I'm doing my best impersonation of the misery chick?"

"Guess I'm just lucky, then. Wouldn't be too fond if you were the a-typical California girl."

"So if I acted the way I looked..."

"I probably wouldn't like you all that much, no. Nice to look at sure, but perma-happy doesn't do it for me."

"Well, I'm certainly not that. I used to be quite the stereotype but things changed."

"Like what?"

"Same old, same old. Dad cheats and leaves, never to be heard from again, we all move down here, I realize I feel more at home with what most of Sunnydale High considers the geeks of the universe instead of my old popular crowd and so on."

"How popular are we talking?"

"I have a crown and a sash..." Spike looked at her wide-eyed and she giggled. "At the time, it seemed so important. Now it's like why? It so wasn't."

"Yeah, but at least you learned that, right? You could have just kept on thinking that all that bullshit was important."

"True...I am happier now despite what you have seen in the last 3 weeks of knowing me."

"Tough time. First love and all that rot. Understandable."

"You know something about it?" Buffy asked, feeling her heart seize a bit that Spike had been in love.

"There was a girl back home."

"What was her name? If you don't mind me asking."

"Drusilla. Broke my heart, she did. I'd give you some sage advice but I still feel it some days. Can't tell you the pain goes away. Can only say it gets easier."

"Thanks, Spike," Buffy said, her voice full of gratitude.

He smirked at her and said, "You tell anyone I'm talking like some bloody poofter and I'll have your head."

"Your secret's safe with me." Buffy grabbed the remote and pressed play. "I always say there's nothing like a horrible movie after a meaningful conversation."

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"This is pretty bad, Spike."

"It's a classic!"

"Classic piece of shit," Buffy countered. "I can't watch anymore. This dancer chick is running around, then she dances and then there's some psychedelic montage of creepy things that in this day and age, just aren't that creepy."

"Fine, shut it off. Trying to bring you some culture and this is what I get."

Buffy laughed. "I'm frightened by your usage of the word culture." Buffy looked away from the television to Spike and saw that he was watching her. She quickly averted her eyes and said, "Why do you stare at me? It makes me feel like I'm under a microscope."

"Didn't even realize, luv. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," Spike said, quickly.

"No, it's just..." Buffy trailed off deciding against saying what was on her mind.

"What?"

"It's like you look right into me," she said, softly. "I feel...I don't know...naked or something." She looked at him briefly and he had that awed expression on his face, his head to the side, eyes fixed on hers. "Exactly like you look right now. The head tilt just adds to the whole thing." Buffy abruptly got off the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" Spike nodded and she made her way to the kitchen.

Keep it together, Buffy. You're losing ground here. Resist the eyes. Resist the face. Resist...everything. She sighed as she took out two cans of Coke and looked in the cabinet for junk food. Grabbing a bag of chips and the soda, she slowly made her way back to the living room. Leave the movie on. It's a distraction from blue eyes and sly smiles. From the smell of leather, cigarettes and Spikeness. And since when do cigarettes smell good? Apparently just on him which is highly annoying. That's it, Buffy, think of the annoying things. That helps sometimes. She entered the room and saw that he was gone. The smile she had vanished immediately and she thought her heart literally dropped to her stomach.

"Spike?" She set the chips and cans on the coffee table and decided to walk around the house. Not seeing him, she looked out the front window and saw him standing on the porch, smoking a cigarette. She let go of the breath she could have sworn she had been holding since she saw that he was gone. She opened her front door and stepped out onto the porch. "Hey, I've heard those things will kill you."

"Funny, pet. Never heard that one before."

"Thought you left..."

"I wouldn't have left without saying good bye to you first." Spike threw his cigarette out onto the lawn.

"That's fine. Just litter my front yard with your cancer sticks," Buffy joked. Spike moved to go off the porch to pick it up and she grabbed his arm. "I was kidding. Is my usual lilt when I'm sarcastic just not with me tonight? You keep taking everything so seriously." Spike looked at her hand and she quickly removed it. "Back to watching Suspension?"

"Suspiria," Spike corrected with a small laugh.

"Whatever, it's not like I'm going to be looking to watch it ever again. Knowing the name is not completely necessary at this point," she said as they reentered the house.

"I said we could shut it off," Spike reiterated as he sat down, grabbing a can of Coke.

"No, it's not so bad." Spike shot her a disbelieving look. "No, really. Look, a black cat! Ooh, it's getting scary now. Will probably have to sleep with Mr. Gordo tonight."

"Mr. Gordo?"

"My stuffed pig. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll introduce you. You know, someday."

"Someday would be nice."

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