Warning: This fic contains SS/HG. Best. Pairing. Ever.

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. And I date Alan Rickman. And I can make unicorns fly out my butt.

Authors Notes: WOW! The response was so amazing, I've decided to keep going. I'll answer reviews down below! On another note, I just saw that episode of Angel where he turn into a puppet. Best. Episode. Ever. And Fred and Wes hooked up! I've been rooting for that since she joined the show.

Melancholy Valentine: Chapter 2

It was beginning to seem as if Severus Snape had a tiny bit of a problem.

Scratch that, he thought with a sneer. It wasn't just one insignificant problem, it was a monstrous, complicated problem. If this problem was a monkey, it would be a viscious howler monkey, with pointy teeth and a problem with throwing feces.

Monstrous monkey problem the first; he, the great and terrible Snape, was referring to his problems as metaphorical monkeys. This, he told himself sternly, was never to happen again. Never.

Well, that was easily taken care of, but... He still had a second problem that would most likely be far more difficult to conquer. He was completely enamoured and dependant on a woman he had never met, never spoken to, and never even seen. Yes, this was definitely a far more complicated conundrum, and it would be far more difficult to solve than a mere case of painfully inept metaphors, much to his chagrin. If only love were as easy to cure as imperfections in one's speech!

Pacing the sparse room, Snape began to contemplate his problem, and it's origin. He didn't know how long ago the madness had begun, oh no. He was too far gone for trivial details such as time. All he knew was that she had, somehow, become his anchor to life. Every single time he had been about to let go, he had stayed on just to see what the witch did next. Her little gestures had been surprising, and always showed a remarkable judge of character. It seemed as if she knew Severus Snape more than he himself did! The gestures, though, were never what one would classify as sickeningly sweet, and this intrigued Snape greatly. A woman without silly romantic notions? He'd always thought them a myth, and it seemed the equivalent of searching for the holy grail for twenty years and then having some irate nun throw it at you when you give up.

Which, to come straight to the point, was one of the main issues he had with the whole scenario. Having a wonderful woman know everything about him and still care seemed like an old man's pipe dream, and, as such, he was certain it would prove to be one. With his luck, his anonymous admirer would turn out to be Poppy, or (Merlin no) Remus. Unfortunately, this particular train of thought led to horrendous images we shall not dwell upon, and so, he found he had only one course of action; Discover who the tormenting harpy was, and proceed accordingly. If it was a marginally attractive witch of some intellect, and she was around his age, he would submit. If it proved to be either a man or a student...

Heads would roll in Hogwarts.

Turning towards the shelf he had dedicated to "Her", Snape touched the latest rose to his lips before placing it next to the others. Whispering a sealing charm, he sighed quietly.

If only "she" were here.

*

It was begginning to seem like Hermione Granger had a bit of a problem.

Well, she thought with forced cheerfullness, it was only a little problem. Hardly anything to worry about at all really. No, she was only trying to figure out how to make her Professor of seven years fall in love with her, his most despised student, within the next five months. Not really a problem at all!

Rolling her eyes at her own feeble attempts at cheering herself up, Hermione immediately commenced thinking and lip nibbling. She knew he had recieved his rose yesterday, but... She could no longer afford to sit idle, wasting her time with foolish fantasies and romantic notions. There was obviously no way her dear Professor was even going to figure out she was sending those gifts on his own, much less fall before her with declarations and proposals. After all, despite a few surface similarities, he was no Mr. Darcy. Furthermore, she wouldn't want him to turn all gushy and sweet. That need had been taken care of by her Lockhart phase in second year.

But what to do? She couldn't directly reveal herself, at least while she was still a student. If she knew anything, she knew he would run screaming from any student who professed to care for him. Or he would just decapitate said student. Depended on who it was, she supposed.

So, how could she both indirectly declare her affection, and get him to return it? Moreover, how could she do it before graduation? Possibly letters would work... But how could one make them untraceable...

*

Exchanging quick glances, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley decided it was safe to begin "Quidditch Speak", the only proven method of ignoring a plotting Hermione. The minute she started doing the lip thing, Harry thought with a grin, Bludgers entered the conversation. It was the only time it was safe to talk about Quidditch, actually, unless you wanted your head ripped off. This would be a good lunch.

Something was definitely wrong though, and it was bothering him greatly. Why, she had allready told him to shut up twice that morning, and she usually seemed so fond of his Voldemort impression! Maybe she was finally feeling the stress of exams. Godric knew it couldn't be man troubles. Actually, the very idea was rather funny...

"Ron?" Harry stage-whispered dramatically.

"What?"

"It just occured to me that Hermione might be having relationship problems."

"Doesn't that require having an existing relationship?"

Both boys immediately dissolved into booming laughter, and an outraged Hermione Granger stomped out of the room to think in peace, leaving a considerably more relaxed Gryffindor table in her wake. Calming slightly, Harry looked at Ron while wiping his eyes. Still shaking with mirth, the two went back to lunch. Herms would be back. She always came back.

*

With narrowed eyes, Snape surveyed the room around him. Pickings were fairly slim, with very few posiible suspects. Hooch? Married. And repulsive. Vector? Did anyone know wether she was even female?

Minerva? No, too old. And there was that whole thing with Albus. It was beginning to seem that, if she were at Hogwarts, she would have to be a student. Sighing dramatically, he decided to hope that it was at least an ex-student.

Hearing a commotion at Gryffindor table, Snape's gaze immediately locked onto the unfolding drama. Well, it was only a dull little row between Ms. Granger and the Testosterone Twins. Judging from their indifference, he thought, his lip curling in dismay, it was most likely their fault. Not for the first time, he wondered how a reasonably intelligent (if somewhat silly) girl could stand such idiots.

If he had been their friend, he would've hurled them into oblivian the first week.

Authors Response:

Emily-Lyef: Thanks so much for your praise! I like fluff too, and I'm glad you thought it touching. ^.^

Brooklyn: That's my favourite line too! ^.^

Menayevwen: Sheesh! Here you are!

Forestfire: As you command. ^.^

Shiv: Thanks. I'm soooooo glad it wasn't sickening, I hate it when I go overboard.

Dracoschick: Thanks! Yeah, I decided it would be mean not to finish it.

Mssudie: I love fluff too. ^.^

Lama: Allright I'll continue! Just don't hurt the chickens! ^.~ Thanks for the complement.

Hawklaw: Thanks! *blushes*

Dragonsdaughter1: As you wish!

WinterFae: Yep, I'm continuing! I hope you keep reading! Thanks!

Isobel: Allright! You're wish is my command!

Sylvia Black: *blushes profusely* Thanks so much. I've decided to try continuing. I hope I don't ruin it.

Luna Writer: Allrighty!

Dav: I suppose I did have to... I've felt something pulling me back to it since I finished the first part.

Marajade: I hope it is!

Hpf: Thanks so much!

Rowtree: Thanks. I hope the rest will be decent...

Fandom Avenger: Thanks! *grins* I'm glad I made you laugh!

I promise the next bit will have more character interaction... I just cannot seem to write dialogue lately. Oh, and also, a big thank you to Maria for translating my stories into Russian! It's a dream come true. And thanks to my Russian audience. *grin*