Alright! I'm back. I promise every single little fucking one of you that this will be the most entertaining, vulgar, and overall madcapped hell of a chapter in GTA3 SONIC HISTORY!!!!!!!!!

Right, scratch that, I'm eventually going to make a better one. But anyways, if you are below 9 years old (or, if you are not very mature, change it to 16), I reccodmend you stop reading before you get some parent on my ass about opening up a can of old fashioned vulgar reality on their kid/kids/7 kids (depends, that last part).

Keep in mind, I do not own GTA3, street talk, the Mafia, pimps, thugs, whores, guns, buses, large towers, bricks, sandbags, cans of whoopass (other than my collector's edition of long-lasting whoopass on my shelf), large iron poles, nor the Matrix. I do own this mixture of universes and the text my brain and two typing fingers have spawned over this span of time I have been authoring these extremely useless but somewhat entertaining stories I have slaved over FOR YOU BENEFIT!!

But, other than all that, enjoy the show and stop fucking with my head.

It was a dark and stormy 11:00 AM (who'd of thought?) and Sonic was peeping through a small 1x1 foot hole in the bricks in front of him. Approx. 300 different people were approaching their small encampment somewhere in mid-western Nebraska, in probably the only place there is a desert in Nebraska.

Sonic: Hey, Tails.

Tails: What?

Sonic: Did you notice that guy on the left holding up his middle finger?

Tails: The one with the HUGE middle finger?

Sonic: Yeah, that guy.

Tails: What about him?

Sonic: He's aiming a sniper rifle at your head, so maybye you should come back in here instead of standing around 20 feet away from safety in plain sight.

Tails: Oh, shit!

Tails ran very quickly in slow motion as a bullet raced by his head. Yeah. 15 feet away.

Tails: That was close!

Sonic: Tails, the bullet striked the air 15 feet from your head.

Tails: Above it or to the right?

Sonic: To the left.

Tails: You think outside of the box too much, you nutcase.

Shadow: I is le JEEX! Munkie Mafia attackers me!

BooMmMmM! Flashashashash BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Ch-ch!

Knuckles: They've opened fire!

Sonic climbed up the ladder and thought for a moment under the garbage lid.

'You know, I can't hear what's going on. I know that someone has probably died by now. I gotta do something, god fucking damnit!'

Sonic lifts up the lid and lobs a grenade. Fwoosh!

"WHOOPASS, MUTHAFUCKAS!"

BOOOOOOOOM!!!!

Random thug: Holy shit! I don't have an arm!

Tails: Big butt, so what?

Boom! Chakachakachaka! Clank! Pow!

Shadow was using his pole in slow motion (no, the metal one..) to block all the bullets getting fired, and then promptly beat the fuck out of everything in site.

Knuckles and Sonic were firing their guns through the small holes in the front brick wall, which was slowly being worn away. Tails was shooting around the corner, from the left sandbag wall.

Shadow beat in a pimp's head with his own golden 6-foot staff and thought to himself...

'Damn, if I get another bullet in me, I don't think I'll live. All the blood on my fur is distractine me.. Fuck it, cowabunga!!'

Whack! Clank-swoosh-pow! BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Ch-ch! BOOM! Chakachakachakachaka! Ch-clank-swoosh-pow!

Tails: Heads up!

Knuckles swooped up the grenade and threw it back towards the one who threw it.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Random Pimp: Ahh!! MY BLING-BLINGIN' GOLDEN LEG!! AHH!!

Knuckles: Gotcha!

Slow motion...

Boooooooooom...!!

Shadow: Ooooohhh shhhiiiiiittt...!

Regular motion!

Slice!

Sonic: NOOOOOO!!! Shadow!!

Shadow: I are the dead jeexer.. Boomzies, game over... Ow..

Shadow then got trampled by the mafia-pimp Confed.

Sonic shot three grenades in quick succession.

BOOOOO-BOOOOO-BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Several moments later...

Sonic has a new hole ripped where his small intestine would be, Tails is missing a tail and is desperately trying to find it, Knuckles needs to find five new knuckles to replace the one that a pimp with a katana removed, and Shadow's dead, somewhere amongst the dead bodies.

Until next time,
Marevix.