title: Marriage, Sunnydale-Style
author: Heather (heather@hella-good.org)
rating: R
spoilers: none...completely an au/fantasy fic except for things borrowed from
the Buffyverse (seasons 1-7) that are twisted to fit in this universe.
disclaimer: If I actually owned anything, I probably wouldn't be doing this :)
summary: After almost 10 years of dating, Buffy and Spike finally find
themselves in the midst of planning a wedding and remembering the long journey
that got them there.
********************
Chapter 26
"Tell them to go away. We have pressing business to attend oh bugger," Spike said as he rounded the corner and saw Angel standing there. Buffy suppressed her giggle at the sight of him. His hair was in disarray, the top button of his jeans were undone and he had no shirt on. Spike looked at Buffy and smirked at the expression on her face. "Didn't want to put on what I was only going to take off again."
Buffy laughed despite her best efforts not to and walked over to him. "Can I talk to you for a second?" Spike looked at Angel who was watching them and dropped his gaze when his eyes met Spike's. He nodded and turned to go down the hall.
As soon as Buffy closed the door behind them, Spike was on her. He pushed her against the door, his lips attacking hers in a ferocious kiss that stole Buffy's breath from her. Her hands went to his back and pushed him harder against her, slightly digging her nails into his skin. They broke away, breathing heavy and stared into each other's eyes.
"I need to talk to him," Buffy panted out.
"Yeah, I know."
"Alone." Spike went to protest but she cut him off with another kiss. "Now you can either stay in here and try to eavesdrop or we will leave the apartment. Which do you prefer?"
"Neither," he grumbled.
"Spike..."
"You're not bloody going anywhere with that wanker. I'll stay in here and behave myself."
"Do you know how much I adore you?" Buffy asked before lightly kissing him again. She gently pushed him away from her and nervously ran a hand through her hair. "Do I look like we've been kissing?"
Spike took in her flushed skin and slightly puffy, reddened lips and shook his head. "No, he'll never know."
"Okay," she breathed in deeply, letting it out and put her hand on the doorknob. She turned her head slightly and said, "I love you" before heading out to Angel.
Spike threw himself on the bed, laid his arm across his eyes and tried to remain as calm as possible. This is not going to be easy.
-----------------------------
This is not going to be easy she thought as she re-entered the kitchen. She took a seat at the table and looked at Angel. He continued to stand there and she rolled her eyes.
"Are you going to sit? You're the one who wanted to talk." She didn't mean for her voice to have such a hard edge to it but she was fairly pissed off about this entire situation. What had been shock, turned into fear of it being her fault and now it was anger. She tried for it to not be but there it was just the same. So instead of fighting it, she decided to embrace it and he would tell her exactly what the hell he was thinking.
He finally sat down and put his forearms on the table. His fingers intertwined in front of him and he bent his head. "I'm not sure what to say."
"Yeah, well, say something or this conversation could be the shortest we've ever had."
"What did Spike tell you?"
"Why don't you tell me what you said to Spike?" Buffy asked, turning the tables. She wasn't going to allow him to try and pin this on Spike. Not that she thought that was his intention but one question leads one way and then suddenly there's badness. She wanted to try and keep Spike as far away from this as possible. It had nothing to do with him and she wouldn't allow Angel to spin it in that direction.
"I think you already know."
"You're right but pretend I don't."
"Buffy, it just slipped out. I didn't mean anything by it-"
"Bullshit, Angel, and you know it. Don't do that. Don't lie about it. You'll only make it worse," she said, her voice surprising her with its steadiness.
"I didn't...Jesus, this is impossible," he sighed, slouching down in his chair.
"Answer me a question." Angel nodded for her to continue. "Back when we lived in L.A. and we became friends again...did you do that because you still had feelings for me and you wanted to see what could happen? Or did you just want to be friends with me no matter what? Help me out here, Angel, because I'm really having a hard time understanding your logic these past few years."
"No, I knew...I mean, I know you love Spike. I just...I wanted you in my life again," he told her, his voice growing softer as he finished the sentence.
Buffy felt her expression soften after his admission and she reached out her hand to pat his. He looked at their hands briefly, the surprise on his face evident, before he looked back down.
"You should have said something when we asked you to be a part of the wedding."
"What was I going to say, Buffy? I can't be an usher because I haven't let go in ten years? It's pathetic enough that I know...now that everyone else knows..."
"Who gives a rat's ass about everyone else? This is something we either need to work out and move on from or just let our friendship go. Since you're the one with the...issue...you need to make up your mind."
"What about you?"
"If you mean, what do I think? I think I enjoy having you as my friend and I have for the past six years. Honestly, I'm a bit wigged out by this sudden revelation but I can deal with it if we, meaning you and me, deal with it."
"And Spike?"
"I love him but he has no say here. I'll gladly listen to his opinion on the matter but he does not dictate what I do in my life, just as I don't for him. That's not how we work," Buffy explained.
"I can't be a part of it."
"Fine, that's your decision. I respect that."
"That's it?"
"Well, yeah. What do you expect me to do, Angel? Beg you to be a part of something you don't want to be a part of? That's not going to happen and you should know that."
"I'm not going to attend at all."
Buffy removed her hand from his and glared at him. "You're not going to come at all?"
"I can't. I'm sorry," Angel said quietly.
"You're unfuckingbelievable, you know that?" She jumped out of her chair. Her control on her temper flew out the window. Oh, well. The look of shock on his face at her total attitude change made her happy. "We've built his great friendship and this whole time you've been what? Still in love with me? You gave Spike a job, we asked you to be in our wedding...all this shit that you...I don't even know. And now, suddenly, you can't do them anymore? You can't even come to be with your friends and celebrate?"
He stood up as well and finally looked her in the eye. "I can't celebrate something I'm not happy about."
"That's...that's argh! That is the most asinine thing you could have possibly said!" She took a calming breath and lowered her voice. She had no doubt that Spike could hear them and she didn't want to cause an even bigger uproar. "What about Darla?"
"That's not the issue."
"It certainly is part of the issue."
"Then what about Spike?"
"Oh, no. It doesn't work that way. See, you're in love with me or whatever it is you think you are. I'm not with you. I love Spike. Love him with everything that I am, Angel. And Darla is just some innocent, and I can't believe I'm using that word in regards to her, bystander who is pregnant with your child."
"She has no delusions about our life together."
"Then she should leave you because all that will happen is that you will fuck up that child's life."
"Who do you think you are passing judgment on me?" Angel asked, angrily.
"I'm the problem in your perfect family picture. If you don't love her, don't give her false hope. That is so much crueler than if you just told her to leave."
"I never said I didn't love her-"
"Are you in love with her?" Buffy interrupted.
"None of your business."
"You're making it my business, Angel. Don't you see that? You're little slip last night...it caused all this. It's made everything uncomfortable. I thought we could discuss it and move on but I'm not sure that's even possible at this point," she said, sadly. "Maybe we should step away from this. Give it the time it needs to settle before we say something even more damaging."
"That sounds like the best thing to do. I am sorry, Buffy."
"I know you are," she said, holding his gaze, trying to get him to see that she wasn't angry with him. What she felt and her reactions to things were her confusion and surprise. Okay, there was a little anger but nothing that couldn't be dealt with in few days time.
"Will you tell Spike that I didn't mean what I said about his job? He's still expected to call Monday for any news."
Buffy's mouth opened in shock. "Did you threaten his job?"
"It was...I was angry. I didn't mean it. Don't tell him but he's the best I've got. He knows his job inside and out. We'd be in trouble if we lost him."
"Thank you for saying that."
"I still don't like him though," Angel joked, a small smirk on his lips.
Buffy smiled and shook her head. This was the Angel she knew and liked. "I don't think he's all that fond of you, either."
"It's good we have that sort of understanding." Angel turned to the door and opened it. "I don't know what else to say."
"We'll figure it out somehow, Angel. Whatever happens, I still have memories of a really good and important friendship."
"I feel the same way," he told her.
"This is really all on you, then. You need to think about whether you can continue to be my friend because I know I can still be yours." He gave her a nod and walked out, closing the door softly. She backed up against the wall and slid down to the floor. She rested her elbows on her bent knees and put her face in her hands. She was drained. She felt emotionally spent. There was still so much more to say, to work through but she couldn't do it anymore. She wasn't even sure if she would ever be ready to continue the conversation. She sighed heavily and rubbed her palms into her eyes.
Buffy felt him beside her but she didn't give any notice that she had. Spike slid down next to her and wrapped his arm around her hunched over shoulders. She leaned into him, resting her head on his chest and swinging her legs around to rest over his. Comfort, warmth, strength. All these things she needed right then and he was there as he always was. As he always would be. Her hand went to his stomach and she traced circles around his belly button causing his muscles to flinch.
"You still don't have a shirt on."
"Keeping hope alive that we'd continue but..." Spike trailed off.
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize for that blighter. I won't have it."
"How much did you hear?"
"The shouting. Everything else sounded like Charlie Brown's mother." Buffy giggled and he smiled along with her.
"In that case, I am impressed with the amount of self-control you used."
"Touch and go for a minute there," he admitted.
"Well, I'm proud of you. And I thank you for letting us talk."
"Just doing my job. And if I may add, unhappily."
"Unneeded add-on."
"I don't want to seem like I'm changing the subject-"
"But you are..."
"Yeah, I am. Did you see the mail today?"
"No...why?" she asked, her voice full of hesitation.
"I think we got a very important wedding gift," Spike answered, tapping her hand lightly with an envelope.
"What is it?" She grabbed the letter and sat up. Buffy looked at the envelope's return address and frowned. "If this is another menu from Andrew, I'm going to kill him. I'll decide the menu when I decide the freaking menu!"
"Will you just read it," Spike said with impatience. Buffy shot him a look at the tone of his voice and he smirked as he shrugged his shoulders.
Buffy pulled the letter out of the envelope, cleared her throat dramatically and began to read out loud. "'Dearest Buffy and Spike.' Is this a joke?"
"No and you don't have to read it aloud. I've already read it."
"Well, it is addressed to Spike and Buffy Summers," she said, laughing. "Guess he hasn't gotten the memo." She handed him the letter and he raised an eyebrow in response. "Will you read it?"
"I've already read it."
"But I'm tired..."
"Quit your whining," he teased. She looked over at him and gave him her best sad face. He shook his head and smiled. "It's not going to happen."
"Fine. I'm leaving you for Angel. He'd read the let-" Before she had a chance to finish, she found herself being tackled to the floor. Her arms were pinned above her head and he loomed a few inches above her, his face set in hard glare. "Sorry, bad joke."
"Don't do it again," he warned, his voice deep with his suppressed anger.
"I can't even joke about Angel?"
"I don't want to even hear his name right now," Spike spit out.
"Okay, I'm sorry. Really. No more teasing about the evil one." When he didn't loosen his grip or look any less pissed off, Buffy began to worry. "It was a joke, Spike. How many times can I say that I love you and you're it for me?"
"A few hundred more should be just fine."
"Are you going to keep a log?" she asked with a small smile.
"This isn't funny, Summers."
"Yeah, it kind of is. Could you be more overly right now? God, you act like I was actually serious. You cannot be jealous or worried about him after all this time."
"I feel what I feel."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Nine years, Spike. Nine years of me loving you, adoring you...I practically worship you and you're still unsure of me?"
"No, I didn't say-"
"Well, then what do you mean?" Buffy asked, not hiding her anger.
"I...I don't know," he conceded. He looked away from her and loosened the grip on her wrists. She ripped her hands free, grabbed his face and turned him to look at her. "I'm acting like a fool, I know."
"Do you trust me?"
"More than anything."
"Then there's no need to be jealous," Buffy tried to reason.
He shook his head and said, "I don't trust him."
"Why?"
He looked at her like she was crazy. "Isn't it obvious, Buffy? He's not over what you had together. He's been lying for all these years."
"And that makes a difference why?"
"It makes a bloody difference!"
"It doesn't change anything, Spike. He's well aware that it's creepy and he's not exactly loving himself because of it."
"I don't give a shit how he's feeling about it. And, yes, it changes everything, pet. Don't you see that?"
"What I see is an unjustified display of jealousy and testosterone. You both need to let it go."
"Can't, luv. Not right now," he told her as he got up. He went into the living room and came back with his shirt on. "I need to go out for a bit."
"Wait, where are you going? We're in the middle something here." She hoisted herself off the floor and stood before him. "You can't just leave."
"Are you still going to be his friend?"
"That has yet to be determined," Buffy answered.
He rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw, letting out a huff of air in his anger. "Wrong answer, Buffy."
"This is insane, Spike. You can't possibly think-"
"I don't know what I think anymore." He turned from her, grabbed his coat and went to the door. "I'll be back later."
"What the hell just happened?" she asked no one as the door slammed shut.
------------------------
Dawn had smiled when she saw Spike walk into The Green Room and take a seat at the bar but it had now faded when she saw that Buffy never come in after him and he was currently working on his second beer and third shot of whiskey.
"Oh, brother," she mumbled. "Clem, can I get an onion blossom, please?"
"Sure thing! I don't have a receipt for it, though..."
"I'm going to put it in and pay for it now. It's entirely on the up and up."
"I trust you, Dawn, but you know how Cordelia can get when everything doesn't match up."
"I'm still learning the ropes around here but that I understood right off the bat. You don't need to tell me about Cordy's wrath."
"Right, bar fight. That's what stinks about being the cook. I miss all the good happenings."
"Well, it wasn't really much of a happening..."
"Are you working tomorrow night? It's taste testing night."
"No, I have an early class on Monday. What kind of testing?"
"I make all different dishes to see what will be featured on the specials and we rate them. It's a good time. I usually do it on Friday but Cordelia wasn't able to make it."
"I've heard a rumor about an after-work poker game on Fridays," Dawn commented.
"I can neither confirm nor deny," Clem said with a wink.
"Oh, is it a guy thing? Would I be treading?"
"No, it's an illegal kind of thing. So, of course, we would never do anything like that."
"Of course," she agreed, flashing him a knowing smile.
"I like you, Dawn. You seem like a good kid. Hope you stick around for a bit. Here's your order."
She picked up a cloth and grabbed the onion blossom with it. "Thanks a lot, Clem. I'll get you that receipt."
Spike drained the last of his beer and went to put the bottle down when he saw the snack in front of him. He turned his head slightly and saw Dawn looking at him with a smug smile on her face. He rolled his eyes and tapped the bottle on the counter. It was quickly replaced with another and he held it up in Dawn's direction in a silent toast.
"What did you do?" Dawn asked.
"I didn't do anything," Spike told her, not hiding his annoyance. He picked at the blossom with a scowl on his face. When Dawn didn't respond, he quickly glanced at her and found that classic Summers' look. He sighed heavily and said, "I've fucked up."
"It didn't take a genius to figure that one out, Spike. What did you do?"
"I acted like a complete tosser."
"I can't help if you don't tell me what's going on. You two were your normal sickeningly sweet selves when we went shopping this after...oh."
"Oh? What is it with you and your sister and your ohs?"
"Angel-oh."
"Oh is right," he muttered. "You see where I'm coming from, don't you, Nibblet?"
"I don't know what happened so I can't tell you what I see."
"She's going to continue to be friends with him. Didn't you tell me that she wouldn't?"
"I think I said 'reconsider' but I can't be positive. That was like seven hours ago. So she talked to him?"
"He came to the apartment all gelled-up and puppy eyes. Your sister still loves him," he declared before gulping down the rest of his beer. He went to tap the counter but Dawn grabbed the bottle.
"You're not drinking yourself into a stupor because you're being an idiot. Buffy does not love Angel. You're being ridiculous and if you acted like this when you talked to her, no wonder you two go into a fight."
"It's over."
"What's over?" Dawn asked, confused.
"Us. She loves the poofy man," he bowed his head to the counter and the suddenly shot up. "Which is fine! Yeah! Because now I can be my own man. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I won't have to deal with your sister's looks which you can duplicate far too well."
Dawn raised an eyebrow and turned to the bartender. "Chris, how much has he had to drink?"
"Four beers, six shots."
"When did you drink all that?" Dawn asked, not expecting to get an answer. "Can I get a glass of water?"
"Don't want no sodding water. Mate, oi, another beer." Dawn stood back from him a bit and raised her hand at her throat to signal Chris to cut him off.
"Sorry, Spike. There's a limit."
"Right, the Summers' limit." He got out the chair and staggered a bit. "Thanks for the blossom, Onion. No, I mean thanks for the onion, Blossom."
"Cute. Not at all annoying." Dawn heard her bell ring signaling that her order was done. "Spike, take a seat. I'll be back. I have to do my job." Spike grumbled and sat back down at the bar. She motioned for Chris to follow her down to the end of the bar. She scribbled on her pad and tore the paper off, handing it to Chris. "I need you to call this number. It's Buffy. Tell her she needs to come pick Spike up."
"Are you talking about me?" they heard Spike yell.
"Stop playing the paranoid drunkard," Dawn told him. "He can't know so if keeping him in beers will get him to stay here, do that."
"You're sure?"
"Trust me. He walked here. Spike was on a mission to get drunk. He wouldn't have driven his car."
"Okay, I'll call her now."
"Thanks, Chris."
"I'm a bartender not a civil servant," he mumbled as he dialed the phone number. "Buffy? Hi, this is Chris...down at The Green Room?"
--------------------------
Buffy walked into the bar and saw Spike slumped over the counter, his head resting in his hand. She shook her head and started to walk over to him when a hand enclosed around her arm, stopping her.
"It took you long enough to get here."
"He's not the only one who's angry, Dawn," Buffy said, tightly and yanked her arm back. "He's acting like a two year old."
"He thinks you're going to leave him for Angel."
"See? Two year old. I was only kidding."
"You actually said that to him? Jesus, Buffy, has your brain leaked out today? You don't joke about going back to exes when a) they're still in love with you and b) when you date Spike who is abnormally jealous of every man that comes in contact with you."
"I am going to marry that lovable asshole in a couple of months. I haven't spent all this time building something to go back to Angel," Dawn flinched at the disgust Buffy said Angel's name with, "What do you people think I am? It's not my fault that he still has feelings."
"But I think that's the problem, Buffy. He left you. You were left loving him and heartbroken. Then you become friends with him again and now, even knowing what you know, you don't want to give that up. And look at him," Dawn pointed at Spike, "He's completely miserable because of it. Is it worth all this? Is Angel being in your life worth making your life with Spike all nutty? Because from where I stand, it's a big no. Think about how you would feel if he was so adamant about staying friends with his first love? Do you think he doesn't think that if Angel hadn't left because of his own issues, that you would still be with him? Can you imagine what that must be like for Spike?"
"God, you annoy me when you're being intuitive." Buffy ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "If I have to let him go, I will because I don't need this bullshit." She turned from her sister and stalked to the bar. She grabbed Spike by the sleeve of his jacket and yanked him around to look at her. He smiled goofily at her before his eyes went wide at seeing the angry expression on her face.
"Buffy-"
"Pay and get your ass in the car."
He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her between his knees, pressing her against this body. "Luv, I'm sorry."
"I don't want drunk apologies, Spike." Her hand went to the inside of his duster and pulled out the money clip. She grabbed the check from the counter and gawked at the total. She turned to find Dawn standing behind her. "How much did you let him drink?"
"Whatever it took to keep him here."
"Brilliant," Buffy sighed as she threw fifty dollars on the bar.
"I didn't put the onion blossom on there," Dawn pointed out.
"That's great, Dawn. He just spent forty dollars on liquor. Fantastic."
"Sarcastic Buffy. Turns me on," Spike said, his hand grabbing onto her backside.
"Spike, stop it."
"All Buffy turns me on. Did you know that, Bit?"
"Thankfully, no."
"Just a look from her and I feel very randy."
"That's...great, Spike. Can you two please go now? I think you're starting to freak out the remaining customers," Dawn stated.
"Me? I haven't even...never mind, not important. Next time, call me before he drinks the entire bar." Buffy grabbed his arm and swung it over her shoulder. "Ready, Randy?"
Spike hiccupped in response and bent down to smell Buffy's hair. "Mmm. Nice."
"Great, it's the monosyllabic stage of his drunkenness. You're so going to get it for this, Spike," Buffy threatened as they made their way to the door.
"You promise?"
"Even drunk, you still manage to pull off the innuendo."
"It's a gift."
--------------------------------
"Sit up."
"Can't."
"Fine, then you're sleeping in your duster, your jeans, your boots...and on the floor," Buffy told him. He lifted his head off the bed and sighed. "Do you need help?"
"No! I can take off my own clothes." He sat up and struggled to get out of his coat. When he began to growl in anger, Buffy put her hand on his shoulder to still him. She reached for the lapels and began to move it down his shoulder when he stopped her. "I said I can do it."
"You spent two minutes looking like you were being attacked by leather. Just let me help you."
"No, Buffy! I can do it. I'm not a fucking invalid. I don't need you to take care of me, you know? I'm not some pussy whipped git who can't go on without you. I can bloody well do it on my own."
"Pussy whipped?" Buffy repeated softly. "Why are you acting like this?"
"I don't need you," he said quietly, almost to himself.
"Well, that's unfortunate because I need you." She went to the closet and pulled out her bag. She grabbed pajamas and clothes for the following day and went to the bathroom to get her toiletries. She picked up her jacket from the edge of the bed, put it on and lifted her bag to her shoulder. "I'm going someplace that's not here. Please, whatever you do, don't drink anymore tonight. Just go to bed, sleep it off and we'll talk tomorrow."
"Yeah, tomorrow. Because tomorrow it will all be better." Spike let out a bitter laugh. He flitted his hand in the direction of the door. "Go, leave, run...from me...to him, whatever. Just go."
"I forgot how impossible you can be when you're drunk."
"I'm sure Angel's just a right loving sort of bastard when he is. I guess that didn't matter, though, because you still loved him after-"
She grabbed his face hard and yanked his head up. "You listen to me right now. I love you, you stupid, jealous asshole. You! Angel is of the past. I'm sorry if I haven't made that perfectly clear in the last nine fucking years, Spike!" She left go of his jaw and he fell back on the bed. "Spike?" She leaned over him and saw that he passed out. "Typical. Why are all my conversations today being cut short?"
She grabbed his lapels and lifted him as best she could. She pushed the coat off his shoulders and pulled his arms through the sleeves. She let him fall back on the bed and pushed him over and off the coat. She threw it onto the chair in the corner and went to work on undressing him. When she was done, Buffy maneuvered his body under the sheets and kissed him gently on the head. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of water and a plastic bin in case he got sick. Then she went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth with cold water. She looked in the mirror briefly and didn't like the red rim of her eyes from trying not to cry. Either way, it looked like she had so she might as well have just let go when he had told her he didn't need her. She knew it wasn't true, though. There was no way he could have been faking it all these years. It was improbable and so she held onto that the entire time he rambled on. When she returned to the bedroom, she saw that he had turned to his side and was snoring softly. She placed the water on the nightstand and the bucket on the floor. She undressed and climbed into the bed behind him.
"Goodnight, Spike," she whispered into his ear. She brought the cloth to his back and gently ran it up and down his back, trying to cool his overheated skin. She made the decision then that she would call Angel and tell him that he couldn't be a part of her life anymore. The jealous barbs here and there over the years were nothing like this. Tonight was an experience she didn't want to repeat. If they were going to fight, she didn't want it to be over, what she considered to be, a non issue. However, she did realize that as much as she didn't see the problem with her and Angel's friendship, it obviously bothered Spike far more than he ever let on. She couldn't, in good conscience, continue with something that hurt him that much. Their relationship had always been fair with the give and take. They prided themselves on it and if she needed to put Angel completely behind her for Spike to feel comfortable again, then she would do it. She had no other choice but to.
****************
