title: Marriage, Sunnydale-Style
author: Heather (heather@hella-good.org)
rating: R
spoilers: none...completely an au/fantasy fic except for things borrowed from
the Buffyverse (seasons 1-7) that are twisted to fit in this universe.
disclaimer: If I actually owned anything, I probably wouldn't be doing this :)
summary: After almost 10 years of dating, Buffy and Spike finally find
themselves in the midst of planning a wedding and remembering the long journey
that got them there.
********************
Chapter 28
Flashback
"Is this as strange as I think it is? Or am I being judgmental?" Buffy asked.
"I'll see your strange and raise you to a mildly disturbing," Spike told her with a smile. "At least we'll be judgmental together."
"Well, I doubt Xander's all that happy about this."
"I have to hand it to the bloke. He came which is more than I ever would have done."
Buffy saw everyone sitting around a table and led them over. She furrowed her brow when she didn't see Giles and before she had a chance to ask, Anya jumped up from her seat and gave her a hug.
"He said he's too old to hang out with us at the Bronze. I tried to explain that being the fiancé meant having to do everything I say but he wouldn't have it."
"Good on Rupes, then," Spike commented.
Anya shot him an annoyed look and continued, "So I told him I would meet him back at his apartment later where I fully expected him to be lying in bed naked for my return." Spike and Buffy tried to hide their respective grimaces but Anya saw it and she smiled smugly.
"That's...nice, Anya." Buffy knew her voice was as false as the sentiment but she didn't know what else to say to that.
"Spike, go over there. I want to talk to Buffy in private for a moment." Spike laughed, kissed Buffy quickly on the cheek and moved over to where Xander was sitting at the bar. "You must get engaged."
"Anya, I don't need to be engaged," Buffy said, slowly. "You seem to enjoy doing it enough for the rest of us."
"This is so different than with Xander. Rupert is a man, he knows how to treat a woman...and I think maybe being English helps, although I have no proof to back that up. Yet."
"Well, once you validate your hypothesis that being engaged to an English man is of the good, then I'll do it," Buffy countered.
"You know, you're not a spring chicken anymore. Thirty will hit you before you can say menopause."
"What are you two talking about over here?" Cordelia broke in. She had seen Buffy's mouth drop and the look of horror pass over her face. She decided action needed to be taken.
"My life is apparently passing me by because I'm not engaged to an English man," Buffy said, wryly.
"I am so glad I moved back here. I never got any of this in L.A.," Cordy said with a big smile.
"I'm only saying that you and Spike have been together far too long now without even the prospect of being married. If you don't act soon, it won't happen," Anya explained.
"Maybe throwing yourself into marriage is what you want to do but it's not what I want to do. Besides, this is between Spike and I and if we have no problems, it shouldn't be of any concern to you."
"Exactly," Cordelia agreed. "Anya, you've been with Giles for barely a year-"
"And I already have a ring on my beautiful finger," Anya interrupted. "I waited and waited with Xander. I moved in with him and I thought any day now. Finally, the day comes and then a month before my wedding, he tells me he can't do it. I was not waiting around again. I'm a go-getter and I went and got."
"Wow, that's inspirational," Buffy sarcastically said. "What works for you and Giles does not work for us. I am perfectly content to live with my boyfriend."
"Fine, but you're never going to be married and reap the monetary benefits by living your life that way," Anya warned before she turned on her heel walked away.
"She's a barrel of laughs," Cordy commented. "And you people call me tactless?"
"You both are but in completely different ways," Buffy told her with a smile. "So it was nice seeing you and Xander being civil to one another at dinner."
"Well, I don't know how civil we ever are but yes, it was nice."
"You two might even become friends again. How long has it been?"
"Do you mean how long has it been since he tore out my loving heart and stomped on it with a Faith-shaped foot? Seven years."
"Not that we're bitter or anything," Buffy teased.
"The hell I'm not. I don't think he ever truly understood...and apparently still doesn't what with leaving Anya at the alter."
"He didn't technically leave her at the alter."
"Oh, right, he gave her that month to find a new groom," Cordelia rebutted bitingly. "Xander will always be scared of anything intimate. It's unfortunate, really."
"Why's that?" Buffy asked, her curiosity piqued. Cordelia never really spoke about Xander after they broke up and she had moved soon after to be as far away from anything that reminded her of him.
"Because he is actually a very decent man," she answered quietly. True to Cordy form, she broke out of reverie and ushered Buffy to the bar without any question or comment, ending that particular topic of discussion.
Buffy sidled up next to Spike and he wrapped his arm lightly around her waist. She leaned into him and listened to one of Xander's funny-to-him-but-not-really-funny-to-anyone-who-wasn't-there stories. She studied Cordelia in Xander's presence; smiling inwardly at the times when Cordelia's gaze lingered a bit too long and she would flush. She would smile sincerely at a witty Xanderism; something that only the people who knew Xander long enough would get. When Cordelia caught Buffy watching her, Cordy's eyes went wide and she blanched with embarrassment. Buffy smiled softly, trying to convey that she wouldn't say anything or do anything to bring attention to what she had witnessed.
"And I said to Harry if you don't learn how to use that hammer properly, I'm going to find a new use for it up your-"
"So when are you two getting married?" Cordelia cut Xander off. She needed to act quickly. She was letting herself be too immersed in Xander's stupid tale of Harry and his hammer. She saw the look Buffy had given her and she refused to bring any attention to herself.
"Was in the middle of a story here, Cor," Xander complained.
"Was being the operative word in that sentence." They glared at each other for a moment before Xander nodded his head and turned away from her. He knew he would never win against her.
"When are you two getting back together?" Spike shot back. Buffy gasped along with Cordelia who turned a red no one had ever seen before. She ran away before anyone could say anything while Xander wore a mask of confusion.
Buffy smacked Spike's upper arm and glowered at him. "What is wrong with you?" She left to look for Cordelia before getting an answer.
"It was a joke, pet!" Spike called after her, although he stayed seated on the bar stool. He looked at Xander, smirking evilly. "Mate, you alright?"
"Huh? What just happened?" Xander asked, dazed.
Spike laughed heartily before beginning to explain.
------------------
"Cordy! Wait up."
"Your boyfriend is a complete asshole!"
"Yes, on occasion, he can be very much the asshole of the piece but c'mon, he was only kidding around."
"Well, it's not funny," Cordelia huffed, placing her arms across her chest. "We are to never speak of this again."
"Fine, fine," Buffy agreed, holding her hands up in surrender. Then deciding she couldn't let it go, she said, "I'm sorry but you're not thinking maybe, someday..."
"No."
"Okie dokie."
"I'm too busy with the bar to be thinking of anything." Buffy didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue. "I mean, once a cheater, always a cheater, right?"
"So the saying goes but sometimes people surprise you."
"No," Cordy said, shaking her head. "Not going there. I have a business to run now. I have, you know, plans and whatever."
"And..." Buffy prodded.
"And...he still needs to grow up and get over Anya and...damn it, I don't know. Why are you picking on me?"
Buffy laughed. "Well, Cordy, it's the price you pay when you moved away for six years. I have time to make up for." She rested her hand on Cordelia's arm. "I'm not picking, really. It's just...in high school, you two were so mismatched at first and then it somehow seemed right."
"So right he felt the need to go sow his oats with a ho."
"Right..."
"Eh, screw it. Let's get drunk."
"I cannot wait until your place is open. Goodbye, Bronze. Hello, Maturity."
"A toast to Lorne," Cordy said, holding up her shot glass.
"To Lorne!" They drank down their shots in a gulp and slammed their glasses on the bar. They looked at each other and started laughing. "I can't believe you're opening a bar."
"God, I know. Cordelia Chase, bar owner." She wrinkled her nose. "If my father wasn't in jail for tax evasion, he'd say...well, I wouldn't have opened a bar so it doesn't really matter what he would say."
"Have you talked to them?"
"I'm in a good mood right now. I don't want to spoil it by talking about my parental units."
"Fair enough."
"Doesn't the bartender know we want more shots?" Cordy asked. She yanked on her shirt, cupped and adjusted her breasts in a discreet fashion. "Cleavage gets it done. Be right back."
Buffy smiled and watched her saunter down the bar, lean over and talk to the bartender. She looked over to where Spike and Xander were sitting, deep in conversation. Anya was sitting at the table that she had reserved, talking to her friend, Hallie. She thought it strange that they were having a post-celebratory party for Giles and Anya's engagement and yet Giles wasn't here. She wasn't surprised by it in the least. She was happy to forgo a night of Giles describing the Bronze in his very British way but it still was a bit odd. She knew Anya didn't care as long as heaps of congratulations were bestowed upon her. She wondered about Anya at times. Anya had been so in love with Xander and granted, he broke her heart but she had literally thrown herself into a relationship with Giles. Of course, that had taken everyone by surprise, even Giles himself, who had not been very receptive at first out of respect to Xander. However, somewhere in the two months when Anya pursued him relentlessly, he had agreed to have dinner with her. From there, and with a nod from Xander to go ahead, they were together.
Buffy was proud of Xander's reaction to the relationship. She had expected him to be very Xander-ish but he had simply told her, "I can't make her happy. I can't be the man that I need to be for her. Giles can. Giles will." She had hugged him then and told him he was a wonderful man as it was because she knew it to be the truth. Like Cordy had said earlier, he was scared of the intimacy that went with relationships but Buffy knew that given the right time, the right woman, Xander would be the man he thought he had to be. She was secretly hoping it would be Cordelia. She was a sucker for rekindled love stories. She knew it was only wishful thinking but seeing Cordelia with Xander tonight, she couldn't help but think that it could be a possibility. She also realized that Cordelia's behavior could be explained away as residual feelings. She sometimes found herself staring at Angel or mildly flirting with him. It wasn't to be taken seriously as it didn't mean anything now but sometimes she would remember those feelings she once had and find herself lost in a moment.
"Buffy Summers?"
Buffy spun around and furrowed her brow at the man in front of her. He looked familiar but she couldn't place him to save her life. "Uh, yeah?"
"It's Warren! Warren Meers? We went to high school together."
"Oh! Warren...right! How are you?" Who are you?
"I'm fine. Just came here for an after work drink. I work at CRD, you know."
"I thought it closed..."
"Nope, reopened last year. I'm head of the software department. Let me buy you a drink."
"Um, that's not..."
"Barkeep!" Warren barked and flashed Buffy a cocky smile.
"So...software, huh? That's really interesting," Buffy said, not even sure why she was continuing the conversation.
"What are you having?" Warren asked when the bartender came over.
"Blue margarita."
"You heard the lady and I'll have a Seven and Seven." When the bartender walked away, he said, "It's not only software. Being the head means I have many responsibilities. That's what they pay me the big bucks for."
"That's great, Warren." Buffy's eyes searched the area for anyone to rescue her but her boyfriend and best friend were still in their own world, Anya was dancing and Cordelia was having herself a good flirt with the other bartender.
"And you're a counselor back at good old Sunnydale High, I hear."
"Yup, gotta keep those kids in line," she said with a tight smile. "Oh, your brother is Sean?"
"That's him. If he gives you any trouble, you let me know."
"No, no trouble at all. He's actually one of the few that seemed to like to be there."
"Yeah, I don't want to talk about my brother anymore, Buffy." He ran a finger down her arm and she had to physically restrain herself from grimacing, which isn't an easy thing to do.
"Everything all right here, luv?"
Oh, thank god! "Yeah, everything is fine, honey," Buffy said, emphasizing the honey for good measure. She instantly wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled him tighter to her.
Warren's eyes bulged out a bit and said, "Man, sorry, I didn't realize...No ring."
Damn it. "Not yet but soon," Buffy said, brightly. "Right, honey?"
Spike was too busy sizing Warren up to answer her right away. He didn't like the looks of him and he certainly didn't like the way he was leering at Buffy. "Right," he answered, absently. "Can I chat with you?" He pulled her away and Buffy felt the need to hold up her index finger to Warren. She didn't want to be outright rude.
"I have never been so happy to see you in my entire life," Buffy whispered.
"Who is that?"
"Some guy I went to high school with. Well, that's what he said. I don't remember him at all but-"
"He's hitting on you."
"Yeah, he is. Nothing gets by you, huh? Good thing you finally broke yourself away from Xander long enough to come save me."
" I need to leave. Connor's in some sort of trouble and Angel needs my help."
"What? No, you can't leave! I have the feeling he's the kind of guy that won't quit no matter what," Buffy said.
"I think so, too. That's why I want you leave with me-"
"And go to L.A. and do what?"
"No, just go home."
"I don't want to go home," she whined.
"Fine, then I want you with Xander until you do. There's something about that wanker I just don't like," Spike said, his gaze straying to see Warren watching them intently.
"You're jealous," Buffy teased.
"Of him? Not bloody likely. I don't get a good vibe from him, as Tara would say. Promise me you'll stay away from him."
"Of course." She pulled him into a hug and rested her head on his shoulder. "So what happened with Connor?"
"Arrested or some such nonsense. I'm not sure why I'm needed but Angel said he'd pay me so I'm not turning that down."
"You didn't say anything to Xander about Cordelia, right?" she asked, looking at him.
He rolled his eyes. "No, not really. You think you're the only one who noticed the way she was looking at him?"
"Not really? What does that mean? She'll kill you-"
"Let's see her try." He paused and frowned. "Actually, let's not. If I were to be scared of any of you chits, it'd be Cordelia."
Buffy laughed and leaned into kiss him lightly. "You better be going."
"Yeah, I should. I thought Red and Tara were coming because the more the merrier in my opinion."
"I think they're on their way. Anya wasn't pleased that they missed the dinner but whatever. If it's not all about Anya, it doesn't matter to her."
"Cookout still on for tomorrow, then?"
"As far as I know. You're not planning on being in L.A. the rest of weekend, right? Tomorrow is Sunday and you don't work those anymore. And what is Angel doing calling you, anyway? I mean, Wes and Gunn are both right there. Are they suddenly incapable of helping Angel with whatever it is he needs?"
"He asked for my help, I agreed. I don't know what the other two are doing and I'm not really caring. Money, pet. We need it and Angel's going to give it. And I will be home in plenty of time for hot dogs and potato salad."
They walked over to Xander, hand and hand. Buffy sat next to him and Spike kissed her on the cheek. "Xander, keep an eye out for her, alright?"
"Sure," Xander agreed, although his confusion was evident.
"I'll see you in the morning," Spike told her before turning to go.
"Why am I keeping an eye?"
"Do you remember Warren Meers from high school?" Off Xander's blank look, she sighed and nodded. "Well, he remembers me and he was sort of hitting on me. Spike didn't like it or him or both. So you're my bodyguard for the night."
"Well, I feel privileged that Spike would leave you in my hands," Xander said, with a warm smile.
"So...talk to Anya at all tonight?"
"Do you ever just have a normal conversation? Like what's your favorite color or how about them Yankees."
"You like blue and I don't give a shit about the Yankees."
"Okay," Xander shrugged. "No, I haven't. I congratulated her, she said thanks and that's been pretty much been the it." He took a sip of his beer and stared off into the distance. "I think I'm incapable of being happy with a woman."
"Maybe you're gay," Buffy offered. "Because if you are, Larry's totally been crushing you since we were juniors."
"No, that's not it."
"Isn't it a little bit of an ego boost to have had Larry, the star quarterback, like you?"
"In a word, no." Xander twirled his bottle absently while Buffy watched him. She was about to say something when he snapped out of his daze. "Spike and I were talking...I think I missed my chance."
"You regret what happened?"
"Yeah, I do. I asked her to marry me and I was sincere. I really thought I wanted it, you know? I thought I was ready for it; that we were ready."
"But then you weren't?"
"No, I can't even explain why, Buffy. It's not that I didn't love her because I did."
"I know," Buffy said, softly, laying her hand on Xander's.
"And there was no doubt she loved me. There was still something off about getting married right then. Is it possible to love someone too much? Like you want them to be happy and you love them and want to make them happy but one day you wake up and you think that because you're you, you can't possibly do that. You can't make someone happy or better or complete because you're..."
"You're what?"
"Because you think that love isn't enough most of the time. You think you're not...good enough and you love them too much to put them through heartache. I'm wallowing, never mind me."
"No, a wallowing Xander is a good Xander. You should get this stuff out and I'm a certified counselor, you know. I am qualified to say things like 'Hmm, that's very interesting' or 'I believe you have parental issues'."
Xander smiled sadly and nodded his head. "Parental issues are exactly it. I can't help but think that as much as I loved Anya, it would never be enough. I wouldn't be able to do right by her or give her what she needed. I didn't want to grow old and bitter with her."
"So then, isn't it good that you didn't get married?"
"There's the rub. It's good in one sense and in the other, it's not because now she's getting married and to Giles of all people."
"Ah, I see. These are reactionary feelings, Xander. It's perfectly normal. I'm sure if Angel, hell, even Riley, suddenly said 'I'm getting married', I wouldn't be all that thrilled, even though it's not what I want anymore."
"I don't understand why you and Spike haven't gone down that road yet."
Buffy took a minute to think about his statement. "I think it's because I'm scared of the exact same things you were scared of."
"But you two-"
"Love each other and we're full of all kinds of happiness. Very true...but so were you and Anya. It's so good right now...I don't want to spoil that."
"Like that would ever happen," Xander said, bitterness creeping into his voice.
"Hey! You could have not asked her and waited until you were ready."
"I thought I was."
"Fine, but even when you started to have the smallest doubt that you weren't, you should have talked to her. No one forced you to wait a month beforehand to call it off."
"How is a person supposed to have that kind of talk? I thought it would go away."
"Maybe that's your problem, Xander. Maybe it's not just about fear of intimacy but communication. If you couldn't talk openly about that with Anya, then there's your real problem."
"I think it's my turn to say hey," Xander mumbled. "Don't psycho-analyze me, Buffy. I thought that when I talked to her, that would be enough. I didn't think we would just break up."
"Wait, you thought that you would still...like date?"
"I thought we could still be engaged but not-"
Buffy's harsh laughter cut him off. "That's so guy-like, Xander. Jesus...You really thought that Anya would go through all that; the wedding prep, the dresses, the tuxes, everything and then date you when you called it off?" He hunched his shoulders in response and she rolled her eyes. "Wow, you're unreal, you know that?"
"I tried to do the right thing," Xander argued.
"Calling off a wedding after everything has already been set and paid for is not the right thing. And you had to have known that she wouldn't take it lightly."
"Sure, but I didn't think she'd want to leave me altogether."
"Why not? You left her in the lurch. You made a promise, a commitment, and you reneged. How did you think she would feel? She would say 'Oh, that's fine, Xander. Anything you want'?"
"Well...sort of?"
"This is going to sound a lot harsher than I mean it but you made your bed, now you have to lie in it. No one but you waited until the last minute to have that discussion with Anya. You are the only reason you are in this position."
"I know that! Yeah, alright, I haven't made the smartest of choices over the last year but I thought not marrying her would be better than forcing a horrible life on her."
"Did you have a magical vision that told you it would be like that? Otherwise, you never would have known and you let fear take you over. You should have discussed it with her way before you did. But would've, could've, should've...it doesn't get you anywhere. Besides, you told me when they started dating that you were glad someone could make her happy."
"And I am but they weren't getting married then."
"Did you think that she would date Giles for a bit and then come back to you once she calmed down?"
"Everything I say makes me out to be the bad guy and-"
"Xander, you are the bad guy in this scenario! Perhaps if you could accept your fault in this whole debacle, things might be a lot better for you."
"Look, I did the both of us a favor by walking away. Now she can be happy and I don't have to live with the pressure that I'm not doing my damnedest to make her happy and not succeeding. You know, you talk a good game of what everyone else does in their lives but you...you don't even wonder why you don't want to get hitched, do you? You think that everyone, including Spike, should just deal with the fact that you don't want to. And I know that Spike has asked you and you keep saying no. Do you take a good look at yourself as to why that is?"
"What happens with me and Spike has nothing to do with what you're going through-"
"Bullshit, Buffy. You tell me to accept it, to dig deeper and yet you don't. You expect everyone to do what's 'right' and to listen to your advice as you dole it out without anyone even asking for it and then when someone says something to you or calls you on something, you just clam up or lash out."
"No, that's not true-"
"Please, I sometimes almost choke on your moral superiority. So you're happy and you have everything you could possibly want. Good on you, Buffy. It's fanfreakintastic. Did you ever think that the reason Spike keeps asking is because he wants it? But do you ever sit and talk with him about where you're heading or what you're doing? No, because it's not what you want to do."
"Did he say...something?" Buffy asked, meekly, the fight having gone completely out of her at Xander's words.
"Sure, but even if he hadn't, he wouldn't need to. Everyone who knows you can see what you can't."
"And that would be?"
"That Spike wants more than you do but you're too fucking selfish to see anything beyond what you want," Xander spat out before turning off the stalking and walking away.
"I have your drink."
"What?" she dazedly asked, turning to the voice behind her.
"You're drink," Warren said, holding it out to her. She took and smiled weakly because she thought she was supposed to. "That Xander...he's always judging people without knowing all the facts."
"Do you know Xander?"
"I know enough. Now drink up, Buffy." And so she did.
----------------------------
"I'm going to have quite the hangover tomorrow for our cookout," Buffy slurred, propping her head against her hand. She closed her eyes briefly before the spinning feeling forced her to reopen them and concentrate on a specific spot. Unfortunately, her gaze landed on her companion, Warren, and she wrinkled her nose in distaste before shifting her head to look out at the dance floor.
"You're having a cookout? Am I invited?" he asked, leaning towards her.
"Um, it's sort of birthday thing for my sister and a celebration for my mom being alive."
"You're mom was almost dead?"
"Yeah, she was sick a while ago. But clean bill of health for seven years now." Buffy smiled and held up her nearly empty glass. "A toast to my Mom."
"I'll drink to that! If it weren't for her, I wouldn't have the fine pleasure of your company tonight," Warren said, clinking his class to hers. He watched Buffy down the rest of her drink before he put his back on the bar and grabbed her hand. "Let's dance."
"Oh, I don't think," she protested. "I can barely walk..."
"One little dance. It's a slow song. I'll hold you up." Before she could say anything else, he whisked her off to the floor and pressed his body tightly against hers. She felt even sicker.
"You smell so good. Like summertime," he whispered in her air.
"It's my fabric softener," she mumbled.
"No, it's you. I noticed it back in high school when you would walk by me in the hall."
"This might seem callous but I don't remember you."
"I know but you'll never forget me after tonight." He dipped her down and back up so fast that Buffy thanked her lucky stars that she could squelch the bile that was rising in her throat.
"I'd say I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm not." They turned their heads to see Cordelia standing beside them with her hands on her hips. "Buffy, we need to go now."
"No, we're dancing. I'll take her home."
"Oh, I bet you will." She grabbed Buffy's arm and tried to pull her away from Warren, only to be resisted by his holding onto her other.
Buffy giggled. "It's Tug-o-Buffy." The sensation of being yanked back and forth quickly caught up to her and she stopped smiling. "I'm going to retch."
"Let her go, whoever you are."
"I'm Warren. I went to high school with you, you self-centered bitch."
Cordy's mouth dropped in surprise before it slammed shut in resignation. "I am a bitch and you, little man, do not want to fuck with me. Now. Let. Her. Go."
"Go screw yourself, Queen C, because it's obvious no one else is."
"Hey, no one talks to Cordy like that," Buffy said, trying to stick up for her friend but having it only come out as a whine.
"Let me handle this, Buffy. What is this? Some old, high school fantasy of yours? One in which you get Buffy drunk so she can tolerate talking to you for the night? Because you know and I know and probably everyone here knows that this woman wouldn't speak to you if she weren't in the bag right now."
"For your information, she was talking to me before she was drunk," Warren told her, smugly.
"It was called being polite, dipshit. You didn't notice her taking off at the first chance she got? Honey, you're not fit to spit on so let go of her arm before I call the bouncer over here."
"Afraid to take me on?"
"You're not worth breaking a nail on but I'm actually not opposed to shoving my foot up your ass."
"Will you guys shut up?" Buffy yelled. "I'm going to be sick. I want to go home, crawl into my bed and wait for my Spike to make me feel better."
"I can do that for you, baby," Warren said in her ear while he rubbed her back.
"Oh, god," Buffy mumbled before she turned her head and regurgitated everything she had drank and ate that night. Cordelia's face scrunched up in disgust and Warren started yelling as he was doused in her vomit. Warren let go of her arm and Buffy fell to the floor, clutching her stomach in pain. "Please...get me out of here."
"You puked on me! Do you know how much this shirt cost?"
"Ten dollars at Wal-Mart?" Cordelia retorted. She bent down and placed Buffy's arm behind her head and hoisted her off the floor. "I'll get Xander to carry you to the car, okay?"
"You owe me!" Warren took a hold of Buffy's arm again. "You don't sit there and let me buy you drinks all night and flirt with me and not give me anything in return."
"I believe she did," Cordelia quipped. "Xander! I need some help over here." When he didn't look up from his own drink, she yelled for him again. He shifted his gaze to her and she nodded for him to come over to her. "Warren, she has a boyfriend. That scary British guy that would snap you in two if he had any idea of what went on tonight."
"He doesn't scare me," Warren said, unconvincingly.
"Well, he should."
By now a small crowd had gathered around the threesome and the whispering and gawking had begun. Xander made his way over and winced when he saw the state Buffy was in. He was supposed to watch her and Spike was going to torture him slowly for not doing his job.
"What the hell is going on here?" he asked when he came to stand next to Cordy.
"I don't need your help, Xander," Buffy groaned out and instantly regretting speaking as she felt her stomach lurch again.
"Don't listen to her. Whoever this guy is, he won't let go off Buffy and I think it's time we got her home," Cordelia broke in.
"I'm Warren, for Christ sakes! How many fucking times do I have to say it?"
"Until someone actually gives a shit to remember," Cordelia sniped.
"Not helping, Cordy," Xander mumbled. "Look, we just want to get her home so why don't you let her arm go like the nice guy you are and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened."
Buffy straightened herself as best she could and grimaced when Warren's hold on her upper arm tightened. She turned to face him and pasted on her best fake smile. "I'm really sorry about vomiting on you. I drank way too much, obviously, and I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that tonight would lead somewhere but-"
"Lying bitch is what you are. You think I didn't see the quick glances you used to throw my way when you walked down the hall. How you would swivel your hips as you passed or flip your hair and lick those beautiful lips. Taunting me all the while. Oh, you knew exactly what you were doing then and tonight," Warren seethed. He yanked her arm again and Buffy gritted her teeth in order to not cry out. "I'm taking her home."
"Broken record much?"
"Cordelia, shut up," Xander whispered, his tone harsh. She looked at him eyes wide but didn't say anything. "This is going to go one of two ways. You either let her go or we make you let her go."
Warren ducked his head and cocked an eyebrow. He released his hold on Buffy and held up his hands. Xander nodded and gave him a small smile that quickly disappeared when he saw Warren forcefully push Buffy onto the floor, her head hitting the wooden floor with a thud. Cordelia quickly ran to her and Xander charged at Warren.
-----------------------------
"I'm gonna have a bump," Buffy whined, gently touching the spot of her head that hit the floor.
"I'm gonna have a peninsula," Xander countered, pointing to large bump and bruise that had formed on his forehead. "Who knew Warren would be so crafty."
"It's not like you're much of a fighter, Xander," Cordelia said, as she made ice packs for the both of them.
"I'm a lover not a fighter," he agreed and Cordelia snorted before looking appropriately embarrassed that she let it slip from her. He rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Buffy. "What are you going to tell Spike?"
"I have to tell him everything. Anya's pissed that we broke up her after-engagement-party-party and she'll definitely blab the whole thing. It's best to be upfront about it." Buffy groaned and rested her head on the table. "I don't think this night could suck anymore."
"Here you go." Cordelia put the two ice packs down on the table and looked at her friends. Sighing, she grabbed one and put it in Xander's hand and brought it to his head. She took the other and placed it on Buffy's resting head, lifted her arm and placed her hand on top of it. "Xander, alternate that between your head and nose, okay? Oh, aspirin!"
"Bathroom," Buffy mumbled. "Why don't you take some aspirin and go on home, Xander?"
"But-"
"But nothing. We're home; we're fine, no big. Thanks for your help tonight." She slowly got out of her chair and went down the hall to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
"What the hell did you do now?" Cordelia demanded as she walked back into the room. Xander shrugged but looked too guilty to let it slip by her. "Take these. Let me check on her and then you can drive me home."
Cordelia knocked on the bedroom door and opened it without waiting for Buffy's response. Spike's voice filled the room as he explained that he would be in L.A. until tomorrow morning. The frown on Buffy's face made Cordelia want to step out of character and put an arm around her but she didn't. As close as they had become, it was still too awkward of a step for the both of them. The answering machine beeped and the cheerful voices of both Willow and Tara came on. They were on their way, they were caught up, giggle, giggle, they would come to Buffy's when they arrived in town. When the prompter told them it was the end of messages, Buffy's hand raised to press play again when Cordelia quickly grabbed it. Buffy looked up at her startled, never having realized that Cordelia had entered the room.
"Don't press rewind," Cordy told her with a soft smile. "It'll just make you more sad because all you want is Spike goodness and he's working. Don't torture yourself. Here." She handed Buffy the bottle of aspirin. "We're going to leave, unless you want me to stay until Willow and Tara arrive."
"No, it's fine. I'm going to fall asleep anyway. Will still has a key from when they house-sat for us."
"What went on with you and Xander?" Cordy asked, not bothering to skirt around the issue.
"He said some...things...I have a headache. I just want to lie down and go to sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow at the cookout, alright?"
"We're here!" they heard Willow announce from the other room, quickly followed by a shocked, "Xander!"
"You rest, I'll handle," Cordy told her. Buffy nodded and leaned back on the pillow, bringing the ice pack to her head.
"Is it broken?" Willow asked as she fussed around Xander. Cordelia rolled her eyes and she waved at Tara. "What happened?"
"Do you remember a Warren Meers?" Xander asked.
"Uh, yeah, he was in a couple of my computer classes." Willow's eyes went wide. "No way! Warren was a nerd, never said anything to anyone and definitely couldn't have broken your nose."
"It's not broken," Cordelia interrupted, replacing the ice pack on his nose and not being gentle about it. She ignored the noise of protest from Xander and said, "He's apparently grown some confidence. It was this whole big thing. Some loser has a stupid obsessive crush since high school and things got a little out of hand. Buffy's fine, a small knot on her head and Xander's nose is not broken, just swollen but the shot he took from the beer bottle is worse." She grabbed the ice pack again and moved it to the top of his head. "Hold that there."
"We miss all the fun," Willow grumbled.
"Fun? Buffy and I had a huge fight, she got drunk and hit on and we both have injuries. No fun at all. And Spike's going to kill me. I was supposed to be watching her; making sure Warren stayed away from her. I'm as good as dead."
"What did you and Buffy fight about?" Tara asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Cordelia sighed audibly in frustration. "No one wants to talk about it! It's becoming annoying."
"It's none of your business, that's why," Xander said. "I need to get out of here. You coming with me?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be right down."
"I'll see you ladies tomorrow at Joyce's." With that, Xander walked out, still clutching the ice pack to his head.
"Should he be driving?" Willow asked, concern flashing through her eyes.
"I'm driving whether he likes it or not," Cordy said, a cocky smile spreading across her lips. "Watch out for Buffy. She really isn't feeling well. I think that knock to her head was worse than she made it out to be. Plus, she drank a lot."
"Is she sick?" Tara asked as she walked into the kitchen and started looking through the cabinets for something to give to Buffy just in case.
"I think it's out of her system. She, um...well, she threw up on Warren. At the Bronze. While they were on the dance floor." She tried to keep her laughter in but the appalled looks on her two friends' faces sent her over the edge.
"This isn't funny, Cordy!" Willow chided.
"Hey, I didn't laugh when it happened. It's one of those moments that she'll look back on and laugh about in ten years when the humiliation of it goes away." Cordelia plucked her bag from the table and moved to the door. "Oh, if Spike calls, don't say anything. It's nothing that can't be discussed ad nauseum tomorrow." She gave them her classic Cordelia smile and left the apartment.
Willow turned to Tara and sighed. "Tomorrow's looking like it is going to be all that and a bag of Cheeto-s."
---------------------------
Why am I all wet? she wondered as she carefully opened her eyes. Buffy lifted her hand to her head and frowned when she realized that not only was her hair wet but her pillow was as well. She grabbed the plastic bag that had once held ice in it and threw it onto the floor. She groaned as she sat up but was pleasantly surprised that her hangover wasn't worse than she had expected it to be. The bump on her head wasn't as enflamed and was only slightly sensitive when she touched it gingerly.
She heard pots being moved around and became aware of the lovely smell of coffee. She made her way down the hall and smiled when she rounded the corner to her kitchen and watched Willow and Tara make breakfast. A light kiss here, a small caress there. The giggling and all-around playfulness of the two warmed Buffy's heart and instead of a sarcastic witticism, she opted for "Hey".
The two women turned around, surprised to hear Buffy up and did their best to not laugh at the vision before them.
"Go ahead and laugh. I know I look like hell. Stupid ice pack busted and everything is soaking wet." They took her advice and let it go, holding on to each other as their laughter filled the apartment. Buffy hadn't meant they could go into hysterics about it and she quickly put her hand on her hips, rolled her eyes and tried to look as annoyed as possible. She realized, too late, that it only served to make the two laugh harder.
"You can stop now, you know." Buffy took a seat at the table and began flipping through one of the newspapers adverts. The laughter gave way to quiet chuckling and they went back to fixing their breakfast. "Did Spike call?"
"Not yet," Willow told her as she brought over a cup of coffee. "Do you want pancakes?"
"Yes, please."
"Rounds or funny shapes?" Tara asked and Buffy shrugged. "I don't know why I ask. They always come out funny shaped."
"How about Xander or Cordelia? My mom?"
"Nope, no one. It's only nine, Buffy. What time is the shindig?" Willow asked.
"Around eleven until whenever. I'm so glad you guys came down for it. We never get to see you anymore."
Tara and Willow brought breakfast to the table and sat down. They looked at each other and shared a secret smile, which didn't go unnoticed by Buffy. She paused and quirked an eyebrow, waiting for someone to spill the beans.
"Tara's finally finished with her courses and I'm not really loving my job so we started looking around."
"I was offered a job right away and Will has an interview on Monday."
"Please don't tell me that you're moving even farther away," Buffy griped.
"Actually, we're moving back."
Buffy dropped her fork and jumped out of her seat. She wrapped her arms around Willow's neck, causing Willow to yelp in surprise. She let her go and did the same to Tara. She squatted between the two of them, one hand resting on Tara's, the other on Willow's.
"You're serious?"
"I'm proud of your mom for not telling you. We begged and pleaded for her to keep it a surprise," Tara told her.
"You're working for Mom? And you? Where is your interview?"
"How do you feel about having lunch together every day in the same cafeteria that tried to poison us for three years?"
Buffy squealed and hugged Willow again. "This is crazy! I never thought you guys would move back here. First Cordy, now you...You know what will happen? Spike will want to move." They laughed together, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. Buffy groaned as she stood and picked up the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, pet, can you hear me okay?"
"It's a little fuzzy. Where are you?" Buffy mouthed "Spike" to her friends and they nodded, turning back to their breakfast.
"No place."
"Spike..."
"I wanted to call and tell you that I think I'll make it to your mum's by this afternoon. Things are a bit buggered over here."
"Why? What's happening?"
"Nothing to worry your pretty little head over, Buffy. I'm fine. How'd it go last night?"
"Um, fine. Had a great time last night," Buffy fibbed and cringed when Willow turned to look at her, eyebrow shooting up. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"
"What's there to talk about if it was great?" Buffy didn't answer him. "Harris didn't do his job, did he? I ask him one simple bloody favor...What happened?"
"Nothing, really. Just...we'll talk about it later," she stressed, hoping he'd let it go and kicking herself inwardly for saying anything in the first place.
"Fine, but we will talk about it."
"Yup!" She knew she sounded far too cheerful, which would only incense his curiosity. She would think she would know how to deal with these situations by now. She knew he was aware of every inflection of her voice, knew something wasn't quite right when her voice faltered and especially knew that being overly peppy was a dead give away that everything wasn't picture perfect.
As soon as Buffy said good- bye, Willow turned to look at her. "That's going to be a fun conversation, huh?"
Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "If you two hadn't given me such good news, today has all the makings of being on the top ten not fun for Buffy days."
-----------------------
"I'm not usually very good with these things," Xander said, smiling. Joyce patted him on the back, a grateful smile on her face, as she placed food on the grill.
"Well, it is idiot proof, Xander. If you couldn't do it, I'd be wondering about you," Dawn commented, sneaking a look at Xander, who only smirked in his self-deprecating manner.
"Could you ask Buffy what she wants?" Joyce asked. It didn't take a genius to tell there was something going on between the two. They hadn't even said hello to one another and had stayed at opposite ends of the yard since they had arrived. Joyce saw the uncertainty pass over Xander's face. "You have to talk about it eventually. Here's your in."
"She told you?"
"No, but I'm a mom and it's what we do. We'd never survive if we didn't acquire psychic ability upon giving birth."
Xander walked off the porch and gave a small wave to Willow and Tara who were acting very lovey dovey by the tree. They smiled at Xander and turned to talk, leaving Xander to assume it was about him. Buffy was over near the flowers with a tennis racket, poking at the bushes.
"Looking for secret cameras?" She spun around and offered him a quick, tight smile before turning back. He inwardly groaned for trying to start with a joke. "Buff-"
"I'm trying to find the birdie."
"Huh?"
"For badminton."
"There's no net."
"We don't need one."
"I'm sorry. About last night," he blurted out.
She slowly turned again, a smile creeping onto her lips. "Oh, thank god. You know this was killing me, right?"
"I shouldn't have-"
"No! I shouldn't have. I had no right to sit there and judge you or tell you how to live your life."
"True but you and Spike seem perfectly happy and I shouldn't have implied that you weren't treating him right."
"But you have a point."
"So do you."
A small laugh escaped Buffy and Xander soon followed. She pointed to the bench with the racket and he nodded. They walked over and sat, both looking around the yard.
"Cordy said she'd be here as soon as she can. She was having a glass crisis," Xander told her.
"And Spike's not coming until much later, if at all. I could kill Angel...or Connor." She took a deep breath and looked at him. "So..."
"I don't want to fight with you, Buff. It seems...unnatural."
"I know. I guess we just had things to say and alcohol always helps with fueling that along."
"I didn't mean-"
"Yes, you did," she said, softly. "And I did, too. Let's not pretend that we didn't mean exactly what we said because today isn't last night."
Xander nodded and smiled tentatively. "Things haven't been kosher for a while. For me, I mean. Since Anya, I've been-"
"Absent? We've noticed."
"I was ashamed and she moved on so quickly. I couldn't..."
"I know." She patted him lightly on the knee. "I wish you would have talked to me about it."
"If I promise to do so from now on, am I forgiven?" A hopeful smile on his lips.
"I don't need promises. You were forgiven when you came over to talk to me." They leaned in and hugged. Each exhaling in relief that they were fine, as they always were. Xander lifted his head and rested his chin on her shoulder. He saw movement in the corner of his eye and he turned his head a bit.
"Buffy," he said, pulling back. She looked at him questioningly and saw him looking behind her. She turned and saw Warren walking into the backyard. She slowly stood from the bench, Xander rising with her.
"You think you can do that to me? Think again," Warren shouted, raising his hand.
Before Buffy could respond, she heard the shot fired and automatically pushed Xander out of the way. She felt the bullet go into her shoulder and she fell to her knees and then onto her stomach.
Xander's hands frantically ran over his chest before looking around and seeing Buffy lying on face down. He quickly knelt beside her and carefully turned her over, inhaling sharply as the bloodstain on her gray zip-up grew before his eyes.
"Buffy!" He quickly put the palm of his hand over Buffy's wound, hoping that it was the right thing to do. He heard more shots fired and he ducked on instinct. "Everyone get down to the ground!" He knew it was a fruitless effort but he didn't know what else to do. "Buffy? Can you hear me?" Her eyes were glazed over but she was breathing. "We need to call 911!"
"Dawn! Dawn!" Joyce yelled.
"Fine! I'm fine! I'm calling," she responded from the kitchen.
"Tara? Baby?"
"Willow?" Xander called. He looked to where Warren had been and saw that he was gone. "Will, you alright?"
"Tara, no! Come on, baby. Wake up."
He looked over to her and saw her cradling Tara in her arms, blood covering her shirt.
"Oh, my god," Dawn cried as she came out, phone in hand.
"Get back in the house now, Dawn," Joyce ordered before she grabbed the phone from Dawn and ran towards Buffy. "Is she alive?"
"She's breathing. Did she call?" He brushed the sweat of his forehead.
"They're coming," Dawn answered before running over to Willow. Joyce looked over at her daughter and shook her head. She would have to speak to her later about not listening.
"Dawn?" Xander asked, hoping that she would pick up the question he was asking without having to ask it out loud. She nodded as she felt Tara's pulse point on her neck. Dawn followed Xander's example and put her hand over Tara's wound on her stomach. She had to pry her from Willow's grasp in order to reach the wound. She tried to reassure Willow but she knew nothing she said was getting through to her.
"How did this happen?" Joyce asked quietly, blinking back her tears.
"I don't know," Xander answered, finding it hard to swallow from the lump in his throat. He heard the ambulance's siren and let out relieved sigh. "Put your hand here. I'll get them." Joyce did as he said and watched him run out of the yard.
Xander waves his arms in the air and yells, "They're in the back! Hurry!"
"Xander? What's going on?" Cordelia asked, running over to him, gasping as she saw the blood on his hands and shirt.
"Warren..." he mumbled before taking off to the backyard.
"Excuse us, miss." Cordelia jumped out of the way waited until they were in the backyard before running after them.
She never expected to see what she did. The two paramedics were working on Buffy, the other two on Tara. They lifted them onto the gurneys and she moved out of the way again as they rushed to the ambulance. Willow went with Tara, Joyce with Buffy.
"Drive?" Xander asked and Cordelia nodded, quickly following him and Dawn to her car.
As they sped to the hospital behind the ambulances, she nervously looked at Xander. "This may seem like a stupid question-"
"I don't know why he did it," Xander bit out. "So stupid." He punched the dashboard and a small scream escaped Dawn. "Sorry. Dawnie, sorry."
She shrugged, unemotionally. "They're going to okay, right?" Neither Xander nor Cordelia answered her question.
"Um, did anyone call Spike?" Cordelia asked, hesitantly.
"Phone?" Dawn asked. Cordelia handed it to her and she heard the beeps as Dawn entered the number. "Spike? It's Dawn. What? No, listen...no, Spike! Listen to me! You need to come home. You need to come home right now."
-------------------------
Buffy shifted in the bed, the dull ache in her shoulder radiating down her arm and side. She could barely open her eyes and when she did, everything appeared to be filtered through a hazy overlay. Her head was heavy and she felt groggy, her mouth and throat parched, her body unmovable. She quickly realized that she wasn't in her bedroom and as she became more aware of her surroundings, the pain in her shoulder became more evident. She groaned softly, the sound barely audible to her own ears and turned her head to see Spike sleeping in a chair beside her bed, his hand holding hers tightly. She tried to move her hand from Spike's but he tightened his grip each time she pulled.
She tried to say his name his name but ended up choking from the tube in her throat. Her eyes moved around in a panic and tears sprang to her eyes. She lifted her left arm to pull the breathing tube from her nose when the pain in her shoulder went from dull to extreme. She screwed her eyes shut and unconsciously squeezed Spike's hand hard at the pain.
"What?" Spike shot up, eyes blinking rapidly. "Buffy?" He leapt at the bed, minding her left side, and buried his head into the crook of her neck. "Oh, luv, been so worried." His hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing across her skin. "Let me get the nurse."
She could hear him yelling down the hall that she was awake. Nurses ran into the room, each with a smile and offering her congratulatory pats on her hands. They took her vitals and removed the tube from her throat which, Buffy decided was an experience she never wanted to have happen again. After the nurses dispersed, Spike was immediately at Buffy's side, taking her hand once again.
"Spike?" She was surprised by how raspy her voice sounded. "Is there water?"
He quickly let go of her and filled a paper cup with ice cold water. "Here, don't drink it too fast." He stared at her as she drank the water at a slow, but steady pace. She glanced at him from time to time, her brow furrowing in the way it did when she was confused. He sat down in his chair again and held her free hand. She curled her fingers around his palm and gave his hand a weak squeeze of comfort. He brought their hands to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand lightly.
"Um...what happened?" Buffy asked.
His mouth fell open in surprise before he recovered. "You don't remember?"
"Bronze, drinking, fight with Xander, more drinking...Warren, oh, honey..."
"I know, baby. It's okay. You don't have to worry about anything."
"Don't be mad at Xander, okay? He would've looked out for me last night but we got into that stupid fight and I let Warren buy me drinks...and promise me you won't go off on some crazy vendetta just because I have this stupid bump on my head."
"What are you talking about?"
"Last night. Anya's party. The Bronze. Stay with me."
"That was two nights ago, pet," he told her. "Do you not remember the cookout?"
"Of course, I remember the cookout. Xander and I made up, Dawnie and I were going to play badminton and I couldn't find the birdie thing and oh! Will and Tara are moving back. Did they tell you?"
"Buffy..."
"Why am I in the hospital? I didn't hit my head that hard, you know. My shoulder is killing me though."
"You're in a lot of pain? Here, press the button." She did as was told and looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to tell her something. "Warren came to the house. Do you remember?"
He felt his heart breaking as her eyes searched his, trying hard to recollect the events. She shut her eyes and leaned back on the pillow, her head nodding occasionally and he knew she was silently putting together the weekend, checking off the things she did as she went.
"Oh...god..." Buffy whispered, feeling her stomach flip and nausea sweep through her. Her eyes widened and she looked at him, panicked. "Mom? Dawn?"
"They're fine, luv. They went home to get some rest. Xander, too."
Tara! she heard Willow scream in her head. "Will? Tara?" Spike averted his gaze for a moment and she felt her chest tighten. "Spike?"
"They're okay, Buffy."
"You're not telling me something. Tell me."
"I think you should get some rest. You'll never get out of here if they don't think you're getting better and we both know how much you hate hospitals."
"No, you tell me what happened," Buffy said, forcefully, the unshed tears threatening to spill over.
"Red's probably with her. You want me to get her?" Buffy shook her head no and pointed at him, letting him know that she wanted to hear from him and nobody else. "Tara is hurt, too. She's doing a lot better but she's still sleeping."
"How hurt?" she asked, her voice small and shaking.
"Don't you think we should wait to talk about this once you're feeling better? The nurses said not to talk too much."
"I wouldn't keep asking if I didn't want to know right now, would I?"
"I'm just trying to help," Spike reasoned.
"And telling me things I don't remember would help a bunch." When he still didn't budge, Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed. "Look, if you're talking that means I'm not and that's what the doctor ordered so..."
She's going to be just fine... He smirked and nodded his head. "This is second hand, luv, seeing as I wasn't there and if I had been..." She squeezed his hand harder. "Right. You were shot in the shoulder, Tara in the stomach. It's been two days, you're awake and she's not. Good?"
"Will she...do they think she will wake up?"
"It's all touch and go right now. Buffy, Tara died." Her sharp intake of breath made him scramble to continue. "But they brought her back. Now all we can do is wait."
"Warren?"
"They found him in the woods."
"So he's in jail?" Both noted the hopefulness in her voice but when Spike didn't answer, she felt her muscles tense again. "Not answering is starting to get on my nerves."
"He's dead." He glanced at her just as she closed her eyes, her head shaking back and forth against her pillow ever so slightly. "Pet?"
"This is all my fault," she whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I did this..."
"No, you did not." She shook her head harder, blocking out his words. He stood and leaned over her, grasping her head in his hands. "You listen to me, Buffy. Look at me and listen." She opened her eyes and she felt his thumbs wipe away her still falling tears. "He shot you and Tara. He shot himself. He was a coward. That wanker will burn in hell and I'm only sorry that I wasn't the one to send him there. What happened had nothing to do with you. It was all him. It could have been any other woman."
Buffy nodded her head and sniffed. Spike saw the change in her instantly and had to stifle his sigh. It was as if he could actually see her start to build the wall to ward off the pain and he'd rather she didn't. He wanted her to break down now, to have it all out of her system but he could see that she wasn't going to do that. He knew that his words had done little to convince her that she was at fault but she would be her and pretend that they did. When he caught her eye, he saw the pain that still resided there that wouldn't be acted on any further but he also saw the light glimmer of pleading that he wouldn't press her on the matter. He nodded his head once and let go of her. He settled back in his chair, reclaiming her hand. He lowered his lips to it and brushed them against her skin.
She watched him as he placed the soft kisses on her hand, only being able to see his profile. His eyes were closed but the tension in his jaw was working overtime. Buffy knew that he wanted her to let it go. She knew that she wouldn't. She was reminded of when Cordelia had given her such sage advice back in high school. "Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet..." and she had. She felt better for doing so. This time was different, though. This wasn't depression from boy troubles and spending an awkward summer with your father. This was almost getting her friends and family killed. Buffy had promised him that she wouldn't go near Warren that night. If she had gently brushed him off and found Cordelia or Anya, even Xander, this never would have happened. It couldn't have happened to any other woman, like Spike had told her. This was about her and her treatment of a man she didn't remember. Tara died. Tara died because of her. It didn't matter that they were able to bring her back. She should never have been in that position in the first place. All that pounded through Buffy's brain was "Tara died" in big, bright neon lettering. No, she wouldn't talk about this. Not now. Who knew when. Buffy knew that Spike wouldn't understand; wouldn't be able to see why this was her fault and she couldn't stand to be placated. She hadn't earned the to spank her inner moppet just yet. She deserved the pain far too much.
"Luv?" He lifted his head slightly at the small moan that had escaped her as the thoughts stampeded through her mind. "You need something?"
"Can you come up here with me?" She tried to move over but hissed as the pain from her shoulder flared up again. She moved her legs over as best she could and he climbed onto the bed, snuggling in next to her.
"Not very comfortable. I don't think-"
"Shh. Please just stay here with me. I don't care from comfort. Just do that thing where you stroke my hair and hum in my ear, okay?" He nodded and lifted his free hand to her head, brushing her hair back. "Have you been to work at all? Or home?"
"No work. Will and I go back to the apartment for a little while to change and shower but we always end up coming back. Everyone tells us not to but...They've been great. I have a newfound respect for Cordelia. Bringing grub and drink for all of us. And your mom? I see where you and Dawn get your strength from."
"How is she?"
Spike knew who she was talking about without her having to say Willow's name. "She's hanging in there. Much as I was. It's all we can do. She'd love to see you. Shall I fetch her?"
"No. I'm not...I'm tired." She faked a yawn, knowing she wasn't convincing him. "They've let you stay here?"
"Damn right they did. Slept in that chair. I'm thinking I'll need to see a chiropractor soon." They laughed together until the slight movement caused pain in her shoulder.
"Ow...good god, this hurts. If anyone uses the 'it feels like I've been shot' analogy again, I can set them straight." She gave him a quick smile and rolled her shoulder just a bit to adjust it. "I'm surprised they let you stay. Visiting hours and non-family issues aside, staying overnight goes against policy."
"They didn't have much of a choice."
"I'm glad it was you I saw when I woke up."
"Me, too, pet. Me, too." He kissed her softly on the cheek and settled beside her.
"So what did you tell them in order to stay here? You didn't threaten anyone, did you?" She turned her head to him and quirked her brow.
He smirked and said, "Maybe just a little." She rolled her eyes and moved her head back. "I told them I was your husband and there was no way in hell I would be leaving your side."
Buffy's eyes went wide and she dared to sneak a peak at the man beside her. Luckily, his eyes were closed, his head bent and resting lightly on her shoulder. She sighed for what felt like the hundredth time since she had awakened and pressed the pain medicine button that Spike had pointed out to her earlier.
------------------------
"Mom! Will you please stop? Please."
Joyce fluffed the pillow anyway and placed it next to her daughter. "Do you need anything?"
"Besides copious amounts of peace and quiet? No."
"Luv, your mum is only trying to help. Don't be rude."
Buffy huffed in response and closed her eyes, settling back in her bed. Spike nudged his head in the direction of the kitchen and Joyce nodded. She leaned over and gave Buffy a quick kiss on the forehead before following Spike out.
"I thought she'd be happy to be home," Joyce lamented. "I thought this attitude of hers would, I don't know, not go away completely but at least lighten a bit."
"I know," Spike agreed. "I thought the same thing. I don't think she's going to be right as rain any time soon. Don't blame her but I wish..." He stopped himself. "She's home now. It's what's important, right? I'm not going to sit here and let her wallow. I'll take care, don't you worry."
"I know you will, honey. I know," Joyce told him quietly as she patted his hand. She gathered her things from the table and then embraced him. "You watch our baby and don't let her pull any of her shit with you."
"Never."
After Joyce left, he fixed them lunch and brought the tray into the bedroom. Her eyes were still closed but she wasn't sleeping. As much as he didn't want to disturb her, she needed to eat before she took her medicine. He placed the tray on the table next to the bed and sat next to her. His fingers traced the bandage on her shoulder and he felt that pang of guilt in his chest that had been there for the last week. He had never felt so useless in his entire life as he had when he received that phone call from Dawn.
Spike knew that Buffy was still punishing herself over what happened and he was trying his hardest to not succumb to his own feelings of failure at protecting her. He played the what if game quite well in his own head and he could only imagine what was going through Buffy's. He knew that her frosty behavior was inevitable but he had truly thought that she would have thawed out by now. Spike was still surprised over her initial reaction to seeing Willow earlier in the week. He had suspected that it would be difficult but he never expected Buffy to barely say two words to her.
"You alive in there?"
He broke out of his reverie and focused his eyes on hers. "Sorry. I have food. Don't roll your eyes at me. You need to take your pills and you need to eat in order to do that."
"Spike..."
"No arguments, Buffy. You're eating. End of story."
"No...I mean, yes, I'm going to eat but...I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"The way I've been treating you. Uber-bitch to the extreme. I'm thinking 'you know how I am' isn't going to fly this time around." She propped herself up against her pillows, favoring her left arm. "Can you hand me that pillow?" He did and she placed it behind her shoulder for soft, yet solid, support.
"Luv? What is it?"
"I have lots of apologies to give, especially to Mom and Willow. God, can you believe the way I treated her?" Spike didn't say anything and she nodded to herself. "Yeah, bad. You bore the brunt of it and I am so sorry. It has nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with you telling the hospital that we were married."
"Ah..."
"Yeah. Did Xander tell you about the fight we had?" Spike nodded. "When I take a break from thinking about Sunday, I think about that fight and how you were able to stay with me at the hospital."
"It didn't mean anything, pet. I only wanted to stay with you and it was the only thing they would allow. Joyce is the one-"
"I know. She told me. Here's the thing. Xander had quite a few good points in his argument. I know you want it and it's not that I don't-"
"Buffy, stop," he interrupted. "If I asked again, would you say yes?"
"No."
"Why no this time?"
"Do you ever notice that you ask when we're going through something? First time we...you know and then when we were moving. Now after being shot. I want you to ask when there's not this huge thing looming over us."
"And that's why?"
"It's stupid."
"I'm sure it's not. Tell me."
"Because I want to know for sure that it's me your asking and not the situation."
"Of course it's you, pet."
"I know it's me." She sighed in frustration, her hand on her good arm curling into a tight fist. "I want it, too, Spike. I want everything that comes with it but every time you ask, it seems like...like you're trying to prove that I'm with you. Our situations keep dictating when you ask me."
Spike stared at her, mouth open but unable to say anything for once in his life. He shook his head and rubbed his temple. Think, you, stupid git. Say something. She's staring at you all wide-eyed, waiting for you to say anything so say it. Tell her it's okay even though it's not. Tell her that she's right even though she isn't. Just say something.
"Buffy, you couldn't be more off base if someone put you at home plate." Brilliant, pillock. Bloody brilliant.
"Oh," she stated, drawing the word out.
"The thing of it is, ducks, I keep asking because since I saw you, I wanted you. When I've asked doesn't matter, the fact that I've asked, three times now, and you keep saying no does. You want it and yet you won't say yes."
"No, you're-"
"Right. I'm right, Buffy. You put your abandonment issues on me and somehow twist my asking you to be my wife as me trying to prove that I have you. Not. True. I have you now, I've had you for seven years. I don't need to prove anything. I've only wanted you. If I didn't, I'd be long gone. How many men you know stick around after being rejected not once but twice? And I'm just counting proposals, luv. There's that whole year of back and forth with us that I'm leaving out completely. I've meant it every single time I've asked. Not once did it have anything to do about what was going on at the time but just because I wanted to." He lifted himself off the bed, picked up the tray and put it over her lap. "Eat up so you can take your medicine."
Before walking out the door, he turned and smiled at her. "I'll be sure the next time I ask, it will be a regular boring day."
"And I'll be sure to say yes," she told him, a small smile creeping up on her lips.
"Will you marry me?" He winked and walked out of the room.
"Yes," she whispered, a full-blown smile on her face as she picked up her sandwich and ate.
End Flashback
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tbc...
