Chapter 30
He hated the word giddy but if he needed a word to describe his current state that would be it. Giddy was more for his girl or Willow. It wasn't supposed to be used in regards to a man by the name of Spike but it was the only one he could think of as he made his way up the stairs to their apartment. There was a definite spring in his step and a feeling of euphoria flowing through him that he hadn't been this overwhelmed by since Buffy said yes.
He was finally his own man.
Spike knew he'd have to sober up a bit before he entered the apartment. The last thing he wanted was to make it seem like he had been out having himself a grand day while she was still surrounded in sadness from the previous night. He didn't know for certain and he hoped that time spent with Dawn had cheered her up some. Knowing her like he did, though, he would bet that even if her spirits were lifted, there would still be that underlying pain. He would be having none of that.
He would explain it to her as best he could. He would try to make her understand that the most important thing in his world was her and that would never change. He couldn't help but be nervous, though. He wasn't even a hundred percent sure why he had this sudden yearning, he just knew that he did. So he wondered if he would be able to get across to her what this had all been about.
Spike would have something all his own; something to call his. He could continue to do what he loved to do, he'd be closer to home, he'd make more money, he'd have Connor to teach, which could make Dawn happy in the long run. All of these factors were great but the best thing of all, was that it was his. Another missing piece of his future's puzzle put into place. Yeah, there was a definite spring in his step.
He stood outside the door, taking deep breaths and thoroughly prepping himself before entering. Smiling was okay; beaming certainly wasn't until he knew that everything was a-okay between them again.
He wished everything would be because trying not to smile hurt like a bitch.
He opened the apartment door and was met with the TV yelling "...you pansy-assed mama's boy" and that threw his effort of not smiling right out the window. He made sure to hang his coat on the rack and went into the den to find Buffy lying on the couch with her eyes closed. He glanced at the TV, laughing softly as he saw the phone bounce off Stu's head. He crawled over her and nestled himself between her and the back of the couch.
"Hey..." Buffy greeted, her voice quiet and stretching from sleep.
"Scream again?"
"Needed a laugh." She opened one eye and sighed. "I missed the phone scene. Damn it. Funniest part in the whole movie."
"You are a quirky lass, aren't you?"
She turned slightly to look at him, her hand reaching behind her to grab his and wrapped it around her waist. "What? It's a funny movie. Who doesn't laugh at 'liver alone'?"
He leaned over and kissed her gently on the temple. When he pulled away, she was studying him, her eyes never settling on one place. When he started to feel antsy, he asked, "What are you doing?"
"Looking for visible markings. I don't see any..."
"It went well. No punching."
"Any oil?"
"Huh?"
"Nevermind," Buffy answered absently, her mind replaying that nice fantasy from earlier in the day. "You look...different. You have a twinkle."
"I do not have a twinkle." He instantly puffed up, trying to put on a non-twinkling image and cursed himself silently for not being able to conceal it better.
"You most certainly do. What's going on?" She grabbed the remote control and shut off the TV. She turned her body to face him, resting her leg on top of his. His hand went to her hip and began massage to her through the denim of her jeans.
"You wanna fool around?" he asked, with a wiggle of his eyebrow and his tongue played behind his teeth.
She giggled and slowly rotated her hips. "No."
His mouth opened in shock before it formed into a smirk. "After all I do for you..."
"Tell me what's going on first. I can't take the suspense."
"And then?"
"And then I'm your very willing, and eager, sex slave who will do your bidding."
His mouth moved to her neck and he mumbled against her skin, "See, I really like the sound of that."
Buffy bent her head back, away from his wandering mouth and looked at him pointedly. "I'm waiting."
"How much detail do I have to give before we can start with you being my sex slave? I have to say that is far more intriguing."
"Give me the gist behind the twinkle and then..." She trailed off as her fingers wormed their way under his shirt, lighting touching his skin.
Spike closed his eyes briefly, reveling in the feel of her fingers. "I'm getting a new job."
"You quit the agency?" Buffy asked, her surprise evident.
"No, we're expanding and I'm in charge." He tried to tell her in a nonchalant fashion but she saw it, heard it. He was elated.
"Baby, that's so great!" She moved her hand up his shirt to his neck and pulled him close, kissing him hard on the mouth. "How did this happen?"
He shrugged. "When we were talking."
"And he's on board with this?"
"If memory serves, you got the gist, I get the nookie and then we talk details."
"Way to romance me, Spike."
"But you just sai-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence.
-------------------------
Buffy threw her fork on the plate and leaned back, placing her hand on her stomach. "I ate way too much."
"It's good for you. Want more wine?" Spike asked, holding up the bottle.
"Did you open another bottle?" He nodded and she sighed. "I shouldn't. Work tomorrow. Screaming teens and Snyder. I need to be on full-alert."
"Suit yourself." He took a sip. "Mmm, better than the last."
"You're just saying that because you're trying for some unknown reason to get me drunk. I've already had three glasses. I'm quite happy."
"Are you, now?"
She looked at him and frowned. She'd been with him long enough to know that question had an underlying meaning. It had nothing to do with what she was feeling currently and everything to do with what had happened over the weekend.
"Are you?" she queried.
"Don't answer a question with a question."
"Don't not answer the question."
"Don't you."
"Christ, Spike, just answer the question!"
"I've always been happy, pet." Her disbelief was written clearly on her face and he sighed. "Wipe that look off."
"Can you blame me?"
"I was, I have been, I am happy. It had nothing to do with you. I know you're looking for an explanation."
"No, I'm not. I get it." She paused. "I think."
"It's not you, luv. You know that much, right?"
"You need something besides me. Additional support in case anything were to ever happen. If we didn't work out, which I don't even think about, or if something bad happened, you need to have something to fall back on."
"Uh..." Spike faltered.
"What you're going through has nothing to do with me or our relationship," she continued. His surprise was unmistakable and she smiled. "You needed something that was yours and yours alone. I have my job, my family and friends, who are your family and friends by the way so don't even act like they wouldn't be here for you if anything were to ever happen, got it?" He nodded, a bit dazed. "I don't think I need to tell you how much my mom and Dawn love you."
He nodded again and leaned forward in the chair, all of his attention on her. He didn't expect this. He was certain she would still be looking for answers that he wasn't sure he would be able to give. Now, here she was explaining it better than he could have.
"I understand, Spike. I think the way this came about-"
"I know this weekend has been..."
"Full of insanity and pain but it's over now, right?"
"Is it?"
"I'm not angry...I'm not sure I ever was. I was hurt, confused. I have no doubt that you were feeling the same things. Not everything can be perfect all the time and we know this, we've been through it before. It's totally normal and healthy. If we lived in bliss all the time, we'd be Stepford. I'm all set with that. You threw me for a loop but you were thrown for one, too. I honestly didn't think about what Angel said and its effect on you. I'm sorry for that. I was seeing only myself and not considering you in all this. Maybe because I am so secure with you that I don't worry about these things, which I thought was good."
"It's great," Spike commented.
"So I want to tell you that as important as it is for you to have something all your own, it's important to me, too. For my own selfish reasons, I need you to be happy. If opening your own portion of the agency is going to do it, then that's great. If it was quitting your job and becoming a slacker...well, less great but I'd still support you. You know this, don't you?"
"Of course. I feel the same way."
"So, I don't need an explanation, Spike, because I get it. I do. If I were in your position, I would want the same thing. People need to have something separate. I get that. You need something apart from us, that's yours and I can't believe I never realized it before."
"When did you become Kreskin?"
She smiled shyly. "Dawn, actually, is the all-knowing one. She's surprisingly deep for a twenty-one year old."
"Well, she's always..."
"What?"
"We've always understood each other," Spike shrugged. "I am sorry for what I said last night. It's not true. None of it. I need you. There will never be a time when I don't, but I needed this for me."
"I know." Buffy gave him a soft smile. "Our life won't work unless we're both satisfied."
"I am satisfied, though," he began to argue until she held up her hand.
"Maybe I phrased that wrong or maybe you're taking it the wrong way. My point is, as unfathomable as it is to me at times, I'm happy. Everything in my life makes me happy." Spike started to protest again and she quickly cut him off. "Wait. I'm not saying that it doesn't for you but there's obviously this void for you. Something in you that I can't touch. Something that you needed to do on your own. And I think it's terrific that you're trying to remedy this ache that you have. I can take bumps in the road, Spike. I have no problems with bumps. Life wouldn't be life without them. I have the feeling that even if Angel hadn't somehow started this, it would have come to the surface eventually. Who knows when but it would have happened and it could have been a lot worse. This is a bump and you've already put up those big orange under construction signs and began to work on fixing it. I love you for it."
He continued to stare at her, not saying a word and not moving a muscle.
"Spike? Are you alive in there?" she asked, waving her hand in front of his face.
"You know," he started, still not focusing on her but just past her, lost in his own train of thought. "I was coming up the stairs and I thought to myself that I was, and don't you laugh, giddy."
She laughed. He frowned.
"Is there something more than giddy?" he asked her, shifting his eyes to hers. "Because that's me. Right now."
"You contain it well."
"Don't like to be all flashy," he said with a smirk. He slipped off his chair and kneeled in front of her, taking her hands. "You amaze me."
She blushed, embarrassed. "I guess I have my moments."
"Lucky for me, they all seem to happen when I'm around."
Buffy smiled slightly and sighed. "So what happens now?"
"We clean up the mess I made and then I think we should sit back, relax, have a quiet Sunday night."
"Wait, 'we' clean?"
He flashed her a smirk before hoisting himself off the floor. He started collecting the plates when Buffy put her hand on his.
"We'll probably get more plates for wedding gifts. Throw 'em out."
"Now, I know you're joking."
"Grumble. Cleaning stinks," she lamented before grabbing the stacked dishes and bringing them to the sink. "I'm not cleaning the counters and the stove. That's your job, mister."
--------------------
"Don't we have something to discuss?" Spike asked.
"Haven't we done enough discussing? Let's just watch the movie."
"Wedding, pet. Thought you needed to tell Tara where..."
"You remembered?"
"Well, yeah."
"That's sort of sweet." She sat up from her position on the couch, turned herself around and placed her head on his lap. His hand instantly went to her head, massaging her scalp gently. "Mmm...haven't done that in days. Missed it."
"What are our options, again?"
"Mom's or the park. Unfortunately, I procrastinated and didn't call the park. I'm not sure if the day is free and tomorrow is the last possible day to tell Tara for the two months notice."
"Did you maybe procrastinate because you want it at your house?" When she didn't answer, he nodded his head. "It's fine with me. You could have said you wanted it there."
"I wasn't sure only because we didn't know where to go reception-wise. Now that we do I was leaning more towards Mom's. Dawn said Mom was hoping we'd have it there. She has already contacted landscapers and all that good stuff."
"Sounds like she was feeling very confident that we'd decide to have the ceremony there."
"That's exactly what I said but Dawn insists she only called to find out pricing and if they would be able to fix up the yard and porch in time."
"And the price?"
"She wouldn't tell me."
"You're mother is not paying for all that work on her own."
"Okay, you tell her that, then. I'll sit in the corner and laugh as the two of you go at it." Spike gave her a dirty look that she couldn't help but giggle at. "Spike, I know you and Mom get along really well. So well it scares me at times but the two of you are too stubborn for your own good. If you think she'll say 'that's fine' and split the bill or let us pay for it all, you have another thing coming."
"And if she thinks she's paying for all that work by herself, so does she. We decided we would do this-"
"I know that, but if people want to be generous and help us out, I don't think we should tell them no. Should I have said no to Andrew's far too kind offer?"
"No, but that's different."
"It's not. I'm sure he'll charge people an arm and a leg and he's not charging us anything. He's calling it a wedding present and you know what? I'm perfectly fine with that. I like presents and I like anything that ends up with us keeping our money."
"Have you been talking to Anya lately?"
"Shush. If it makes you feel better, we'll try to coerce the price from her and see what happens, okay?"
"Fine, but I still don't think she should be paying for it on her own."
"Your opinion has been duly noted. Oh, you did remember to tell Angel that you couldn't work on the 15th, right?"
"Of next month?"
"You forgot."
"No, I didn't..."
"You so did. That blank look on your face that you're trying to hide as I speak is answer enough. Wedding shower. Prezzies. Ring any bells?"
"A shower? Isn't that your deal? Just for the chits to get together and whatnot?"
"See, this is where the chits and I are sneaky. It's Jack and Jill. Xander will be there so you won't be the only one in the room with a penis."
"Isn't that still up for debate?" Spike joked.
Buffy's jaw dropped in mock shock. "Something happened to yours? Well, I can't marry you if that's the case."
"There's no worries for me in that regard and you know it. Got a...taste...for it this afternoon, if I remember."
She felt her face flush and she berated herself for trying to win when she knew she wouldn't. She never would when it came to his special talent of twisting words into a sexual innuendo. She may not be able to win but no one said she couldn't play.
"I could use more than a taste..."
"That's my girl," he smirked as he watched her move her body so that she straddled him.
"Forever," she whispered against his lips before her lips touched his softly. She pulled away and laughed lightly which caused Spike to look at her like she grew another head.
"Something funny, pet?"
"The word giddy flashed through my mind and with that came you saying you were and I couldn't help but-"
This time, Buffy didn't get to finish her sentence.
*************
a/n: Only 3 more chapters left. And I don't say this enough but I thank everyone who has taken their time to a) read and b) leave a review because it means the world to me. Without your kind support, I probably never would have finished.
