Confessions (2/3)

A/N: I hope you guys like this second chapter. It went in a totally different direction than I had originally anticipated. But hey. I do what my muse tells me. Also, If you have the time, please re-read part 1 of this story. I changed it slightly. No major plot changes or anything, but just some additions to (hopefully) address some of the reviews I received. Don't know if the changes will help at all, but at least I tried :) And thanks for the reviews!! You guys are great :)

* * * * * RECAP * * * * *

"Lorelai—" Luke snapped.

"Come on, Luke," Lorelai sighed, frustrated. "Just tell me! What weren't you willing to give up to be with Nicole?"

"Fine!" Luke shouted. "If it'll make you shut up!" He moved away from her, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. "It was you, Lorelai! I wasn't willing to give you up!"

* * * * * END RECAP * * * * *

Luke regretted the words the moment they left his mouth.

Well, not the words themselves, but the fact that he had said them in the first place. He had been angry—annoyed by Lorelai's constant badgering, and they had slipped out before he had even realized what he was saying.

His heart stopped in his chest as her mouth fell open, and her eyes widened in shock. She obviously hadn't been expecting that response from him.

They stood in silence for several seconds longer, neither really sure what to say. Finally, Lorelai cleared her throat, the shock still evident in her face.

"Um…" she said, her voice hesitant. "I thought you were going to say the diner—that she wanted you to give up the diner…" Her voice trailed off, and she directed her attention to her feet.

Silently, Luke berated himself. Of course she would assume that he was talking about the diner. That made the most sense. Nicole had never been fond of where he worked. Of course that would be the first thing that Lorelai would think of. Why else would she bug him about it. He knew her better than that. She wouldn't badger him so relentlessly if she had thought it was something really personal—something he was really uncomfortable talking about. She had thought he was being his usual, stubborn self. Well, it didn't matter now.

Luke sighed, realizing that he had yet to explain what he had said. And he realized, with both relief and a strange sense of disappointment, that he still had an out.

"Yeah…" he muttered. "You know…we're good friends, and we spend a lot of time together. More time than Nicole would have liked, apparently. She said she felt threatened by you, and that I saw you more than I saw her. She came to the diner one day and told me to stop spending time with you—to avoid you." Luke paused, thinking of the best way to continue. "I refused, obviously. I value our friendship more than that, Lorelai. And I wasn't willing to give it up."

Lorelai nodded. "Right. Our friendship." Her voice was soft, almost disappointed. "Well, I'm glad you refused. Where would I have gotten my coffee?" She laughed, but the laugh was hollow. Reluctantly, she brought her eyes back up to meet his, and he was shocked by the sadness he saw there. They held the same look now as they had that night when he had given her the earrings. When she had realized that they were a present from Liz, and not from him.

Luke frowned at the look, wondering exactly what it meant.

He felt sick. He knew that he had taken the coward's way out of the situation, and he hated himself for it.

Of course his words hadn't been totally false. He did value their friendship. That went without saying. He didn't want jeopardize that friendship—to lose contact with her, or with Rory for that matter. But that was exactly why he couldn't tell her the truth. Why he hadn't told her the truth since the first day he had fallen for her. He couldn't risk losing her.

"Well," Lorelai said, her voice pulling him back to reality. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you guys."

Luke shook his head. "It was never really there to begin with." He sighed. "Ready to head home?"

"You know what?" Lorelai said. "I think I'm gonna walk for awhile."

Luke frowned. Something had changed in her voice. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked. "Want me to walk with you?"

"No." She said, too quickly. "I'm fine. I just need to think for awhile. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Luke nodded. "Sure. Goodnight."

"Night," Lorelai murmured. Without another word, she walked away. He watched her disappear down the street, his heart and his brain demanding two different things. He wanted to go after her. But he needed to think things through. To make sure that he made the right decision. For Lorelai. For Rory. For himself. Grumbling to himself, he turned around and headed to the diner.

He needed someone to talk to.

It was hard for him to admit that he needed someone—even to himself. Most problems he could handle on his own. But he was in love with his best friend—had been for years. And that was definitely something he'd like to talk to someone about.

He briefly considered calling Jackson, but he realized that anything he told Jackson would, one way or another, find its way back to Sookie, and eventually to Lorelai. He even considered calling Rory, but realized that she had her own problems. And she definitely wasn't an impartial audience.

Luke realized, unhappily, that the one person he would normally talk to about something this serious was the one person he couldn't talk to.

Lorelai.

He swore under his breath. It looked like he would have to figure this one out on his own. Restlessly, Luke began pacing behind the counter.

He knew he had made the wrong decision tonight, lying to Lorelai about what he had really meant. Sure, his words were spoken in the heat of the moment. Sure, he hadn't meant for them to slip out like they had. But that didn't change the fact that he had lied. To the one person that mattered most to him.

And she had knew that he hadn't told her the truth. She was smart. Way smarter than he was most of the time. She had seen right through him. He had seen the hurt in her eyes, and he had wanted to take her in his arms and confess everything to her.

But he hadn't.

Why?

Because he was a coward.

The thought made him angry, and he slammed his hand on the counter, wincing at the pain it caused. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

Really, it all came down to one question. Could he live the rest of his life without telling Lorelai how he felt about her? Because his feelings obviously weren't going away. If anything, they were growing stronger. Every time he saw her, talked to her, dreamed about her, he loved her all the more.

Could he live with it if she didn't feel the same way?

No.

But could he live with not knowing?

Not anymore.

And, with that, his decision was finally made. He knew what he had to do. Without another thought, and before he lost his nerve, he left the diner, and headed in the direction of Lorelai Gilmore's house.

To Be Continued...