Chapter 6
Forward And Backward
"And
I'm haunted,
By the lives that I have loved,
And actions I have hated,
I'm haunted,
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head." – Haunted, Poe
1. Old Times New
It didn't take long for the group to reach the ship leaving for Kilika. Along the way, Yuna had explained to Squall and the rest that the trip from Luca to Kilika was an overnight one, and they'd be spending the night on the boat. They'd then reach Kilika in the early morning, and Besaid by lunchtime. Zell had asked her why she bothered to take the slow, old boats when they could just zoom back in an airship or machina cruiser. Yuna had laughed and told him that while machina was more popular than it used to be, sometimes the peaceful route was better to take. She was not interested in attracting attention to herself, she'd already shirked off who knew how many meetings with people she'd promised to see months in advance. Just think about how many people would be gawking if she flew around in one of Rikku's airships? Rikku had giggled at the thought, and mentioned how her father was making her one for her next birthday; she'd snuck a peek at it by accident one day back at her home. That put to rest any immediate questions anyone had about the voyage to Besaid, and left everyone to enjoy themselves on the boat and to get acquainted with Yuna and Rikku.
The boat was the same one that always ferried people from Luca to Kilika, and vice versa. It was a moderately sized boat, made from light wood, with an upper deck shaded by the mast. There was plenty of space to walk around, and even some space to explore underneath the ship. O'aka had managed to get on the boat too, staking his claim in the hallway near the potted plant, making sales pitches to anyone who walked by. Two years and O'aka still hadn't made his empire, and was still always ready to scramble for a sale. The boat itself had much of the same décor that Luca had; red carpets in the lower deck, light wood motif, and a very bright, breezy feeling to it. It kept everyone at ease, as they scattered about, doing their own thing.
Selphie and Rikku were in an animated discussion about parties, waffles, and any other topic that they could think of. Yuna was talking to Quistis about the types of magic that Spira used, and a bit about the changes to more machina since the fall of Yevon. Zell and Irvine were leaning over the railing, staring at the different fish that the ocean had. Zell kept saying how they looked so different than Balamb-fish. Rinoa was down in the lower deck, feeling a bit seasick, Squall also down there making sure that Rinoa was okay. Seifer was leaning against the mast in the shade, watching Quistis' conversation with Yuna. On the top deck, Vira sat at the edge, looking out into the stunning ocean.
Things had begun to move at a breakneck pace, and Vira wasn't sure if she could go with it. After the year of wandering with Tidus and Auron, and the year before stuck in a prison cell with the bleach blond jock, Vira's pace and intake of big events had been lowered dramatically. It's like cruising in a car at ten miles an hour and suddenly putting the pedal to the metal and jammin it up to sixty, in two seconds flat. You're liable to feel squished, or your stomach coming up to say hello to your throat. For Vira, there were so many questions that were unanswered. And then there were her torn feelings about her old friends, the ghost that looked like Xana and Dorin, her ultimate agenda of finding out why she'd been in prison for so long, oh, and let's not forget Dorin again. Rikku seemed to like him quite a bit, just a sort of smitten that never went anywhere. She had called him 'very hot' something that had never crossed Vira's mind and made her laugh when it just had. It didn't look like he'd changed much. Whether that was good or bad was up to interpretation. And no matter how much she'd thought about it, time had passed, and being able to fit into some sort of old pattern they had would be impossible. If they had even had a pattern in the first place. Although, everyone else seemed to fit into an old pattern quite nicely. Rikku and Selphie were talking as if they'd been friends since childhood, Yuna chatting it up with Quistis like they'd met before that morning. Was it that they could accept change faster than Vira? Was she too slow? They all seemed to take everything in stride, smiling and making a joke along the way. The ultimate truth about it was that Vira felt left behind. Her new friends being friends with her old friends, and Vira sitting by herself, thinking and feeling the urge to both hug and punch her old friends all at the same time. People really were Hell. A confusing, annoying Hell that somehow Vira still wanted to be a part of, and a side of her hated that.
"It's pretty, isn't it," Dorin observed as he walked up behind her.
"Uh huh," Vira muttered, without turning around.
She heard Dorin sit beside her and stare out at the ocean for a while. "What are you thinking about?" he asked after a while.
"Didn't you used to ask me that question all the time?" said Vira.
"I guess I did. Old habits die hard I suppose."
"How can everyone fall into the same old pattern just like that? They've just…clicked with Rikku and Yuna and it's like everyone's known each other for years," Vira said, staring at the water.
Dorin shrugged. "Some people can do that. I suppose it also helps that Lady Yuna and Lady Rikku are the type that are receptive to that sort of thing."
Vira grunted. For a moment she didn't say anything, just kept her eyes on the calm waters. In the sun, they glistened like shining jewels. Vira never knew how the ocean did it, but on beautiful days, it'd look like it was nothing but brilliant jewels, lit up by the sun's light. It didn't matter at the moment. Vira wanted to look at Dorin, and why not? She'd never been afraid to look someone in the eye and tell them exactly what she thought of them. Usually that would amount to her telling them off, though. Again, that goddam nightmare kept her from it. The eyes. They had always been the last feature of his face she'd seen. And they had always been the most emotional and striking thing about him. It frustrated her that she couldn't, but that was something she'd have to either ignore or deal with later. She said, "I'm sorry about earlier."
Dorin smiled softly. "It's alright. I'm just a little confused as to why you reacted that way."
"Like I said, there's no explanation that wouldn't make me sound like I've completely lost it," Vira said.
That is the truth, there. No doubt. Except for the fact that you've never been the poster girl for 'Sanity Fare'. In fact, from the minute he's met you, you've been a total basket case. What's different about it this time is that it seems like it's coming from somewhere else, somewhere I can't control…Like it's me but it isn't. So…real insanity, or just another case of me being weird?
"Well let's see, I died once, we nearly got killed fighting a sorceress that was thousands of years old, you got sucked into another dimension…I don't think it could possibly surprise me."
Touché, Dorin.
Vira sighed. He wouldn't leave until he heard whatever explanation she had, crazy or not. That was one thing she'd always known about him. So better to be out with it now rather than later. "Fine…Lately I've seen things. Things I probably shouldn't be able to see."
"What kinds of things?"
"People…only two, actually."
Dorin paused. "And one of them was me?"
Vira nodded. "Yeah. It happened a lot yesterday. There was this…big…thing with this old lady, she got this entire bunch of people against me, and…well, I saw some stuff then. Then later at the bar…for a little while… it did stop."
"After you started drinking," Dorin finished.
Vira nodded again. "Yeah, it stopped as soon as I started. It would've worked if… if I hadn't been jumped on the way back to the hotel." She leaned her head back and let out a long breath. "Maaan…I think I'm beginning to remember it now."
The events of the night before began to flood her mind, as if the door they were behind had broken open and were spilling into her consciousness. Everything from wandering into the street, to Seifer's attack, and that whole big sense of their lack of faith in her, to finally wandering into the hotel, feeling sick and collapsing in front of Dorin. Although the memories and feelings came back, it was still clouded in a haze, like the focus on her memory needed to be cleaned for that time period. In truth, Vira was probably now more upset that Squall and the others thought she'd been Xana, than she had when Dorin had relayed the story. The true feelings she'd felt that night had resurfaced and played at the heartstrings Vira had desperately tried to not have for years. It was a conflict. She wasn't sure exactly how she felt. It was a sickening half and half. That desperate happiness that she finally saw her friends again, but the small sense of betrayal that they could mistake her for her mother, whom she'd been trying not to be like, and then attack her for it. One moment happiness, one moment anger, a constant battle between the two left an aftertaste of confusion. Why did every time they were in her life nothing made sense?
"I definitely remember now, though seeing it in my mind is fuzzy," she said.
"Probably some sort of temporary amnesia from the alcohol," noted Dorin.
"Yeah…" Vira shook her head. "Well, it's not like I'm not used to seeing things. I mean, I used to see stuff a lot right after I first met Xana. I shoulda known not to get comfortable…" Vira paused for a moment then added with a softer tone of voice, "I remember that you were at the hotel when I came back. What were you doing there?"
"I had come to see you," Dorin replied. "I was at the theater and I saw you on the news."
Vira arched an eyebrow. "I was on the news?"
Dorin nodded. "Apparently one of their camera crews caught you in the middle of casting that Stop spell on the mob. Of course they made it out like you had attacked them…"
"That's nice," Vira replied, sarcastic. "I was pretty close to losing it so they should be glad that they were just frozen for a little while and not dead. I didn't really know I had that spell…" She frowned. "Great, I'm going to have to lie low even more now."
"I don't think anyone will give you trouble if you're traveling with Lady Yuna."
"She's been trying not to attract too much attention to herself as well. Things are a bit unbalanced with Spira's religion these days," said Vira. She rolled her eyes. "And this was supposed to be the world a bit more tolerant to sorceresses…" She paused again. "Anyway, you were looking for me at the hotel, right? Why?"
"I…" Dorin started before he trailed off. He thought for a moment. "I wanted to see you again. To see if it really was you," he answered quietly.
Vira smiled nervously, finally trying to look at him. Even if she couldn't stare him in the eye, there was always that place inbetween the eyes someone could look at and the other person would think they were looking them in the eye. It was a trick they'd taught all the cadets in Galbadia Garden's 'Client Relations' classes. Vira was amazed she remembered it, considering how much she'd hated it. It dealt with people. Why would she? At least it was being put to good use now, though Dorin was a far cry from a client and she was now not much of a SeeD. "And I ruin the great reunion moment for you by passing out, huh? Sorry."
Dorin gave a wry smile. "It's alright. After describing what you've been seeing, I'd probably have done the same thing."
"Somehow, I doubt it," said Vira. "But, I guess the upshot for you is that I'm me and not Xana…What were you gonna say? 'I saw you on the news and thought I'd just drop by?'"
Dorin smirked. "Would you believe I actually had no idea?"
"Not really. It always seemed like you knew what you were gonna say beforehand," said Vira. There was that feeling that she was forgetting to say something. It's a feeling everyone gets in the middle of a conversation. There's something you really want to say to the person you're talking to, you're so damn eager to let them in on this tidbit of information as if you're life depended on it, but in all the talking from both sides, the subject changes, you forget, but it's still in the back of your mind. It's still there, though. Waiting for the time to come out, when the subject goes back to what it was relevant to, or you just can't wait and you blurt it out and say it. For Vira, it was the nightmare. Not that she wanted to tell Dorin, but it had the same sense of urgency…had being the key word. In the few minutes since she'd started talking to him again, one on one, that pressing feeling about the nightmare was beginning to vanish. For some reason, Vira was feeling lighter. There was a sense of excitement she felt that wasn't explainable in any way. Any way that she knew. The nightmare could take a hike. She hadn't had it in a night. It might not come back at all. All Vira knew was that she didn't want to blow a chance to at least be friends with Dorin, now that she was talking to him again. Her problems would have to just sit tight and deal with it. "Since we're gonna be on this boat for a while, you can take your time and think of something to say. Start over." She smirked. "It beats what I did earlier."
Dorin chuckled. "Alright then. I know vaguely what happened on the Siren when you went through. Xana opened the portal before she died, Kravis wounded you and went through, and then you followed. What happened after that?"
Vira frowned slightly. Recounting the first experiences she had in Spira weren't pleasant ones, but it needed to be said. A warm breeze swept across them, blowing her hair back. She tucked a golden strand of her hair behind her ear. "I resurfaced in a grotto somewhere up north. I wasn't doing too well, bleeding from…" Vira paused to mentally count. "…at least two different places, so I ended up staggering around this weird bunch of underground tunnels connected to the grotto until I sorta passed out from fatigue. By the time I woke up, I was already surrounded by these annoying Yevon guys. They took my kamagunblades and wouldn't give them back and arrested me for possession of machina. I spent the next…year, I guess, sitting in one of their cells with Yuna's boyfriend, Tidus."
Dorin was astonished. "A year?!"
Vira nodded. "Yeah. For some reason, I always felt sick when I was there too, so the year didn't exactly fly by. Tidus's friend Auron finally came and broke us out. I still want to look into why we were both there for so long. Machina possession seemed like such a minor infraction."
"Seems to be a common crime, if that's the case," Dorin commented. "We saw a lot of machinery when we came through."
"Well, this was two years ago. Yevon was in the process of being dismantled. They still held up the rules then. What bugged me is why they never had an intention of letting us go. Had a hell of a time getting out." Vira paused. That was always on her mind. The imprisonment was so damn suspicious to her. As much as she wanted to say her main goal had been to find Kravis and drag his sorry ass back to their world, finding out why she and Tidus were imprisoned for such a long time was something she wanted to actively pursue more. "Then we spent the next eight months trying to find our way back to the more main lands of Spira because Auron didn't come back from the Farplane with a freakin map. I don't have a ton of faith in the Fayth when they send people back without a map."
"We heard of the Farplane," Dorin replied. "Some sort of underworld from the sound of it. But this Auron came back from the dead?"
"Yeah," said Vira. "Auron, from what I've heard, has been dead for…twelve years now. He was in the pilgrimage with Yuna's father, and Tidus's father, and then he was in Yuna's pilgrimage two years ago. Tidus said that they sent him to the Farplane. Auron told us that although the Fayth went the Farplane too, they had enough power to send him back to protect Spira from some evil we haven't seen at all in the past year. Well…we did kinda get separated two months ago in a landslide. I've been looking for them since."
"And so Yuna and Rikku are on their way back because they will most likely be there," concluded Dorin.
Vira nodded. "Yeah. I figured they'd either be here, or Besaid. Tidus wanted to see Yuna. That's where we were heading. I just didn't know which island they were coming from. Some are closer to Luca than Besaid. I'm sure Auron's still on his kick about 'evil' and 'promise to someone.' He doesn't talk much, but when he does, it's usually a bit dramatic. He keeps saying it's 'all connected.' But, now that you guys are here, I can hand over the torch of looking for Kravis and concentrate on the whole icky prison thing instead."
"So, another brooding, silent male—"
"With a big sword," Vira added.
"—With a big sword. Just what we need."
Vira chuckled. "He's okay. He's a great fighter, and really into doing the right thing. Occasionally, he'll actually make a joke that'll send Tidus into a long speech about how rare it is." She paused. "…Though, I'm still tempted to find Kravis and hit him at least once for sucker-slashing me and giving me yet another scar I can't get rid of. Decisions, decisions…"
"Violence never solves anything, you know," Dorin said.
"But it makes ya feel better."
"That too."
"So, wandering coupled with helping people as I came across them is what I've been up to lately. What about you? Been doing anything interesting in the past two years?" asked Vira.
Dorin stretched. "Not really. Nothing more than what we already talked about. Though Odine overstretched his authority again. It's a damned wonder why Loire keeps him around."
Vira smirked. "C'mon, Dorin. He keeps him around because even though he's heartless, he's pretty goddam smart. Think of how much damage he would do if no one reigned him in."
Dorin shuddered. "Too true. Though I don't think Ellone will ever be comfortable with him. Neither would I if I were her."
"No. He's real smart when it comes to science, but not when it comes to people. She should avoid him if she can make a habit of it," said Vira.
"I know. Oh, and are you ready for a shocker?"
"Oh, hit me, man. If I get it all at once, it's not so bad," said Vira, smiling slightly.
"Well, Laguna Loire, Estharian president and master klutz, is Squall Leonhart's father." Dorin silently counted down to the inevitable outburst. 3…2…1…
2. Tell the Truth, Feel the Consequences
So if you learned something strange about a friend of yours, and they weren't
thinking too highly of you at the time, would you still tell them? Tell the
truth, and you can run the risk of having them totally ignoring you for the
rest of your life. Was honesty worth that? Or would it be better to wait until
you were on better terms with them? Whatever choice you made, it all seemed
screwed up royally. Another case of damned if you do, damned if you don't.
In fact, this damning situation was one that Squall had been debating since Vira had joined his list of 'living friends.' Laguna had given him the strange ball (which Squall found strangely to be a blitzball when they arrived in Luca), a strange object that looked like a paperweight (what Squall learned was a sphere…which only puzzled him more), Joril Eronwil's journal, and all the paperwork from the will. Of course, Squall had left all the paperwork on his desk back in his office. It hadn't seemed important when he was leaving. The sphere and journal? Those he had absently tossed into his bag on a whim, the passing thought that he'd be able to read the journal sometime during the journey. They wouldn't be walking and fighting all the time, right? No way. So, Squall had found the time to read Joril Eronwil's journal, and had been confused greatly by it. Except for a few things he learned and knew for sure; Joril had been a nice man who didn't deserve what happened to him, he had been a good friend of Squall's mother Raine, and liked to invent some very weird weapons and gadgets. He was sure that Vira would be able to make better use of her father's things. Why the hell shouldn't they be returned to the rightful owner now that he knew she was alive?
Maybe because he'd called the order to attack her and mistook her for the bitch that took so much away from everyone, including Joril Eronwil's future. Squall walked up the stairs to the deck, smelling the salty air before he'd even reached it. Yeah, that one mistake might be the reason why he didn't feel right about dumping all this on Vira now.
But if not now, when? What if things got more complicated? More dangerous? Would he have time to tell her about her father in the middle of a battle? Riot? Hyne forbid, war? Things were peaceful for the time being. Despite what happened the night before.
Squall stepped into the bright sunshine and shielded his eyes. He had yet to see a bad day in Spira. Everyday had been beautiful and clear, with the exception of walking down Mushroom Rock Road. Everything felt so wide, open, happy and clear. The type of days you jump out of bed to greet. You jump up and down and feel excited with the promise of whatever the day might hold. Sun shines golden and sweet, so sweet you could stay outside the whole time and chase it until it dipped into the horizon. Warm and gentle, and bright. Above the boat were marshmallow white clouds, hanging in a cradle of powder blue sky. What a damn beautiful day.
And maybe not the best time to tell Vira about her father, but it was the only time Squall could think of. Forewarned is forearmed.
3. Friends Again
Vira blinked once. Then again. A moment later, she started snickering that turned
into flat out laughing only a second later. And she kept laughing for another
minute, though she tried to stop. It was such an obvious fact, though it was
a shock. Anyone would've been able to figure it out if they stopped for
a moment to think about it. But the actuality of it…it was just hilarious.
Made a killer of a joke. "President Loire?…Squall's…father?!
Oh…that's the best laugh I've…had in a long time," she
said through fits of laughter.
Dorin laughed. Well, it was one of three reactions he'd been expecting. "I kid you not. And Squall was rather less than pleased to learn this, I might add."
Vira shrugged. "Yeah, I guess he'd be like that. Especially since Loire's a pretty clumsy guy in the first place. All Squall had to do is put it in perspective. Loire's a nice guy, and runs Esthar. Compare that to some other people and he's got it alright. But, it's always a shock to find out that sort of stuff."
Dorin nodded. "Yes. I think the issue was not being there as a child. And he's a bit testy on the matter still, so it's best just to sidestep it unless he brings it up."
"I've been sidestepping everyone since I met them again, so sidestepping the Loire is his father issue shouldn't be difficult at all. But, I can understand what he feels. You find out the guy has been alive the whole time and didn't even know you were? That has to be a bit harsh. But, I do remember hearing about all the stuff Loire went through, so you can't just write him off as a dead beat. And he's still alive, and told Squall about it. After the initial anger, he should get over it and be glad that his father isn't a homicidal maniac bent on world domination," said Vira. She snickered again. "Laguna Loire Squall's father…"
Dorin nodded. "Indeed, that's a good way to put it in perspective."
"It's always easier to put someone else's problems in perspective, though," Vira said.
Dorin nodded in agreement. At that moment, Squall walked up on deck and saw Vira and Dorin sitting there. His expression was a bit nervous, although Vira could've been reading him completely wrong. Squall had never been known as an emotional guy. "Hey Vira? Could I talk to you for a second below deck?"
Vira threw a glance at Dorin, as if he might've known what it was about. He didn't look like he did, so Vira looked back at Squall and nodded. "Sure." She stood up and turned back to Dorin for a second. "Guess we'll talk more later."
Dorin smiled. "I look forward to it."
Vira smirked. So the friendship thing was going well. He still had that talent of making her feel like she could either say something really interesting or incredibly stupid. A little feeling inside Vira's stomach flipped, and damn did that suck. Dorin had that talent. It would throw Vira off guard. Friendship thing was going very well. But, it'd work even better if she could turn the damn flipping in her stomach. Why the hell would it keep doing that? She'd already made her mind up.
She turned back to Squall and followed him down below the deck.
4. Dreams Blurring Lines Of Reality
The two climbed down the staircase and past O'aka, trying to sell Zell
some sort of knick knack, and to the quarters where everyone slept.
"What is it?" she asked along the way.
Squall didn't reply.
"Squall?"
"Sorry, I'm just not quite sure what to say. There's a lot of stuff that I'd like to tell you. About how we really screwed up, and I'd like to take full responsibility for it," he said.
Vira ran her hand through her hair, her bangs falling into her face as it did. She crinkled her nose at them and tried to brush them away. "I don't know what to think about it, Squall. It's shitty work, to say the least. But…"
"What?"
"I don't know. A lot of me is pretty damn angry at how you guys bungled up like you did. It's possible I'm overreacting."
Squall thought about it for a moment. There was so much he wanted to say. It was amazing how little time had passed before he had been talking about her at her memorial until she was standing right beside him in the boat, in a world he'd never been to before. Baffling, to say the least. He remembered how much he had wished she'd been around, and how odd it had been to feel like that. All of his friends, he'd come to appreciate. Despite his stony exterior, he did care about all of them. Even Seifer in his own twisted way. That was another story. Vira…they had had some connection from the beginning. They had been so much alike. And in such a short time, he had felt that they were friends. If things had been different, maybe they would've been better friends. The guilt he'd had over her death was gone, but now replaced with the guilt of messing up. He wanted to tell her that although they hadn't known each other for very long, he did count her as a friend and he had missed her a lot. She had become one of them in such a short time, and the loss was felt by all of them. But why would Vira believe it after they'd attacked her? Squall sighed. There was nothing else for him to tell her than the truth. A lie would only compound his guilt.
"You have a right to how you feel. It makes sense that you'd be angry. God, Vira, you don't know how much during that day I had wished it was you," he replied.
One side of Vira's mouth stretched into a line that made her expression cynical. "Maybe if you had done a better job, you would've realized it."
"Yeah. I know. But I can't change the past. It was better that we stopped it before you really got hurt. It doesn't make up for it. It's just…"
"What?" Vira looked impatient.
Squall frowned a little. "I missed you, okay? I did. It may not seem like it, but it's true. I didn't know you for very long, but you were one of us, whether you'll admit it or not. And there had been times that I wondered what it'd be like if you were still with us. There were just times…I wished you were there to talk to. I hope that you can forgive us," he explained.
It seemed like Vira was contemplating this. Squall was half expecting her just to hit him and walk away. He might've done that if he'd been in her position. A smack and a good-bye and a watch my back as I walk away, it's better than what you did before. But, then again, although alike, Vira wasn't him. She'd think what she wanted, and react however damn way she wanted. She looked thoughtful about it, like perhaps a deal was forming in her head. She nodded. "Okay, I hear you. I'm still feeling out of sorts about all this. Not taking the changes well. After you show me what you want, just tell everyone to leave me alone until we get to Besaid, alright?"
"Will that be enough time?"
"Damn well should be. I won't forget it, but I'll forgive it. But, I have to get it in my head first. And that'll take a little time. Okay?"
Squall nodded. "Okay."
"Now, what is it you want to show me?
"We found some stuff out on your father before we got sent here," he replied. "I never got a chance to unpack, so I have a few things of his that you might want to take a look at."
Vira raised an eyebrow, dubious. "My father? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Laguna…my father…found your father's grave in Winhill, when he was visiting my mother's grave. He decided to look for any records about him in Winhill, and found out he owned a small cabin in the woods outside of town. He said it was pretty run down," Squall explained as he opened the door to his and Rinoa's cabin. The cabins were pretty small, with one round window on the back wall facing out to a blue ocean. Two single beds sat side by side, covered in baby blue sheets that looked thin and airy. Off to the right was a small bathroom for the guests to use, all of it in a light wood finish. Rinoa raised her head from the bed where she lay to see who it was and Vira couldn't help but feel sorry for the sorceress. She looked absolutely green.
"Rin? Feeling any better?" Squall asked with concern.
She shook her head. "Not yet. I can stand Selphie driving the Ragnarok, time compression, going into the future, going out into space, trains, the moving Garden, but one boat and I feel like my insides are turning inside out…"
"Ask Yuna if there's a cure for seasickness that she knows," offered Vira.
"I'll do that as soon as I get done here," Squall replied as he began to shuffle through his rucksack. After a moment, he produced a sphere and a small journal. "Laguna found these in the cabin. I didn't know what the sphere was until we got here, but I've already read through the journal," he said, handing them to Vira. "Your dad…seemed like he liked to invent stuff."
Vira reluctantly held the sphere in one hand and the journal in the other. She gave Squall a half joking, half exasperated look. "You guys mistook me for my mother and nearly ran me through, don't you think you've reached your limit on practical jokes?"
"This is for real, actually. It's…interesting, to say the least."
"Spheres come from Spira. You know that, right?" said Vira, tilting her head to one side.
"Now we do. But I didn't know how to work it before. Still don't," Squall replied.
Vira sighed, her patience wearing thin. She tossed the journal back at Squall, and he caught it before it smacked him in the chest. Vira flipped the sphere over and triggered it. She held it out and made a 'was that so hard' look. "Just press a button. See? No big trick."
Squall frowned. "…Whatever."
From the bed, a feeble laugh came from Rinoa. "And the mighty Leonhart expresses his discontent."
"Traitor," Squall replied.
Vira smirked slightly. "Whatever is an all purpose word," she said. She stared into the sphere, the static finally becoming clear. "Huh…"
A man with blond hair appeared, young, with his blitzball in hand. He looked confused, but still stared into the sphere. "So, I'm totally lost. Really lost. I don't know where I am, but if I don't make it, umm…make good use of my blitzball, okay?"
He turned off the sphere. Static covered the image for a minute before it cleared up again, revealing the man, now older, and in a house. There was a dark woman behind him, and it could only be Xana.
"Are you still fooling with that ridiculous thing?" she snapped.
He looked back at her. "Aw, c'mon. This is one on of the only things I brought with me. It records our memories."
"So? Who needs to do that?"
"Umm…I do. It'll be fun to someday look back on all the things we've done, all the fun we've had," he said.
"Somehow, I doubt it," Xana said. "Now turn that stupid thing off!"
He sighed. "Alright, alright…"
More static. Then another image came through, the man now with a baby in his hands. He waved to the sphere. They were in the house from her nightmares two years past. The tall windows, the dark decor. It was their Deling City house. The only house she remembered.
"See, Vira? That thing records things for us so we can see them later. Isn't that neat?" he asked. The baby just giggled and cooed.
Xana came into view, scowling.
"Again, I say it's stupid. Completely stupid, Joril. Now turn that thing off and put it down!"
"Xana…"
"No! I've had enough!" She stormed over to the sphere, knocking it off the table the man had placed it on. Then she left the room as quickly as she'd stormed in. The man bent down to the sphere.
"Well, things aren't going so good now…I hope it didn't break…"
The baby reached for it, but the man held her hand back.
"No, Vira. You can play with it later. I better see if your mother broke it…"
There was more static. Another picture came through. The man, Joril, her father, and a baby Vira, were in the Winhill cabin. There was a storm outside, lightning and thunder raging and banging on the weak windows and door. Joril looked upset, at a loss, and without hope. He stared at the sphere with tired eyes as baby Vira slept peacefully through the outrageous storm.
"I'm sorry, Vira. I never meant for this to happen. I came here to give you to Feabie, but she's not here. She left to visit some relative in Balamb. I've got nowhere else to go except Deling's orphanage. I hope you can forgive me for this. All this…" He sighed and looked down at the baby. He then looked into the sphere. "There's no doubt I'm dead by the time you see this. You'll probably be older and have a life of your own. I still can't tell you how sorry I am that I have to give you this terrible responsibility. I know what'll end up happening, and what you'll have to face to understand where you came from. It was a match that just wasn't meant to be, but it happened. Don't get me wrong. I'm so happy I got to know you, for what little time I did. But, it's not fair what kind of life I've given you, what kind of world I've brought you into. I just hope that you can forgive me…and her…someday. And that you didn't grow up to be as bad as she was. She tricked me…and herself."
Joril looked up to the ceiling, as if expecting some divine answer from the storm. But there was no answer. He looked back at the sphere. "I'm sorry I never got to go home again…or understand why I was here to begin with. Sometimes we never get answers. All I ever wanted was to just play Blitzball and have a family. After I got here, I never got to play it again…and sure, I had a family, but this one is far from perfect…we're downright dysfunctional. God, I wish I could've helped that little boy…I have so many regrets…Don't you ever have them. Live better than I did. Make better, smarter, decisions than I made. With the responsibility you'll have, you'll have to. Someday…I truly hope you'll understand…and maybe get to see the wonderful city I called home…the lights…like Deling but twice as big, and tall…buildings reaching so high into the sky…if you combined Esthar and Deling, you have something like where I came from…Except for the stadium, that lit up at night, thousands of people cheering for their favorite team…It was beautiful…Maybe I can see it when I'm gone…"
He stood up, walking closer to the sphere, at this distance, Vira could see the tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "I'm going to miss you, and even her…and home. All I ever really wanted to do was go home…I'm going to leave you in Deling City's Orphanage. May you and the gods forgive me for all this…and help you all from her…"
Still more static. Then nothing. The sphere had ended its recording.
Vira stared at the sphere. "What the hell…blitzball…?" she whispered harshly.
"So your father…was from Spira?" Squall asked, not quite believing it.
Vira shook her head. "How? I mean…he…and…that doesn't make any sense!"
"Are you gonna be okay Vira?" Rinoa asked quietly.
Vira frowned and nearly tossed the sphere onto the floor. It fell and clanged on the wood floor, rolling a little until it fell onto its flat side. Vira briefly glanced at Rinoa, who was still green, but looked concerned, and then at Squall, who looked at a loss for words he was so confused by the situation. Vira shrugged and turned to the doorway. "Whatever…"
Squall frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Out, I need to be alone for a while," Vira answered before she left.
Squall looked down at the journal she had handed into, he sighed and turned his gaze to Rinoa.
"Guess I'll give this to her later then…and tell her the rest," he said.
Rinoa raised her eyebrows. "There was more?"
"A little bit, yeah. But it can wait," he replied. "She doesn't wanna hear it right now."
5. Contemplation and Questions
Rikku had been right. After two years, Yuna was finally only days away from
seeing Tidus again and what was she going to say? Hi? How are you? There was
so much to tell, so much to catch up on. It was a new lease on life, and a breath
of fresh air…but what would Yuna say to him? What could she say that wouldn't
sound terrible?
She didn't know. After finishing her discussion with Quistis, Yuna had excused herself up to the top deck to think about this. Underneath the mast, Yuna sat cross-legged, hands holding her head up. Rikku had said to say something nice and sweet. There were a million scenarios running through her mind. Would he be waiting at the dock, or would he be in the village? A sad thought that had crossed her mind quite a few times was what if he wasn't there at all? She'd have to keep looking, and avoiding Wakka's 'you really oughta not be doing this, ya' look and then there'd be more worry. More butterflies in her stomach.
All she knew was that for the past two years, she'd been going through the motions, no emotional involvement in anything. Not the emotions she'd felt with him. Being with Tidus made her feel like she could take on the world, just the two of them. Or all of them together. There was nothing they couldn't face, nothing they couldn't do. Together. He defied the system, took the path never taken, and had changed the world just as much as she had.
What do you say to someone who was that important to Spira, but no one outside of their friends knew about it? Lady Yuna, Lady Rikku, Lady Lulu, Sir Wakka, Sir Kimahri…all of them had become famous for bringing the Eternal Calm. Bringing the beginning of peace—relative peace—to Spira. Wakka's pudgy stomach, Yuna holding her breath, Kilika building its town up, people choosing their own religion. It was all the Eternal Calm.
And all because of him.
"…I love you…"
Those words echoed in her mind. The last ones she had spoken to him on the airship. Staring out into the vast unknown…had they been inside the Farplane?
Wispy golden clouds are around them, and an immeasurable horizon lay before them. She could no longer touch him. Her heart fell all the way down to Spira as she hit the surface of the airship. There is nothing left of Tidus to touch. He is as tangible as the translucent spun gold clouds around them. Yuna felt her future slip through her fingers. Spira may have theirs, but hers was as real and solid as…
Him.
"…I love you…" Yuna whispers, but she knows he hears it. He always heard her.
There was no happy ending, no grand ace up the sleeve that let him stay with her. He was a terrible lair. Yuna knew that. Tidus had lied about the dream of the Fayth. He had kept it from her, kept it from all of them, until it was too late to think of another way. Yu Yevon stood before them, and Tidus proclaimed his fate. His story. His ending.
What about Yuna's? His story was ending in front of her, but Yuna's
would go on.
Just a little while before, they stood together before Yu Yevon. Auron and Tidus with them. Now Yuna stood at the edge of the airship and the only thing before her is the expansive, and now empty feeling, horizon.
Yuna closes her eyes. She knows the tears are coming, and she wants to do anything to stave them off. If these are to be her last moments with Tidus, then she doesn't want to spend them letting him see her cry.
Then she feels him. She feels him in a way she never had before. He is touching her, but he isn't. He's all around her. His essence is passing through hers. A moment when they are together, truly together. One final moment when Tidus feels his heart breaking and wraps his arms around her in a futile attempt at comfort. It breaks his heart as much as hers.
Yuna knows he has put his arms around her. She can feel it in that special way. That way when she knows what he's feeling, and she realizes how hard it is for him too. And for a moment, there is silence. Bittersweet silence the two share in one last embrace.
His emotions flow through her. All his dreams, his ambitions, his goals. They all come flooding through Yuna's mind all at once, in a deafening noise that is oddly quiet. She can feel his heart breaking, knowing what he must do, and how hard it is to not be able to touch her. He has to go. She feels it. And she feels the memories he has had of them together. She can tell the one moment on his mind more than any other is their time in the pond in Macalania Woods. His promises, once real, now illusions. How wonderful and alive it had made them both feel. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. Yuna feels that all in an instant.
Then she sees him on the other side, in front of her. Their connection is severed, his feelings and thoughts retreating from her mind and back into his. Yuna backs up, standing with the rest of her dearest friends. Tidus looks at them all and waves as he walks towards the edge.
No! Please, don't go! We can find a way, like you did for me! Yuna's mind pleads in one last struggle with reality.
There is no stopping him now. It is too late. Yuna watches him back up a step or two, sprint and then jump off the edge of the airship, floating into the intangible clouds…becoming one of them…part of them…
And leaving her behind.
"…I love you…"
Yuna sighed. No matter how hard she tried, there were no words that came to her. There was nothing she could think of saying. The only thing she could think of was letting her heart speak for her, and just saying whatever came to her mind at that moment. Planning ahead wasn't working, there were too many variables.
Vira stormed up to the upper deck, frowning, pushing her hands in her pockets. She'd been able to evade Selphie on the way up, and everyone else had been too busy engaged in conversation to notice she'd slipped by. Vira stepped off the stairs and stared at nothing in particular as she tried to sort it all out. She sighed in frustration. "Sadistic joke…" she said to herself. That's all it was. Just one sadistic joke being played on her for…what? Being born? It wasn't goddam justified. But it happened anyway. She reasoned that she had to have the worst luck in the entire universe. First sorceress, crazy homicidal bitch for a mother, and a father that…what? Came from another world and couldn't get back to his own?
His descriptions of his home…it sounded just like Tidus when he would tell her about Zanarkand. It was utterly ridiculous. Tidus had lived in the Zanarkand that was just a dream of the Fayth. Sure, he got rewarded with his own life by saving Spira from a perpetual cycle of destruction by Sin, but what about the rest of them? There were others that were dreamt into Zanarkand. They just disappeared when it was all over? Her father couldnt've come from there. It was downright impossibly and utterly ridiculous.
I mean, how complicated could one person's life be?
Half sorceress…only one who could kill her crazy mother. She does but gets transported to another world where she's a full sorceress, but spends a year in prison only to spend the next year wandering aimlessly with a former-dream guy and a so-called dead man. Then, she begins having the same nightmare every night, getting bigger and more elaborate, seeing an apparition of her mother that could turn into Dorin, and on top of all that she's attacked by the people she once called her only friends! They believe her homicidal bitch of a mother survived when she was a dead corpse in an ocean somewhere. Vira still wasn't too happy with their mistake.
Now she wasn't happy with anything. Life sure does suck sometimes. "Goddam sadistic joke…"
Yuna heard Vira storm up the stairs and onto the upper deck, though she hadn't noticed Yuna was there. It looked like there was something upsetting her, which would be putting it lightly with the scowl stretched across her face. Vira was damn scary when in a bad mood, Yuna decided. An intimidating woman. But a woman who was in need of some counsel from someone, and Yuna nominated herself to help.
"What is?" Yuna asked, catching Vira by surprise.
Startled, Vira stared down at Yuna for a moment before she regained her composure and put on an emotionless face. "Nothin."
"Are you feeling well Vira?" Yuna asked with worry in her quiet voice. "Has something happened?"
"A lot of things, all at once if you stop to think about it for a second," Vira replied.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Yuna offered.
Vira frowned. "Not particularly." And although she made her declaration of preferring to be more monosyllabic rather than tell Yuna at length what was wrong, Vira sat down beside Yuna, leaning her head against the mast. She paused. "There are only spheres in Spira, right?"
"I-I believe so," stammered Yuna, confused at the question. "I'm not sure where else they would be."
Vira nodded. "That's what I thought." Another pause. "Luca is the only place in Spira that has a stadium. And until recently, it didn't light up at night, did it?"
"No, not from machina at least. Tidus…would tell me about Zanarkand and the great blitzball stadium that would light up at night there."
"Yeah…he told me about it a lot too. Really tall buildings that lit up at night, and the huge blitzball stadium, with everyone cheering. But…that was all a dream…" muttered Vira.
"No, it really did have one," Yuna replied. "I…we saw it. On my pilgrimage. But…that was a thousand years ago when it was like that," she added softly.
"I know it had one. But Tidus was living it in a dream. He was a dream. The dream of what it was before it had been destroyed." Vira frowned again, messaging her temples with her fingers. "It's just one thing after another now."
"What is?"
Vira sighed. "Well, if you haven't noticed, in the past day and a half more weird stuff has happened to me than in the last two years of prison and mindless wandering." She frowned. "This is just getting complicated."
Yuna sat silent for a moment. "Maybe it is happening for a reason," she said softly. "Perhaps this was all meant to happen this way."
That didn't sit too well with Vira. Her frown deepened and her eyes narrowed. "That just means it really is a sadistic joke. The least they could was throw one big curve ball at me at a time."
Yuna almost smiled at that. "I can remember feeling that way a lot."
Vira grunted. "I didn't handle it well last time."
"But you survived, didn't you?"
Vira nodded. "Barely, but yeah…Look, I just don't really know what to make of a lot of things and it'd probably just be better if I didn't think about it."
Yuna smiled. "Yeah, sometimes over thinking things can make things more confusing. Don't worry so much, though, Vira. Whatever it is, you'll figure it out. And you'll be able to handle it. I can tell."
Vira half chuckled and shook her head. "Thanks, Yuna."
"You're welcome," Yuna replied, smiling. She stretched, stood up, and looked up at the sun's position in the sky. The sun always took its nightly nap late in that part of Spira, but Yuna always knew what time it was by looking at it. Years and years of judging its position had made measuring time easy. "It must be getting close to dinner time," she noted.
Vira followed her gaze and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. You gonna make everyone eat together?"
"What makes you think that?" asked Yuna, smiling.
Vira chuckled. "Because it seems like something you'd suggest. I'll make sure to be there before Zell and Rikku have an eating contest and all the food's gone."
"Is his appetite that big?" Yuna asked dubiously, trying to visualize a hunger that matched Rikku's. After Tidus, Rikku had the biggest appetite of anyone she knew, especially for a girl her size.
Vira snickered. "Think of Rikku and Tidus's appetites added together and you roughly get how much Zell can eat. I think it must be because he's so energetic. High metabolism or somethin."
Yuna's eyes grew wide. "Oh my."
Vira laughed and grinned. "That's why you gotta get your dinner before they inevitably challenge to who can eat more," she said.
Yuna chuckled. "I'd better warn everyone else."
Vira nodded. "Yeah, most of them already know about Zell's appetite. But it doesn't hurt to be prepared."
"I think I like them," Yuna said, "they seem like good people."
"Uh, yeah, I guess so," said Vira, her face falling back into expressionless.
Yuna smiled softly. "Well, I'd better go find Rikku before she gets to dinner before the rest of us. I will see you there," she said, bowing slightly before walking off.
As Yuna walked off, Vira craned her neck to look at the sun's position in the sky once more. "Dream of the Fayth…"
6. Foreboding Return
Black ash rose in small wisps. Crackling fire leapt into the air, golden and
scorching. Screams punctuated the heavy air that stank of burnt flesh and destruction.
The fire rose higher, the screams followed.
And Vira laughed.
"Stop!" a familiar voice shouted.
She turned around and saw Squall there, older and tired. His trademark leather jacket was missing, but his familiar white t-shirt, stained with blood and ripped at the left sleeve, was whipping in the ashy wind. He held his gunblade up in battle position, its blade glistening a hot golden in the fiery light. Vira laughed again.
"It's beautiful, isn't it, Squall? Don't you love the screams? The feeling of the battle? You're a SeeD; fighting is what you live for," she said.
Squall's mouth stretched into a thin line, his steel blue eyes narrowing on her. "You sound like your mother."
Vira smiled. "So I do."
"You can't do this, I won't let you," Squall said, waving his gunblade for emphasis.
"Suit yourself." Vira waved her hand. Squall's gunblade vibrated and shook, in a matter of seconds its shaking was so bad that the blade hummed in a metallic sound. The next second the gunblade broke, exploding into a ton of sharp pointed shards that all drove themselves into Squall. He screamed in agony, his own blood stained his shirt, his hands went to his eyes, fruitlessly trying to pull out shards that had lodged themselves in there. He stumbled a few steps and then fell face forward, letting out a final scream as blood spilled onto the ground, and he drove the shards farther into himself when he landed. His body tensed and relaxed, blood oozing slowly from his wounds. Not far from his body was the only thing left of his gunblade; the handle with one of his Griever chains hanging from it.
Time passed. It passed in an instant, as if it was only a moment between Squall's death and the battlefield in front of Vira. But it was different. How long it was, Vira wasn't sure. Fifteen minutes, an hour? It didn't matter. This was the familiar part, it was the horrifying scene that had repeated in her head before. It was what she had hoped would be gone forever.
It was the time when she saw herself handing Dorin his own death sentence at her own hands. There was no surprise when he came forward amidst the chaos, sad and hardened, his blade drawn for battle. Nor was there surprise when he pleaded for her to stop and she didn't listen, or when his sword found its mark in her chest, and she merely pulled it out the other side, melting it into the dark red sky. Once more Dorin looked at a loss, a sense of sadness in his face that could only be compared to the look one would have when the person they loved more than anything else in the rest of the world was dying in front of them. Vira's laughter echoed off her own ears, and it sounded just like Xana's.
Stop! Vira's mind shouted. Stop doing this you stupid bitch and let him go! I can't do this! I'm not a monster!
It made no difference. The outcome was the same again. She grabbed Dorin around the neck, the yellow light spreading across his body, leaving nothing but ash in its place. His eyes gave her a pitiful look. She could feel herself loving every second of it, while the rest of her cried in protest. Ice blue eyes, sadder than the word could ever express, stared straight into her eyes. A part of her felt validated, that the moment of greatest pain that was the biggest payoff. The rest of her stared into Dorin's eyes, aghast at what she had done again.
He whispered something before his face became a charred skull and his eyes burnt out hollows. Then his skull turned into insubstantial dust that floated up to the sky on the pained cries of those dying around her.
"I can't see your eyes…they're…Xana's…Vira, I'm sorry."
Vira bolted upright in bed, a thick sheet of cold sweat covering her body and clinging to her hair. Breathing with a panicked tempo, she reached up to her head and ran her fingers through her hair. She took a deep breath in, held it and let it out. Looking around, Vira remembered she was in one of the cabins beneath the ship to Kilika. She looked beside her bed and saw there was another there and remembered that the seasick Rinoa had ended up being her cabin mate, which had surprised Vira since she'd expected Squall to want to do that. But, she supposed the two of them still were afraid to sleep in the same bedroom together. Squall had always been completely devoted to Rinoa, but afraid of his personal space being invaded. It wasn't too hard to see that. Vira could understand that.
Rinoa was sound asleep, apparently with a bad dream all her own as she tossed and turned, occasionally looking a little green in the low light of their room. She murmured something Vira couldn't hear and turned onto her other side, facing away from Vira.
Vira sighed, looking at her hands, examining the scar that lightly ran across her left hand. She had hoped the nightmare would had left, but it was back again, and expanded with a new death she had caused. It was a way to make a terrible situation worse. There was no way she could go back to sleep. Not then. What else could she do? Find that bottle of whiskey she had stowed away in her bag just in case? No, that wasn't a very viable option. Start drinking again so soon, even a nip to sleep, and it could land you in as much trouble than going on a full blown bender. There was no way to tell, and it was still too soon after Vira's last drinking escapades.
An option came to Vira, though it probably wouldn't do her much good. In light cotton pants and sleeveless top, Vira threw back the sheet on her bed and stood up, feeling the cool wooden floor underneath her feet. She needed some air. Good, fresh, ocean night air. Maybe a bit of starring at the stars on the top deck. Count the stars and maybe sleep would come, but in a more peaceful way. Probably not, but it was worth a shot. Vira was willing to take it.
Quietly, Vira exited the room and stepped out into the dark empty hallway, finding her way onto the top deck very fast without running into a single person. She reached the top deck and stood against the railing, taking in deep breaths of the night air, and letting them out slowly. The air was warm for a night on the ocean, and a gentle breeze rustled through her damp hair. It felt good. It made her feel less crazy.
"I'm so disappointed, I can't make myself look like that Draconian anymore," a familiar cold voice said.
Vira cringed and put a hand on her forehead. "Oh hell, not now…"
"Why not? Did I disturb your moment of peace after another round of nightmares? Vira, they'll never go away, just like I won't," the voice said.
Vira turned around and saw Xana, transparent but visible, near the stairs leading down to the main deck. She had that same haughty grin she always had on when she thought she had the upper hand. Appearing in front of Vira just confirmed that upper hand; Vira had assumed that she'd rid herself of the nightmares and Xana. She had no real evidence that she had, but it was a crazy feeling she'd felt. Then the nightmare came back in full force with another round of 'Look Who You Kill' and now Xana decided it was a good time to remind her that, yes, Vira Eronwil was probably cursed from the beginning. "Why don't you go away?" Vira suggested. "Go and do something productive with your afterlife. Go anywhere and do anything but be here with me."
Xana's black lips stretched into a sick smile. "But, Vira, don't you enjoy the quality time we spend together? We're not separate and we never will be."
"Why? Because I'm related to you? Well, who the hell cares?! You're dead and just part of the history text books now, and as far your homeworld is concerned, I'm dead too," Vira snapped.
Xana glided closer to Vira, shaking her head and making a 'tsk-tsk' sound. "My dear, you just don't understand. And you probably never will. We are connected. I'm here because you are here. You have some lingering questions too, I know. Questions…about your father. Well, sweetie, I can't answer those for you. Let me give you some advice: Why don't you ask the 'legendary guardian' about that one? Get your suspicions confirmed. You'll finally come to the realization that I've been trying to tell you all along…"
Vira scowled, turning back to the wooden railing. "And what is that?" she asked.
"You're a mistake. That's it. You were never meant to be created, and it's another one of those sick jokes the gods like to play. Let's see who we can punish the most, give them the most problems, the most obstacles, and see how long it takes before they crack. You're so damned cursed because you were never meant to be. It's the reason for everything that is happening to you. It's all because you're not supposed to be aliv—"
"SHUT UP!!" Vira growled and slammed her hand on the wooden railing. It cracked and splintered underneath her hand, breaking into sharp jagged pieces. Surprised, Vira looked down at the railing and then at her hand. She sighed.
"Are you alright?"
Vira spun around to see Dorin standing there, looking concerned.
The expression on Vira's face made her look like an animal caught in the headlights of a car. A moment later she stepped in front of the broken section of the railing and nodded quickly. "Fine. Just couldn't sleep. You?"
"Same," he replied. He quirked an eyebrow at her evasive behavior. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Vira nodded again. "Yeah, just have a lot on my mind." She made sure to keep standing in front of the broken railing.
Dorin nodded. "Anything you'd like to talk about?"
Vira almost cringed visibly. She shrugged. "I don't know. None of it makes much sense to me."
"Maybe just talking about it will help," offered Dorin.
"Maybe," Vira replied. She sighed. "I'm just a little bit confused about this sphere Squall gave me."
"A sphere? What was on it?"
Vira didn't respond immediately. She wasn't fully sure she wanted to talk about it, or think about it anymore than she already had. Xana's speech had been enough to disturb her, but the things she said left only more questions and more confusion for her. After a two minutes without saying anything, Vira took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She had told herself that she wanted to be friends with Dorin again, and that her nightmares and problems could take a hike if they didn't like that. That meant that she would have to tell him things. Maybe not everything, but at least the sphere. He could know about it. "There was a lot on the sphere," she started. "First my father, with a...blitzball...talking to the sphere. Then him and Xana arguing about something...then him, with me as baby and Xana acting like her usual bitchy self. The last part was probably the worst. It was right before he died. He was in this cabin in Winhill, with this huge storm outside. He kept apologizing for how things had turned out, and how he'd wanted to leave me with some woman who hadn't been in Winhill and his only option was to leave me in the Deling City Orphanage. He kept apologizing...he knew he was going to die...and he regretted never being able to see his home again." Vira took another deep breath in. "It seems like he...was from Spira. But the way he made it sound...it sounds like he came from the dream Zanarkand. Him being in Winhill in the first place is damn near impossible, and the thought that he might not've been real in the first place makes it even more impossible!"
Her hands gripped the wooden railing behind her, causing audible cracks under the strength of her hands. Vira didn't seem to notice. She turned around to face the ocean. She frowned. "See? I don't understand it, and I don't like thinking about it. It wasn't fun finding how that I was a half sorceress, half Draconian, half Galbadian freak who was the daughter of the first sorceress who was at least a thousand years old. Thinking that the whole half Galbadian thing is total bull and I'm half Spiran--or worse--half real...it bothers me. And I've got enough to deal with right now."
She heard footsteps behind her and then a hand placed tentatively on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Vira chuckled. "Yeah, everyone is."
A comforting squeeze as he stepped next to her. "What are you going to do about it?"
Vira frowned. "I'm supposed to actively do something about it? Like what, deny it?"
Dorin mentally kicked himself for a bad choice of words. "No. That's not what I meant. I meant will you be fine with it. Because...well, in Esthar..." He trailed off, not wanting to say it.
Vira leaned her head back let out a sound that sounded like a chuckle and an exasperated sigh. "That's funny. I was just thinking about that yesterday."
Dorin nodded. "That's why I'm worried." He paused. "Has Xana shown herself lately?"
"No, I mean I was thinking about being in Esthar, not doing it again. That's why drinking came in..." Vira sighed. "Yeah, I guess Xana's been around."
"What did she do this time?"
Vira kept her hands closed around the broken portion of the railing, staring into the ocean. "Brought up more questions," she said.
"Like what? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he added quickly.
"You're losing your stubbornness," she remarked, smirking slightly. "You used to hound me about everything."
Dorin smirked himself. "What can I say? It's late and I'm tired."
"What're you doing up, anyway?"
"Couldn't get to sleep, so I figured walking around a little bit would help."
"A lot going on, huh?" she said, turning her gaze from the ocean to the starry night.
"A
little bit. I guess...just meeting you again, finding out about Spira, the raising
of the Siren...I suppose nerves are starting to catch up with me."
A small smile crept over Vira's face. "You wanna talk about it?"
"I suppose," Dorin replied. After a moment, he smiled. "I was ecstatic when I saw you again, you know."
Vira smiled, trying not to be embarrassed. "Ecstatic that I passed out from too much booze and you had to haul my sorry ass to my room? That's weird."
"Well apart from that," Dorin laughed. "But it was good to see you, living and breathing. And in more, slightly colorful, wardrobe."
"Ooooh, right," Vira said, shaking her head. "That was Tidus's idea. He said all black was 'too depressing.'"
"Well, it certainly would have stood out in all the colorful clothing here...or lack there of."
"That's what Tidus's main point was. And he said it was better than being forced to wear pink, so I just went with it. Wasn't really into being pointed out everywhere I went anyway," she said.
"That's true," Dorin replied, before he got a wicked gleam in his eye. "Though, I think you'd look good in pink..."
Vira's eyes widened in horror and she smacked Dorin in the shoulder. "No way! Never."
"Ow!" Dorin laughed, rubbing his shoulder even though he was smiling. "I'm just saying!"
Vira shook her head. "You're crazy. I don't remember you being so nuts."
"I'm mad, you're mad, we're all mad here," he responded.
"Ooooh, clever," she said, smirking. Vira paused for a second. "Did I miss anything important while everyone thought I was dead? Some good movies? Zell eating his weight in hot dogs?"
Dorin laughed. "Well, his weight and a half. But anyway, Quistis is now Mrs. Trepe-Almasy."
Vira raised an eyebrow. "Wow, that's fast."
Dorin nodded. "Happened about six months ago. And Irvine and Selphie are engaged too, and Zell is dating the library girl, Lily."
"Geez..." Vira breathed, putting a hand to her forehead, forgetting about the broken railing. "That's a bit on the mind-blowing side. How was the wedding? I hear all weddings are unbearably boring."
"Not too bad, considering it was Seifer's and Quistis'. Rinoa was maid of honor, Squall of all people was best man, and Selphie of course was in charge of the reception."
Vira laughed out loud for at least a minute, having a hard time wrapping her mind around the idea of Squall being Seifer's best man. She pounded the railing with her hand. "Oh...you gotta be kiddin me. Squall? A best man? People really are all mad."
Dorin smiled. "And he almost refused to be in a tux until Rinoa demanded it of him. He said something about SeeD uniforms and protocol."
Vira snickered. "He was stuck in a bad position. SeeD uniforms suck, and so do all that formalwear," she said.
"Well, Squall was wanting to wear his uniform as supposed to a tux, but like I said, Rinoa put a stop to that."
"Yeah, I bet," Vira said. "She's more stubborn than you are these days, I see."
"I think she's getting impatient waiting for Squall to propose to her. You could tell at the wedding, the way she looked at Quistis a bit enviously."
Vira squinted, raising an eyebrow again. "Geez, it's not like there's a rush. She's only twenty."
Dorin shrugged. "I know, but I guess her reasoning is that they've been together for three years, so she's getting antsy."
"She doesn't seem antsy about that now," Vira replied.
"Leads me to think he's proposed to her," winked Dorin.
Vira nodded. "Well, I'm sure they'll be happy together. It's still weird, though."
"Can't be any weirder than falling into a parallel universe."
She smirked. "Granted. It has been weird."
Dorin nodded and walked over to a crate and sat down. "It's strange. Here, there's all this political intrigue and racial unrest...and yet, it almost seems relaxed here."
Vira turned around and watched Dorin as he sat down. She noticed the broken railing was exposed again, and she quickly stood in front of it. She nodded. "Sure. Up until a mob had it out for me, Spira's landscape was almost like a vacation."
Dorin nodded. "Talking to a few of the natives, they feel like this is the most turbulent period they've ever seen. I hope to Vulkan they never have to experience war."
"They still haven't built their technology enough for war like the Sorceress Wars. But...if things get more heated, there could be some real brutal riots," Vira said.
"I don't think they have the political climate either, though as you say, that could change quickly." Dorin paused. "And you can stop trying to hide the railing, I know it's broken."
Vira's eyes widened for a moment before she grunted, her shoulders sagging as she stepped aside, revealing the broken railing. She rolled her eyes. "How long have you known that?"
"After a few minutes of you acting weird," Dorin said, smirking.
She frowned. "I wasn't acting weird."
"Trying to hide the railing by standing in front of it the whole time?"
"That's not weird. I could just like standing here," Vira replied.
Dorin gave her a knowing glance. "Not when you stand like you're trying to hide something."
Vira's frown deepened. "I thought I was better at hiding stuff than this."
"It's just a bit of railing, don't worry about it," Dorin replied.
Vira
looked at the section of broken railing again with a far away look. "Just
didn't think I was that strong."
"It was probably a rotten section of it, I wouldn't give it any worry,"
Dorin said, getting up from his seat and stretching. "I think I might try
going to sleep again. Are you going to come in or are you going to stay out
a little longer?"
In that moment, her expression became more tired and worried. Vira tried her best to not show it, though. "I'm gonna stay out here for a while longer," she said.
Dorin seemed to pause for a second, then nodded. "Don't stay out too late," he said. "Good night, Vira."
She waved, leaning next to the broken section of railing. "G'night."
When Dorin was out of sight, Vira sighed a long tired sigh and leaned more heavily against the railing. It was possible she was making more out of it than she should've been, but Vira had never been able to just break wood as if it wasn't there before. She'd been strong, sure. Strong enough to break a railing? Yeah. But not as if it wasn't there. That was just a bit out of her range of strength. But if Dorin didn't think it was a big deal...maybe it wasn't. It was possible it was just a rotten section of wood. Very possible.
It wasn't the railing bothering her as much as the nightmare and Xana was. Xana…proclaiming to be giving Vira advice? Since when? Oh, that's right, Vira had fallen into Bizzaro Land where everything is opposite. Except that Vira still saw things she shouldn't, lost sleep over nightmares, and wasn't all that liked. Vira growled at herself. Even in Bizzaro Land she was the same. Xana had brought up valid questions, as much as Vira was loathed to admit it. Auron had always sounded like he knew more than he let on, and that she never understood this 'connection' she had to Sin and Spira. It sucked, but Xana was right; the only person who would even remotely have answers to her questions was Auron.
Vira sighed again, starring up at the night sky. Countless times she'd done that. One memory that stood clear in her mind was gazing up into the sky when Irvine had told her they'd been transferred. God, she'd spent so much time looking into the sky. She never knew what she had been looking for. Perhaps just an escape from how boring everything seemed. Spira's starry nights looked very much like the ones she'd seen back in Galbadia and Balamb. Why did she always stare into the sky? Searching for an answer, maybe, to a question she never asked out loud. At the very least, losing herself in the expansive firmament made things seem less dire, and things would melt away...a little. Vira knew better than to go back to sleep. The nightmare would come again. And the rest of the whiskey bottle she'd only resort to if things got so terrible it was the only option she had left. There were several hours left until the sun rose, but she could make it. She'd be fine.
The next night? Vira didn't know, but she'd deal with it when it came. First, she wanted to get back to Besaid, reunite with Tidus and Auron and get some answers to her questions. It was time for the 'legendary guardian' to be less cryptic and more truthful.
Author's Notes: Yes, I know how long it's been since a new chapter
has reared its head. I apologize. I've been really busy with various things.
But no excuse will be good enough. Anyway, next chapter will see the reunion
of Yuna and Tidus at long last. Everyone finally meets each other, and a course
of action will be taken. And of course, other stuff I'm not telling because
it would spoil it. You wouldn't want that to happen, would you? 'Course
not. So stay tuned and see what happens. Remember to R&R and we'll
see you next time!
