How ya doin there? *laughs* Good God these re creepy......yet funny.......yet mangled....yet- oh just read the damn story! There original, snazzy, catchy.....I like em.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HARRY AND THE STALKER? *STROKES BEARD*:

Harry was attending a normal school Monday, but he had the strange feeling he was being followed.......*strokes beard*

He kept glancing nervously over his shoulder, and once or twice thought he saw a small figure. *strokes beard* When he was lining up for charms, he heard breathing behind him and twirled quickly around. Stood there was the little monkey man.

"Whatsa matter Buddy? Hogwarts not big enough for ya?" He asked. The monkey man began to cry.

"You're so mean!" It sobbed and ran off into the distance. *Strokes beard*

DIET:

Harry and Ron had noticed Hermione was getting a little bit on the chubby side. In fact, she was obese (A/N: HAHAHAHAHA). They decided to talk to her about it. They all sat down and Ron said sweetly,

"Hermione, me and Harry have noticed, well, um,-"

"You should really do something about you obesity!" Harry finished, poking Hermione's flab.

"That's not very ni-ice!" Hermione cried. (Harry had a reputation for doing that)

"Hmmmm." said Ron, "Well maybe you should just try a diet."

"But, But, But........What about the Halloween feast tonight?"

"Sorry Hermione, Please try it!" Ron begged.

"Okay......." Said Hermione doubtingly. Harry leapt up and sang maniacally;

"We did it, we did it, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight! No eating here tonight, He on a diiiiiiiiiiiiiet!" Everyone looked scared.

THE FRENCH EXCHANGE STUDENT:

Harry sat, gazing at the french exchange student during transfiguration. 'Damn she's fine!' He thought and decided to ask her out. He got up and walked over to her.

"Hey sexy, doing anything tonight?" He asked.

"Hm.........fjt........mnyub......gahrpder." Replied the beaver.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tee Hee!