Well, I just can't apologize enough to you guys. I have a million good excuses for my absence, but you're here to read, not listen my griping about how much life sucks. Besides, I'm sure everyone here has had their share of life suckage.
So, having been given a sort-of break in the suckage, I'm finally feeling the writing itch again. Enjoy, and please feel free to rant at me for not writing.
~
Vegeta finished his pitiful limp to his bedroom, ignoring the messy trail of blood he left in his wake. His mind remained fuzzy from his injuries and the drugs administered to him. He couldn't even think of a real reason for not remaining in the hospital room. It certainly would have been the smart thing to do, if not the most convenient.
Not that leaving the room before he was even close to healed was all that convenient, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. Of course now that the thing was done he couldn't go back in of his own volition, that would be admitting defeat and weakness. He felt some strong, primal need to appear invincible in front of Bulma.
Thinking on that instinct, he realized that walking out of the compound in a trail of gore and dizziness probably wasn't the display of fortitude he was seeking, either. All in all, he concluded that it just had not been a well thought-through decision on his part.
Sighing quietly at this further proof of his own failings, he roughly palmed the button to open his door. After entering the sparsely furnished establishment, he stood motionless, wondering what to do next. This really, really had not been his best idea. Because of his exertion removing himself from the hospital room he was now bleeding profusely, and most of his bandages needed changing. Showering wouldn't help anything, neither would getting dressed. Lying down to sleep would only soil his bed irreparably, and he might not wake up. Which really wouldn't be that horrible an idea either.
He took a step towards the bed and eternal relief when his vision went gray. He swayed, almost falling until he caught himself with a bloody hand on the wall.
Definitely not the brightest idea.
He slumped limply to the floor, leaning his head against the wall as a wave of pure exhaustion hit him hard. It would feel so nice, just to go to sleep right now. He pushed himself to sit up, valiantly trying to pull himself out of his stupor. This wasn't working. Leaving was not just a bad idea, it was a terrible one.
Searching tiredly through his mind, he found that other consciousness, Bulma, now piqued with great worry. He attempted to reach out to her, unsure if he was actually allowing himself to call for help.
A tiny existence within her mind drew his attention, and his thoughts lingered there for a moment. Why did that being even exist? What right did it have to force itself into his life, into its mother's life at such an inopportune moment? Didn't it realize how unwanted it was?
Unwanted. He recoiled from that thought, regretted even thinking it. The child would not be unwanted, he would not, could not allow it. No one deserved that, certainly not a child of his. His. His child. He tested out the sound of that in his own mind, deciding quickly that he liked it.
He couldn't leave that child, no matter how much easier it would make things. He was tired, so tired of life and all its hardships, but this person, one that he had helped create, would not go through it without his help. He couldn't find it within himself to abandon it.
This was it, he realized, his display of strength. He plucked weakly at her thoughts, crying out inwardly in pain, regret, shame, in frustration at himself. He was strong, strong enough to admit to one person, and only one, just this once, how stupid he was.
The darkness crept in, and finally claimed him.
~
Bulma stumbled in her walk to her bedroom. She stopped dead, feeling an almost physical pull towards Vegeta's room. His voice whispered through her mind, a wordless cry that somehow contained more emotion than any cry from his mouth ever could. She began walking slowly towards his location, her steps quickening as that cry came once more into her mind, then fell silent. A sickening dread turned her stomach, and she absently hit the panic button on an intercom as she passed it.
The pull on her grew stronger, she found Vegeta hunched against the wall. The carpet surrounding him squelched beneath her feet, well saturated with blood. He was still naked, and very unconscious. His breaths came slow and shallow, everything about him emanating weakness and, for the first time that she knew of, frailness.
She knelt before him, placing a hand gently on one cool cheek. "Vegeta," she whispered. She tried again, and louder, hoping to get some response. She didn't see even a twitch of an eyelid, and pointlessly tried to push down the panic rising in her. "You're not supposed to do this to me, Vegeta. You're supposed to be strong and stubborn and hopelessly frustrating…I've never known you to be this, this stupid. And not that I need you that bad but…but what about our baby? Doesn't he get a daddy? Oh God, that sounds so weird. Since when do you look like a daddy? I don't feel much like a mom either…Wake up dammit!" She gave him one hard shove, tears of frustration sliding down her cheeks as she babbled, still hoping for some response.
The emergency medics arrived after what seemed like an eternity. Vegeta was quickly transferred to a stretcher and administered to as they moved him back into the Medical Ward. Bulma stumbled a few steps after them, then collapsed, exhaustion overruling all attempts to keep moving. She curled into a pained ball on the floor, her head throbbing intensely where it struck the ground. Her eyes were shut in a moment, her breaths coming more quickly than normal, but not fast enough to worry about. One of the medics not aiding Vegeta hung back long enough to make sure she was okay and throw a blanket over her fatigued form. Then he too was gone.
~
Three days later Vegeta awoke to find the ever-faithful Bulma once again sleeping at the desk beside the bed. He frowned thoughtfully at her, noting the dark circles under her eyes and the delicate scowl creasing her forehead. Why was she here, wearing herself out over him? Was this some hidden side effect of their link, that she would be forced to care about his health?
He turned his head to stare at the ceiling, scowling as his attention turned inward. What was going on between them? They seemed to be able to tolerate one another more than usual, had even stayed up late playing some foolish game together. They had kissed…it had been more than meaningless, just part of their halfway friendly bantering. Still, it had been pretty nice, he concluded.
However, it was still a pleasure he had no intention of becoming accustomed to. She had betrayed his trust the very next morning, blackmailing him into revealing things that he didn't want her, or anyone, to know. A small part of him argued that he had wanted to tell her, tell someone, to finally receive comfort from someone he knew would likely give it. He had built his reputation on being the most stubborn, obstinate creature in the universe. He could just as easily have kept his mouth shut and she would have given in within a day or so.
Broken trust or not, she had certainly earned it again quickly. He still could scarcely believe how much he had trusted her, called out to her. She was the only person he had willingly allowed near him while he was near death; there had always been the threat of betrayal and death before. And it wasn't because she was too weak to hurt him; in the state he was in, just sitting there doing nothing would have killed him.
She stirred softly and he stiffened, but she only shifted positions and continued in her slumber. He studied her features closely, noting how soft she appeared, how gentle. That tiny scowl, she was a force to be reckoned with, something all of her friends knew and respected. They rarely crossed her, and then only from a great distance. The first time the group had witnessed Vegeta picking a fight with her, they had all been stunned, unsure of whether they should be in awe of his bravery or his sheer stupidity.
He saw a more pure, far more innocent, much more open version of himself in the woman before him. She had more backbone than most of the fighters in their little posse, though she had little strength to back it up. She kept up the pretense of being untouchable and somehow always managed to provide the one key to their success. She was tough, independent, had no need of anyone. But strong as she was, or appeared to be, he could still hear her crying at night down the hall, could still sense in his mind how much her heart was breaking at the thought of being strong and alone for the rest of her life. How many dreams she saw shattering before her eyes, and she grieved over them all. The gorgeous wedding that would never take place, the children she would never raise with her husband, the swing on the porch she would not share with that man when they were gray and wrinkled.
He scowled, returning his gaze to the ceiling. He had never wanted to take those things from her, and he simply couldn't be that for her. It just wasn't his place. Even if he ever had real love for her, she could never accept him, always wondering if it was genuine or just pity. Just another side effect of their connection. On top of that, he just couldn't afford to be that open with anyone. Already she knew too much. If she learned more, she would soon reach a point where she could not stand even the sight of him, much less attempt to love him. It just wasn't possible for him. No one was that compassionate, that loving, that understanding.
There was just no easy way out, no happy way that he could see.
Perhaps, just maybe, he could try to be her friend, and that would help heal the damage they had caused. It was the most he could do.
~
Well folks, I can't promise a quick update, but I really hope you enjoyed this. It feels so good to be writing again!! Anyway, if you found the time to read this, thank you SOOOOO much! And a review would be awesome, even if you only came to yell at me for taking so darn long. _
I'm hoping to put an ending on Perfum N 18 (it's incredibly overdue, I'm sorry!!) so this may have to wait till that is done.
Anyhow, thank you again!! I love you all!
