Disclaimer: I. DON'T. OWN. THEM! Are you TRYING to make me feel bad?! I only own Freddy and Meilin! Ronnie's the property of Danielle! Leave me alone!

Author's Note: This still has nothing to do with Percy. DEAL WITH IT! MWAHAHAHAHA!

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Yes, it was a GLORIOUS day in England. Actually, I should say Scotland, but this is MY fic and I say that Hogwarts is in ENGLAND. Where? you may ask. Well, I'll tell you the truth.

I DON'T KNOW! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Ahem, anyway, it was a beautiful day in England. The Ministry of Magic was blown up, the Death Eaters wreaked havoc (led by Voldemort, who is currently a pink fuzzy bunny), and Draco Malfoy was auctioned off on the Internet as a sex toy.

But that's another story.

Now, you may ask, where was I for the last chapter?

I was in Abu Dhabi.

Why?

I don't rightly know.

Anyway, I was Abu Dhabi last chapter, trying to find a toad. I found one eventually, shoved a battery down its throat, and stuffed it into an electrical socket. Let's just say that the radiation will clear off soon.

After the government banned me for life from the city, I went to my homeland, the glorious peninsula of glorious Italy.

But I forgot that I was banned from there too, so they kicked me out.

"It's not MY fault Mount Vesuvius blew up!" I told them, but those evil Italians wouldn't listen. Really, it wasn't my fault! All I did was try to roast a marshmallow the size of the Statue of Liberty over it and for some reason it erupted.....

ANYway, after that I got bored and drove to Canada, though there was the slight problem of me not knowing how to drive and being banned from getting a license due to the old lady incident..... But I stole a car from this terrorist and drove to Canada straight from Saudi Arabia, though I was in Italy when I took the car....

I have a weird obsession with Canada. I also have an obsession with the phrase "peanut butter coated bunny sex," but that's another story.

"She also has an obsession with that Danielle Fust girl," Joey Tribbiani muttered.

I'M NOT GAY! SHE'S MY LITTLE SISTER!

"Suuuurrrre."

ANYWAY, I picked up Joey Tribbiani in Mexico on my way there. We talked for a while, got marooned on a desert island, and were forced to eat our car, but we made it to Canada. There, I met some trouble.

"BWAHAHAHA!" cackled Voldemort. "I AM THE GREATEST SORCEROR.....IN ALL THE LAND!"

"Master?" said Crabbe stupidly. "Was that pause really necessary?"

"OF COURSE IT WAS!" Voldemort screeched. "NOW SHUT UP, I'M WATCHING DOT THE PERVERTED COWGIRL BUNNY OVERLORD GROW!"

Crabbe exchanged a bothered and greatly disturbed look with Lucius Malfoy, who was supposed to be in Azkaban (and supposed to be forty years old), but right now he was three and a half years old and therefore too young to be in Azkaban.

Anyway, Joey ran off after screaming like a girl and therefore alerting the clearly demented Voldemort of our existence. Now, Voldemort wouldn't have minded under normal circumstance, except for one small problem.....

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SHOW YOUR FACE IN PUBLIC!" the deranged Dark Lord cried. "YOU SLEPT WITH ME AND THEN NEVER CALLED ME AGAIN! I HATE YOU!"

So then I screamed, "BUNNY SEX!" Voldie was turned into a seething pink fuzzy bunny and I skipped merrily along to find some hottie.

Yeah, so after that I swam the English Channel to New York. I ordered a New York style pizza to be delivered to 35343452463423453652453 Side Street, Virginia, Jordan, Antarctica 0040. Then I went to return some library books in Ohio.

"Hey, the last page is missing," the librarian said.

"BWAHAHAHA!" I cackled.

After that, I took Bill Weasley with me back to London and then we went to Scotland, where I remembered that I moved Hogwarts to England. So we ran back to England, ran into Hogwarts, dodged a rabid pit bull, and Bill was smited for his comment of "BIRDS!"

So here I am, ready to continue another story.

"OH NO!" Meilin said.

WHAT WHAT WHAT?!

"We never found out who took over the story!" Meilin gasped.

That? Oh, that was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

"WHAT?!" Freddy couldn't believe his nose. Though, actually, noses can't hear....

Yeah, it was Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. They went insane. Poor things. I sent 'em to Azkaban.

"WHY?!" Freddy screamed as Meilin and Ronnie whispered, "That was a very nice thing the author did."

Because Azkaban is for nutcases like them.

"NO IT ISN'T!" Freddy protested. "IT'S FOR BAD FREAKS LIKE HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE- NAMED AND LUCIUS MALFOY!"

Oh no, that's St. Mungo's. *cough*VOLDEMORT*cough*

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Freddy screeched.

Voldemort!

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

Voldemort.

"AAAAAAAAAH!"
Okay, I'm bored now.

"Guys, I got bad news," Meilin said seriously.

"You called?" Sirius said randomly.

Go back to the home, dog boy.

"Okie dokie." And Sirius went back to the home.

"What?" Ronnie asked, genuinely concerned. That's the great thing about Ronnie, and really all Fusts in general. They're so nice and concerned for their friends and always like to help them when they're down and--

"You're obsessed," Freddy said.

No I'm not. I'm stating a fact.

"You're obsessed," Freddy repeated.

NO, I'm NOT.

"I'm beginnin' to think you're gay too," Freddy continued.

I'M NOT GAY, I'M SPECIAL!

"Well you obsess over that Danielle girl enough to give people the illusion you're gay," Freddy said truthfully.

Hey, half the school already thinks we're lesbians, I don't need my torture victims thinkin' that too!

Freddy shrugged. "Just statin' the truth," he said.

Grrrr, I'm NOT gay.

"Just keep tellin' yourself that, author," Freddy said smugly, writing down everything I say for blackmail. DAMN YOU, FREDDY HARLOW!

"Guys, my sister's coming today," Meilin said.

"WHAT?!" Freddy yelped, dropping his notebook, which I conviently snatched.

"Hey! Give that back!" Freddy demanded as he saw the brilliant author stuff it into her bra.

Come get it.

After staring at my chest for a full minute, Freddy's face was bright red and he turned away, sputtering.

"My sister's coming today," Meilin repeated. "My sister Jennat. And my brother Jet."

"Oh God, don't tell me," Freddy said. "Your brother's gay!"

Meilin gave him a strange look.

"No, he's chasing this girl named Fae. Pathetic, really, considering she hates him," she said.

"Gee, sounds familiar, don't it?" Freddy said, staring pointedly at the girls.

"No," they chorused.

Freddy then proceeded to bash his head on the wall.

"ON, MY PRETTIES, ONWARD TO HOGWARTS!" came a female voice. "TRACK MY SISTER AND MAKE HER PAY!"

"That her?" Ronnie asked.

"That's her," Meilin sighed.

"Make her pay?!" Freddy yelped.

"That's her saying," Meilin said, rolling her eyes. "You should hear my brother's."

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME!"

"Your brother?"

"My brother," Meilin said, sighing again.

"NO I DON'T!" came another girl's voice, followed by a loud smack.

Suddenly, millions of Hugsy penguin dolls rained down from the ceiling, and three figures ran into view. One was a black-haired girl on a chariot. One was a black-haired boy pulling the chariot with a bit in his mouth. The last was a blonde girl with a bit in her mouth too. The boy had a large handmark on his cheek.

It was just then that from those Hugsy penguins, the blood-sucking mimes rose again. Ayla, Snuffles, and Raven screamed once more as the mimes attached themselves to them.

"Oh good, at least it's not--"

"COME TO ME, MY BEAR FIENDS!" Jennat cackled.

"NOOOOOOO, NOT BEARS, BEARS TRY TO MOLEST ME!" Meilin screamed, jumping into Freddy's pants.

"GET OUT!"

"You know, Fae, I'll protect you," Jet purred.

"Get a life," Fae growled, smacking him in the face with a quiver of arrows. She drew an arrow, nocked it into her bow, and shot a mime down. However, the mimes were vampires, and therefore immortal, so it didn't have quite the effect she had hoped for. In actuality, she shrieked in surprise when the mimes rose once more, the arrow in its heart, and flew away, holding up a sign that said "Ha Ha, You Can't Kill Me, Ha Ha."

"What ARE they?!" she yelped, trying to shoot the mimes.

Blood-sucking mimes.

"I can SEE that!"

Temper, temper.

"Shut up!"

And since I don't like Fae very much, a very fat ugly mime jumped on her and drained her of her blood and turned her into a blood-sucking mime as well.

Jet watched in horror as his beloved's hair turned black, and she was suddenly in black and white clothes. Her skin turned powdery white and fangs grew, visible on her black lips. Her beautiful pink nails turned black and clawed.

All in all, she looked like a freak.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jet sobbed. "FAE! MY BELOVED FAE! YOU'RE A BLOOD-SUCKING MIME! YOU'RE THE ENEMY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And Fae, who still couldn't stand Jet, went off to suck the blood of three and a half year old Lucius Malfoy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jet cried, sobbing uncontrollably. Jennat and Meilin looked at their brother in disgust.

"Grow up, Jet," Jennat muttered.

"That is SO pathetic," Meilin added.

And while the blood-sucking mimes attacked Jenn and Ginny, Freddy had a new problem. It was....

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HA! Cliff-hanger! HA! But hey, you get to vote on Freddy's predicament. Is his problem:

A) he's scared of the Hugsy dolls

B) Jet's grief has turned him gay and he now wants Freddy

C) He's got Jennat to worry about

or D) he has to go to the bathroom

Vote in your reviews! I COMMAND YOU!

Author's Note: Yeah, I know, you all think I died or something. I'm sorry. I forgot. *sheepish grin* I'll try to be quicker in my updates next time, if anybody even reads this.