James sat in his study for some time, brooding over the evening's events. His scotch sat in his hand untouched. Lily came and said things to him; he didn't really hear. He hardly noticed she was there. Standing up, he left his drink on the arm of the chair and crept out the door of the study. Hearing Peter chatter at his wife, he felt sorry for her for a moment. However, due to his current mood, he did not feel like rescuing her. If she loved his friends so much, then could suffer through Peter as well as dear Sirius.
Instead, he went and crawled into bed, unaware that he still had on the day's clothes. He stared up at the ceiling for some time. When Lily came to come to bed, he pretended he was sleeping until she fell asleep. He continued to lie there thinking the day over. He couldn't sleep. Finally, he got out of bed. Carefully, as though not to wake his wife, he quietly opened the door and stole out of the house.
He had planned on just going for a walk, but somehow found himself walking farther than he had meant to. Resigning himself to his feet, he let them lead wherever they may. He found himself at a door, and recognized it as Wormtail's; he knocked. Bewildered, Peter answered the door.
"James?"
"Hullo Wormtail."
"What's wrong? Do you want to come in? I'll make us some tea." Peter stammered. James silently walked in to his friend's flat.
"Sorry to wake you but I need to talk."
"Ok, Prongs. I don't mind." Peter gushed. "What's off?"
James watched Peter make the tea for a few minutes before he answered. He didn't want to totally alienate his friend by drowning him in his own problems.
"Just that fight with Padfoot, that's all."
"Feeling guilty, eh?"
"Yeah, well, no. I'm just confused that's all." James said as Peter handed him a mug of tea. James stirred the spoon, gazing into the mug.
"Oh." Peter mumbled. He didn't really say too much, letting James do most of the talking. He wanted to talk to his friend and see what was really wrong, but he didn't want to push. To be honest with himself, he was surprised to see James show up on his doorstep. Remus was always the one who seemed to settle fights. So he didn't want to be too nosy and piss off James and ruin his chance.
"He's always there!" James complained while his hands gestured and talked on their own. "Every time I turn around, there he is!"
Peter nodded encouragingly. James talked on seemingly to himself.
"And since when has Lily been such good friends with him? She hated him just as much as she did me in those first few, 6 years!" His voice grew more exaggerated as he went on.
"Well, James, sometimes things happen. Not everything can be like it once was." Peter's murmured his eyes drifting off with his mind somewhere else.
"Peter," James started seriously, snapping Peter back to reality. Worriedly Peter looked up at him.
"You don't," James continued, his eyes anxious, "you don't think they are cheating on me, do you?"
Peter, shocked to hear the words from James' lips, let go of the breath he held. He hadn't been sure of what James was going to say or ask of him. He hadn't thought that Sirius was Lily's type, nor vice-verse. He had certainly thought James would know that after all these years. But instead of saying so, he just looked away. His friend seemed to take this the wrong way, and sucked in his breath. After awhile heaving it out again in a sigh. Peter finally looked up at his old friend and saw that he had aged years in minutes. James sat jaded in a chair, leaning back, arms draped over the armrests of the chair, legs out in front of him. Peter watched him for a moment or two. In just a few minutes he slumped forward resting his head in his hands and bracing his arms on his knees, only to move back to his original position.
"What do I do?" James finally spoke, looking at Peter truly talking to him for the first time that night. He looked at Peter like he had looked at Sirius and even Remus many times before, but never at Peter. He looked to him for advice, to see what he thought.
Peter, surprised to see this after so many years of longing for it, didn't know what to say. All he could manage was a noncommittal "um."
Pulling his head out of his rear, he found what he wanted to say, like a revelation. "Maybe you should rethink some things."
James looked back up at him, his eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?"
"Well, all I'm saying is that, well, maybe," He stuttered trying to clarify things in his head while talking at the same time. "Maybe, Sirius isn't the best person to have guard your back when you go into hiding.
"We have been friends for years, but we are only human. I'd hate to say it but what if he is really working for "him"? I've heard bad things from people. And look at where he comes from, not exactly the whitest wizards, if you know what I mean."
James nearly put Peter back into his place for his slander, but realized that he did not speak utter lies. James had heard things too, and Sirius' kin did have a reputation. He couldn't believe he was thinking these things about his closest friend. His mind wandered back to his "dearest and closest friend" kissing his wife's check, and the all too familiar anger rose up again. James knew what Peter said was true; perhaps Sirius shouldn't be his second.
"Maybe he doesn't need to be Harry's godfather either." James mumbled to himself. Peter didn't quite hear him.
"What?"
"Sorry, I was talking to myself. Again. I seem to do that a lot lately," he trailed off.
"But, perhaps you're right. If I can't trust him, he shouldn't be my secret-keeper." James said, coming back and looking at Peter.
"You need to do what is best for your family," Peter said carefully.
"Yeah," mumbled James mumbled, his head in his hands. He ran his hands up and though his hairs, sighing as he did so. He stood up to leave.
"Well, I think I should be going. I have kept you from sleep long enough." He tried to say laughing, but failing.
"You know, James," Peter started delicately, "I would be more than happy to do this for you if you asked me. I mean no one would ever suspect me. But I hope you find the right person."
They walked to the door and Peter held it open while James stood in the threshold. Looking back he turned to face Peter, his hand on his shoulder.
"Thanks, Wormtail," he smiled, "for listening to me, making me tea I didn't drink, and giving me much to think about.
He stepped out from the doorway and into the hall with a start to leave, thought of one last thing and turned. "Oh, and thanks for the offer."
He held Peter's eyes for a second and then walked off. The edges of Peter's lips curved up.
