Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Final Fantasy Characters, they belong to Square-enix obviously!

*The lights come on showing a typical talk show set out, looking rather like at front room cut in half attached to a mini lit up stage. In one corner is a desk with two big comfy chairs at them. By it stands a two-seat leather sofa. Behind it is a big window showing the nightlife of midgar with two red curtains on the either side of it. In the middle of the set is a doorway, which leads to the back of the staging. *

*Corny American voice comes on as the audience claps. * Welcome all to a brand new talk show! The two K's, proudly hosted by the two K's themselves! That Mysterious Magician who has the fashion know how, IIIIIIIIIT'SSSS KUJA; Kuja comes out of the middle doorway wearing his normal outfit, smiling and waving at the audience as he makes his way to the desk. * And that funny clown that sends us to hell and back, IIIIIIIT'SSS KEFKA!!! Kefka comes on through the door, also wearing his normal outfit, laughing and smiling hysterically as he takes his seat at the desk. *

Kuja: Hello! And welcome to the two K's talk show, and it's a promise, we ARE better than Jerry Springer. *evil eyes the TV cameras. *

Kefka: Uweeeeee!! You got it Kuja-doll! *Places hand on Kuja's knee. *

Kuja: *Slaps Kefka around the face. * We discussed this in the Make up room! I am NOT a woman!

Kefka: Uweee. *Grins widely. *

Kuja: *Sighs. * Our first guest for this evening is that talking Dog/cat/emu thing who went all round the planet, please, a warm welcome fooo-

Kefka: WHERE'S MY WATER?!?!

Kuja: Kefka, shut up. ¬_¬

Kefka: Some heads will be rolling if I don't get my WATER!!!

Kuja: SOMEONE GET HIM SOME B&£$% *Bleeps * WATER?!?!

Kefka: *Dumbfounded by the bleeps* HEY!! They said they wouldn't bleep off the swearing!

*Man comes on carrying a glass of water for them both.*

Kefka: AND TURN OFF THE BLEEP MACHINE TOO! Uweeeeeee!!!

Kuja: *coughs* As I was saying, Please give a warm welcome for our First ever guest, all the way from Cosmo Canyon! RED XIII!!! *Claps with the rest of the audience as the Dog/Cat/Emu thing comes in and sits on the sofa.*

Red XIII: It's good to be here, K. *Everybody laughs* *smiles*

Kuja: *Blink* o_0;

Kefka: *Busy doodling on script with pen*

Kuja: Riiight. Well How long have you been in the hero business?

Red XIII: As long as I can remember. *Everyone laughs again.*

Kuja: *Trys to laugh with the audience* Riiight. O-kaaay.

Kefka: *Still doodling.*

Cloud: *From the audience* YOU GO NANAKI!!!

Barret: *Calls out* YOU EMU/CAT/DOG THING!!! YA STAR, FOO', A STAR!!!

Red XIII: *eye twitches* He. just. called... me. AN EMU!?!?? *Goes Crazy and jumps off stage to attack Barret*

Barret: AGH!! I PITY YOU FOO', I PITY YOU!!!

Kuja: And there's a little bit more excitement for you folks! And while Kefka is busy getting the bets sorted out on who will win, we'll be back after this commercial! *Smiles*

Kefka: *Now in the audience collecting bids* 3:1 ON RED XIII!! UWEEE!!! COME ON, YOU COULD BE A WINNER!!!

~~~~~~~~~~ Commercial ~~~~~~~~~~~

Commercial Voice: Are you fed up of NOT having a dissent Hot Dog to eat?

*shows Zell Dincht who is sat in an arm chair, nodding slowly.*

Commercial Voice: Are you fed up of low class meat going into your Hot dog?

Zell: *Nods*

Commercial Voice: WELL!! Come on down to the Pig Barn! Where your hot dogs are made with First class Pig meat and Good tasting all the way!! *shows Zell having Happy fits infront of a barn like building eating hot dogs.*

Commercial Voice: Pig Barn! Cause we care about your hot dog.. ^_~

~~~~~~~~~~ Commercial End ~~~~~~~~~~

Kuja: And we are back, Barret some how won that fight and Red XIII is now currently in the emergency ward! *smiles happily*

Kefka: *Has Large amounts of Gil on his side of his desk.* Uweeeee!!!

Kuja: Now, may I welcome our second guest, he's the guy all you Girls Love, the Evil Bishounen all the way from Hell! IIIIIT'SS SEPHIROTH!!! *Gets up and claps while Kefka actually looks up and frowns sourly*

Sephiroth: *Walks on stage while all the girls in the audience (even Tifa, Yuffie and Aeris) start screaming and clapping madly throwing there're knickers onto the stage, while Cloud, Cid and Barret Boo at them.*

Hojo: YAY SONNY BOY!! *Claps and whistles*

Kuja: *shakes hands with Sephiroth before they both sit down.* Well, Sephiroth, It's a real pleasure to have you on the show.

Sephiroth: Pleasure is all mine! *smiles and winks at Kuja.*

Kuja: *Finds himself Blushing* *^o^*

Kefka: *Fuming* Yea. Pleasure! Uweeeeeeehehehehe!!

Kuja: Right, first question. How exactly have did you become so famous in the first place? *places chin on hand, leaning on it.*

Sephiroth: Well. I was kind of a science Experiment for ShinRa so that's mainly how I became big, cause I knew the right people basically..

Kuja: Uh-huh.. *not really listening.*

Kefka: Pfft, big deal! I was a science experiment, and Look at me! *smiles proudly*

Kuja: Yeah Kefka. A real Clown! *audience laughs*

Kefka: *Pouts*

Kuja: So. Sephy.. Can I call you Sephy?

Sephiroth: Call me what you wish, Kuja-doll.. *winks again*

Kuja: *Blushes and giggles like a girl*

Kefka: *Now pissed off* THAT'S IT!!! You may steal the heart of my girl BUT YOU AIN'T STEALING MY NAME FOR KUJA-DOLL!!! *Jumps for Sephiroth over desk*

Sephiroth: BRING IT ON COCO THE CLOWN!!! *Stands up, but before he could take out his masamune, Kefka lands on him.*

Kuja: *Turns to the audience smiling sheepishly* Well! They seem to have not noticed one thing about me. I'M NOT A GIRL!!! *Jumps over desk and joins the fight*

Kefka: *punching Sephiroth in the face* Take this you woman stealing, mother F$%£$R!!*Bleep*

Sephiroth: *Trying to strangle Kefka* Go back to the F%£$&£g *Bleep* Circus!

Kuja: *Battering Kefka's Back* FOR THE LAST F£%£^"G *Bleep* TIME!! I'M NOT A B&£^%Y *Bleep* GIRL!!! GRRRRR!!!

*This fight continues while Seymour Guado wearing a Headset walks on and takes a seat at the desk. The Bleep machine is going crazy as the continue swearing, while the crowd cheer on who that wants to win.*

Seymour: *Coughs* Cloud Strife is now taking in bets for the Fight between Kefka and Sephiroth, Kuja does not count as he joined the fight about 15seconds after and is not fighting for the same reason.

Cloud: *In crowd standing up, collecting money.* I GOT 5:3 SEPHIROTH!! COME ON PEOPLE!! BIG GIL COULD BE MADE HERE!!

Seymour: Will now be having a commercial break! Hopefully the fight would of died down by then, if not more commercials! *Smiles* Have fun!

~~~~~~~~~~ Commercial ~~~~~~~~~~~

*A picture of a "perfect" family comes on in the park. Having a Picnic.*

Calming Voice: ShinRa Inc knows how important happiness is.

*Shows smiling little girl with Dad*

Calming Voice: Everything is good, you can trust us.

*Kid now hugging little brother smiling for camera*

Calming Voice: Everything is perfect, you can believe us.

*Whole family now showing, hugging and smiling happily to camera.*

Calming Voice: ShinRa Inc, We care about you..

~~~~~~~~~~ Commercial End ~~~~~~~~~~

*Everyone in the studio has stopped watching the fight and is now hypnotized because of the commercial. Sephiroth has disappeared off stage and Kuja and Kefka are back at the desk.*

Rufus: *Behind the stage* I knew that Propaganda would work! *giggles evilly with the Turks behind him*

Kuja: *Has a black eye* Thank you ShinRa, I feel safer already! *grins*

Kefka: *Has two black eyes, and a crooked smile* Everything is Goooood.. Peeeeerfect! Uweeeeeee!!!

Kuja: As to the results of the fight, no one knew who actually won it, due to everyone was watching the TV, but as Sephiroth had disappeared, Kefka has been declared the winner!

*Rufus and the other Turks suddenly appear running across the stage screaming in terror while Sephiroth chases after them with his Masamune, he also has two black eyes and appears to be limping slightly.*

Rufus: AGGGGH!!!

Sephiroth: COME BACK HERE YOU VERMIN!!! *Country chase music suddenly plays.*

Kuja: *Looks around to where the music came from* We haven't even got a band yet! 0o;

Kefka: *Still grinning* Gooood.. Peeeeerfect. Uweeeehehehe!

Kuja: *Looks from Kefka to the Camera* That's all we have time for this week, but please join us next week for a special surprise and two more guests! *Audience claps* Thank you, and good night from the Two K's! *waves bye as the camera zooms away from them.*

Kefka: Everything is gooooooood. peeeeerfect.

~~~~~~~~~~ SPECIAL SHINRA NEWS BULLETIN ~~~~~~~~~~

Tseng: *Coughs and ruffles paper on the desk in front of him. He places them down and puts his hands together and smiles.* Everything is Good! Everything is just perfect! ^_^

Sephiroth: *Runs on carrying his Masamune* I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!

Tseng: 00; AGGGGGGGGGH!!! *Runs off screen being chased by Sephiroth*

Seymour: *Appears and sits down in Tseng's place and repeats what Tseng did.* Everything is Gooooood!!! Everything is Juuuuust Peachy!! ^__^ *Smiles and walks off*

~~~~~~~~~~ END ~~~~~~~~~~