Chapter Eight - Confessions
Legolas grunted heavily as once again he felt a fist connect with his stomach. He was practising hand to hand combat with Thrimalia that day and it was proving to be a gruelling session for them both. To both of their surprise, they were on a fairly equal footing in the discipline. Legolas was taller and stronger then his pupil, but she was quicker and not at all lacking in strength herself.
Legolas quickly grabbed hold of her wrist and spun her around, twisting her arm sharply up her back. She cried out in pain but Legolas ignored it. The wail tore at his soul and to ignore it went against his nature, but he had to. He had to fight her as if she were a stranger and an enemy. She had to get used to rough handling. He not only prepared her for the battlefield, but for life. Since Ariel had mentioned it he had noticed just how beautiful she was and he knew that not every man she came into contact with would have honourable intentions. He knew that there were those in the world who would seek to tarnish that beauty. He knew how he himself was with women. Thrimalia was to be saved from that, from him.
Suddenly he felt Thrimalia shift her body violently and before he knew it, he was flying through the air. He landed a few feet away, flat on his back. He knew that she had won, he was too tired to get up, but he also would not cede. He watched her as she tossed a stray strand of golden hair from her eyes and then walked over to him. She offered him a hand which he took. However as she was about to pull him up, he turned on his side and kicked out, sweeping her legs from underneath her. She fell backwards and landed so that she was lying beside her teacher with her feet at his head.
"What do I always tell you pupil?" Legolas gasped as he tried to catch his breath. Thrimalia did not respond so he answered for her. "Show no mercy. Trust me if you are caught up in unarmed combat with an enemy, he will show you no such courtesy."
"Yes Highness." The two of them just lay on the floor for a few moments so that they could get their breath back.
"You fought well today pupil," Legolas said, still unable to rise due to the ache in his limbs, caused by the fight. "You improve in your skills everyday." Thrimalia said nothing, Legolas could feel her shiver beside him. Despite the chill north air, they were dressed in just trousers and sleeveless tunics so that they could move more freely.
Legolas finally found the strength to pull himself to a sitting position and Thrimalia quickly followed. They were sitting side by side, with their bodies facing each other and their legs stretched out in front of them. They were very close, almost too close, but neither made the attempt to move. They simply observed each other for a moment, trying to get a glimpse of the secrets they hid from each other. Finally the silence became too intense and Legolas spoke.
"You should use the power in your legs more pupil. You would cause more damage by kicking, remember that."
"Yes Sire I will."
"Thrimalia, my name is not sire. Nor is it Your or Highness and it certainly isn't a combination of the two. My name is Legolas. If you are to be my most trusted advisor I would like you also to be my friend."
"Yes Your Hi... Legolas." The two of them smiled at each other. Thrimalia shivered again.
"You are cold milady," Legolas said, realising that the sheen of sweat that had formed on their bodies was making the cold air seem even more icy. He placed his hands on her arms and began to rub the flesh, trying to warm her up.
"Thank you Legolas," she said, enjoying the warm feeling that was now spreading through her shivering limbs. This closeness she was experiencing with her teacher made Thrimalia feel confident. "Was the Quest for the Ring as horrific as those at court would have us all believe?" she asked, her timid voice belying her bold question.
Legolas stopped what he was doing and let go of her arms. He was surprised at the question but not at all angry with it as Thrimalia had feared he would be. "I saw and did things that no man or elf should have to. The wrath of Sauron was a terrible thing to fight against."
"The Queen cried day and night when we learned that you had joined the ring bearer. For a time we feared she would fade."
Legolas was shocked at this. He had no idea that his mother had taken it so hard. It made his heart ache to think he had caused such pain to one he loved so dearly. "I did not know that. I would have thought more about my decision to join the fellowship. I did it on the spur of the moment. I knew I could help the quest but I gave no thought to those here in the Green Wood, who may have grieved my passing."
"Do not question your decision now Highness. Your actions were brave and selfless. When we heard of your passing through the Golden Wood and then of your victory at the Hornburg we were given new hope. Whatever happened, what is important is that you returned to your people alive. Not a day goes by that the elves of this realm do not thank the Valar for your safe delivery. Every night I am thankful that you are here."
"I am thankful too. I am fortunate that I returned, most who went off to that War were not so lucky as I." His mind wandered back to the Anduin. He had not been able to shake the image of Boromir's lifeless face from his mind. Those blank eyes had haunted his dreams for so long. He did not understand. He was an elf, to him death was unnatural. "I thank those who fell, I am sure that without them, I would have perished."
"But you did not perish. Why do I sometimes get the feeling that you wish you had?" Legolas looked up at his pupil sharply. She went scarlet and turned her face from him, away from his intense gaze. "I am deeply sorry Your Highness, I spoke out of turn. It shall not happen again."
"No no, please do not apologise. I simply wasn't expecting you to ask something so bold. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable." Legolas looked to the ground. He had told nobody but he had harboured thoughts of his death since Boromir perished. With every comrade that fell before his eyes, his wish for an end to the suffering, to his suffering, became greater. He knew there was nothing he could do to take his own life, but on occasion, he had considered dropping his guard for just a few seconds. It would be more than enough to ensure the cold steel feeling of mortality would enter his veins. The feelings were worst at night though, during those rare hours when he was able to sleep, when dreams invaded his mind and sought to drive him into madness.
He was ripped from his thoughts by Thrimalia's soft voice. "Please stop me sire, if I speak out of turn, but you do seem a little better in the past few days. We all noticed that you were quieter than usual on your return. There were moments when you seemed so lost in your own mind that we feared you had retreated into yourself. For brief moments, despair was to be found in your eyes. The whole court feared for you milord. But now, you are carrying the lighter air that once was yours before these troubled times."
"I will admit to you, as you have already seen much of my mind within its despair, that the war left a mark on my soul, which I fear will remain for the rest of my immortal days. I have seen so much death that my eyes have been scarred. It just seems so unnatural to me. Death is something I know so little of but it has haunted my dreams. I always hoped that when I slept at night, the horrors I had seen under the sun would leave my mind, but they never did. Even after the ring was cast into Orodruin and Sauron was swept away by the west wind, I continued to replay the horrors I had seen. Even the protection of the Green Wood and of my woodland kin offered me little comfort when I first returned. I doubt I am the only one. My companions saw what I saw and I am sure that they will be feeling what I am feeling. I thank whatever it is which helps me find some peace again."
"So your nightmares have ceased?"
"Alas no. Goblins and Wargs still invade my mind, but less frequently now. The horrors are now being replaced with dreams of my home and my kin." Legolas suddenly realised what he was telling her and it amazed him that he trusted her with his innermost thoughts. He felt no regret at having told her these things and he felt no apprehension about telling her more.
"The sights and sounds of the forest bring joy to my heart that I never thought possible. The voices of my people, soaring to the heavens in song, gives me peace. Being back here in the palace of my father makes me realise that there are people in Middle Earth who I live for. Who, if needs be, I would die for. The elves of this kingdom make the world a better place. You, Thrimalia Hyarmenohtar, make this world a better place. I now feel privileged that I was spared the fate of my comrades so that I can know people like you."
Thrimalia looked to the ground, unable to stop the blush from spreading across her cheeks. "Your words are too kind Legolas. I deserve no such praise."
"Yes you do milady, you just do not know it yet." He leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead, much in the way a devoted parent might to a much loved child. "I have begun to realise that my fellow elves are not the dispassionate, cheerless people I had once thought them to be. You, for example, have always seemed so quiet, so happy to be in your own company. But when you fight, you display so much feeling and loyalty, you prove that I have always been wrong."
"I am pleased that I can restore some of your faith in our people. We are privileged to have your high esteem. I hope that the fulfilment of your duties will no longer seem so irksome to you as once they did." Legolas simply nodded at this statement. He had never made a secret out of the fact that he had no desire to be king. His duties bound him to Mirkwood when his heart bade him discover the forests of the world. It was many years since he had begun to resent his birth right. He felt that his father held him back rather than guided him into the world. It was only now, after he had seen so much death an destruction, that he could truly appreciate his father's difficult role in the world.
Legolas had spent much time in the woods and caves of Middle-Earth with Gimli in the days after the war. He avoided his home for many months while his fellow adventurers returned to those places and people they loved. He had thought that seeing the world would bring him peace, but it did not. Only his return to his home had done that for him. Eryn Lasgalen was where he belonged
"The hour grows late," Thrimalia said quietly looking up at the setting sun. "We should perhaps finish for the day. I believe the guests from Rivendell arrive this night." Legolas silently cursed himself. He had forgotten about the arrival of Elrond's people. Indeed, in his emotional outpouring, he had forgotten about the coming of the New Year and the following day's ball.
"Yes they do. I should go and prepare." He stood up and offered Thrimalia a hand, which she gratefully accepted. Once he had gently pulled her to her feet he took her other hand and looked at her beautiful face. He leaned forward and softly kissed her cheek. "Thank you Thrimalia. Your patience in listening to me has been undeserved but gratefully received. I know now that I have a friend with whom I can trust my secrets." He bowed and kissed her hand before turning and leaving the practise arena.
He ran towards the palace and to his chamber. He knew that he should have prepared his things earlier, but that was being practical, a thing he avoided wherever he could. Usually he would have called for Ariel to help him, but he had not seen her for two days. Not since they had agreed on the terms of the wager. He had begun to realise that he had probably shocked and offended her and that she was purposefully avoiding him. He felt it an offence to himself to even think about asking such a prize from her. He had wanted something that once given, was his forever. He realised now how wrong he had been. There was no doubt in his mind that she had agreed only because she feared his disappointment if she did not. He had resolved with himself to withdraw this term of the wager and ask of her something that she would give to him willingly.
He ran into his chamber and immediately pulled his tunic over his head and flung it to the ground. He was about to remove his trousers too when he heard a delicate cough from behind him. He spun around to see Ariel, standing beside his bed.
"Your Highness, I have prepared your things for the reception of the party from Rivendell. A bath is waiting and your clothes are laid out here on the bed."
"Ariel, I had not expected to see you here."
"Why ever not? I am your servant, this is my job."
"I had thought that you would be too..."
"Too what Sire?"
"Nothing. It's nothing. Ariel, I want you to know that the terms of the wager are not written in stone. We can still change them if you wish to do so."
"Change them? I do not understand."
"I realise that I may have offended you by asking you to spend a night in my bed. I am sorry. I know that what I asked of you was too great. I should not expect anyone to give up something so precious."
Ariel suddenly realised what he was thinking. She laughed. "What is so funny?"
"Sire, do not worry if you think you will be taking my innocence. I may be young but I have experience of a mans touch."
Legolas was speechless, he had not expected this. He had just assumed that she was pure because of her youth. He was deeply shocked to learn otherwise. "I thought, because you were avoiding me..."
"Avoiding you! I have had business with the King these past two days. I have been aiding him in the preparations for receiving the Rivendell guests. He wanted me to add my knowledge of the Rivendell elves to the proceedings. That is why I sent Anéng to help you. I am sorry if it seemed like I was offended by you for I was not. While I think your choice is a curious one, for you will be in love with another woman if you were to claim your prize, I can not deny you what you would request of me. Doing so would bring me dishonour, a wager is a binding debt and I did ask you to name anything you wanted and I am still prepared to give you anything you want. After all, I am asking for something just as precious from you." She finished laying out his ceremonial clothes on the bed and walked over to the door. "If you would excuse me Sire, I have business with your Mother and you must prepare." She curtseyed and slipped through the door, leaving a shell shocked Legolas in her wake.
