Jill, Chris, Barry, and Wesker entered the mansion. Wesker: Wow! Jill's got a nice butt!
Everyone turned to him. Wesker: I mean, what a mansion! No don't open that door! Jill: I would rather be eaten then hear crappy remarks from you!
A thump was heard somewhere. Wesker: Jill, can you go check that out? It might be Chris. Chris: What! Jill: If it will get me away from your crappy remarks, you bet! Barry: I'm going with you so I don't have to listen to Wesker sing. Chris: Hey! I'm right here you idiots!
It was too late they were heading towards the door. Wesker: Stay alert! And don't talk to strangers! Also remember that just because I'm not here doesn't mean that I- Jill and Barry had already left so Wesker started to sing "If I Was A Rich Man" while Chris tried to convince Wesker that he was in the same room. Barry: This must be the dining room. Jill: Way to go Barry, you keep making brilliant observations like that and you'll be chief in no time! Barry: What is this?
Jill ran over to him and saw he was looking at a pool of dark liquid. Jill: I think its strawberry maple syrup Barry, try some.
To her horror, Barry licked some of the substance. Jill: Barry! The floor is dirty, why did you do that?
Before Barry could say anything, a "thud" was heard in the next room. Jill went to investigate but mostly to get away from Barry. She saw a figure hunched over a dead man on the ground. The hunched figure turned to Jill with bloodstained fingers and started to advance on her. Jill thought hard and after some complex theories were explored, Jill realized the truth. Jill: There is no Easter Bunny! And you're a monster!
Jill aimed her gun, fired several shots, grabbed the dead man's ammo, and left. If she had stayed, she would have seen the magic of the zombie get back up even though it bled. Jill ran over to Barry who had just finished lapping up the red liquid. The door suddenly burst open as the zombie walked in. Barry: (With his usual unlimited intelligence.) What is it? Jill: It's Anna Nichole Smith without make-up!
Without hesitation, Barry shot the zombie dead and walked over to it. Barry: It's not Anna, so what is it? Jill: (Sighs) I don't know Barry. Let's report this to Wesker, maybe he knows what a zombie is.
The two of them ran into the hall only to find it empty. Barry: They might be eating the food. We have to find them, so let's split up and defy all logic and reasoning. You take the blue door and I'll try to find more food in the kitchen.
Jill was walking in a corridor when glass burst open and dogs jumped in and raced towards her. Jill: Time to run, even though if logic had any effect, they would be faster than me and I would die.
Jill opened and closed the door on the dogs, keeping her safe, for now. Jill walked randomly when she ended up in a room with a shotgun in it. Jill: Wow, a gun!
Jill ran over to it and yanked it off its hinges. The hinges went up and disappeared. Jill: This might be a bad thing, but oh well.
Jill went into the previous room. The door behind her locked and the ceiling started to fall slowly. Jill: Oh crap.
There was a knock on the door. Barry: Jill are you done using the bathroom? Jill: Oh Barry! Please knock down the door!
Barry began to crash into the door over and over again. After ten minuets, Jill got tired of waiting and opened the unlocked door to meet Barry. (I never wrote that that door was locked.) Jill: Thanks for trying to save me, but this isn't going to help you get laid. Barry: Damn! Well see ya.
Jill walked around randomly when she came to a hallway with blood on the wall. She opened the door and saw Forest. Jill: Ammo!
Jill ran over and grabbed his grenade launcher. Forest: Jill! I'm not dead.
But Jill was too happy about the find to listen. After more random walking Jill found Richard's body. Richard: Jill, help me! Get me the serum! It's somewhere downstairs. Jill: That sounds like a long walk. Sorry, can't help you.
And with that she went up to the attic. After a few steps, a large snake shot out of the pen. Jill: Oh no! A rip-off of "Anaconda"!
Jill pulled out the grenade launcher that conveniently fit in her pocket. Jill shot the grenades at the snake and thanks to the magic of boss' health, it did not blow up. Instead it crawled away.
End of Chap. 2
Preview of Chap. 3
Beep, beep went the radio. Jill answered it and heard Brad's voice. Brad: This is Brad! Answer me! Anybody!
Jill was about to do just that when Brad continued. Brad: Except if you're Jill! I read what she thought about me in her journal she left behind and boy am I pissed! She can just fuc-
Jill switched the radio. Jill: Maybe I should just wait a little longer.
Author: Thanks for reading! See ya next time!