I scraped away the clinging tendrils of sleep. He was still there, his back to me, shoulder pressed into the wall. He spoke without turning: "You are awake?"

I nodded but didn't speak. The tilt of his head told me he was looking at something. Through the darkness I could see it was a photograph - of her and me. My sister.

I pushed myself up to see better. She was squinting in the late afternoon sunlight, her arm draped across my shoulders. I was leaning against her, the top of my head barely reaching her chin, my ample hip propped against her leg. "That's me," I said finally, breaking the weighted silence. "Me and Cassie. My younger sister. She's not here right now. She-" I stopped. I still couldn't talk about her.

"Cassie," he repeated. "Most unusual, this name."

"Yeah. Alex and Cassie. Alexandra and Cassandra, really. My dad, see, he's really into ancient empires and stuff like that. He told me he'd have called me Alexander, only I wasn't a boy." I added lamely.

He didn't speak. I closed my eyes, swallowed hard. My throat was tightening. "Cassie's - she's not here because...my parents...well, this one time we were at the mall, and she started talking, and I just saw...I mean, I looked at her and..." I gave up and lay down again. I couldn't explain. There were no words for it.

I pictured her sitting at the table across from me, her head framed by the glaring white McDonald's menu. "So, Cassie," I'd said, casually. "How's school going?"

She'd smiled. "Oh, fine, just fine. Not failing yet," she laughed, "but freshman year is getting harder."

"You still have time to kick back? Hang out with friends and stuff?"

"Yeah, yeah. I hang out with people. Laura and Megan and all of them..." A shadow flickered across her face. I sat up sharply.

"Wait, is something up? You're doing fine, right?"

"Oh yeah, it's nothing, just...Megan's been..." The shadow flashed again. I frowned. I tried to read her, to see what was going on. Even as I watched, though, her face was closing. The light dimmed from her eyes. Her mouth dipped slightly. Her gaze slipped from my face to the bare tile floor behind me.

"Cassie? You okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine..." It was as if she could no longer hear me. I stared at her, a hot bubble of panic rising in my throat.

"Cassie?" She was slumped in front of me, her eyes drifting aimlessly across the table. I touched her arm - it was limp. She didn't seem to notice when I pressed her hand.

"Hey, you know what?" I said quickly. "I'm kinda tired. Want to head home?" I forced a smile and stood up. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." As she stood I slipped my hand into her palm. It hung there like a dry leaf, fragile, ready to drift away if I let go. We passed through the exit and left the mall. I glanced at her, but she didn't even recognize I was there.

I opened my eyes and stared at the blank ceiling. "I didn't tell my parents. It didn't seem right. Not like it was anything she couldn't handle, anyway. Some problem with her friends started it. It was just a little thing." I was rambling. "'Course, we didn't know then. We didn't know anything until the school called us, said she needed help. Said Cassie couldn't carry this on her own anymore." I fell silent, wanting him to say something, anything. He didn't speak.

Another wave of shivers rocked me, stronger this time. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. I couldn't do this. I needed my little friends. Just one or two to help get me through the night. Tomorrow I could start again, if that's what my parents wanted. I just needed a little something to keep going. For tonight. I knew it was pointless to search my room - my parents would have seen to that. But the bathroom?

I kicked off the covers and went to the door. I knocked, "Permission requested to use the facilities."

A muffled voice came back. "No need for sarcasm, Alex. You can go."

A rush of cool air blew past me as I opened the door. It ruffled the edges of the newspaper my father was holding. He was seated in a chair by the door, his finger wedged in the sports section. He looked up. "Don't be too long."

I didn't answer, just went past him and into the bathroom. Once the door was closed I flipped on the light and blinked in the furious brightness. The cabinets were in front of me - I yanked them open and began pulling out everything. Soaps, shampoos, bandages, shaving cream. I scattered them on the floor. Nothing. I opened the drawers under the sink and rummaged around - still nothing. Not even a Tylenol.

There was a sharp knock. "We cleaned it out, Alex. Finish up and go back to bed."

I glared at the door. They must have known that I'd look. Of course they would take away the one thing I needed most. I went straight back into my room and shut the door. I didn't look at my father.

The pearl lip of the moon dangled below the window frame, casting a feeble beam into the room. From where he stood the light couldn't touch his face, though it clung to the hilt of his sword. I lay down and stared through the window at the moon, wondering if she could see it too...

She'd been quiet as we stood in the lobby. I gripped her limp hand. A pen was scratching in the background - "severe depression, possible suicidal tendencies." I felt the blood rushing to my face as I watched my parents hunched over the desk. They were putting her away! Their own daughter!

Furious, I swung my eyes around the room. I took in the tile floors, the dappled paintings on the walls, the bright windows. It didn't look as institutional as I'd expected. Maybe it was only like this in the front. It might be worse inside, in the rooms where the visitors never go. Maybe they were all there now; except for a couple of staff members there was no one out here with us. Who knows what they were doing back there?

I couldn't let her see what I was thinking. "Maybe all the other kids are out playing games together." I murmured quietly. "Maybe they've got a checker set. You could play them. You'd probably be the best player here."

She didn't answer. I went on, just to hear my own voice above the weighted silence. "Let them win too, though. Once in a while. You won't be here that long anyway." I wondered if she knew what I was thinking - You don't need this. You're not like them, you're not...crazy.

The scratching stopped. I raised my eyes as a woman came over. "Hello there, Cassie. I'll help you get settled in before you can meet the other girls here. Come on," she smiled, showing all her teeth, "dinner's in a few minutes." I glanced back at the floor. Cassie pulled her hand away. I watched it swing through the empty air.

I knew she was looking back at me as she walked away, but I didn't raise my head. Just saw the blurry image filtered through my stringy bangs - her walking away, getting smaller all the time...

"You were there, but you did not see her go."

I shook my head. "I did, sort of. I just- it was hard to see her like that. Giving up. Like she didn't want to face the world anymore. We'd always been partners. We took on everything on together. And then, to see her give up? Over nothing? She- It was some stupid problem with her friends. It was nothing!" I was babbling again. I couldn't stop. "Yeah, I know what they said. 'It was something in her head. She couldn't control it.' That's crap. I know her. She could take anything. She just gave up."

He stared at me. "Does your heart tell you it is so?"

I didn't answer. I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut; the colored lights were flashing inside my lids. My God, when would this end? Would it ever be over? The lights flickered mercilessly, and beyond them I saw her face, blank, her hollow eyes locked with mine just before she turned the corner and disappeared.