CHAPTER 2

The sunlight filtered into the room through the curtains and was just beginning to touch the golden hair spread out on the pillow when Buffy woke. She blinked and rolled over so the sun wasn't in her eyes. She didn't want to get out of bed. She had made a decision last night to go and talk to Xander about what happened, but now she was having second thoughts. She wasn't sure what had happened herself. She knew that one minute she was concentrating on patrolling for vampires and the next her head was filled with all of these thoughts about Xander… Well not all at once. She'd been having similar thoughts all night, but she didn't know where they came from. She'd never thought of Xander in that way before, so why all of a sudden did she now? Did she? She hauled herself out of bed and into the master bathroom to have a shower. The hot water and soap were not as distracting as she had hoped and her mind kept racing as she lathered and rinsed and repeated. First she needed to decide exactly how she felt about Xander. He had been her friend for so long now that he'd become almost like a brother to her, but then you don't have thoughts like that about a brother. Unless something was seriously screwed up in your head.

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower and into a warm, fluffy towel. But why shouldn't she have feelings for him? He was the one who was always there for her, no matter what. He had become kind of distant when he got together with Anya, but then she'd had Riley and been pretty distant herself. But even then when it had been important he'd been there. He'd been there for her when Angel left. He'd been there when her mother died. He helped take care of Dawn and convinced Willow to fix the BuffyBot to keep up appearances after she…after the thing with Glory. He'd been the one who called the ambulance and stayed with her after she'd been shot by Warren. He was sweet, and caring, and he'd grown into a very good looking man, she had to admit. He had changed from the geeky guy who used to trip over his own feet when he saw her, into the kind of guy that Buffy had always seen herself ending up with; at least before Angel came along. After that Buffy had left all her other dreams behind, the ones for any kind of a normal life, or a normal relationship. After Angel it had been Riley, a nice, sweet guy, but also a demon-hunting commando. She wasn't even going to think about the thing with Spike. That had nothing to do with love, just a confused and lonely girl's cry for help. None of it was exactly normal. She sighed and went through her closet for something to wear. No, her life was nowhere near normal…and Xander understood that. He'd been right there with her since she moved to Sunnydale. He knew what her life was like, the things she had to do, the things she had to face and he had stuck with her through all of it, he knew all that…and…maybe he alone knew what she needed when she came home from all that. Her face turned pink as her mind wandered to those more romantic, more intimate thoughts. So how do I feel about Xander? she wondered as she finished getting dressed. She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and went downstairs. The kitchen was empty which was just as well. Buffy was glad that Willow was still asleep since she really didn't want to talk about what was bothering her and she knew that her redheaded friend would see something was wrong and ask about it.

Yeah, Will, I kissed Xander last night and now I don't know if I'm in love with him, or if I'm just going crazy. She gave a frustrated sigh and went to go out the back door, paused, and then went back to the refrigerator. She scribbled out a quick note to Willow, telling the witch where she'd gone and then walked out of the house into the bright morning sun.


Xander walked up to the front door of the Summers house and quickly rapped on the door before he lost his nerve. After last night he had to talk to Buffy. He had to tell her. It was only right. He gone soul searching and found…well, he found what he'd known would be there all the time. He did love Buffy, but he found it was not the schoolboy crush he had been expecting. Although it had been more than that when he locked it away, but still the intensity of what he felt surprised even him. He had loved Buffy, quite a bit actually, when he was in high school. Through Cordelia and through his date with Anya to the prom he still loved her, but then things had changed. He ached for her when Angel left after the Mayor's botched attempt at eating the entire town as a giant snake. She was hurting and he knew that what she needed most was a friend. So that's what he was for her, a friend. And then things with Anya had progressed and Buffy found Riley. Xander knew that things would be better at that point if he just shut out any romantic feelings he had for Buffy, so he did. And they had stayed shut out during his entire relationship with Anya, but that had been over for some time and then Buffy had kissed him and he began to wonder if those feelings were still there. The short answer was, they were, but they were not the same. It had taken him most of the night to come to terms with what he found, because it was so very different than what he'd been expecting. His love had gown, matured, become more well-rounded. He'd watched all the things that Buffy had done and had gone through and like a fire in a forge those things had tempered his love, given it perspective. He knew how strong she was and how if something horrible happened that affected her she didn't want to be pitied. Xander's heart had learned things like this and incorporated them into the love he felt for her so now it was a more mature love, one that wanted to be there for her when she needed it and one that wanted not only to make her happy, but to try and give her a degree of the normalcy she so desperately needed in her life.

Xander sighed. Just because I understand what I feel, doesn't make it any less complicated, he thought as the front door opened to reveal… "Willow?"

"Hey Xander." the redhead greeted cheerfully as she moved back to let him step though the door.

"Uh…is Buffy here?"

"Nope. By the time I got up she was gone. Want something to eat?" If Xander had been a dog his ears would have perked up at the mention of food. Willow giggled to herself, in all the time she'd know him, Xander had never turned down the offer of food. They walked into the kitchen and Xander went to the pantry while Willow went over to the fridge.

"Before I forget, Will, I'm returning this." he said laying the crossbow down on the kitchen counter before turning his attention back to the pursuit of food. In any other house that would have looked strange, but not here.

"Oh! Buffy left a note." Xander turned around at the sound of his friend's voice; his mouth full of dried cereal, the open box in his hand. Willow laughed, "It says she went over to go talk to you." Xander suddenly had trouble swallowing his mouthful of food. "I'm sure she'll be back soon, you may as well wait here for her."

"Uh, thanks, Will. I'm just gonna go use the facilities."

"You're always welcome to." she said as he left the kitchen to go upstairs. Willow got the orange juice out of the fridge, poured herself a glass and wondered why Xander was acting so jittery.

Xander stared at his reflection in the mirror over the sink. He had to get a grip. Buffy had gone to talk to him, just like he had come to talk to her and when she got back they'd talk. The butterflies in his stomach refused to stop fluttering though, painfully reminding him that she probably wanted to talk to him about the exact opposite thing he wanted to talk to her about. He took off his jacket and saw that all his nervousness had caused him to sweat a lot and he knew that when that happened he could really start to smell. He thought of searching the cupboard for deodorant or something when he felt the bottle of cologne in his jacket pocket. He must have left it there from the previous day and for once he was thankful for his rotten memory. He put a bit of it on, since it was such strong stuff that's all it took, and then went downstairs to wait for Buffy. He found Willow sitting in the living room reading a book, her breakfast obviously over with. He stood on the bottom stair and just looked at her and smiled.

It had been six months since Tara died and Willow was finally getting better, not just from the evil magic, but from the grief of losing her lover. Giles had taken her away with him for a few months to England to see some experts the Council had and they had helped her with the worst of her addiction while teaching her how to control her power and draw her magic from pure sources, like nature. When she came back she was more like the old Willow, but she was tired and most nights she cried herself to sleep. Then she started to get better. It was a slow process, but Xander and Buffy had been there to help her and now she seemed to almost be back to normal, or at least as normal as a good witch could be. Xander was glad. He walked into the room and sat next to Willow on the sofa. She put her book down and smiled at him. He smiled back at her. "How you doin', Will?"

"A little better every day, Xander. Thanks for asking." Then her nose wrinkled up and she sniffed the air a few times. "What is that smell?"

"Oh, probably the cologne I have on. Does it stink?" Willow laughed at the concerned look on her friend's face.

"No, it smells…really nice actually." Xander felt a little concerned when he saw Willow just stare into space for a second, but then the moment passed and she was grilling him. "So what's eating you today?"

"Nothing." Willow fixed him with her best stern look, which was about as effective as a stern look from a chipmunk.

"I can tell when you're lying, Alexander LaVelle Harris, so spill." Xander cringed and chuckled at the same time. He hated it when anyone used his full name, but it was kind of funny, Willow trying to go all tough on him. He looked at her for a moment and tried to decide if he should tell her about what happened with Buffy in the cemetery and the conclusions he'd reached. She was his best friend, together since the sandbox. Well, if he couldn't talk to Willow about it, who could he talk to? So he started to relate the former night's events. When he reached the part about Buffy kissing him he just couldn't tell her, so he skipped over that and went straight to the vampires. Willow sat the whole time nodding and never breaking eye contact with him. When he finished he fidgeted with a throw pillow that he'd pulled into his lap during the course of his story. He needed to tell her the part about him and Buffy and his feeling for her. He worked his tongue around in his mouth trying to figure out the best way to phrase himself. Finally he spoke up, "Willow, there was a part of that story I left out." He looked down and kept his eyes on the throw pillow. "See before the vamps got the jump on us, Buffy and I-"

"Have I told you lately how hot you are?" Xander's head snapped up.

"What?!" Then before he knew it Willow was on top of him forcing her mouth against his. This was worse than Buffy and even more confusing. Xander tried to talk, but succeeded only in sputtering a few words. "Wills! What! Hell!" He tried to push her off, but found it a slight challenge. She was heavier than she looked. Xander's brain was in overload trying to comprehend just what was going on. Willow who he'd know since she was in diapers was shoving her tongue down his throat. Willow who had gotten over her crush on him when she met Oz. Willow who is GAY! his mind screamed. And then the front door opened and Buffy walked in.


Buffy had gone to Xander's place and found that he wasn't home. She figured that she'd see him at some point, but it drove her crazy that she couldn't talk to him right then. Somewhat dejected she went back home again, hoping that Willow was at least out of bed because now she really needed someone to talk to. She arrived home and found the front door unlocked and walked in. She heard the noises coming from the living room before she saw what was going on. She couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. Xander. And Willow. Kissing. Very passionately too it seemed. Her mind stopped working and she couldn't comprehend, her system was in shock. "Oh, Xander!" she sobbed and fled out the door. The tears stung her cheeks as she ran down the street. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew she had to run. She had to run. She never heard Xander call to her and she never saw him run out the door after her, leaving Willow, confused and shaken in a heap on the living room floor. Just another day of weirdness and angst in Sunnydale.


Anya was taking inventory when the telephone rang. She scrambled over to it, because every call was a potential customer. "Good afternoon, Magic Box! Where supplying your needs is our pleasure, for a price."

"Oh, uh, hello Anya." said the flustered British voice from halfway across the world.

"Oh, Giles…it's you." Anya said, not bothering to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Good to hear your voice as well."

"Well I thought that you might have been a customer, but you aren't."

"Uh, quite. I was just calling to see how everyone is doing." She could almost hear him polishing his glasses in the background.

"Well I'm doing very well. I sold a very rare crystal the other day, for quite a lot of money."

"Uh, well that's very good for you, I suppose… Uh and the others?" Anya was upset that Giles didn't show more interest in her sale. It really was quite a difficult sale.

"I really don't know. The only person I've seen lately is Xander and from what I can tell he's fine. Now back to me and my selling of things."

"Uh and why did Xander stop by the shop?" asked Giles, desperate not to have to listen to Anya's tales of entrepreneurial greed.

"He just came by to get some stakes." And then almost as an afterthought, "Oh and he took that bottle of cologne from your desk. I noticed it was missing when I was cleaning up. I really should charge him for it."

"What bottle of cologne?"

"You know the one in the top right hand drawer."

"Are you sure it was the bottle from the top right hand drawer?"

"Yes," Anya didn't know why Giles sounded so concerned. If he'd liked it so much he should have taken it with him to England.

"Anya I need you to listen to me very carefully. That was not a bottle of cologne. It was the pheromone extract of a Bul'roth demon."

"Oh, well then I certainly should charge him for it."

"No, you don't understand." Giles said getting very irritated. He just couldn't comprehend how Anya managed to miss the point of anything anyone said almost all of the time He continued, "The pheromone of this particular demon is very potent. Any female who is exposed to it for more than a few minutes, the pheromone, not the demon, is irresistibly attracted to it, or whomever its odor is coming from."

"Oh." Anya was beginning to see that this was about to turn into a problem. Giles went on,

"Now if Xander thinks that this is cologne it stands to reason that he intends to put it on. If he does any woman who is around him for a length of time will, well, uh, become incredibly attracted to him and most likely inclined to act on that attraction to a very extreme end." Anya blinked,

"In English, Giles?"

"Uh, any woman who is exposed to Xander long enough if he is wearing the pheromone will most likely force herself on him and, uh…not take no for an answer."

"And that could be very bad for Xander," Giles couldn't tell if it was a question, or a statement. He decided to treat it as the former.

"Yes, it could, in fact, prove to be fatal to him, so Anya you have to find him and, uh, dispose of that bottle…Oh and warn him about the effects of the pheromone, yes." After a few more words had been exchanged Anya hung up the phone and closed up the shop. She was just locking the front door when Willow ran up to her, panting and out of breath.

Willow had come to her senses moments after Xander rushed out the door after Buffy and her first instinct was to panic. She couldn't believe what she had done. She certainly didn't have romantic feelings for Xander anymore, she was gay. She sat on the floor, her head swimming with hysteria and confusion. She didn't understand any of it and then Buffy had come in and… Buffy! And then Xander had followed her! Willow picked herself up and went out to look for the both of them, to try and explain what must have been a misunderstanding, although she wasn't sure how to explain, or really even what had been misunderstood that made Buffy leave in tears. So Willow ran to the Magic Box, thinking it was the first logical place to look and instead had run into Anya who, it turned out, was looking for Xander herself. Willow explained what had happened to her and Anya explained about the call from Giles and suddenly all the confusion made sense, about what happened with Willow anyway. They still had no explanation for Buffy's obviously adverse reaction. So they both set off to find Xander and Buffy, hoping that they weren't too late to warn them.