Disclaimer: I don't own any thing in this fanfic except the Subterranean Marshmallow Pixies (or maybe the pixies own me, I must ponder this).
Warning: Mary Sue bashing, if you like these evil monsters you might be offended.
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Chapter one: 'The Fellowship of the Bean'
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It was getting dark, but poor little Quatre could not fall asleep. You see, Quatre could not fall asleep until someone read him a bedtime story. Quatre wandered around his mansion looking for some one to read him a bedtime story. He walked into the kitchen to find Trowa staring blankly at the wall. "Trowa, can you read me a bedtime story?" The sleepy blond inquired.
"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...." (Translation: sorry Quatre, I don't know any bedtime stories.) Was Trowa's reply.
Pouting Quatre went to find Duo, maybe he knew some bedtime stories. Quatre found Duo pestering Heero.
In Duo's best impression of Relena, he yelled in a shrill high-pitched voice, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Scared out of his wits, Heero jumped five feet into the air and ran until he was sure he was safe from what he thought was Relena. Duo fell to the ground laughing, "Hah! You should have seen the look on his face!"
"It's not nice to tease him like that." Quatre reprimanded Duo in motherly way. Then he remembered why he was looking for Duo in the first place. "Duo, can you read me a bedtime story?" Quatre looked at Duo with big puppy-dog eyes.
Duo pulled a moderately sized book from out of thin air, "Ok, I know a really good story. It's called, The Lord of the Beans"
Quatre looked at Duo suspiciously, "Isn't it called The Lord of the Rings? This better not be another one of those scary fanfics written by Relena. I'll listen, just as long as it doesn't involve Heero falling in love with 'Princess' Relena because..." Quatre mocked Relena: "She is so pretty and perfect and smart and flamboyant and everyone loves her and is jealous of her at the same time, because she can't spell or use proper grammar and her fanfics have clichéd plots, tee hee hee!" Quatre then mimicked the way Mary Sues probably spaz out when they're reading their own fanfiction.
Duo was slightly unnerved by Quatre's disturbingly accurate imitation of a Mary Sue, but he didn't hold it against Quatre, because the poor boy had probably been forced to read Relena's sick demented fanfiction (which would drive anyone insane).
Suddenly as if by magic, they were instantly teleported into Quatre's bedroom. Quatre was sitting on his bed hugging his pink Hello Kitty pillow protectively.
Duo looked a bit freaked out, "Quatre, wh-wha...eh...how did you learn teleportation!?"
Quatre gazed calmly at Duo from behind the big fluffy pink Hello Kitty pillow, "the Subterranean Marshmallow Pixies taught me last week...I know it sounds strange, but please don't tell the others. I doubt they'd even believe you."
Duo sat there stupefied, "what are Submerging Marshmallow Pixies?"
Quatre sighed tiredly, "it's Subterranean Marshmallow Pixies, I'll tell you about them later. Would you be so kind as to tell me a bedtime story please?" Quatre made big puppy-dog eyes at Duo, because he is the designated uke of the story and is therefore required to act cute 24/7 even though he probably hates it.
"Oh yeah, the story!" Duo declared as he enthusiastically stared recalling the epic tale of The Lord of the Beans, "Long ago, a great and terrible darkness was starting to consume the fair land of Middle-Gaea. Mistress Sue and the four Mary Sues were trying to steal the Great Bean of Power and use it to brainwash all of the bishonen in the entire world. However, you must remember that the Mary Sues were not always evil. On the contrary, they could have become fair and graceful fanfiction authoresses, but their hearts were corrupted by the evil Mistress Sue (either that or they were just immature little brats to begin with)."
"Is that why there are so many NC-17 Duo/Heero yaoi fanfics on fanfiction.net?" Quatre looked at Duo innocently.
Duo blushed, "umm...no...that's an entirely different story, but I'll have to wait until you're a little bit older to tell you. Now, if you'll let me continue my story..." Duo quickly changed the subject, "The Sues had captured five of Dilandau's best dragon slayers, Chesta, Gatti, Dallet, Miguel, and Guimel. Their ransom.... none other than the infamous Great Bean of Power. Luckily, the noble Ferret Lord Heero Yuy was carefully guarding the Great Bean of Power within the grand walls of Ferret Temple-"
"... ... ... ... ...?" (Translation: Are you sure this is a real story?) Trowa came into the room and sat down in a chair that magically appeared next to Quatre's bed.
Duo looked a bit startled, "Trowa how did you get here?"
Trowa started explaining, "... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...-" (Translation: I came through the inter-dimensional portal in the hallway that leads to Quatre's bedroom-)
Duo gawked at Quatre in astonishment, "I thought you said the Subterranean Marshmallow Pixies taught you how to teleport!" Duo was slightly hurt by the fact that the innocent little Quatre would lie to him.
Quatre laughed nervously, "Well…I hehe…umm...well...you see...I...u-umm..." Quatre couldn't think of any good excuses.
Trowa smirked, "... ... ... ..." (Translation: Duo, you're so gullible!) He started to laugh so hard he fell out of his chair.
Quatre glanced at Duo nervously and whispered in a scared little voice, "Duo... Trowa's laughing... he's acting totally out of character…something's wrong... I'm really worried... what should we do?"
Duo slowly backed away from Trowa, "maybe the inter-dimensional portal messed up his brain. I'll just have to continue my story, that should calm him down a bit." Duo cleared his throat loudly to get Trowa's attention, "There were also the four Magic Beans, one representing each of the four elements: earth, fire, air, and water. They were created after the Great Bean of Power to neutralize its energy, incase it should ever fall into the wrong hands. The Magic Beans also had the power to aid the chosen ones in combat against the forces of evil."
Quatre interrupted Duo, "Wait! This sounds suspiciously similar to some sort of RPG!"
"Its Funny you should say that. Actually the plot is based on a really lame old-school RPG between Hilde, Zechs, Trieze, Noin, Wufei, Une, and I" Duo explained, "Well... Noin and Une don't really like RPGs, so they just played Duel Monsters with their Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards the whole time instead of role-playing."
Quatre gasped, "You guys role-play? You don't seem like the type of people who would be interested in role-playing." He was also surprised that the seven of them could even be in the same room together without killing each other and blowing up an entire space colony.
"You'd be shocked by my 'm4d 5killz'. It wasn't very fun though, because Wufei was the GM and he kept yelling at Une for spazzing out every time Noin's monster annihilated one of her summons. I also suspect that Trieze was cheating! He must have tampered with his dice or something, because there is no way he could possible have gotten such good roles without loaded dice!" With a shifty glance, Duo resumed telling his story where he had left off, "the Magic Beans then sought out the chosen ones, they were the four bishonen that would form the fellowship of the Bean. Coincidentally, they all just happened to be the four dragon slayers: Chesta, Gatti, Dallet, and Miguel. Furthermore, they all just happened to be in the same place." Duo scoffed, "how lucky (yeah right)."
"... ... ... ... ... ... ...." (Translation: those stupid beans are just too lazy to go out and find actual bishonen to save the world.) Trowa added, finally coming back to his senses.
"Chesta received the Magic Bean of Fire, Gatti received the Magic Bean of Earth, Dallet received the Magic Bean of Air, and Miguel received the Magic Bean of Water. Soon they would begin a quest to save the entire world from the powers of darkness." Duo suddenly stopped reading and gasped, "To be continued?!"
Quatre and Trowa screamed in unison, "To be continued? Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Author's Note: This is my very first fanfic, so please don't flame me. I'm sorry if the plot sucks, it should be better in the next chapter.
