act three: darkness

i move forward, trying to close the distance between us, but he plainly refuses to let this happen. if i follow my heart, will i survive? i´m afraid of the answer ...

totally ignoring his action and obvious demand, i moved on. i don´t want to corner him, don´t want to put him literally against the wall, but he doesn´t stop with this. as much as i want to close the distance between us, the same he let it remain open. why is he doing this, why can´t he just understand that ...? he´s afraid of his own decision, however it was he who wanted one from me.

i stop some moments before i really corner him next to the hearth, the veil still in my hand, and watch him. he appears somehow desperate, in some kind of turmoil i cannot understand. i draw in a sharp breath; at last, i made my decision. and i would hold on to it firmly; might happen what there ever could be. in his eyes appears a bewildered look, something that seems to have a deeper layer within him. i do one last step and reach out to him, the veil in my hand. he does one last step too, almost touching the wall with his back and stares at my outstretched hand. his eyes wander to the veil, staring at the fabric. he still don´t want to see ... he refuses to accept ... suddenly his expression changes and becomes darker. there is something in him that wants to leash out to the surface, something that´s more than just threatening.

why doesn´t he accept? once more, i look into myself to find an answer just a little bit too easy. it´s plainly obvious, even to a blind one. didn´t i betray him on and on, hurting him time and again? so how could i expect him to trust me this one time? he thinks, i´m lying again, putting up some kind of bribe, a bargain only for saving raoul ... dear gods, is he this blind, this accustomed to his very darkness that he cannot see? i want him to believe me, want to show ...

a sudden move let me break out of my rêverie, in the very moment i realized that there is something missing between my fingers. i shift my gaze in his direction. therefore, he ripped it out of my hand. he only stands there, the veil in his hand. i´m fixed to the spot, unable to move, staring at him in utter disbelieve. he reaches out as if to throw the veil into the fire.

'so, this is your decision?', he asks, bitterness in his voice. 'i´ll be only too kind to finish the task for you.' unable to move or to speak i´m only standing there, watching the scene with wide eyes. how could he, how ... why? he wouldn´t dare ... would he? because you betray him once more with your petty little decision., a little voice in my head says, you act like a child, playing and toying around with things you thing you would be able to handle. however, you are no child ... any more ... he still stands there, his hand raised. for a moment, i think, the veil´d float through the air, but he catches it. 'you want me to put this into the fire and let it burn down to ashes?', he says, stopping his movement midair. vehemently i shake my head, trying to tell him no. 'i see ...', he continues with a sad hint in his voice, 'i shall tear it to pieces and throw them in the fire. you want it more dramatically, don´t you?' his voice drips over with sarcasm, as much as he becomes more and more coldly ... colder and again more threatening. once more, i shake my head still fighting to get my voice back. 'he would be glad to see our relationship closed, however he also wanted to die for you ... gladly i suppose, if it means to set you free ... from me and my ... existence.', he speaks on, the same emotion in his voice. 'am i that horrible, christiné daaè, am i such a creature full of ... hideousness ...?' all i can do is to shake my head again. 'I understand, you don´t want to talk to me.', he says sadly and opens his hand. the veil floats and drifts through the air. from far away, i can hear my voice splitting into a scream. 'noooo ...!'