Author's Notes:
I had posted this chapter before but was unhappy with the way it turned out. Thank you for your patience, so here is the new revised ending. Once again, I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.
Chapter 6: Directions and Decisions
Their noon repast had passed without incident and he held back a chuckle as his memory turned towards the young captain. He retreated to the well to wash their bowls, confident that the young man would not abuse Kaoru in his absence. Kaoru had passed Okita a bowl of rice and from his reaction something must have passed between them, as he could not hold her gaze for very long after that. Another chuckle threatened to escape his lips as he remembered his comment after the incident that which earned him an embarrassed "mou!" from his daughter and the young captain almost choking on his rice.
Somehow, Okita had reminded him of how he behaved when he first became aware of his feelings for his Hotaru-hime. How he would lose track of their conversation because he was too busy staring at her. How he would watch the sun highlighting her dark hair and how her eyes sparkled with emotion. His own thoughts brought a sudden frown as he disliked the direction it was heading. He remembered how Okita's gaze linger over Kaoru with something akin to longing in his eyes when he thought neither one of them were watching. A feeling of protectiveness washed over him and he scrubbed the bowls harder, willing his thoughts to turn to happier things instead of dwelling on their guest.
Kaoru, meanwhile, stood at the entrance of the dojo with a tea tray in hand looking at the young man standing silently inside. Setting the tray down, she took the opportunity to study Okita from the safety of her hiding place. Although he appeared to be youthful, his eyes and gestures spoke of experience well beyond his years. Sadness touched his face briefly before completely disappearing from the surface and Kaoru caught a glimpse of an emotion for which she had no words to name. For the moment, he had a look of deep concentration as he studied the wall where the names of the dojo's students were hanging.
Upon closer observation, Kaoru noticed that his gaze seemed to be fixed on something above the names and Kaoru turned to study the wall as well.
//Kamiya Kasshin Ryu.//
The sword that protects. Okita read the words engraved on the school plaque. His eyebrows knitted in question as he withdrew his own hands from the inside of his gi and stared at them. My hands are tainted with the blood of my enemies. These are idealists that have not seen the fear reflected in their enemies eyes as they cut them down. They have not heard the screams of grown men, pleading with their lives as I delivered them to the other world.
He clenched his fists tightly as he stared at them and as if seeing blood oozing from his hands, he jerked them open. Kaoru saw him flinch and read an intense emotion running through the young man as he visibly shuddered at what he was imagining.
I do not protect anything. I only take. I take until there is nothing left but their lives. And I even take that away from them. He opened and closed his palms as if to remember the weight of his sword and the burden of responsibilities that came with it. He imagined himself back to the days when he was younger. Kondou and Hijikata watching him as he practiced with the others. He saw his childhood friend running away from him as he wielded his sword against him.
He imagined more blood flowing from his hands before --
"Okita-san?
It was her touch more than her voice that broke Okita's concentration. Briefly, he noticed that she had lightly touched his haori and he glanced at her hand. For a second, he wondered if Kaoru's hands would be tainted just by a mere touch. Her delicate hands should never feel the weight of a life taken, he thought to himself. He imagined Kaoru's hands seeping with blood and instinctively he drew away from her.
"Ah, Kamiya-san?" he replied uncertainly, straining to keep his voice light.
"Would you like some tea?
He nodded mutely and followed her outside towards the yard. The only sounds they heard were from Kaoru's father as he rinsed the dishes but even that faded away as the silence stretched comfortably between them. Okita closed his eyes as he struggled to focus on the present instead of the disturbing visions that plague him during the night. The sweet smell of jasmine wafted through the air and he breathe in a deep sigh.
After a few minutes, he heard Kaoru's soft voice breaking their mutual silence. Kaoru looked out into the yard seeming to stare off into space. "I remember her being very beautiful and she had the gentlest voice. Before I went to bed, she would tell me stories about places that only existed in here. She pointed to her heart and the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. "It was a place where dreams came true.
"Has it always been your dream to study kendo?" Okita murmured as they sat on the porch drinking their tea.
"After my mother passed away, I made a promise to myself to become stronger." Kaoru's lips paused over her cup as her eyes fell away from their intense gaze. "Strong enough so that I can hold on to the people I love and never be alone again.
Okita listened as her voice fell to almost a whisper and he strained his ears to hear it. "I wanted my father to love me again and be the son he had always wanted but could never have.
"Your father loves you, Kaoru," Okita replied. "Just as you are. There's no need to
"Today is my 15th birthday, Okita-san." Kaoru smiled at him sadly. "If I had been born a man, I would probably be out there right now fighting for my beliefs or out of loyalty. Her words fell heavily in Okita's heart as she continued. "Neither side would hesitate in slaying a woman in the service of justice.
"I know what people say about me. I know what they say about my father too. Sometimes, I let the words hurt me." The brief silence echoed between the two as Kaoru's words floated in the air. "But then, I remember who I am and everything is clear.
Once again, Okita's gaze seemed to be fixed on the young woman sitting next to him. "And who are you?" he asked softly.
A bright smile lifted the corners of her mouth and he could see the pride shining through her eyes. "I am Kamiya Kaoru, a student of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu Ð the sword that protects life. No one can take that away from me.
For a moment, Okita was silent before his smile reappeared on his face. The simplicity of her answer had cleared away his doubts. His sword skill was something that only a few men possess and yet the weight of responsibility that he had to bear because of it is also monumental.
But to protect the future, he gave the woman a sidelong glance, then it is a responsibility that I would happily bear. She should never know the guilt of taking someone's life nor should her sword know the taste of blood. Kaoru noticed his smile and returned her gaze towards the practice yard. Okita followed her gaze towards the yard and viewed his surroundings with renewed appreciation.
The trees swayed gently in the breeze and rustled through the leaves. The vegetable patch was teeming with nature's fruits. He closed his eyes briefly as he felt his spirit return. He could sense the coming of rain and the restlessness of his surroundings. Yes, a storm was coming to Edo but there will always be a purpose for its temper. Just like his skills with the sword would bear a higher purpose.
With a sigh, Okita slowly got to his feet. "I will take my leave now," Okita said as he smiled at Kaoru as he stood up from their position. "As it is, I have stayed too long.
Kaoru looked at him questioningly as he gave her a wistful smile. "My duties does not often lead me to such pleasant companionship and conversation as yours have." Briefly glancing at the dojo, he had concluded that his squad must return to Kyoto without delay. The presence of the Shinsengumi was not needed in Edo. Kyoto was waiting for him and his men.
"Let me get you a kasa É" Kaoru's interrupted his thoughts as she got up beside him.
"It is not necessary," he replied with a genuine smile on his face. "You have already given me so much.
At her puzzled look, Okita grinned widely as he bowed before her. "It was an honor to have met you, Kamiya Kaoru. I hope that when this war is over, our paths will cross again." Without another word, he walked out of the dojo and quietly closed the door behind him.
Kaoru stood in the practice yard, staring at the closed door and imagining the young captain walking away. "I would like that Okita-san," she nodded to herself. "I would like that very much. She looked beyond the dojo walls and into tomorrow when the sun rises in Edo once again.
~The End~
