Chapter 17
I held my hand out. "I'm Willow Rosenberg."
He looked at the same hand I used to heal his nose, abruptly turned, and strode away.
"And you're Severus Snape, pleased to meet you."
He rounded at his desk and started messing with some papers.
"What do you want, Miss Rosenberg. I am rather busy," he snapped.
I stayed where I was. "Professor Dumbledore said that you would be able to help me out with a few spell components."
His head came up. "Spell components? I thought the legendary White Witch could just wave her hands and cure all the ills of society."
I crooked an eyebrow at his sarcastic remark. "It doesn't work that way."
I turned to Sirius. "Thanks," I said dryly.
If he had let me get the supplies before he went Rambo we'd be out of here already. However he was clueless.
"What?" He shrugged and held his hands out like he had done nothing.
I marched up to his desk and opened the book to page 437. " I need 3 ounces Oil of ..."
Snape cut me off before I got any further. "Leave a list of your needs and I will bring them to you after classes."
I looked up and smiled. "Got a pen?"
He handed me a feather. I took it. "What's this?"
His eyes rolled back into his head. "Oh, for Merlin's sake. It is a quill, Miss Rosenberg. You take it like this." He took the feather out of my hand. "And you dip it into the little bottle over here. Then you take a sheet of parchment and make little squiggly marks on the parchment like this. The process is called writing."
I looked back at Sirius. "You didn't tell me he was funny."
Sirius looked back, his arms crossed and leaning against the door frame. "He's not."
"Ah, that explains how I'm not with the laughter."
Snape's eyes closed to a slit. "If you will excuse me I must change robes after that Neanderthal's attack. If you have trouble using the quill I would suggest you alert one of the first year's. Black has always had a time trying to form a coherent sentence much less something as complex as a list of potion ingredients."
***************
I had left the list on Snape's desk and we returned in the direction of the Great Hall in hopes of catching up with Buffy and the gang.
"Damn, that felt good," Sirius confessed.
"So, done feeling all manly?"
I think he was feeling a little guilty for using my presence down in the dungeons as an opportunity to revenge a little.
"Er... "
"Nothing wrong with revenge, Sirius. Just don't let it rule you." I paused dramatically. "You won't like what you see in the mirror the next day."
Now he was curious. "Voice of experience?"
I let it sit for a moment. "I've done things I'm not --- proud of."
"Make two of us."
I smiled at that. If only he knew. Telling someone I liked that I nearly ended the world and sent it into eternal darkness wasn't high on my priority list. But if he wanted our help he probably need to see the whole package. I knew he had a thing for me. I'd have to be blind not to notice.
The little touches and made up reasons to escort me here and there. The way I see him look at me out of the corner of his eye when he thinks I'm not aware. The goofy smile that's plastered on his face when he sees me work the mojo.
Yet another reason to be up front with the truthfulness.
"I'm gay."
That stopped him in his tracks. I kept going like I just said 'what a nice morning.' I heard his steps when he caught back up.
"Excuse me?"
I stopped and spun around to face him. I could feel my face start to burn with embarrassment. Not about being gay; about having to explain a personal thing with someone that might not take it well.
"Look Sirius, I know you ... um ... like me."
He smirked skillfully. "What gave you that idea?"
I ignored him. "I just wanted you to know that I'm gay. I like girls. I didn't ... your feelings ... hurt." Darn it I was getting nervous. "This isn't coming out right."
He nodded in understanding. "May I ask you a question?"
I looked cautiously up at him. "I know I'm gonna regret this ... sure."
"Have you always liked girls?"
Oh no. The famous male bravado. The 'you just haven't met the right guy, yet' speech coming right up.
"Um ... no."
Here it comes.
"What changed?"
Okay, I'll roll with it for a few more minutes. "I broke up with my last boyfriend and met Tara."
His brow furrowed. "Tara's your girlfriend ... you're involved?"
A pang of melancholy hit me deep in my stomach at the thought of saying it. "She was murdered a couple of years ago."
Sympathy took over his eyes. "I'm sorry."
I waved my hand trying to put it past. "Last year I had another girlfriend."
His eyes widened. "She didn't ..."
I shook my head. "No --- no, she became a Slayer when I activated them all. Then she up and moved to South America." He raised an eyebrow at me. So I had to explain a bit further. "Slayer duty stuff."
"So you two weren't that serious."
Why am I going over all of this? "She was my transitional relationship." I don't think he got the pop reference. "I used her to get over Tara."
His eyebrows arched in acknowledgement.
"I wasn't like that. She knew what she was doing ."
He tried to cover his thought reveling face. "So it was just for the sex then?"
I snorted ... which I don't do, by the way. "Yeah, pretty much. Emotional sex."
"So you turned gay overnight, then? Damn the men and all that?"
"Ah, no."
He crossed one of his arms over his chest and hitched his elbow on top, resting his chin on his hand in contemplation.
"Let me see if I have this right, then."
I crossed my arms and waited for his analysis of my gayness. This should be good.
"You broke up with your boyfriend, and then soon after met a nice girl --- Tara --- you had a lot of things in common, liked each other's company and the next thing you know something happens and you realize you have feelings for her."
Okay that was a little too close to the mark, but the same could be said for a lot of relationships.
He continued. "You feel a little weird for liking a girl especially for the first time and its new and fun and romantic. Then it develops into something you weren't expecting; something serious."
My eyes started to burn in remembrance: holding hands as we walked through the quad, doing spells for the gang, the first time we joined our power against The Gentlemen, blowing out the candle in her room and letting her know exactly how much she meant to me.
"You saw something in her that you wanted to be a part of and the only thing that stood between you was gender. Well, you thought, eventually, that wasn't such a barrier at all. Love was more important." He stopped. "I'm sorry. I'm upsetting you."
I felt the first tear slide down my face. No matter how many days passed, sometimes it felt like it was just yesterday that Tara and I were together, standing in our room, the morning after, the blood, everywhere...
"Willow?" He had taken my shoulders with his large hands.
I roughly wiped away the tears and tried to laugh it off. "Sorry. Bad memories."
He smiled softly at me. "Willow, I've only known you for a couple of days. It's still new. Maybe it won't work out. Maybe it will. But I know I want to find out." He paused and lifted my chin up so that he could look into my eyes. "Are you going to let a little thing like gender stand in your way?"
He turned and started further down the hallway holding my hand and pulling me gently along. "So no more talk about it. We'll see what the future brings when it actually get here. Who knows, I might meet the right guy and not want you at all."
An eruption of laughter burst from my throat without warning. I covered my mouth and kept giggling as we walked along.
