Thanks to everyone who reviewed my fic, I love you all! Curses to ff.net which removed my Austin Powers fic because they saw it as a 'list fic.' (I was not allowed to upload for awhile :-{ Thus explaining the lateness of this chapter.)Anyway, just to let you know, MuchMusic is the Canadian equivilant of MTV. I just like MM better than EmptyV--er, MTV. And no one can change that.

Chapter Eight

Alex scratched his head and then reached for his pop tart, fresh from the toaster, tossed it on the plate and carried it to the living room.

Squinting tiredly, he turned on the TV and changed the channel to MuchMusic and sat down on the couch.

His butt was only a foot away from the cushion when it hit something. He jumped. He had hit a human form! His pop tart flew across the room and his plate fell on the floor. He turned around to see Clear, curled up in his grandma's old quilt, sleeping on his couch.

But she had obviously been woken up by Alex.

"You're still here?" he asked her, regretting it immediately. He sounded insensetive, majorly. He had actually gone to sleep forgetting that Clear Rivers was in major trouble.

"Yeah," she mumbled, sitting up. She rubbed her eyes, then looked at Alex suspiciously. "Where's your mom?" she asked him suddenly, wondering if she had told Alex anything.

Alex shrugged. "I think she went grocery shopping or something."

Clear moved her feet closer to her torso, allowing Alex to sit down next to her. She kept the quilt around her shoulders, as she was shiverring to death in her tank top. "Did she tell you anything?" she asked Alex.

Alex shook his head.

"Well," Clear began, "I know that you want to know."

Alex wasn't sure if he was suppose to say anything or not.

"And, last night, I was thinking, if I could tell your mom, I can tell you."

Alex leaned closer, looking the girl in the eye. As she poured out the story, her lip trembled, her legs shook, and her skin lost all colour. Alex, on the other hand, became red with anger, his eyebrows lowered maddingly and his fists clenched.

"You never told anyone?"

Clear shook her lowered head. "I didn't think it was that bad."

He put his hand on her wrist. Impulsively, she snatched it back. "Alex," she began, "It took a lot for me to say that to you. Three months ago we never ever spoke to each other and now I'm telling you about the most signifigant event in my life--" she looked at him in the eye for a split second. "Until now," she finished. "And I've never been able to do that to something other than a piece of paper. So right now... anything else for us would be kind of overwhelming."

Alex opened his mouth... the closed it. He nodded, just a little, with a sincere look in his eyes that said he understood.

Clear returned the eyes. "Thanks."

***

Clear sat on the leather couch in the waiting room of the free clinic next to Mrs. Browning, her feet on the neutual beige carpet, the ticking of the clock driving her mad. She wasn't sure what time it was. Maybe two? She couldn't look at the clock, as it was behind her head and her neck was so tense she could barely move it.

Mrs. Browning sensed Clear's nervousness and gave her hand a supportive squeeze. Clear gave a small (fake) smile and ran her fingers through her fringe, rubbed her hands together, and tried to make the time pass faster.

But time hadn't been passing quickly. It never did for Clear Rivers.

She had been to a gynecologist once before, but not for something so serious. The test had not been the scary part, it had been what she had to tell the doctor before. She had to tell the doctor she had been raped. The police were going to have to be involved now.

The doctor opened the door and glanced at his sheet.

'Mind going a little faster?' Clear thought to herself while he scanned the list.

"Uh... Claire," he said finally, "We have your results."

Clear bit her lip, not bothering to correct the doctor, and stood up. Mrs. Browning followed her.

The cold metal door closed, like a prison cell door. Clear couldn't sit. She had to stand. It made things feel like things were going faster.

"Well, Claire," the doctor began right away.

"Clear," Mrs. Browning corrected, "Her name is Clear."

"Right," the doctor said, embarassed, "I'm not too concerned about STDs. We didn't track any. And you say that you can't get pregnant at this time?"

Clear nodded nervously.

"Well," the doctor said, clamming his hands, "You're not pregnant, but..." he exhaled. "This is never easy to say. Something must have gotten mixed up in your system through this ordeal, Clear. You will never be able to have children, Clear."

***

Journal: Terry Chaney

Hey, remember last night, when I went and gave Mom the 'I'm mature' speech? We-ell...

I have made a list of things I'm mature enough for. And there are four things on that list: a boyfriend, friends, a job, and school activities. Then I made a list of things I'm NOT mature enough for. I started with the basics, like sex, or living on my own, and then I got to things I never realized, like I'm not mature enough to handle to boys. At least, the way things are now.

I know I would think, Carter is a jerk and always will be.

But he... cares about me.

And I know that Billy cares for me, too.

I've always been about moving on, not dwelling on the little things. But Carter seemed... okay, it sounds weird, but when Carter talked to me this morning, he seemed very vulnerable, like the way Billy was this summer on the roof when... well you know. Anyway, if I have made Carter that way on the inside, then he must like me for me. Not my body. For me.

And, hey, his kissing technique improved a little.

Stop it, Terry.

Billy's a good kisser, a good boyfriend, and a good person.

I don't feel like a good person right now. Because I can't forget Carter.

And I should be able to.

---

Billy rolled his eyes as he waited impatiently in the McDonalds line. Why did he even come here? Was it so important that he used his cupon for a free McChicken at the moment? Probably not. He probably could have remained in a sleepy state, in his cozy room, playing video games or IM-ing Terry. But no, the sun had shone through his binds way too brightly today. There was no way he would get back to sleep. With no good food in the house, and no one around, he had taken the opportunity to ride his bike down to McDonalds.

The line dragged along for another five minutes until he reached the pimply college student.

"May I take your order?" he asked nervously. Sweat poured off of him like in a showerhead. His nametag read 'Thomas.' Billy raised his eyebrows, fighting laughter. He knew that he, himself, was a loser, but this went pretty far down the hillarity road.

Billy handed him the cupon. The employee coughed a little. He grimmaced as he sent the order to the back.

Billy shuddered with disgust as he accepted his sandwhich. He walked to his small table and began unwrapping it.

"Mind if I sit here?" asked someone.

The voice. Familiar, yet inplacable. It wasn't Tod or George or Alex. Maybe it was... Carter? No. Coudln't be.

"Uh... Hitchcock? You gonna answer or what?"

Billy looked up.

It WAS Carter.

"Sure," Billy muttered, in shock.

Carter plopped his tray down and ate a fry.

"What's been... uh, going on?"

Carter was uncomfortable. "You mean why I haven't hung out with you guys lately? Just... well, a bunch of little things, you know."

Billy rolled his eyes, not wanting to accept the answer. "So what's the occasion? Run out of friends? No one's watching?"

"No," Carter said defensively right away, "I need to ask you a question."

Billy's answer was taking a long drink of his pop and not looking Carter in the eye.

Carter asked anyway. "You and Terry... are you really serious?"

This time, Billy actually answered. "What kind of question is that? You mean do I love her? How far have we been? Be a little specific!"

"I mean how long do you see yourself together?"

Billy cocked an eyebrow. "You know what? I think you should be a little more subtle. I know you like Terry, okay? So why don't you give it up! She's my girlfriend! What makes this any different? Until one of us make it officially over, neither of us are going anywhere!"

Carter glared at him, then raised his eyebrows--an idea. "So, if you're so close, why did she kiss me?"

***

Clear lowered her eyebrows and struck something out on the paper. She tucked her feet further under the blanket.

Alex approached from behind the couch. "Writing a song?" he asked, trying to be cheerful. He didn't know Clear's news, of course. He wouldn't understand.

"No," she muttered, "Just writing a list of things I... well, things I want to do for the future. Hopefully the near future."

Alex came aroudn the couch and looked at her suspicioiusly. "Did you watch 'A Walk To Remember' again?"

"No," she said with almost a laugh, moving a strand of hair away from her face. "It's just that I realized that life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to. You can only do so many things before something sets you back and you can't do it anymore. And I don't want to lose something in my heart with it."

Alex looked at her with confusion.

She bit her lip. "It's kinda like... well, I want to travel to Europe one of these days. See Paris, Dublin... Italy... What if I keep putting it off until I'm unable to do it?"

Alex nodded with understanding. "Can I see a few?"

She looked at him slyly. "Nah. You'll know what they are when I live them."

He returned her sly smile. He inched closer to her on the couch. Instead of inching away, she followed his lead, moving a little closer.

The phone rang.

Alex didn't bother to hide his groan. Clear was closer to the portable phone, so, feeling at home, she picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked quickly.

"Is this the current residence of Ms. Clear Rivers?" the voice asked.

Clear's face was clouded over with shock. "This is Clear Rivers. Who is this?"

"This is officer Berndt. We spoke at the clinic?"

"Yes," she replied dryly.

"We just recieved a report of an armed liquer store robery." He paused. "Your stepfather held up the store an hour ago... there was a shootout..."

Clear inhaled, knowing what he was going to say.

"Clear, your stepfather is dead."