Chapter 23

Sirius escorted me outside, away from prying eyes I suppose. Did that make me a little more than nervous ... ayup. It was coming to the end of summer and apparently in Scotland it's butt freezing cold. Well not freezing exactly; it was maybe in the upper forties, and considering I'm a California girl it was freezing.

He saw my discomfort.

"How thoughtless of me. Here." He pulled off his cloak and wrapped it around me. "I had forgotten that you hale from a warmer climate."

My teeth chattered briefly until the warmth penetrated my robes. I looked him up and down. "You aren't cold?"

He closed his eyes and slowly opened them . "I've been cold. This is nothing."

His face held an old pain and I knew that it still bothered him, whatever it was. Though I wasn't going to inquire. I had enough in my past to understand sometimes you just don't want to talk about it. Modern psychology didn't know what the heck they were talking about. 'Talk about it, Willow. You'll feel better.' Uh, no I won't.

Time made me feel better. That and my friends.

I looked over my shoulder at the castle. We were far enough that the warm lights from the windows had fled and we were alone in the dark.

Sirius broke the silence. "I don't have any ulterior motives."

I smiled. "Good to know."

He shook his head in nervous frustration. "I mean I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. I promise not to try anything."

That kinda threw me. "Then why are we out here at night, under a pretty moon, alone, with your cloak around me and you standing only a few feet away ... okay a few inches ..."

His lips were on mine before I said any more. It had been so long since I had kissed anybody much less a man. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. A very light patch of beard stubble roughed the edge of my lips as he turned to deepen the kiss. Oh, that was nice.

One of his hands found the small of my back and he pulled me closer to him and his passion. My hands found his chest and grasped the thin material of his shirt, curling it up in my fist.

What am I doing? This is so ... not wrong ... um ... right, maybe?

As abruptly as the kiss was started, it ended. I gasped for a breath of air and swayed a bit trying to clear my head of the bad thoughts that suddenly found their way into drunk feeling brain.

"Okay, so you're a big fat liar."

He was taken back. "Willow ... I don't know what came over me. I'm so ..."

I stepped into him and grabbed the back of his neck. "If you say you're sorry I'm gonna bite you."

I pulled him back down to me and continued what we started.

Bad Willow! Since when did you go all 'slut girl?'

My mind was turning into mush.

Okay, stop and think. No, don't stop; keep kissing him. You can think and kiss at the same time, can't you? Sure. Um, what was I saying?

I was up in his arms before I knew what was happening and we were heading back toward the castle. We stopped briefly before we entered the front doors. He put me down and looked into my eyes. I don't have a clue what he was searching for 'cause I was sure they were blurry. I could still feel the burning on my lips and knew they were swollen with desire and overuse after so long without.

He took my hand in his and led me through halls, past very few people, quickly and with purpose ultimately to his room. He whispered the password which I didn't catch and pushed the door open, dragging me, willingly, behind.

It was mere moments until I found myself trapped against the wall with his mouth hovering over mine.

"Willow ..."

I didn't know if he was asking permission, or trying in vain to explain why he brought me here. Perhaps it was to declare his intensions, or ask if I felt the same way he did. All I know is I felt his heated breath on my lips and it woke something inside me that I thought was long dead.

After Tara and I got together I had never felt desire or passion for another man, even when Oz returned briefly in our first year of college I didn't feel the same pull that we once had. My body and mind had changed. I needed the feel of a woman against me and the soft caress of a woman's lips on mine.

Now things were different again, just as I had needed Tara, I needed Sirius. I had to feel his body on mine and his callused hands holding me to him.

"Willow ..."

There it was again. My name.

My breath quickened and a million thoughts ran through my head. I didn't know what to do. So I ran, or tried to at least. I only made it as far as the door. My hand was on the handle and for some reason I lost all strength in my arm. Panic ran up my spine and fear erupted from my mouth.

"I can't ..."

I couldn't turn to look at him, to see the hurt and pain in his face. But out of the corner of my eye I could see him straighten his posture.

"Of course," he said. "I'm sorry. I'm an ass, Willow. I let my ... I'm sorry."

That wasn't going to be enough for me. It wasn't his fault and I knew it. Two people nearly attacked each other out of lusty badness out in the cold, and now it would be too easy to blame his testosterone for the situation. Maybe that's why I couldn't pull the door open. Maybe I didn't really want to pull the door open. So I let go.

"Sirius ... it's too soon to see Mr. Happy, but we could ... "

He was totally clueless. I'd just have to show him.