Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. I don't make any money off of them and I'm so not worth suing. :-)

Author: Catgurl83

Title: Shocking News part 4 chapter title: Silent Evening

Feedback: Feedback helps me think. :-) My e-mail address is catgurl83@yahoo.com

Summary:

Rating: PG.

Author's note: I'm still not a doctor. :-) The web site I got my info from can be found in my A \ N for chapter two. All mistakes are mine. Thanks to my beta for reading this for me! You are doing a great job.

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The drive to the house was made in silence. No one in either of the two cars the family occupied could bare to talk. They had no idea what to say. Each of them was deep in his or her thoughts. The thoughts and pain were still too new to be expressed into words, so each of them grappled with this unexpected tragedy by themselves.

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Sam's POV

I'm scared. Really, really, scared. I don't really understand what is wrong with Ruthie but I know it is bad. She was so upset when she told us. She didn't want us to know and she tried to be so strong but I saw her fear.

She said she had leukemia. Leukemia. That is such a big word. I don't even know if I could pronounce it. I don't really know what it means but it sounds scary. You know it is a bad word as soon as you hear it.

I don't want something bad to happen to Ruthie. I don't want anything bad to happen to any of my brothers or sisters, but especially not David or Ruthie. I guess I'm closer to Ruthie because she is closer to my age then Lucy, Mary, Matt, and Simon. She also lives with me, which makes it easier to be close to her.

I don't know what is going to happen next but I know it isn't going to be good.

Ruthie has to stay in the hospital for at least a few days. She is probably really scared. I know I would be. There are so many other people in the hospital and they are all strangers. She probably won't be able to sleep tonight. I don't think I'll be able to sleep either.

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Sarah's POV

We are almost to the house. I look over at my husband who is driving. He wanted to stay at the hospital but his parents and I convinced him that it would be better for us to bring Charlie and the twins to the house so that they could each get a good nights sleep.

Somehow, I don't think very many of us are going to get a good nights sleep. We are all too worried about Ruthie. On top of the worry, we are scared. Even the twins are terrified and they don't understand what is going on. On the other hand, maybe that is why they are so scared. It must be awful to know that something bad is happening but not really know what it is or why it is happening.

Simon hasn't spoken since we left the hospital. In fact, he has only said one sentence since leaving Ruthie's room. He told us that Ruthie was ready to see the twins. That was it. After that, he went to stare out the window at the rain that had just started to fall. He is taking this harder then most of us. Of course, that was to be expected since he is so close to Ruthie.

Matt has also been quiet since he heard what was wrong with Ruthie. Actually, he has been quiet since he heard that she was sick. I know that he spent most of the evening trying to figure out what is wrong with her. I think his thought process changed when he found out what is wrong with her. I think he is desperately trying to come up with some conclusive answer. Something that will definitely make Ruthie better.

I shake my head sadly. I realize that there are absolutely no guarantees when it comes to this. Even if the doctors find a bone marrow transplant in time, Ruthie could still die. There are so many things that could go wrong. She could reject the transplanted marrow. She could get an infection.

I shake my head again to clear those thoughts away. I can't think like that. Negative thoughts won't help Ruthie or any of the rest of us. We need to stay positive. Staying positive is the best thing we can do for now. Ruthie is going to need us to be positive during the next several weeks or months. Possibly even years.

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Mary's POV

It is so strange the way a few hours can change so many things. I had no idea that something like this was going to happen. None of us did. Our days were going on as they always did until we each received the news about Ruthie being in the hospital.

We were all carrying on as normal until the calls came. That is what frightens me. Everything can seem fine. In fact, things can seem really good. Your life can be going great. But at the same time, something awful is happening to someone you care about in another state or city and you have no idea.

We have no way of knowing how things are going to turn out. We can guess but our guess could be wrong. Even if the doctors say something, they could be wrong. That really scares me too.

I feel like I am sitting watching to something horrible happen from the sideline. There is absolutely nothing I can do but watch no matter how much I try. I hate it. I have never felt so helpless in my life.

I can't help but wonder how Ruthie feels. If I feel this helpless I can only imagine how helpless she must feel. She is just waiting to find out if she lives or dies. She must wish that she could just press fast forward like I do. It would be easier if we could just find out right now. At least then we would know.

I've been thinking about what I am going to do. My family is going to need me. I really don't want to do this but I realize that I have to. I guess I'm growing up and maturing. Many, many, many people were sure that that would never happen. But it has. I'm going to take a leave of absence from my job for a few months.

I'm going to move in with my parents to help with the twins. I know that Mom and Dad are going to want to spend as much time with Ruthie as possible. And if they need a break from the hospital, I can go spend time with Ruthie.

I just hope that I'm not coming home to watch my sister die.

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Simon's POV

It is raining outside. It didn't start raining until about fifteen minutes after Ruthie told me. That seems fitting somehow. It is like the angels are crying with us. Well, actually none of us have cried so far. At least not on the outside. We are all crying on the inside.

Why Ruthie? Why our family? Why now? And why this disease? Those questions keep running through my head repeatedly. But no matter how much I think about it, I can't come up with the answers.

This is all so unfair. The disease itself is so unfair. How does it choose its victims? It should be more deserving people that get this disease. Deena didn't deserve it. Ruthie doesn't deserve it. But there are so many bad people out there that do.

How can everyone in the family be so calm about all of this? I feel like screaming as loud as I can for hours on end. How can they be so calm?

I don't know if I can do it again. She looked so awful like that. She was pale and so, so scared. She tried to hide it but I saw the fear anyway. I know that it is just going to get worse. She is going to start looking worse and worse. I can't do it. I can't watch my sister die. I can't go see her again. I just can't.

I stare out the car window at the bleak rain filled night and a single tear falls from my eye before I ruthlessly push away all remaining tears. I will not cry.

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Lucy's POV

I'm worried about Ruthie. She was so withdrawn when Kevin and I were with her. That is not her personality at all. She is usually so bubbly and upbeat. I don't expect her to be happy about this but she does need to talk about it.

I hope that she will talk to me. And when she does, I hope I can help her. She is definitely going to need a lot of support right now. We are all more than willing to help her. I just hope that she is willing to accept our help.

I am also worried about Simon. I tried to get him to talk to me but he turned away from me. It is like he is withdrawing into himself to try to block out the pain. That is very unhealthy behavior. It helps you feel better at first but in the long run, it is very bad for you. You don't deal with things and they eventually fester and grow.

My parents aged about ten years in the short time it took the doctor to tell them about Ruthie. My mother especially looked so old and tired. And so resigned. That scares me a lot.

Matt is worried too. I can tell that he knows quite a bit about this disease. And whatever he knows isn't good. That just reaffirms for me that this is bad. Very bad.

The twins are scared. So very scared. They don't understand this at all. But I think they are just as scared to ask questions. They don't want to know the answers to their questions. I think that they instinctively know that this is really bad.

I'm worried about the whole family. If Ruthie dies, will we be able to handle it? I have to believe that with God's help, we will survive this. That with God's help my parents will survive this. If Ruthie dies we will all need our faith more then we ever have before.

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David's POV

Ruthie is sick. She says that she has leukemia. Who named the disease? Did they have to name it something so long? Maybe they did it on purpose. Long words are usually really scary. This disease is scary too.

If Ruthie got it does that mean Sam and I can get it too? I don't want Ruthie to be sick but I really, really, don't want to be sick myself.

What if all of us have it? Is that possible? I wish I could ask someone but I can't. They would either laugh at me or tell me I'm being a baby and to act my age. That they all have enough to deal with right now. I don't want anyone mad at me.

I don't want Ruthie to die. I wish I knew if she was going to or not. But I can't. That scares me too. We won't know until it happens.

Am I going to have to go see her in the hospital? I really hope not. I don't want to be there when she dies. That would be really, really awful. And it could happen at any time.

I stare out the window, praying to God to not make me be there when she dies.

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Matt's POV

I am trying so hard to concentrate on the road. It usually isn't this hard.

I keep thinking about Ruthie. She is so sick. Sicker then she and our parents understand. Sarah and I know though. We've learned about this illness in class.

Should I stress to my parents just how bad this is? They are already so worried and frightened. I don't want to terrify them even more but they have to be prepared. They have to understand that Ruthie might not make it. But how do I tell them? How do I tell Ruthie?

I still have to talk to Sarah but I think we should move back here for the summer. I think my parents are going to need help coping. It is going to be so hard for them to watch Ruthie get sicker and sicker. Especially, since neither of them really know what to expect.

Ruthie is going to need help coping with this too. I could tell how scared, worried, and confused she is when I saw her earlier this evening. She won't talk to a stranger but maybe she'll talk to me. I hope so because she is going to need to confide in someone.

I pull into the driveway and shut the car off. Everyone in the car wordlessly opens their door and steps out. I know that this is going to continue to be a silent evening. An evening of reflection.

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