A/N : I have a nasty feeling that some for you major Spuffy fans are gonna start throwing things at me when you've read this chapter...but please remember that I am a huge Spuffy shipper too, and I always have happy endings for them, so don't panic, okay? Thanx to everyone who reviewed; aleesha, SpIkEs AnGeL (I think this chapter will make you mad at me, lol, and you were right, if I had Spike all night I would get no writing done at all!), theoneandonlygurl (sorry that you hate Angel, more Spuffy later, I promise), Buffy Fan, fashiongrrl (those words are used over here in England but not a whole lot) Dark Angel, courtney, JnR 4eva - you guys are so sweet and I love all your kind words. Here's the next chapter...please review!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 7 - Like Old Times
A light tapping sound on the glass of her window gave Buffy a start and she sat bolt upright in bed. On the other side of the pane across the room she saw a familiar face and got a distinct feeling of deja vu as she swung her legs out of the bed and padded across to the window to open it and let a certain souled vampire into her bedroom, glad that Dawn was staying at a friends tonight. Cordelia had been sleeping on a cot in Buffy's room, but with Dawn staying at Janices's tonight, Joyce had said the brunette should take the other available bed.
There was silence as Buffy let Angel come in, closed the window behind him, and then moved to put on her dressing gown. They sat beside each other on the bed and Buffy couldn't take the lack of words anymore.
"So, where have you been?" she asked, trying to sound casual as her heart pounded in her chest, "I mean, it's been eighteen months, two weeks and five days since you left" she inwardly cursed at herself for letting slip that she remembered his time of absence so well.
"Lots of places at first" he told her, "ended up in LA though, about a year ago now...I help people there..." he trailed off, not really knowing what else to say.
Silence reigned again and Buffy realised the small talk was going to get her nowhere fast. She breathed deeply and asked the question she really wanted answering.
"Angel, what are you doing here?" she asked him, only flinching slightly as her eyes passed by the mirror and her reflection was the only one present.
"Because of the prophecy" came his answer, in a similar whisper to her own, they didn't want to wake anyone after all.
"No" the Slayer shook her head, "I didn't mean, 'what are you doing in Sunnydale?' I meant, 'what are you doing here? In my room?'"
"There were things I needed to say" he told her, looking down at his hands instead of at the girl he was talking to, "Things that were just between us"
Buffy shook her head and laughed but her heart wasn't in it.
"You mean things you didn't want to say in front of Spike" she realised, "I can't see there's anything you need to tell me that he couldn't hear"
"Does he know everything?" Angel asked, finally looking up, his expression was slightly shocked.
"Pretty much" Buffy shrugged, "He's one of the gang, knows I'm the Slayer and everything about you and me..." she paused, "Actually, no, he's more than just one of the gang, he's my boyfriend and I love him very much"
"You love him, like you loved me?" Angel's question was barely a whisper but Buffy heard it and even though she opened her mouth to answer immediately the words got stuck. Of course she loved Spike and equally as much as she'd loved Angel...so why couldn't she say it?
The vampire's eyes came back up to her face again, studied her expression as she forced her mouth closed again. Their eyes were soon locked and the scene was just too perfect, too much like it had been before. The moonlight flooded in through the window, lighting up their faces as something from the past sparked up between them.
In one swift movement, Angel moved forward and placed his lips on hers. His hand reached up to her face and his fingers moved over her cheek and into her hair as they kissed, and her eyes dropped closed. His cool touch made her shiver but it was a familiar feeling she had missed. It was only when he whispered words into his kisses that she realised what she was doing.
"Buffy, I still love you" she heard, and despite it being barely audible it hit her like a lead weight, right in the chest. Her eyes shot open and immediately she had pulled her lips from his, she was on her feet.
"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy would have yelled but had to settle for an angry whisper as she did not want to wake her mother or Cordelia.
"I was kissing you" Angel told her, unnecessarily, as he got up from the edge of the bed and stepped toward her. She immediately stepped back one more stride. "You weren't exactly putting up a fight" the vampire pointed out to her and her eyes filled up with angry tears because she knew it was true.
"You can't still love me!" she told him in frustration and he looked at his feet before shifting his gaze back to her face.
"I can" he told her solemnly, "and you can't tell me that you don't still love me, because Buffy, that kiss..."
"That kiss" she cut him off, "was a mistake. It was nothing. It was just like a 'for old times sake' kind of a thing" she argued.
Angel sighed, "If that's what you want to believe..."
"It is" Buffy snapped, "Because that's what it was...now I think you should leave" she told her ex as she pulled open the window as quietly as she could and with a sad nod he moved to climb back out onto the roof. He looked back at her through the gap before she closed the window again.
"I'll see you tomorrow night" he told her and she merely nodded before closing the window and watching him descend to the ground and disappear into the night in that vampire way of his.
When she could no longer see him, Buffy went back to her bed, removed her dressing gown and climbed back under the covers. She would find no comfortable position to sleep in, and her eyes would not fully close tonight, she knew. The guilt would not let her, the mixed up feelings in her heart and head would not allow her to be peaceful. If Spike found out what she'd done he'd hit the roof, without question, and he'd probably stake Angel for daring to come into her room, nevermind kiss her.
It was one huge mess that Buffy only prayed she'd be able to fix tomorrow, with the help of Cordelia, whom she had never been so glad to have close by in her life.
During breakfast Buffy was almost completely silent.
"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Joyce checked as her daughter pushed her pancakes around he plate. Seated next to the blonde at the counter, Cordelia had almost finished up her own food.
"I'm fine" Buffy lied like a pro with a shrug of her shoulders and a fake smile.
"You are okay about me and Johnny, aren't you?" her mother pressed, the last thing she wanted to do was upset either of her daughters, she'd sooner be depressed herself.
"Yes" the blonde shook her head, putting down her fork on her plate, "honestly Mom, I'm just not hungry this morning"
Cordelia was less than convinced of her friends okay-ness and said as much as soon as the two girls were alone in Buffy's room.
"Okay, spill" the brunette demanded, as she sat on the bed. Buffy was on a stool by her vanity mirror, brushing her hair and putting on some make-up.
"Spill, what?" Buffy asked, knowing full well what her friend was talking about.
"You have been acting weird since you got up this morning" Cordelia told her, "and I'm pretty sure I heard voices in this room when you got home from patrolling last night..." she trailed off and waited for her friends response, but none came as Buffy's eyes remained on her own reflection.
"Oh my God" Cordelia gasped and Buffy spun around in some alarm, wondering why her friend suddenly sounded and looked so shocked, "It was Spike, wasn't it?" the brunette gabbled, "You had sex with Spike last night!"
"No!" Buffy immediately protested, trust Cordelia to think of something like that!
"Spike wasn't here, it was Angel" she explained in a quiet voice and her friend exploded again.
"You had sex with Angel?!"
Buffy sighed deeply and hushed her friend.
"I didn't have sex with anybody" she told an over-excited Cordelia, "Geez, one-track mind, much?"
"So, give me details" the brunette pressed as her friend came to site beside her on the edge of the bed, "Why is Angel back and why the lack of happy?"
Buffy began to explain how she and Spike had met the soulful vamp in the graveyard during patrol. She showed her the paper with the prophecy on it, before finally getting to the mixed-up feelings she was having and the part where Angel had been in the very room they sat in now.
"And then he just kissed me" she explained, "and for a minute I..." Buffy's eyes filled with tears and her voice trembled away as she remembered how she felt when Angel kissed her and afterwards how wretched she'd felt because she'd betrayed Spike.
"Buffy" Cordelia spoke softly to her friend who was almost in tears, "if all you two did was kiss and it was you that stopped it, what's the problem?" she wondered aloud.
"Spike won't understand" she shook her head and the tears from her eyes ran down her cheeks, "I don't even think I understand" she admitted.
"You still have feelings for Angel?" Cordelia guessed as Buffy looked away.
"I still care about him, he's still attractive, and on some level...I don't know what I feel for him anymore, it's been a long time and so much has changed" she spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, "I know that I do love Spike, I am totally in love with him, but..."
"But...?" the brunette prompted her teary friend to continue.
"But that's about the only thing I do know for sure right now" she cried, "I wish Angel had never come back"
Cordelia sympathised with her friend, hugging her almost-sister and telling her it would all work out, despite the fact she had no idea how. She knew Spike well enough to know he'd hit the ceiling if he ever found out what happened the night before. She also knew Angel well enough to know he didn't give up easily when he set his mind to something. Poor Buffy was stuck in the middle, with too many confused feelings and thoughts to make much sense of anything. She may be the Slayer, with the strength of ten men and all, but she was still a teenage girl with the same hormones and the same mixed emotions as any other seventeen year old female.
"What am I gonna do?" Buffy asked finally, sniffing as she sat up straight and tried to wipe her eyes dry with her hands.
"You're gonna fix up your face, paint on a smile and we're gonna go next door and talk to Giles about this prophecy" Cordelia said matter-of-factly.
"But..." Buffy began to protest - her friend was having none of it.
"No buts, Missy" she told her, "I don't allow men to turn me into a blubbering wreck and I'm not gonna let them do it to you either" she said with a forceful nod, "If Angel kissed you then you've done nothing wrong, and if your feelings are confused right now, well, there's nothing much you can do til you sort it out in your own head. So I say, most important thing right now is battling the evil, then we worry about which boyfriend you'd rather have"
Buffy almost laughed at the way Cordelia phrased it all, but she couldn't quite make it and just managed a watery smile.
"I'm glad you're here" the blonde told her best friend, "I missed you a lot"
"Missed you too" Cordelia smiled, "Now go fix that eye make-up!" she mock scolded, shoving her friend back toward the vanity mirror "Your face looks like a zebra's ass!"
To Be Continued...
