Disclaimer: No, I don't own Tamora Pierce's work! Duh! But everything else is mine! All Mine!!! Bwahahaha!!! Now on with the show!!!

AN: This is the only Disclaimer unless there's something in individual chapters... Okay... You can read now...

____________________

Pyro-chan: Hey everybody! I'm Pyro-chan!!! I'll be your host! Shh! Our guests don't know they're being watched... They thing it's just a therapy session thing... And our first guest is, none other than, ALANNA THE LIONESS OF OLUA AND PIRATE'S SWOOP!!! Shh!

Alanna: *walks in* Hello doctor...

Pyro-chan: Yo! Sit down and let's talk about your problems...

Alanna: Okay... *sighs* I'm short!

Pyro-chan: No, you're vertically challenged.

Alanna: What?

Pyro-chan: Fine, you're short...

Alanna: Oh... HEY!!! YOU CALLIN' ME SHORT?!?

Pyro-chan: Nope!

Alanna: Oh, okay... Well back to me... I'm short... *sniff* And everyone makes fun of me!!!

Pyro-chan: *nods* And how does this make you feel?

Alanna: FEEL?! IT MAKES ME ANGRY!!! ROAR!!!! *Cries* I don't like being different...

Pyro-chan: Seems you have some anger issues...

Alanna: You would too if everyone called you "Fire-top" or "Young'n" or "Hey that lad's got purple lamps!"

Pyro-chan: Fire? Where? *Looks around*

Alanna: I DON'T LIKE MY DAMN PURPLE EYES!!!

Pyro-chan: So? Now, where's that fire?

Alanna: What fire?

Pyro-chan: *eye twitches* WHAT FIRE?! WHAT FIRE?! GRRRR!!!

Alanna: *makes a face*

Pyro-chan: *pulls out rapier* DRAW YE FOOL!!!

Alanna: Roar! *Draws sword*

Pyro-chan & Alanna: *do a complex show of stage fighting pattern of head, arm, hip, head, blitz, head, arm, hip, head, blitz, etc, etc, etc...*

Pyro-chan: *lay, set, pull* Ha! I bested the Lioness!!!

Alanna: WHAT?! *Explodes* You red-eyed demon of a doctor!!! You didn't help at all!!! I'm gonna get you!!!! Ro-

Phone: *rings*

Pyro-chan: Hold on! I need to take this call... *answers phone*

Alanna: Okay! *Watches clock*

Pyro-chan: *on phone* Numair? That'll be great! Okay... ... ... Sure! Thanks! Bye! ... *Hangs up* Back! Now where were we? Oh yeah! DON'T EVERY MAKE FUN OF MY RED EYES AGAIN!!!

Alanna: SEE HOW I FEEL?

Pyro-chan: Actually, no... Sorry I don't...

Alanna: *goes berserk at this* AH!!! *Drools* *draws a war axe* *charges at Pyro-chan*

Pyro-chan: Stop! I have... A cell phone!!! *Pulls out cell* SHING! SPARKLE SPARKLE!

Alanna: *stops* Huh?

Pyro-chan: *calls someone*

Man in white suit 1: Where is she?

Pyro-chan: Right there! *Points at Alanna* MIWS 2: *grabs Alanna* Thanks...

MIWS 1: To an asylum she goes!

Men IWS & Alanna: *leave*

Pyro-chan: *shrugs* See ya next time!!! It's Numair!!!

____________________