2/26/04

Ok, this is my first attempt at anything FF related so be gentle. It's small, amateur stuff on purpose 'cause I don't want to start off by doing something big and have it end up sucking. And we know this sort of thing has been done before, but that means this type is at least a safe field in which one can begin. Here goes! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Joan's Journal – 1

I can't believe how stupid I am! How many moments were perfect for setting the record straight and then how many times did I blow it?! Leave it to me to kill a sure thing like this. I so want to beat myself up right now. Actually, no, that won't be needed. We ALL know whose fault this is. Why can't I beat you up? Huh, big guy?! Yeah, I know you know what I'm thinking! Or writing... or whatever. This is all your fault! You told me to "stick to the schedule" and made Adam – or "A" - ask that stupid girl to that stupid concert and now they're perfect for each other and they're gonna get married and have 40 stupid children and live happily ever STUPID after. You heard what Grace said. She thinks so, too. What am I gonna do? Wait! I know! I'll go out on a date with somebody else and rub it in Adam's face make him really jealous. That's perfect! Now, think, who can I ask, what guys do I know... FRIEDMAN! - - - Woah, did I just say I would ask Friedman on a date? Eesh, you really are losing it, Girardi. What am I supposed to do about this? There's no way I can just stand by and allow all this to happen right in front of my eyes! Adam and I have already gone through so much together. I really, really like him and care so much about him. He has to at least know that a little. Well, I'm sure he knows it but I guess the question is does he care? He used to. I've been so horrible to him I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't anymore. Ok, so we've established whether he knows or cares is beyond me. Already knew that. So where are we now? Same friggin place we started! All because this is one giant circle leading nowhere that's all been designed to irritate and confuse me. And here's the answer staring me straight in the face: Iris is just better for him. They are just plain better together. Better than he'd be with me, anyways. Ha, there's something I'll never accept. Or, how bout answer #2? GOD CAN REALLY SUCK!!! That's right! I said SUCK! Actually, I think it's a nice, even mixture of both. Jackass.