The Legend of Wario Ware, Inc.
Jimmy
General Surgeons Warning: Although most of these characters are from the Universe of Mario be warned there are some taken from other places or have made up myself.
Derek continued his path to Club Sugar. Supposedly Club Sugar is where Jimmy T. "The Disco King" stayed for most of his day. Heck Legend has it he lives there. Derek knocked on the door of Club Sugar. After waiting 10 minutes he then realized Club Sugar was a public place and anyone could enter without knocking. That would explain why some kids pointed and laughed at him earlier. They also threw garbage at him. Entering the Club he found it was like a 70's flashback. And he wasn't even born in the 70's. And as if my magic Derek knew what Jimmy looked like and walked straight up to him. "Disco Jimmy has got the groove! What the? Who are you?" "Well see I'm the War-" "Don't you be making up lies to Jimmy T. You just threw off my groove man!" Some rather big men threw Derek out. Actually threw threw him out the window. It probably hurt. So after regrouping Derek walked back into Club Sugar for a 2nd attempt. "Oho! Coming back for Round 2 eh? Well then we can't-" Just then Jimmy's phone rang. "Hello, Jimmy T. Disco King at your service. Oh hey boss!..... Yeah I was chilling here at the club with all the other cool cats.....Yeah I remember that game tester ad you sent out for.....Ya got someone? What does he look like? Oh!Oh.Oh....Yeah I threw him out by accident......I couldn't help it! He threw off my groove!....The punishment for throwing one more person out?....No! Not that! C'mon! Anything BUT that!.......Ok, now that you mention it its not THAT bad......All right All right now I see....K' boss! I'll let him know." And he hung up. Apparently Jimmy's "punishment" was that he was receiving "virtual" spam mail from Wario. Yeah see Wario typed up like 20-some ideas and sent them to Jimmy and Jimmy will do this thing where he presses buttons and the idea becomes reality. Come to think of it Wario didn't type them up but his sport-loving neighbor Mr.Bertalix. So yeah thats the deal. And thus Jimmy took Derek to the back room that no one uses. Mainly cause it smells of pickles. "So...You wanna play my games huh? OK. Lets rock!" And he unleashed the 1st of the spam mail.
The 1st thing unleashed was a log set atop two bricks. Recalling his wretched days in karate class Derek realized that the only way to chop the log was to be log the log. Or focus your energy and smash it into two pieces. Or something along those lines. So Derek gathered his strength and hit the log straight the down the center. Now breaking this sentence down we see that he hit the log and he hit the center of it. "OW! My hand! It pains! It pains with the intensity of a thousand suns!" BEEP! A statue of a dog with an apple atop its head appeared. Using a bow and arrow Derek had but one shot to get the apple. And multiple times playing as Link sort of helped. He actually hit the apple which was a surprise to everyone. BEEP! A guy appeared and Derek's right hand became an immense Baseball Mitt. The guy must've been a good pitcher cause he pitched fast. And thanks to the immense size of the mitt Derek caught it. BEEP! The guy started to jump on a trampoline but this guy wasn't very coordinated so his landing spot would not be pretty. Like that episode of The Simpsons when they...oh right the story. Well Derek came in at the nick of time to move the trampoline so that the guy would land on it. Which is odd cause trampolines are heavy and.... I gotta stop side-tracking...
BEEP! A bowling alley. With but one pin at that. Derek was commonly a Gutter ball Master. I tell you there's this one time where he got 10 Gutter balls. It was hilarious. They threw bowling shoes at him and he cried for 2 days. You had to have been there! So he readied his shot and threw the ball. Lo, it struck! It struck mightily! BEEP! That one guy was a pitcher again. Except this time Derek's hand turned into an immense baseball bat. And he whacked that ball out of the park! Wait they're not in a park they're in a building. So yeah he broke a window then. It also hit a man selling tacos. What awkward luck! BEEP! Derek and that guy started to play tennis. They did a rally and thats about it. BEEP! Derek found himself trying to swim to the end of a pool side. When he got there 3 men in speedos started dancing and everyone averted their gaze.
BEEP! Derek was about to toss a hammer. However he wasn't at all strong. So he immediately dropped it on his foot. "When oh WHEN WILL IT END?" He yelled jumping up and down. BEEP! He was on a unicycle balancing some bricks. Why does this suddenly remind me of The Cat in the Hat? Oh yeah Derek fell. What? You think after the hammer accident he'd be balancing bricks on a unicycle? Lets see you do it Mr.Hotshot! BEEP! Derek had to putt a golf ball into a hole. It was kind of simple. Even if it made Par. BEEP! Derek was skiing down a hill.....wait...but its in a building....you cant....I'm not gonna ask....All in all he had to jump a ramp. Which he surprisingly did.
BEEP! This time Derek had to jump on clouds to get to the top of a mountain. Ignoring the laws of mass he accomplished it quite nicely. BEEP! Derek had to jump to the top of a human pyramid. Hold on I'm going to go check with my supervisor if were allowed to cover that. Well we can skip it for now. Thank heavens. BEEP! Derek had to lift up some dumbbells. After reading about the Hammer toss incident I hope you realize what happened to him by now... "OW! BY FOOT! TWICE IN ONE SITTING! THIS IS THE WORST PAIN EVER!" Silly Derek! Thinking he can escape the cruel emotion of pain! Er yes moving on. BEEP! Derek had to play Curling. Curling? What on Earth is Curling? "Curling is a type of sport, dude! Jimmy knows all about it!" Well then what do you have to do? "And does it involve my feet getting hurt some more?" "Its on ice I think..." I thought you said you knew all about curling. "Well I lied...but it makes a great pick up line! Chicks dig Curling!" How do you know? "Because I said so!" "Oh yes THAT makes sense!" I have to give it to him, Derek, he does. "Yeah easy for YOU to say! You get to sit on your fancy chair telling this story while I have to do over 200 ridiculous tasks" Oh and you think telling it is easy? Well I have to suffer too you know! C'mon Jimmy! Lets go grab some coffee! "But Jimmy T. wants to finish the story!" Fine! Fine! Well have it your way just as long as someone puts up that 4th wall.
BEEP! Derek had to throw a basketball in a hoop. You can trust me on this one when I say he isn't Like Mike. BEEP! Derek had to jump over hurdles. Derek isn't a high jumper. He's in constant pain right now. The kind you get when you run at a constant speed and try to jump over a hurdle but you land mid-jump. Yeah. BEEP! Derek had to block a soccer ball from entering the net. Good thing he's good at blocking. BEEP! Derek had to play jump rope. Hey speaking of you remember in grade school when you had to play jump rope and had to do those silly nursey-rhymes? Well here's one for the 3 of you that still jump rope.
Wario,Wario likes his gold How many in millions can he hold?
Then you do that silly counting thing every time you jump. Though I honestly I don't see why jumping over the rope effects the amount of currency Wario has. Its preposterous!
BEEP! Derek had to jump on a trampoline high enough until he could hit a bell. The sad thing is he hit it with his head. BEEP! Derek had to spike a volleyball. I really cant add-on to that. BEEP! Derek had to Jump over some blocks on a skating board. It was an incredible mix of balance and something else! Lets call it patience! Yeah thats it! And after Derek mastered jumping over the bricks they canceled Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5. Now they're doing Tony Hawk Kids in Tony Hawks Pro Scooter! Actually I'm lieing but it'd be a crazy idea. BEEP! Derek was snow boarding. He had to avoid a big snowball. He failed. Yeah thats kind of why he wasn't in 1080 Avalanche.
"Well thats the last of the spam mails, kid. The nightmare is finally over." Just when Jimmy Spoke those words some men crashed through the wall. One was wearing what a green TV shaped thing around his head. One was wearing a Blue Mask. One was wearing some freaky yellow eyepiece thing. Like Burger King's old mascot. Remember? with that Kid who had the remote? Oh forget it..."Hey! Who are you uncool folk? We don't appreciate guys like you coming in like that! And no song and dance number!" "We are the Rejected Punch-Out Boxers Who say 'Ni'!" said the green guy. "Wait when have we ever said 'Ni'? I haven't said 'Ni'. Hey Yellow! Have you ever said 'Ni'? Who says 'Ni'?" queried the blue. "Well I've said 'Ni'. Like once. It was that time you guys did that thing and I was alone. I said 'Ni' then." "The heck you did!" And green and blue started to get in a fight. "Well Well it looks like its just yous two and me!" "Hey! Look over to your left dude!" "Eh?" Jimmy delivered a quick left uppercut to Yellow. "Ooo you got me that time but next time you wont-" But Jimmy did it again. "I think I should learn how to defend...." But before he regained that skill Jimmy delivered 2 more punches. "That is it Blue Hair! You're going down!" And Yellow started to charge up and knocked Jimmy T. Right outta the park. Wait once more I have to tell myself that were in a building. So Jimmy landed in a dumpster outside the Club. Derek couldn't do it. He couldn't beat up a large man wearing a yellow eyepiece. Not after what he did to Jimmy. So using my magical powers of narration I say that the yellow guy is defeated. So there. Oh and the other 2 guys are gone too I guess.
"Smooth Groove!' said Jimmy as Derek pulled him out of the dumpster. "You're moving on to the next 3 man!" So Jimmy called up Dribble and Spitz,Mona, and 9-Volt. Which is weird. "Now what is it dude?" Well if you recall I rushed 9-Volts,Kat,and Ana's introduction to the WarioWare universe in a pathetic manner. So I'm kind of surprised you know their phone numbers. "Because I said so!" "I have to give it to him, Wariofan, he's right." WHAT? Hey! you can't use my own lines against me! Oh I am so telling my lawyer! "You're suing a character you created? How genius!" Shut up! SHUT UP! "Put up that 4th Wall Jimmy!"
"Wait a second kid, don't leave just yet! Is that a GBA you got there? Let me see it." "What are doing to it?" "Don't worry, man. Special cartridge here. I've been given orders if you were to make it this far." Jimmy pressed some buttons. It kind of looks like fun. Getting control of that magical handheld device...."I uploaded Dr.Mario. onto that for you. Except its a 'newer' version. Try it yourself. Oh and come over here I want you to play this Jump Forever game with me!" "Jump...Forever?" "Oh its just that jump rope game...except LONGER!" "Well all right" "Way cool, man! Wario, Wario, likes his gold. How many in millions can he hold? 1...2...3...4..." And so as we leave these 2 to play that silly little jump roping game the camera pans out and the next chapter of this tory shall be created sometime or another. And Id like to make a note that this newly installed 4th wall is made of that stuff the Black Hole Army uses in Advance Wars 2. So NOBODY can break it down! So see you next time. Same WarioWare Time...Same WarioWare Channel.
END JIMMY
Jimmy
General Surgeons Warning: Although most of these characters are from the Universe of Mario be warned there are some taken from other places or have made up myself.
Derek continued his path to Club Sugar. Supposedly Club Sugar is where Jimmy T. "The Disco King" stayed for most of his day. Heck Legend has it he lives there. Derek knocked on the door of Club Sugar. After waiting 10 minutes he then realized Club Sugar was a public place and anyone could enter without knocking. That would explain why some kids pointed and laughed at him earlier. They also threw garbage at him. Entering the Club he found it was like a 70's flashback. And he wasn't even born in the 70's. And as if my magic Derek knew what Jimmy looked like and walked straight up to him. "Disco Jimmy has got the groove! What the? Who are you?" "Well see I'm the War-" "Don't you be making up lies to Jimmy T. You just threw off my groove man!" Some rather big men threw Derek out. Actually threw threw him out the window. It probably hurt. So after regrouping Derek walked back into Club Sugar for a 2nd attempt. "Oho! Coming back for Round 2 eh? Well then we can't-" Just then Jimmy's phone rang. "Hello, Jimmy T. Disco King at your service. Oh hey boss!..... Yeah I was chilling here at the club with all the other cool cats.....Yeah I remember that game tester ad you sent out for.....Ya got someone? What does he look like? Oh!Oh.Oh....Yeah I threw him out by accident......I couldn't help it! He threw off my groove!....The punishment for throwing one more person out?....No! Not that! C'mon! Anything BUT that!.......Ok, now that you mention it its not THAT bad......All right All right now I see....K' boss! I'll let him know." And he hung up. Apparently Jimmy's "punishment" was that he was receiving "virtual" spam mail from Wario. Yeah see Wario typed up like 20-some ideas and sent them to Jimmy and Jimmy will do this thing where he presses buttons and the idea becomes reality. Come to think of it Wario didn't type them up but his sport-loving neighbor Mr.Bertalix. So yeah thats the deal. And thus Jimmy took Derek to the back room that no one uses. Mainly cause it smells of pickles. "So...You wanna play my games huh? OK. Lets rock!" And he unleashed the 1st of the spam mail.
The 1st thing unleashed was a log set atop two bricks. Recalling his wretched days in karate class Derek realized that the only way to chop the log was to be log the log. Or focus your energy and smash it into two pieces. Or something along those lines. So Derek gathered his strength and hit the log straight the down the center. Now breaking this sentence down we see that he hit the log and he hit the center of it. "OW! My hand! It pains! It pains with the intensity of a thousand suns!" BEEP! A statue of a dog with an apple atop its head appeared. Using a bow and arrow Derek had but one shot to get the apple. And multiple times playing as Link sort of helped. He actually hit the apple which was a surprise to everyone. BEEP! A guy appeared and Derek's right hand became an immense Baseball Mitt. The guy must've been a good pitcher cause he pitched fast. And thanks to the immense size of the mitt Derek caught it. BEEP! The guy started to jump on a trampoline but this guy wasn't very coordinated so his landing spot would not be pretty. Like that episode of The Simpsons when they...oh right the story. Well Derek came in at the nick of time to move the trampoline so that the guy would land on it. Which is odd cause trampolines are heavy and.... I gotta stop side-tracking...
BEEP! A bowling alley. With but one pin at that. Derek was commonly a Gutter ball Master. I tell you there's this one time where he got 10 Gutter balls. It was hilarious. They threw bowling shoes at him and he cried for 2 days. You had to have been there! So he readied his shot and threw the ball. Lo, it struck! It struck mightily! BEEP! That one guy was a pitcher again. Except this time Derek's hand turned into an immense baseball bat. And he whacked that ball out of the park! Wait they're not in a park they're in a building. So yeah he broke a window then. It also hit a man selling tacos. What awkward luck! BEEP! Derek and that guy started to play tennis. They did a rally and thats about it. BEEP! Derek found himself trying to swim to the end of a pool side. When he got there 3 men in speedos started dancing and everyone averted their gaze.
BEEP! Derek was about to toss a hammer. However he wasn't at all strong. So he immediately dropped it on his foot. "When oh WHEN WILL IT END?" He yelled jumping up and down. BEEP! He was on a unicycle balancing some bricks. Why does this suddenly remind me of The Cat in the Hat? Oh yeah Derek fell. What? You think after the hammer accident he'd be balancing bricks on a unicycle? Lets see you do it Mr.Hotshot! BEEP! Derek had to putt a golf ball into a hole. It was kind of simple. Even if it made Par. BEEP! Derek was skiing down a hill.....wait...but its in a building....you cant....I'm not gonna ask....All in all he had to jump a ramp. Which he surprisingly did.
BEEP! This time Derek had to jump on clouds to get to the top of a mountain. Ignoring the laws of mass he accomplished it quite nicely. BEEP! Derek had to jump to the top of a human pyramid. Hold on I'm going to go check with my supervisor if were allowed to cover that. Well we can skip it for now. Thank heavens. BEEP! Derek had to lift up some dumbbells. After reading about the Hammer toss incident I hope you realize what happened to him by now... "OW! BY FOOT! TWICE IN ONE SITTING! THIS IS THE WORST PAIN EVER!" Silly Derek! Thinking he can escape the cruel emotion of pain! Er yes moving on. BEEP! Derek had to play Curling. Curling? What on Earth is Curling? "Curling is a type of sport, dude! Jimmy knows all about it!" Well then what do you have to do? "And does it involve my feet getting hurt some more?" "Its on ice I think..." I thought you said you knew all about curling. "Well I lied...but it makes a great pick up line! Chicks dig Curling!" How do you know? "Because I said so!" "Oh yes THAT makes sense!" I have to give it to him, Derek, he does. "Yeah easy for YOU to say! You get to sit on your fancy chair telling this story while I have to do over 200 ridiculous tasks" Oh and you think telling it is easy? Well I have to suffer too you know! C'mon Jimmy! Lets go grab some coffee! "But Jimmy T. wants to finish the story!" Fine! Fine! Well have it your way just as long as someone puts up that 4th wall.
BEEP! Derek had to throw a basketball in a hoop. You can trust me on this one when I say he isn't Like Mike. BEEP! Derek had to jump over hurdles. Derek isn't a high jumper. He's in constant pain right now. The kind you get when you run at a constant speed and try to jump over a hurdle but you land mid-jump. Yeah. BEEP! Derek had to block a soccer ball from entering the net. Good thing he's good at blocking. BEEP! Derek had to play jump rope. Hey speaking of you remember in grade school when you had to play jump rope and had to do those silly nursey-rhymes? Well here's one for the 3 of you that still jump rope.
Wario,Wario likes his gold How many in millions can he hold?
Then you do that silly counting thing every time you jump. Though I honestly I don't see why jumping over the rope effects the amount of currency Wario has. Its preposterous!
BEEP! Derek had to jump on a trampoline high enough until he could hit a bell. The sad thing is he hit it with his head. BEEP! Derek had to spike a volleyball. I really cant add-on to that. BEEP! Derek had to Jump over some blocks on a skating board. It was an incredible mix of balance and something else! Lets call it patience! Yeah thats it! And after Derek mastered jumping over the bricks they canceled Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5. Now they're doing Tony Hawk Kids in Tony Hawks Pro Scooter! Actually I'm lieing but it'd be a crazy idea. BEEP! Derek was snow boarding. He had to avoid a big snowball. He failed. Yeah thats kind of why he wasn't in 1080 Avalanche.
"Well thats the last of the spam mails, kid. The nightmare is finally over." Just when Jimmy Spoke those words some men crashed through the wall. One was wearing what a green TV shaped thing around his head. One was wearing a Blue Mask. One was wearing some freaky yellow eyepiece thing. Like Burger King's old mascot. Remember? with that Kid who had the remote? Oh forget it..."Hey! Who are you uncool folk? We don't appreciate guys like you coming in like that! And no song and dance number!" "We are the Rejected Punch-Out Boxers Who say 'Ni'!" said the green guy. "Wait when have we ever said 'Ni'? I haven't said 'Ni'. Hey Yellow! Have you ever said 'Ni'? Who says 'Ni'?" queried the blue. "Well I've said 'Ni'. Like once. It was that time you guys did that thing and I was alone. I said 'Ni' then." "The heck you did!" And green and blue started to get in a fight. "Well Well it looks like its just yous two and me!" "Hey! Look over to your left dude!" "Eh?" Jimmy delivered a quick left uppercut to Yellow. "Ooo you got me that time but next time you wont-" But Jimmy did it again. "I think I should learn how to defend...." But before he regained that skill Jimmy delivered 2 more punches. "That is it Blue Hair! You're going down!" And Yellow started to charge up and knocked Jimmy T. Right outta the park. Wait once more I have to tell myself that were in a building. So Jimmy landed in a dumpster outside the Club. Derek couldn't do it. He couldn't beat up a large man wearing a yellow eyepiece. Not after what he did to Jimmy. So using my magical powers of narration I say that the yellow guy is defeated. So there. Oh and the other 2 guys are gone too I guess.
"Smooth Groove!' said Jimmy as Derek pulled him out of the dumpster. "You're moving on to the next 3 man!" So Jimmy called up Dribble and Spitz,Mona, and 9-Volt. Which is weird. "Now what is it dude?" Well if you recall I rushed 9-Volts,Kat,and Ana's introduction to the WarioWare universe in a pathetic manner. So I'm kind of surprised you know their phone numbers. "Because I said so!" "I have to give it to him, Wariofan, he's right." WHAT? Hey! you can't use my own lines against me! Oh I am so telling my lawyer! "You're suing a character you created? How genius!" Shut up! SHUT UP! "Put up that 4th Wall Jimmy!"
"Wait a second kid, don't leave just yet! Is that a GBA you got there? Let me see it." "What are doing to it?" "Don't worry, man. Special cartridge here. I've been given orders if you were to make it this far." Jimmy pressed some buttons. It kind of looks like fun. Getting control of that magical handheld device...."I uploaded Dr.Mario. onto that for you. Except its a 'newer' version. Try it yourself. Oh and come over here I want you to play this Jump Forever game with me!" "Jump...Forever?" "Oh its just that jump rope game...except LONGER!" "Well all right" "Way cool, man! Wario, Wario, likes his gold. How many in millions can he hold? 1...2...3...4..." And so as we leave these 2 to play that silly little jump roping game the camera pans out and the next chapter of this tory shall be created sometime or another. And Id like to make a note that this newly installed 4th wall is made of that stuff the Black Hole Army uses in Advance Wars 2. So NOBODY can break it down! So see you next time. Same WarioWare Time...Same WarioWare Channel.
END JIMMY
