A Million Stars

As Gordie was arriving at home, Chris woke up abruptly on the other side of town. He was disorientated and it took him a couple of minutes to realise where he was. Then the pain hit. His whole side felt like it was on fire, the pain in his ribs sent shudders up and down his body. He could barely even sit up.

"Shiiiiiiiit" Chris whispered and the syllable stretched into nothingness.

Chris forced himself to sit up then stand up and then he hobbled to the window and looked outside.

It was a cloudless night and he could see the stars overhead. Chris liked the night, it was so peaceful, night was friendlier than day; night did not judge. Chris opened the front door as quietly as possible and stepped outside. He stood on the grass and gazed into the sky. It helped him think. Chris reached in the pocket of his jeans and removed his rosary beads. He didn't even know whether he believed in God but the rosary comforted him and clutching it in one hand he sat down on the damp grass.

   His primary concern tonight was his family. Chris prayed that Mr Chambers had not returned to the house tonight, sometimes he found himself wishing his father would die. The thought shocked him; he was the peacemaker not the violent one. But the thought persisted and on empty, starry nights like this one he found his thoughts drifting to a world without Mr Chambers. Chris hated his dad with everything he had, he hated everything his dad represented. Mr Chambers was the ultimate villain, he had never supported his son in any way and he had the whole family under his control. Chris knew in a vague distant way that his mom cared for him, but the truth was for all practical purposes the only person Chris had ever really been able to rely on was Gordie. This brought him to his second concern. Gordie was spiralling away under stress and Chris did not know how to help him. He wished he knew what to say but he couldn't. Unlike Chris, Gordie lived life through feelings. The fact that Gordie lived on his feelings and the opinions of others made his parents rejection of him all the more painful. Gordie didn't like to talk about it much, but Chris knew that Gordie was living in a house where he was silently hated or worse than that, ignored completely. Sometimes Chris felt hatred towards Gordie's father. Sometimes when he saw how Gordie searched for his father's approval he felt almost sick inside.

  It hit Chris like a ton of bricks then why this argument with Gordie was tearing him up so much. Neither boy had much of a family. They had few other friends and though at times they had girlfriends it had never amounted to much yet. All they really had was each other; if they turned their backs on this friendship then they were effectively abandoning ship. But at the same time this reliance on each other was just as damaging. Worse than that, Chris feared deep inside that he was holding Gordie back. Now that was the kind of thought that could keep him up at night. Forget Mr Chambers, forget school, forget everyone. Everyone except Gordie.

Chris looked at the stars and wished they could answer him.

Gordie lay on his bed and scribbled words down in a notebook, not a story, not a diary, just random sentences. He felt lost and he kept thinking about what Emma had told him. Maybe she was just lying he reasoned, after all she didn't seem that sharp and how would she know anyway?

He had his window open and the sounds of the night crept into his room. Castle Rock was so quiet at this time, so dead. Gordie wished his father would go to sleep so he could sneak out and visit Chris but he could still hear him in the next room. He was trapped and helpless.

   It was a long time before Gordie fell asleep.

Across town Teddy had just arrived at the tree house. As he pulled himself up the ladder he felt a weird loneliness strike him. He was not tired and he couldn't sleep even if he wanted to; his mind was full. Teddy sat down on the bench seat inside and gazed out the window. He lit a cigarette but instead of smoking it he just kept it in his hand and watched the smoke curl upwards towards the stars. Starry nights like this kept him up. He felt like his thoughts could roam all the way across the universe, and back again without being stopped. The sky was limitless and intimidating.

   Like most nights like this Teddy found himself thinking about his father. When he was younger his father had been complete, a hero, a good man. Now he was older and less innocent and his mind spat out harsh questions. Teddy rubbed his left ear and felt the familiar sickness in the back of his throat. He tried not to think about his ears, he wore his blond hair long to cover them and he was so accustomed to it, that he barely noticed the thin wire of his hearing aid that snaked down the front of his t-shirt and into the box he kept in his pocket. But on nights like this he thought of nothing else. Who was Mr Duchamp? Teddy no longer knew. He remembered every comment that anyone ever uttered about his father and now they echoed in his mind and they confused him. Teddy wished he could simply love his father like he had before but he couldn't, it was no longer that simple. Mr Duchamp had burned his ears; his father was the reason he had to wear a hearing aid. How could his father be a good man if he had done that? Teddy tried to wave the thoughts away but they stuck in his mind. His father was a good man, wasn't he? 'He stormed the beaches' Teddy muttered to himself but the words no longer convinced him. How could he have lost faith in his father? It was inconceivable, if he lost faith in his father that was the end.

Teddy put his cigarette out on his arm in punishment, how could he even be thinking these thoughts? Then he closed his eyes and tried to banish the thoughts to another realm, away from him so that he could just sleep in peace. But the universe is vast and his thoughts roamed all night amongst the stars. A million stars.