I'll Stand By You
Chris was just finishing his coke when he saw a figure come running down the street towards him. He realised who it was too late to do anything and then Gordie was standing right in front of him.
"Oh my God," Gordie whispered. He was almost speechless with horror.
Chris tried to smile around the bruises but he couldn't quite fake it. "What's up man?" he asked.
"What…. what happened?" Gordie choked out. Even though it was pretty obvious, he still had to ask. He felt frozen. Sure, he had been expecting that Chris had taken a beating but the severity of this attack both shocked and amazed him.
Chris stood up. "Nothin' much." He shrugged. "My dad's on kind of a mean streak, you know how it is." Then, as if realising what poor justice his words did he smiled wryly.
Gordie opened his mouth but no sound came out. He tried to formulate a sentence, hell a single word would do but nothing came.
"It's not as bad as it looks," Chris said. "You didn't need to come all the way over here." Then as the thought occurred to him, "how'd you know where I was?"
"Eyeball," Gordie said and the word caught in his throat so that it came out in a weird jerky way.
"Yeah?" Chris asked, and then more quietly "that bastard never could keep a secret."
Gordie found his voice. "Why did it have to be a secret?"
"You don't need to worry about me Gordie," Chris said and there was a note of impatience in his voice. "I can take care of myself."
Gordie felt all twisted up inside. Chris's rejection had struck something and he felt wrenched all over the place.
"*Nobody* can handle this shit alone," Gordie said.
Chris looked away and his blue eyes were dead so that when he turned back to Gordie, Gordie felt a chill go all the way down to his toes. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of him. Chris's eyes were empty and his skin behind the bruise was ashy. It seemed as if everything around them had been silenced. It was just the two of them and Chris was building up some invisible barrier.
"I don't want you to worry about me." Chris said softly. "Gordie you got too much of your own shit going on you don't need me dragging you down."
"You're not dragging me down!" Gordie protested.
"Yes I am," Chris said sharply. "You think that if I wasn't there you would still be getting shit from teachers? No fuckin' way man. You get shit from teachers like Bonds *because* of me. I fuckin' drag you down man, you'd better believe it."
Gordie's eyes widened. "That's bullshit!" He was angry now. "You're my best friend man and that bastard Bonds would be on my case either way."
"It's not bullshit Gordie!" Chris cried and there was a trace of desperation in his voice. "I've been thinking about it and I know it's true. The Chambers name carries on, everyone knows who the fuck I am and it's a curse. Don't let it be your curse too."
Gordie stared at Chris in silent horror. Chris carried everything, everything inside and now it seemed like he was taking full responsibility for Gordie's shit on top of his own load. Chris had always blamed himself for everything and it scared Gordie now because he saw that Chris always would.
Chris was standing here talking and he could have been forty or fifty or a hundred years old. He was ageless because he was dead. Gordie would have run away if he hadn't been glued to the spot by fear.
"Don't take responsibility for my shit!" Gordie said and his voice shook with anger. "It happens because of *me*. If I'm being dragged down it's my own doing not yours!"
Chris turned tired eyes on his friend. "You keep taking my shit and making it your responsibility. It's wrong Gordie and if it keeps happening you're going to wake up in ten years and you won't know who the fuck you are. I can handle myself, you've got shit at home don't let me bring you down man."
"Chris," Gordie said desperately, pleadingly. "No one has to be strong all the time."
Chris smiled faintly as if from a million miles away. "Only the strong survive Gord-o."
"Yes but you don't have to be strong alone man, I'm here. I'm standing *by* you man, you know it."
Gordie's words fell on deaf ears, Chris had already turned away.
"Go back to school man, don't stay here with my shit," Chris said and his voice was coming from the end of a corridor.
Gordie watched as Chris walked away and he couldn't have gone after him even if he had wanted to. He was pinned down, speechless with horror and he felt a lump in his throat. Chris scared him because Chris really and truly believed he was to blame for everything that happened around him. Gordie felt as if they were climbing a mountain on the same rope, only at the top Chris had suddenly announced that he were putting too much weight on the rope and had cut himself loose. Gordie could feel the snow beneath his hands as he watched as Chris fell into the darkness and Chris was smiling. Chris was fucking smiling because he thought he had set Gordie free.
"I can't survive without you," Gordie whispered to himself and the realisation was not a surprise because hadn't he known it all along? I need Chris he thought blindly and it hurts because he doesn't need me.
A/N-I'm pretty bad on the computer and I can't figure out how to get chapters uploaded with the nice italics they have when they're on my screen, so from now on I'm using * to symbolise what was once beautiful italics.
