Noir
By spheeris1
Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]
Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'
[used lyrics from 'Both Sides Now' by Judy Collins a couple chapters back…]
~~~
You lay it out like a map.
Rivers for your life, interstates for your fate, cities where you laughed and capitals where you cried…here, on this piece of paper, is your story.
Now that you can tell it, you are Atlas in a predicament…the world is simultaneously lifted and dropped upon your shoulders.
The weight of the past you ran from, the pain you hid from.
The heavy feeling of love lost and innocence tainted.
And the oceans hold your future, beckoning you further into yourself---you remember those words, they echoed in your ears as you fell a million miles from the duel arena, as you were raised upward by hatred---
'Deeper. Go deeper.'
It would have been easy for you…yes, one of those easy choices that you know about in this life…to just absorb the agony and martyr yourself.
But the lights went out. The elevator shut down.
The castle kicked you out for your time of nobility was over in this land.
And you were born again, not knowing of the lives before this one…and yet they are all the same one, they are all the same map…
You never understood why it was always so faded and worn, like you felt some days--used and tired and holding fearful memories--funny how you can remove things from your soul, funny how you can be one person and yet, be another person all together.
Duality. Spilt.
But you can smile now as you let them all know, let them all see and let them all drag the images back once more…
You are now as one.
~
'I don't understand…I don't remember you, okay? When you had that ring on and then said you never went to school there…I just thought that the ring chose you, that is all.' Miki said, edging off the couch and standing up.
Utena watched him from the table, picking at her take-out. Miki's order was untouched.
'I was there with you. With Juri and Touga and Saionji and Nanami and Shiori…all of you. I just…I just tried to make it all go away, I think. I was hiding just like the rest of you.' Utena sighed and pushed her food away, her appetite disappearing in the face of her weariness.
'Did Juri remember you?'
Utena shook her head 'no'. 'I don't think so.'
'Did Anthy?' Miki asked quietly.
Utena didn't have to think twice…some things you just know, gut instinct and old knowledge…even a little bit of private investigator savvy…Utena looked up at Miki, smiling.
'She always remembered.'
~
Anthy lingered by the gate, following the design with her fingers.
Nice cold iron, never to be dismantled by weather or time. An industrial rose to keep you in and to keep the world out…
Boot-heels clicked behind her, but Anthy still held magical abilities--she could still see without looking, hear inaudible sounds, speak unknown languages.
'He misses you.' Anthy said quietly.
A hand joined hers on the bars, gripped at a section that dipped downward.
'I miss him, but not enough to stop playing.' Kozue replied.
Anthy smiled then, for she understood Kozue very well in this moment. She looked over at the girl, wearing her Black Rose outfit…a very vocal display of power.
Kozue let a small grin turn up her red red lips.
'You and I have a lot in common.'
'Do we?'
Kozue nodded in the affirmative, leaning against the gate with her back so she could see Anthy more clearly. The Rose Bride no more--Anthy was the picture of beauty, long flowing violet tresses and calm confidence in those green eyes--Kozue preferred the girl this way.
'Tenjou is coming.' Kozue stated.
'Yes.'
'And the others?'
'Yes, them as well.'
'And you are going to betray them?'
'What do you think?'
Kozue laughed then, an unusually happy sound in a realm of eerie silences.
'I think Akio is a boy and you have outgrown him.'
Anthy laughed then herself, following the blue-haired girls train-of-thought now.
'You want to put your loyalties with me?' Anthy questioned.
'Is that so bad?'
But I won't be here for that long, dear child…when all is said and done, I will be forever gone…
Anthy leaned closer, placing her lips to Kozue's ear and whispered a small prayer in another tongue, Kozue's eyes growing dim and dull.
'This revolution will be the last…after this, no one will ever have to duel with their heart again. Even girls like you and I, Kozue.'
And then Anthy walked away, letting Kozue come to and look after her curiously, wondering if time really did stop for an endless moment.
And time is the flower's mistress, holding seconds back before the hours take over and the minutes revolt…before the clock becomes an unholy riot…
~
She had been waiting for that call…
Utena woke up on the couch, that sentence running through her mind…as it has for days and days and days…
She asked Miki to stay. She tried to convince him and, sometimes, he would stare at her…his eyes searching her out, trying to see past layers of skin…then he would fall back into his chair, brow furrowed and head aching.
But now, as Utena sat up and stretched, she felt a stare on her. Utena looked to her right and found Miki's eyes, wide and unblinking.
'What? What is it?'
'You.'
'Me?'
'I remember you.'
Utena matched his facial expression, leaning forward and taking his hands.
'Are you sure?' She asked. Miki nodded.
'I was looking for a trigger. You said you believe the sword brought the memories back…I thought the piano might, but then I realized that it could not--that is my memory, my painful past. I needed something you and I would have shared somehow…then I remembered the ring.'
Utena looked at her hand, the silver shining like always, whether day or night.
'My ring made you remember?'
'We are duelists. I have that ring, though I have not worn it in so long…no need to in this world. But if I believed you, then this would connect us…so I brought mine back out. And when I put it on, when I did that…Tenjou-san, it all came back. I remember you, I really and truly do…'
And Utena didn't mind being pulled into a hug, in fact it felt safe and comforting--like a friend you have not seen in ages coming back to you--Utena hugged him back fiercely.
'I'm sorry it took me so long, Tenjou-san.'
'It's Utena now, Miki-kun.'
Miki laughed and pulled away. 'Then you must call me just Miki.'
'Agreed.' Utena smiled in return.
And then the phone rang, cutting through the brief moment of happiness and reminding Utena of the journey ahead.
Back to the past, back to the scene of the crime, back to the End of the World and the castle in the sky and eternity…
Back to fight once more, all for you, my Princess…all for you…
~
You talk to him, but inside, you are scared.
Despite your words and your deeds, you get tense now. Holding this weapon, this metal blade fashioned from your blood, you thought it would come quick to you.
But no, not with his velvet-voice over the wires…his speech all at once sweet and cutting…he tells you he has been waiting for you, for years and years, for you to return to the joy the two of you could have…
And you tell him to go to hell. And you tell him you are coming to kill him.
He just laughs at you, like he always does.
He begs you to hurry, to run, to drive fast and fly at high speeds…he wants you to bring your friends…he loves a good party, you know?
He asks you how it is out there, in the cold and lonely and narrow world beyond his cherished galaxy.
And you tell him it is not great, but it is better than a lie.
Better than a lie…so much better…
Then why are you coming back? He questions.
But he already knows the answer.
You hang up the phone and prepare to do battle with the most dangerous of opponents: Yourself of a time long ago.
~~~
TBC
