Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any characters and/or places thereof. The soup story is from the extended film of The Two Towers and the riddle is from puzzledonkey.com.

*****

"Pupils!" Faramir considered for a moment. "That one's old," he added.

Arwen answered for Legolas, "So is he!" Legolas looked at her, punched her shoulder lightly, then returned to the plates he was setting on the table. "Go on, Faramir, it is your turn!"

He bit his lip in thought. "All right. A four letter word, and it's quite absurd, how adding an s to the fore makes the 'er' from before sound a bit more like 'or' and makes a weapon of war!"

Before the others had a chance to answer they heard a crash and a shouted swear from the next room. The three exchanged glances, shaking with contained laughter. Arwen handed a pile of forks to Legolas. "I'll go and see what the trouble is," she said, her voice higher than usual.

There was another crash. "Oh, buggering bastard bullocks!"

Legolas lost himself than and laughed out loud. Faramir chewed on his knuckle to stay quiet and finished setting the table, whilst his companion's face turned bright red. "You know," Legolas said, "he is not just being nice if he invited you tonight. Estel really cares about you."

They were interrupted by another swear, and then, "How have you managed this?" Faramir raised an eyebrow in doubt.

"He feels guilty," Legolas continued. "I hope you are no offended, I speak only the truth. When Estel abandoned Boromir, or so he felt...well, then when he died...your brother meant a lot to Estel. Then he met you, and it was as though meeting an elven Boromir. At first he saw you as a chance to succeed where with Boromir he failed. Then he came to care for you--not for Boromir, not the elves, but you."

"Why do you tell me these things?" Faramir asked.

Legolas measured his words. "You seem much an adult, and not one who enjoys padded speech. I believed it would help you more to know this truth, to know that originally Estel acted not to help you but to salvage Boromir, and he came to love you for what you are. That is a true measure of character."

Just the Arwen and Elessar appeared, arguing in swift Sindarin. Elessar grinned apologetically, holding what might have at one time been food. "It is a little burnt..."

"A little! He says, a little!"

Then what Legolas had said suddenly snapped into place, and Faramir blurted out, "Thorongil?"

Elessar dropped the "a little burnt" food in shock. It was Arwen's turn to swear.

**

Half an hour later, the group sat happily by the fire, the table forgotten. After his failed attempts at cooking ("Stick with what you know," Arwen berated him. "Why did you have to try something like that? Stupid males..."), Elessar had proved that he could, in fact, fix sandwich for everyone without incident. So they sat about in high spirits, laughing at each other- -but mostly at Elessar. Except for the twins, who frowned.

"Estel," asked Elladan, keeping to Sindarin so as not to be blatantly rude, "what is it you see in this man?"

"Elladan--"

"I might ask the same about you," Faramir stated flawlessly, his use of Sindarin shocking the company into silence. "You have not given me a chance. Since the first time I came to sup with you it has been your intention to dislike me. That is your choice. I am not a bad person, but there is no need to prove that to you. Find out for yourselves, or continue hating me. I do not care on way or t'other, only please make up your minds."

No one spoke for a moment, then amidst applause and laughter someone cried, "He's got you there, Elladan!"

The twins blushed scarlet and later profusely apologized to Faramir, who forgave them, understanding how embarrassed they had been.

Time passed, then Elessar said, "I am thinking about Lady Eowyn now...and what will we do when you are wed to her, Faramir!"

Defensive, Faramir answered, "Why do you say that?"

"On the road to Helm's Deep, Eowyn made this stew which 'terrible' does not begin to describe." Elessar took a deep breath, then finished his story half-speaking and half laughing, "Then she stood by and watched me eat it. Please do not tell her, I wanted to spare her feelings..."He fell over himself laughing, which was all right because Legolas fell over him laughing, also.

"Estel," Faramir said, producing a toy from his pocket, "heads up!" He threw the ball as hard as he could. Elessar ducked out of the way, as Faramir had expected. However, Faramir had not counted on the ball ricocheting against the wall and hitting the King on the back of the head! The Steward stammered, "I--That was not..."

Elessar grinned. He looked the ball over, then hurled it back to Faramir.

A year later, Faramir of Gondor caught a speeding missile one-handed. "Cheater!" Elessar said. "You could not possibly have caught that without..." He was unsure of exactly how Faramir had caught the ball, and so fell silent.

"I am an archer, Estel. I catch the ball every time! Similarly, you might be able to cut it with your sword."

"Sword!" Legolas cried, leaping to his feet. "That's the answer to the riddle!"

Faramir touched his fingertips to his forehead then held them out, motioning: scatterbrain! "Correct," he said. "Your turn!" And the room collapsed into a fit of laughter.

"Actually," said Arwen, "in such a manner, it is your turn, Faramir: next month, you and Lady Eowyn are responsible for food preparation." Since Faramir's marriage to Eowyn, the dinners had faded to a once-monthly event, cooking done in pairs. Teams had been partitioned as such: Elladan and Elrohir, Elessar and Arwen, Eowyn and Faramir, Legolas and, another newly joined member of their group, Gimli. "Less bruises," she added, with a sly look at Legolas and Gimli.

Gimli grunted. "It seems every time something goes wrong, blame falls to the Dwarf!" he said.

With an ethereal and incredibly arrogant smile, Legolas said, "Then perhaps the Dwarf ought not cause so many accidents."

Eowyn had a thoughtful look. "I have never been much at cooking," she admitted, "though I do know of one stew--"

"No!"

"You are all against me," she joked. To Faramir, she added, "I never knew you were one of them."

Faramir looked at the others, then at his wife. Then and most unexpectedly, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her. "I never knew it either," he said.

"You are bold, Man of Gondor," Eowyn said, but she smiled. Faramir took this as an invitation and he kissed her again.

And the others cheered.

*****

The End!