Noir
By spheeris1
Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]
Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'
~~~
'The dawn is strange here, you know…it is just bright enough to make you feel alive and just false enough to make you sad. What do you think, Anthy-sama?' Utena asked, not really expecting an answer.
Anthy was asleep. A troubled sleep…but still dead to the world.
At moments, Utena could feel a pressure behind her eyes. It hurt to try and think, yet she would attempt thought over and over.
It was like her brain was split into two halves.
One side was cutting through a forest, every time it seemed she broke clear of the dense foliage--it grew back. She feared she would be forever hacking away like this.
The other side was like a sheet of ice. Cold and deceptively calm, keeping churning waters underneath a veneer of glassy contempt--her emotions buried away without her consent.
This is what it means to be the Rose Bride.
Of course, Utena never really knew what Anthy went through. She did not realize the bars and chains keeping one bound like this. It goes beyond swords and guilt--it is terribly tangible.
You can touch the surface and come back with missing fingers.
Or you can become it and come back with a hollowness no one can ever imagine.
Utena laid her hand on Anthy's head and felt the girl relax slightly. She leaned down, placing her lips to Anthy's ear.
'How funny that we have switched places like this, Anthy-sama…' Utena whispered.
Anthy stirred, turning to her side and squinting her eyes tight. Yes…even duelists must dream unhappy dreams at night, Utena thinks before pain overtakes her.
She crumples beside her Victor, wrapping the skirt of her dress around her bare legs and lays her forehead against Anthy's back.
'I don't know how to make shaved ice, Anthy-sama…do you know how to fight with that sword?' Utena asked before closing her eyes.
~
Akio held Shiori close and stroked her hair, staring upward in silence.
Shiori felt cold all over…she always felt too cold, too removed from whatever heat made everyone else whole and pure.
Even Akio could not bring her warmth.
Even Juri could not thaw the ice water in her veins.
Soon all of this will be a memory…soon all of this will be a dream…
Shiori used to fear Akio. The way he knew her thoughts, her fears, her wishes.
But then, as time went on, she realized that he knew nothing--only what she left out to be seen.
Her wounds open and visible for anyone to pick upon, like birds on carrion.
Akio was a bird. Shiori was a meal.
…one day, I can look back and be worthy…one day, I can rise up and shine…
Sometimes, Shiori wanted to hurt others. Sometimes, Shiori wanted to be hurt.
And now, with everything so close to her grasp, she refused to let go.
They all must fall for her to escape and be free.
They all must disappear for her to finally feel the rush of warm blood once more in her soul-dead body.
Akio slept and Shiori slipped out of that bed, making her way to another bed with another Prince…one just as incapable to truly save anyone…
~
'You shouldn't be here.' Juri said quietly, but for reasons other than time or propriety. It was that bone-numbing guilt that whispered into her mind.
…youliedtoheryoubrokeyourpromise…
The locket burned against her chest where it did not really sleep.
'Why not? Are you busy?' Nanami questioned.
Juri knew this girl well enough to know that the calm and short tone was an act, for eyes that might be watching them…for eyes that were surely watching them…
'Not busy. Just tired…it is late. You should be asleep.' Juri answered, wishing she could just slam the door shut and hide away from her own actions.
The bed was still unmade. The sheets still akimbo, a reminder of the ultimate weakness.
'Last time I checked, you are not my mother, Juri.' And Nanami grinned slightly, like she likes to do some times. It makes many men melt.
It makes Juri melt, though she does not show it. Ever.
A little voice said that maybe, just maybe, Juri could forget her anguish and let this girl in…this girl, she has already pushed past so many walls--long before Juri was even aware of it.
Nanami is covered in swatches of Springtime colors--yellow, green, blue and ivory--she burns with youthfulness yet carries knowledge and wisdom.
Juri does not know if her heart can ever feel love again…but it might, in this moment, it might…
'Another conquest, Juri-sama?' A voice coos from the corner in the dark.
And Juri feels the preciousness of this second shatter.
Those swatches turn to Autumn as Nanami turns to face Shiori, to see Shiori half-dressed and holding a tiny overnight bag.
Those swatches fade to Winter when Nanami looks back to Juri, an understanding passing through her blue eyes before closing down whatever hope they held.
'You are busy then. I am sorry to have bothered you.' Nanami stated, walking away quickly and merging with the early hours of the morning.
Juri did not feel worthy to watch her go.
'Can I come in now?' Shiori purred.
And the locket ached with pain, ebbed with unbearable agony…
…youliedtoheryoubrokeyourpromise…
Juri felt the ground shatter with the crashing of her dreams as she let Shiori in.
~
'Look now…there we are, on top of the world…' The other you says, pointing to the television attached to the wall. The other you is so much more at ease, drinking and flirting with waitresses.
You, though, are filled with waves of torment.
You should be standing in that arena. Not your Princess, never your Princess…
'She looks good like that, don't ya think? Very regal. Very in charge. It is sexy.' The other you grins and orders another beer.
You ignore their words, they mean nothing now--watching yourself ascend, in a dress of pink and a crown upon your head.
Your Princess already holds a sword, your sword. And you feel its pull on your body down below, rising up into the soles of your feet and riding along your blood stream.
'Take my sword and fight. Be brave. And remember to just lose in the end.' Kozue smiles at Miki.
He received no letter with a scorched wax symbol. He did not feel the command deep in his heart like in his youth.
But there was something lurking inside of him, a sort of innocent belief that this time…this time they would all be able to walk away…
End of the World watches from the balcony above.
Juri casts her eyes down in sadness. Utena is silent as a Rose Bride should be.
Kozue grins from beside him, an oddly comforting presence.
Shiori stalks the sidelines, grin of feral intent upon her lips.
Nanami stands removed from them all, looking to the campus below.
And then Anthy, so far apart from the image of old, in the garb of a Prince.
'She looks sure…' Miki murmurs to himself. Kozue chuckles from behind.
'She is very sure. Trust me.'
Utena places a rose on his chest, not of blue--but of white. Miki wants to ask why, but Utena smiles at him. Lips of pink upturned in a fashion that speaks of both placidity and understanding, her words are even to his ears.
'We are all Princes now.'
Both of you watch. And other patrons you have not noticed before begin to place bets on who will win, who will lose.
And every one of them is a version of you.
A child in a small dress.
A teenager in love.
An old woman in her last years.
A lady, married to a good man.
A prostitute of the streets.
A rebel in fatigues.
A priest.
A struggling student abroad.
An average boy, aching for popularity.
'I don't know why they are laying money down now…there will be more to come soon enough…' the other you says, finishing the drink and wiping their mouth.
You look to that flickering screen once more, just like all of you are.
You look at yourself up there, blank like paper against the blue of the sky.
And you decide that you don't really want to see.
Miki did as he promised his sister.
As he came forward and stepped back, as he dodged and as he attacked…
…he thought of her lips on his, of her arms around him at night…
'It should not be like this.' Miki whispered the night before.
'But what else can it be.' Kozue stated.
And so it is. They are part of one--Miki had fought that inevitability all this time--and all he got was time wasted.
All his running got him nowhere. All his blissful ignorance merely gained him further pain.
And when the shower of white petals rained down on him, he dropped to his knees--not from anguish, nor pain--but for reverence.
Anthy kissed his brow like a goddess might. He watched her with new eyes as she did the same to Kozue's forehead
Miki knew that he was finally free.
'How can I ever thank you?' He asked softly as Kozue took his hand and gripped it tightly.
Anthy turned back, her face clouded like a coming storm.
'You are the one who let go. Thank yourself, Miki…thank yourself and leave this place forever.'
~
Saionji could never get used to this room. Or this bed.
Akio's bed always smelled like sex.
Musky and damp and heavy.
He wondered idly where Touga might be. Was the red-haired devil really helping Akio? Or Saionji? Or anyone at all?
But Saionji knew that he came back for one reason only--to gain his life back.
Death is not a holiday, it is a cold place that one wishes to leave.
Akio sat on the bed, staring at the floor and humming some aimless tune.
Saionji wondered when he would get to duel and see Tenjou Utena in a dress. That would almost be worth coming back from the grave for…
'Soon. Very soon, Saionji. A wise man like myself never trusts a witch too much to let her plan all things…' Akio said with that cat-like grin.
Saionji turned over and slept.
He dreamed of race cars, curry, bananas and ecstasy.
Touga came to him in this dream…in fact Touga was really in all his dreams…but Saionji did not think about that.
In was, after all, in Akio's bed.
Even going this low, Saionji struggled to have some pride.
~~~
TBC
