Noir
By spheeris1
Pairing: Utena/Anthy [others implied]
Warnings/notes: See 'Teaser' & 'Ichi'
~~~
Anthy sat quietly, watching Shiori rock back and forth every so often.
Then the girl would be still, her eyes wide and seeking out unseen shadows.
But Shiori was the least of Anthy's worries…there was so much more going on now, so much more going wrong now…
Mikage was tampering with her plan.
And her brother was silent in her mind.
And Utena…Anthy's reason for doing all of this…she was basically gone…
Oh, her body still pumped blood and her pulse was weak, but it was there.
But her eyes were shut.
Her figure did not move upon the bed.
Like a beautiful and fragile corpse, like a frozen flower…
…Utena was gone…
'every time we do this, it never works…'
Anthy stood up and began to pace, circling the couch that held Shiori then passing the window overlooking the campus and back around once more.
'…it never ever works…'
Utena's sword was lifeless on the ground.
It did not shine or gleam with the spirit of its owner.
It was dull.
It was begging to be shattered.
And for a moment, Anthy regretted her decision of coming back to Ohtori…of bringing any of them back or letting them think they could escape…of being alive in a world that keeps forgetting the past and destroys the future…
The gate called to her.
And Anthy wanted so badly to run to it.
It was more than a dream.
It was reality.
More real than anything she had seen or felt before…
And now, she could rest.
She could sleep in this satin-lined haven, close to those that left her behind and her hands could finally grasp onto her sweet-scented salvation…
Her Prince.
He was here, a dark face--wrapped in black--but tender fingers and soft words worked their magic…
It was magic, she decided.
Wonderful and perfect magic that brought them together once more.
No need to fight, no need to duel, no need to chase after broken promises.
Her Prince loved her, needed her, wanted her, wanted to protect her.
And Utena could feel her heart beat a little faster at the thought of it…the very idea of being with her Prince for eternity…
Never-mind that sound at the back of her throat, never-mind that repressed growl of frustration, never-mind some pained whisper echoing in her ears…
Her Prince is here.
And here is where she will stay.
Forever.
Akio stood on the duel arena, glancing at the stars once more…before he joined them, before he ascended to the heavens with Dios.
Dios lingered near, disappearing when clouds passed overhead--then immerging once more in moonlight.
A gorgeous silver outline against midnight.
Akio smiled and shut his eyes.
'Where is Anthy?' He asked, knowing Dios would give him some form of an answer.
'The better question would be what will Anthy become…? Or you for that matter?' Mikage replied from behind Akio, making the latter man spin around in shock.
Akio sneered at the man, trying to gain some footing.
'I created such a convincing illusion.'
Mikage smiled back, his teeth like knives in the darkness--too white, too noticeable…
'I think you are the illusion, Himemiya Akio. You and your sister and all your playthings…but soon reality will take hold. Death will give birth to life anew---just not yours.'
And Mikage came at him so quickly that Akio had no time to respond, just his eyes going wide and his body crashing down hard at the impact.
And pain…a swell of pain, up his sides and into his chest and around his torso…
He was bleeding.
'How…how can this…b-b-be…?' Akio whispered, his eyes shifting to Dios.
Dios was not there.
Dios was gone.
'He was always gone. He was a figment…like yourself…like this world…how often you tried to hold onto his fading image, like I tried to hold onto Mamiya…how futile our twisted notions.' Mikage said calmly, standing over Akio and blocking out the moon.
And suddenly it was so clear.
Like the tears running down Akio's face, like the thick blood seeping from his wound, like Mikage's eyes in this very moment.
Akio understood. He finally understood.
'So…it is…now…undone…' Akio whispered.
Then he fell backward, his eyes turning glassy with the last sight of his beloved stars up above imprinted on his mind…and the fingers unfurled, falling to the ground…and his breath was exhaled in a shudder that vibrated over all of Ohtori…
~
'Akio…?'
'Yes?'
'Something is different…can you tell?'
'Yes, Anthy. It's over.'
'What?'
'Everything. I…I only wish I could have helped you…in the end…'
'But I don't understand--'
'I know…but you will, one day…you'll understand…'
Shiori was not sure if this was a dream or not.
She was walking along the school corridors, in her uniform and books in her hand.
All was quiet though.
No students or class bells.
No talking by the lockers.
Nothing at all…no birds or insects or breeze…nothing.
Shiori stopped at her locker, turning the combination on the lock and letting it swing open slowly--no noisy hinge this time either.
The books slid in one by one…until she saw a note taped to the back.
Pulling it off and opening it up, the words struck her as odd.
'The way out is by going in…and to go in is to go up…come to the dueling arena at noon'
Shiori hated riddles.
Like she hated being talked about behind her back or not getting picked to be on a team or failing a test.
She hated this feeling of dread in her gut.
It swarmed around her like bees.
It buzzed in her head to the point of insanity.
So she went early to the arena.
It was hot up there. Muggy even…too humid and sticky…she would need to shower afterwards…
But who was waiting there drove all other thoughts away.
It was her.
Another her.
But younger…oh, those eyes, still so wide and naïve…that skin still not soiled by years of desperation…how sickeningly precious…
'Don't speak of me that way. I am you, you are I. You dare to speak ill of yourself?'
Shiori stood, mouth open in shock. How dare she talk back to me?!
'I should have sooner, before all this happened…before everything we loved was taken away…'
Shiori felt her anger rise. Was this a trick? Of Juri's? Or Akio's?
'They are gone now…Akio is gone, Juri is gone…it is just you and I now…'
Shiori turned around, prepared to leave but the girl was in front of her…how the hell did she do that?
'I can do lots of things. You'd like me if you tried…we'd be good together, if you'd let us…we both want the same things, to be free from our pain…can't we do that? Now?'
Shiori couldn't move or talk or think. This was unreal. It was surreal. This child version of herself…telling Shiori what to do, making wild suggestions…it was madness!
'No, not that at all. Take my hand…trust me, trust that we can live from this day forward and find that comfort we both wanted for so long…in ourselves…'
Shiori felt her hand being grabbed and wanted to fight it off, to bat this girl away and shut her up once more and to run and to hide.
But the hold was firm and could not be shaken off.
This girl, the one Shiori had battered and beaten, she was strong now.
She believed in something and wanted to be believed in return.
She believed in Shiori.
Anthy held Utena's hand and did not utter a sound, though she knew she was crying…useless and worthless tears…for her brother, the one she loved and the one that became her world…both now very much gone…forever…
How can I ever understand this? This was not the way things were supposed to go…
She brought Utena's hand to her lips and kissed each fingertip, holding the slightly cold skin to her face.
'I do not know what to do now, Utena…how do I go on from here? With you like this, with no way to reach you…? If you stay this way, I have no one. Just myself…just I against this world………and if I do not win, if I do not figure a way out of this…I will lose you. I will lose you again.'
And Anthy let herself cry for real now, she let her sobs grow loud and tear at her body, her body curling inward and tumbling to the floor…
'I…cannot…see the way out…' Anthy gasped before dissolving into further agony.
The other you watches passively as you pound on the doors, try to break windows, yell and scream and curse and break chairs and break glasses…until you sag against the bar and your eyes look back up to the television screen.
'I need to get out of here…she needs me…she is in pain…' You beg to whomever can help you. The other you just looks away.
The other you doesn't understand this feeling inside of you--this ache, this frustration, this pain--it is overwhelming, it is demanding.
You see her there, weeping and alone.
You hear her and see her and somewhere deep, you feel her…and she needs you, she needs you like never before…
'That's not true, you know…we've been here before. We've done this a million times before! I've read up on this case, I've gathered the facts…'
You don't listen.
You try the door again, pounding on it and slamming into it with you shoulder and jerking on the handle. Nothing works.
'…and every time we try, it doesn't work…it never fucking works, do you hear me?! How many times do we have to try and save her?'
You stop suddenly and turn around. You stalk over to the other you and jerk them upright.
'Don't say that.' You grind out. The other you grins.
'The truth hurts.'
'That is not the truth…I love her, she loves me…'
The other you laughs.
'That maybe true--but love solves nothing. If it has not worked before, then don't look for that silver lining this time.' And the other you shoves you off, turning back to the bar.
And you look back at the screen, at your princess in despair…and you cannot stop trying to get back to her now…not now…
~~~
TBC
