April 11th, 1912
I can't go on anymore, I swear it. Would anyone care if I were gone? Except Mother. She be devastated at the thought of all that money slipping from her hands. I can't stand living like this. Today my mother and I talked with the Countess of Rothes and Lady Duff Gordon. I can't stand thinking that I will be talking to people like this for the rest of my life, talking about how great life with Cal is and what our third child did earlier. God. Dinner is the worst. Being rich is like being in a club. Even if you don't like another person, they are still in the club and you must be polite to them.
I tried. After dinner tonight, I climbed over the rail and stared at the water. It looked so comforting. It didn't expect anything from me, unlike my mother, and changed constantly, unlike the other members of the club. For a moment I thought about letting go and never having to come back.
Then Mr. Dawson came. Jack. Although it really wasn't his business, he started talking to me about my life. He acted as though he knew what I was going through. He was so different. He didn't treat me like a doll, but more as a person. Even though he didn't seem to have any money, any girl would be lucky to be with him every day, to have him looking out for her. I wish Cal looked at me the way Jack did.
Ever suspicious Cal assumed Jack was trying to assault me, and I just couldn't let that poor man go through the kind of treatment he was, not after he risked his own life to save me. I just couldn't. He's coming to dinner tomorrow. I'll probably go see him before hand though, to thank him formally.
Cal gave me a necklace today. It's hideous in that it's too beautiful. The way he called attention to buying it for me, it was almost like he considered it and me to be alike. He owns us both.
-Rose
I can't go on anymore, I swear it. Would anyone care if I were gone? Except Mother. She be devastated at the thought of all that money slipping from her hands. I can't stand living like this. Today my mother and I talked with the Countess of Rothes and Lady Duff Gordon. I can't stand thinking that I will be talking to people like this for the rest of my life, talking about how great life with Cal is and what our third child did earlier. God. Dinner is the worst. Being rich is like being in a club. Even if you don't like another person, they are still in the club and you must be polite to them.
I tried. After dinner tonight, I climbed over the rail and stared at the water. It looked so comforting. It didn't expect anything from me, unlike my mother, and changed constantly, unlike the other members of the club. For a moment I thought about letting go and never having to come back.
Then Mr. Dawson came. Jack. Although it really wasn't his business, he started talking to me about my life. He acted as though he knew what I was going through. He was so different. He didn't treat me like a doll, but more as a person. Even though he didn't seem to have any money, any girl would be lucky to be with him every day, to have him looking out for her. I wish Cal looked at me the way Jack did.
Ever suspicious Cal assumed Jack was trying to assault me, and I just couldn't let that poor man go through the kind of treatment he was, not after he risked his own life to save me. I just couldn't. He's coming to dinner tomorrow. I'll probably go see him before hand though, to thank him formally.
Cal gave me a necklace today. It's hideous in that it's too beautiful. The way he called attention to buying it for me, it was almost like he considered it and me to be alike. He owns us both.
-Rose
