Title: Non Omnis Moriar [Latin: Not all of me will die- Horace]
Author: Liquid Thalassa
E-Mail: Liquidthalassa@yahoo.com
A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews :). This is sort of an intermediate chapter…to link to the third and to tell what happened after her death. I'm sure it's pretty good, my mom thought so at least ;) But mom's are biased so who knows ;).
Part Two:
Post Mortem [Latin: After Death]
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At four-seventeen pm, March 12th, on the second floor of a rundown drug house, I, Maritza Cruz died; fatally shot in the line of duty. After everything I've been through, after all I did it all came down to two shots. Two shots from a gun wielded by a half crazed druggie…two fricken shots. It's still hard for me to believe. I thought I was unstoppable, invincible…my badge and gun my shield…but it wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough would it?
I always wondered what it was like to die, how could I not? I confronted death and danger eight hours a day, sometimes more. It was in the back of every cops mind…before a call, at a traffic stop, walking the beat…all the time. Those who wore a uniform and badge and carried a gun were marked, targeted for death, like a magnet it seemed to follow us like an eerie shadow. It came with the job, the territory. I accepted it like everyone else…but to think; to think it would happen to me was another story entirely. I never thought I was going to die that day…had I known the moment I opened my eyes I was inching closer and closer to my end, everything, every action and decision I would have made would have been different. I might have cheated death, escaped from her bittersweet embrace and lived another day…
The last memory of my mortal life was of his eyes. Maurice L. Boscorelli. I remember thinking that I was in heaven, that those endlessly blue orbs were the gateway to the thereafter. In some ways I was right. His presence and forgiveness made it easy, made it right. I told him I loved him…I told him I was sorry…but there was so much I wanted to say, to tell, to feel. There was too much he- and everyone else- didn't know or understand. And that- that is my only regret. I couldn't stop my death, but I could have opened up more, I could have acted more human…I could have done things- a lot of things differently.
I haven't lost him; I don't think I ever will. My heart is tied to him, I'm not sure if that thread can be broken even though death has severed its mortal ties. I watch over him…in this place, wherever it may be. Neither Heaven nor Hell but somewhere in between…at first I thought Purgatory but no, it seemed different…it is had to explain in worlds…I am dead though I live on, not all of me has died and I sense not all of me will. I can see the world, I can witness it but I not feel it, not like those who are living do. There were times I would find myself in Bosco's dark bedroom, his breathing deep signaling sleep, his face calm and peaceful…I wanted so badly to experience his touch, to feel his eyes staring into mine…I reached out to him once, to a hand laying lazily on the side of the bed. I felt nothing, but he pulled away and opened his bright eyes in the darkness, searching for the invisible. What I hated more than anything was that I was the invisible. I figured I was a ghost, it seemed logical. I never gave ghosts much thought when I was alive; I had other matters on my mind…my job, my pathetic social life…I was never one to get philosophical or religious…
I made it a habit to watch over him while he was on the streets. He was riding with Faith, she was able to keep him in line like I never could but there were times he didn't listen, there were times he himself came close to death. I stopped him once, or at least I like to think I did. It was three months after my death he and Faith got a call of shots fired at a domestic, they went code three, when they got there without thinking Bosco left the RMP and ran into the building ignoring Faith and her pleas to wait for backup. Don't get me wrong, I still have lingering…issues with Faith, it seems petty I know given my circumstances but I was thankful for her care over Bosco. I seemed to fail that test while I was on earth, causing him more stress and pain then I ever wanted or meant to. He ran up the dirty sticky stairs gun cocked and ready, I could hear his heart beating, I could taste his adrenaline and I felt a sense of unease wash over me. He banged on the door yelling that he was the police, Faith came running behind yelling into the radio for additional units. After I died they seemed a little more careful with those kinds of things. I stood there watching, waiting…and then at the end of the hall came the faint sound of footfalls. It was a man with a gun pointed at Bosco and Faith's back. Shear fear ripped though me and I screamed out his name. Did he truly hear me? I don't know but in that instant they whipped around a got out of sight….And for a slit second he had a look in his eye like that at my funeral…like he sensed I was there.
My funeral…I almost forgot about it, though I don't know how I could. I had a living will, most police officers did, but I never specified what I wanted to happen with my body, where I wanted it that is. I never gave that any thought. I didn't think I need to, I didn't think it was necessary. After the autopsy and the normal things that happened after one dies my body was released. Only instead of me going into the care of grieving family members I was handed over to the police station. In life, after Lettie died I thought I had no family, but now, now I know I had one all along. My family were those who serve and protect, those who wore the badge and uniform…I remember being surprised- and touched- at the sorrowful looks in everyone's eye the day after my death. I never thought they cared…I never thought it would hit them that hard. At roll call Lieu was near tears as he told everyone that Sergeant Maritza Cruz died in the line of duty. Everyone was silent, everyone looked sad, even Faith…she looked at a distressed Bosco with sympathetic eyes...They wore a black ribbon across their badges, in honor of my death and in sorrow of my loss…
My funeral was scheduled for the next day. I was going to be buried, most likely in the cemetery that held hundreds of fallen officers and heroes. But it was Bosco…Bosco who went to the captain and talked him into letting me be buried next to Lettie, next to my sister. I wish I could thank him for that, only he would know my wishes…being that I died in the line of duty I was given a full funeral. I knew what they were like; I'd been to enough after 9-11…it was weird, I can say that- to witness my own funeral, my own body being lowered into the cold wet earth. I stood in the background like an uninvited guest, watching everything. There were so many officers there, I didn't know three fourths of them, but the fact that they were there meant a lot. They stood tall and silent as my coffin draped with a flag was carried through the cemetery, the eerie melody of taps filling the air. Bosco and Lieu were the front pallbearers, Davis, Monroe, Carter, Sully and yes, even Faith were also there supporting my coffin. Bosco cried, liquid tears falling endlessly down his grief stricken face. My heart ached, ached that even in death I seemed to cause him pain…They got to my spot, my hole in the earth, right next to Lettie. There my coffin was set down like a fragile piece of glass. They gathered in a crowd to hear the kind words of Lieu. He told them of my strength, my courage and dedication as a cop, of my last day how he was glad he was able to tell me I was going a good job…Lieu went on with his solemnly: "I know some, if not all of you have came in contact with Maritza", he said, "some had a better experience than others", he paused and tried to smile. "But one thing I'm sure everyone knows was Maritza gave her life to her job, she gave it her all, and she like so many did it thanklessly. For that we will always remember. We will never forget you, Maritza. Never." Wiping a tear from his eyes he left the podium and walked down to my coffin, he took a red rose and placed it on the lid…after him came others, a long line of mourners placing rose after rose until they overflowed and fell to the dew kissed ground. Bosco was one of the last…I'll never forget the sadness in his eyes, the darkness…I got closer, until if I could touch him he would feel my light caress. Slowly he walked his hands holding the rose so tight a thorn pricked him, he paused as he neared my coffin and stared, seemingly speechless. "I'm so sorry, Ritza." He whispered. "I never knew…you should've told me…Oh, God…Maritza…" He kissed his palm and pressed it on my coffin, I imagined he was kissing me…he placed the rose gently on the top and hesitantly walked away. "I miss you." He whispered. I stayed where I was, a few feet to his left. "I miss you too." I said and to my surprise, at that very moment his eyes made contact with mine, time seemed to still, the veil of life and death seemed lifted, it was if he saw me- or sensed me…and then as quickly as it happened it stopped…I'll never forget that…It was a beautiful ceremony, I have to say. Beautiful in a bittersweet sense. I had been born to live to die. I understood that now. It took my undoing for me to see, to know, but I understood- or I thought I did…
End of "Part Two: Post Mortem" stay tuned for "Part Three: Resurgam"
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A/N: Ok, so what do you think? Next chapter is going to have a twist- well hopefully it's a twist-that's where the "supernatural" comes in. Oh, and some things, like the funeral and stuff I have no idea about, I've never ever been to a funeral much less a police one so just overlook any "mistakes" I tried to keep in realistic…but I was just guessing (sorry)! Again, thank you all for the nice reviews ;). Feel free to review this chapter too! Thanx.
