A/N I meant to get this out yesterday but we have houseguests and I
couldn't get onto the computer. So you get it really early in the morning
instead.
Chapter Eighteen
Nathan was shooting hoops on the playground. He liked when it was just him and the basket, no cheerleaders, no coach, no scores. It gave him time to think and lately, he'd had a lot to think about. He'd always known that the baby was going to change his and Haley's lives but until he'd baby-sat Jake's daughter, the baby had been an abstract, a dot on a screen and a heartbeat in the doctor's office. Somewhere between changing diapers and feeding Chiara, it had hit him just how different his life was going to be once the baby came. It wasn't a bad thing. He was looking forward to holding his child in his arms and teaching him or her to play basketball when they got older. Still, it was scary. Not that long ago he's thought the biggest decision he'd have to make in high school was whether to enter the draft right after graduation or play college ball first. He hadn't imagined himself poring over baby-name books.
He took a shot, missed and muttered a curse under his breath.
"I knew your game would suffer without me around to motivate you."
He spun around at the familiar sound of his father's voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you. It's been awhile son."
"Son? You have no right to call me that."
"Touche. You act like the mistakes you made were all my fault."
"No, I take full responsibility for my actions but I'm better off without you pushing me all the time."
Dan shrugged. "So how's Holly?"
"Haley, and she's fine. Not that it's any of your business."
"I bet you think you're the better man now don't you? You think you're different from me, that you'll be a better dad but you're wrong."
"Excuse me, if you're trying to say I'm going to leave Haley and my child like you left Karen and Lucas, you're wrong."
"You don't have to leave them to be like me. You seem to have decided that Lucas was better off without me around."
"So what?"
"So, face it Nathan, you're like me. Everyone's commented on how similar we are since the day you were born. We look alike, we walk alike. You have my genes and there's nothing you can do to change that. You say I messed up your life by pressuring you too much but you're going to do the same thing to your child. It might not be basketball but whatever he or she decides to do, you're going to push until they stop loving it. One day it will be your child collapsing during a game. It won't be your fault. It's in the Scott gene."
Nathan's fists clenched. "Shut up. Just shut the hell up. You're wrong. I'm not you. I'll never be you."
"Truth hurts doesn't it?" Dan said snidely.
"I don't have to listen to this. Get out of my life and stay out." Nathan stormed off, got in his car and drove away, fuming.
***
He tried not to let what Dan had said get to him. He tried to tell himself that he was just being the jerk he always was but he was far from convinced. He thought about talking to Haley or even Lucas but decided it would only upset them unnecessarily. He drove around for awhile to blow off steam before going to the restaurant to see if Haley wanted to hang out after her shift.
The place was packed and Haley had her hands full. He saw her running from table to table, into the kitchen and back again. He could tell that despite her calm exterior, she was frazzled.
"Hey Hales, you look busy."
"Uh huh," was all she said before throwing an apron at him. "Get to work."
He nodded and put the apron on. "Which tables do you want me to take?"
"I'll take this half, you get the rest."
"Okay." He picked an order up from the counter and brought it over to one of the tables.
The next two hours were crazy busy. He'd never seen that many people in there at once. He and Haley only had time to say a few words to each other in passing but Nathan didn't mind. He was grateful for not having to talk much. He still wasn't in the mood for conversation.
"That was insane." Haley commented when they finally left. "I mean, I'm glad business is good but yikes."
"No kidding. Good tips though."
"So you can buy me something pretty."
"Maybe." He smiled.
"Nathan."
"What?"
"Is something wrong? You seem distracted."
"I'm fine. Just thinking about stuff."
"Stuff?"
"The usual stuff lately, you, the baby."
Haley wasn't entirely convinced but decided to let it drop. "Do you want to stay with me tonight? My parents are gone."
"Do you even need to ask?" He gave her a sly grin.
"I suppose not."
***
"There's a [air of your boxers in the top drawer. Your toothbrush should be in the cupboard below the sink. I keep it in there so my parents don't freak out."
Nathan chuckled.
"What?"
"It's kind of live we live together, but not."
"I know. Does it seem weird to you?"
"No. You?"
"Nope. Feels perfect."
He was already in bed and watching her undress. He loved looking at her pregnant belly, knowing that the child they'd created was growing inside her. She got into bed and curled up against him. "Goodnight Nathan."
"Goodnight Hales. I love you."
"Love you too." They drifted quickly off to sleep.
***
"Son! Get over here! I want to talk to you." He yelled in a voice that eerily resembled his father's.
A small brown-haired boy, about five years old, trotted over and looked up at him meekly. "Yes daddy?"
"How many goals did you let past you?"
"I dunno daddy."
"Six. You let in six goals. That's unacceptable. You'll never be a great soccer player if you keep playing like you did today."
"But I had fun daddy."
"I don't care if you had fun. That's not what matters. You're a Scott and Scotts play to win. Do you understand?"
"Yes daddy." The voice was barely audible.
"What did you say?"
"Yes daddy."
"Better. We're going to have to practice for an extra hour every day so you can improve. Go take your position in front of the net. I'll be right there."
The little boy looked over at his friends, who were trotting off to the playground but he didn't dare disobey his father.
"Yes daddy."
***
He awoke with a start. "It was just a dream, just a dream." He said to himself. Then he remembered his father's words to him. "You're just like me Nathan. It's in the genes Nathan." Suddenly the room felt stifling. He got up and went downstairs, began pacing around the living room.
"I can't be like me dad. I can't. I can't do that to my child. I can't make my own child hate me. I'd never forgive myself. My father's right. I can't fight DNA. There's only one thing I can do to protect my child from me."
He went back upstairs to Haley's room and found a pad of paper and a pen from her desk.
Haley,
I'm sorry but I have to leave. You were wrong about me Hales. I can't be there for you and our child. I can't be a father. I'm sorry for leading you on. Have a good life. I wish you the best.
Nathan
He folded the note in half and wrote Haley on the front. Not even trying to fight back the tears, he placed it on the pillow beside her, on the spot he'd occupied ten minutes earlier. Then he was out the door.
Chapter Eighteen
Nathan was shooting hoops on the playground. He liked when it was just him and the basket, no cheerleaders, no coach, no scores. It gave him time to think and lately, he'd had a lot to think about. He'd always known that the baby was going to change his and Haley's lives but until he'd baby-sat Jake's daughter, the baby had been an abstract, a dot on a screen and a heartbeat in the doctor's office. Somewhere between changing diapers and feeding Chiara, it had hit him just how different his life was going to be once the baby came. It wasn't a bad thing. He was looking forward to holding his child in his arms and teaching him or her to play basketball when they got older. Still, it was scary. Not that long ago he's thought the biggest decision he'd have to make in high school was whether to enter the draft right after graduation or play college ball first. He hadn't imagined himself poring over baby-name books.
He took a shot, missed and muttered a curse under his breath.
"I knew your game would suffer without me around to motivate you."
He spun around at the familiar sound of his father's voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you. It's been awhile son."
"Son? You have no right to call me that."
"Touche. You act like the mistakes you made were all my fault."
"No, I take full responsibility for my actions but I'm better off without you pushing me all the time."
Dan shrugged. "So how's Holly?"
"Haley, and she's fine. Not that it's any of your business."
"I bet you think you're the better man now don't you? You think you're different from me, that you'll be a better dad but you're wrong."
"Excuse me, if you're trying to say I'm going to leave Haley and my child like you left Karen and Lucas, you're wrong."
"You don't have to leave them to be like me. You seem to have decided that Lucas was better off without me around."
"So what?"
"So, face it Nathan, you're like me. Everyone's commented on how similar we are since the day you were born. We look alike, we walk alike. You have my genes and there's nothing you can do to change that. You say I messed up your life by pressuring you too much but you're going to do the same thing to your child. It might not be basketball but whatever he or she decides to do, you're going to push until they stop loving it. One day it will be your child collapsing during a game. It won't be your fault. It's in the Scott gene."
Nathan's fists clenched. "Shut up. Just shut the hell up. You're wrong. I'm not you. I'll never be you."
"Truth hurts doesn't it?" Dan said snidely.
"I don't have to listen to this. Get out of my life and stay out." Nathan stormed off, got in his car and drove away, fuming.
***
He tried not to let what Dan had said get to him. He tried to tell himself that he was just being the jerk he always was but he was far from convinced. He thought about talking to Haley or even Lucas but decided it would only upset them unnecessarily. He drove around for awhile to blow off steam before going to the restaurant to see if Haley wanted to hang out after her shift.
The place was packed and Haley had her hands full. He saw her running from table to table, into the kitchen and back again. He could tell that despite her calm exterior, she was frazzled.
"Hey Hales, you look busy."
"Uh huh," was all she said before throwing an apron at him. "Get to work."
He nodded and put the apron on. "Which tables do you want me to take?"
"I'll take this half, you get the rest."
"Okay." He picked an order up from the counter and brought it over to one of the tables.
The next two hours were crazy busy. He'd never seen that many people in there at once. He and Haley only had time to say a few words to each other in passing but Nathan didn't mind. He was grateful for not having to talk much. He still wasn't in the mood for conversation.
"That was insane." Haley commented when they finally left. "I mean, I'm glad business is good but yikes."
"No kidding. Good tips though."
"So you can buy me something pretty."
"Maybe." He smiled.
"Nathan."
"What?"
"Is something wrong? You seem distracted."
"I'm fine. Just thinking about stuff."
"Stuff?"
"The usual stuff lately, you, the baby."
Haley wasn't entirely convinced but decided to let it drop. "Do you want to stay with me tonight? My parents are gone."
"Do you even need to ask?" He gave her a sly grin.
"I suppose not."
***
"There's a [air of your boxers in the top drawer. Your toothbrush should be in the cupboard below the sink. I keep it in there so my parents don't freak out."
Nathan chuckled.
"What?"
"It's kind of live we live together, but not."
"I know. Does it seem weird to you?"
"No. You?"
"Nope. Feels perfect."
He was already in bed and watching her undress. He loved looking at her pregnant belly, knowing that the child they'd created was growing inside her. She got into bed and curled up against him. "Goodnight Nathan."
"Goodnight Hales. I love you."
"Love you too." They drifted quickly off to sleep.
***
"Son! Get over here! I want to talk to you." He yelled in a voice that eerily resembled his father's.
A small brown-haired boy, about five years old, trotted over and looked up at him meekly. "Yes daddy?"
"How many goals did you let past you?"
"I dunno daddy."
"Six. You let in six goals. That's unacceptable. You'll never be a great soccer player if you keep playing like you did today."
"But I had fun daddy."
"I don't care if you had fun. That's not what matters. You're a Scott and Scotts play to win. Do you understand?"
"Yes daddy." The voice was barely audible.
"What did you say?"
"Yes daddy."
"Better. We're going to have to practice for an extra hour every day so you can improve. Go take your position in front of the net. I'll be right there."
The little boy looked over at his friends, who were trotting off to the playground but he didn't dare disobey his father.
"Yes daddy."
***
He awoke with a start. "It was just a dream, just a dream." He said to himself. Then he remembered his father's words to him. "You're just like me Nathan. It's in the genes Nathan." Suddenly the room felt stifling. He got up and went downstairs, began pacing around the living room.
"I can't be like me dad. I can't. I can't do that to my child. I can't make my own child hate me. I'd never forgive myself. My father's right. I can't fight DNA. There's only one thing I can do to protect my child from me."
He went back upstairs to Haley's room and found a pad of paper and a pen from her desk.
Haley,
I'm sorry but I have to leave. You were wrong about me Hales. I can't be there for you and our child. I can't be a father. I'm sorry for leading you on. Have a good life. I wish you the best.
Nathan
He folded the note in half and wrote Haley on the front. Not even trying to fight back the tears, he placed it on the pillow beside her, on the spot he'd occupied ten minutes earlier. Then he was out the door.
