A.N. Hi again! Thank you for all the reviews, I think that's the most I've ever gotten from a first chapter, so that was really great to see J Here's the next part, as I've decided to continue it. Enjoy! Oh, and to everyone asking me for an epilogue to Two Against the World, I'm sort of stuck for ideas on that- I don't know I just really liked the way the last chapter ended, so unless I come up with something brilliant (and I am still thinking about it) I will just leave it as it is. Anyway, read, enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!
Xoxo, Maddy.
March, 1998
"We really should write England a thank you note or something," Chandler said grinning, lying back against his pillow and snaking his arm around Monica.
She giggled. "The entire country? 'Dear England… thanks for supplying us with alcohol and hotel rooms?"
"Okay, maybe not all of England. Just London?"
"Dear London… yeah, that sounds better," she laughed.
"I can't believe that was two years ago already," he mused, shaking his head.
"Time flies when you're with me," she joked, poking his ribs.
"Maybe we should go back there someday, thank them in person," he murmered, kissing her hair.
"I think that would be the only polite thing to do," she agreed. "Hey, who knows, maybe for our honeymoon? That would be a cool story, wouldn't it?"
The minute she said it, she wished she hadn't. In the two years of their relationship, she'd been so good about suppressing comments like that, trying so hard not to freak him out. It had just become so comfortable that she didn't even realize she was tiptoeing around it anymore; it was just something they didn't discuss. She didn't know how it had slipped out tonight, but she felt the muscles in his arms sort of tense around her. She tried to backpedal.
"Well, I didn't mean like our honeymoon… like, someone's honeymoon. It would be a good place to go. Or something…" she trailed off. He looked down at her, caught between his discomfort with the idea and his amusement at her attempts to fix it. He finally forced a smile.
"Are you hungry?" he asked. She narrowed her eyes in confusion. How had he gotten there?
"Um, sure," she said, even though she wasn't.
"Let's get something to eat," he suggested. "The pizza place should still be open."
"Okay…" she said uncertainly as he hopped out of bed and started dressing.
And right then, she had this awful feeling. That it was the beginning of the end.
Present Day
"Wait," Monica mumbled against his lips, pushing him off of her. "Wait," she repeated. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Okay," he said, out of breath. "I'm waiting."
"I'm sorry," she said, tears filling her blue eyes. "I just- I need a minute."
"Hey," he said softly, pulling her towards him into a hug. "Hey, no, it's okay. Don't cry, I'm sorry. That was- that was so far out of line. I shouldn't have done that-"
"I'm not sorry you kissed me," she said, barely audible. "That's so awful. But I'm not. That's why I stopped you; not because I didn't want to be doing it. But because I did."
He didn't know what to say, so they didn't say anything. She checked her watch.
"2:30," she snorted. "I'm sitting here feeling guilty, and it's 2:30 and he's not home. And we both know he's not coming home." Another tear fell. He took her hand.
"Let's go for a walk," he said.
They talked about everything on that walk, everything she was feeling, everything that had happened. They walked and walked, until it was almost four, but neither was tired. It was refreshing, energizing, to be able to talk like that, way into the night. Like they used to, before- well, before everything.
"When did this happen to me?" she asked suddenly. "Sometimes I sit there, and I think, okay, if I can just pinpoint the exact day, the very moment my marriage disintegrated, then I can fix it. But I can't remember. I can't even remember it ever not being like this."
"I know what you mean. About trying to pinpoint a moment. I do it all the time."
"Do you?" she asked. Somehow they had ended up outside his apartment, she noticed. Outside her old apartment.
"Yeah. Only for me, I can do it. I can pick out the exact moment I would take back if I could."
"Really?" she asked, suddenly trembling, because she knew which moment it was.
"Yeah," he said, drawing her nearer to him in a tentative embrace. "It was the day I lost you."
She shook her head against his chest. "What are you doing to me?" she asked hopelessly.
He realized then, that it wasn't fair. That the kiss they shared came at a price for her, was a risk for her, but not for him. And that if he really loved her, he should leave her in peace, and not further complicate her life. It seemed all he ever did was complicate her life.
March 1998
Monica lay awake that night, after pizza, after rolling slowly away from his embrace. She listened to the rhythms of his breathing, tried to let it lull her to sleep, but it didn't. She couldn't ignore what could only be described as a rising anger within her. She loved him, more than anything, and still she had to keep part of herself away from him, she had to pretend not to be thinking things that she was. That's not a relationship, that's dodging landmines, she thought to herself. Did he think she was going to wait around forever?
But then she looked over at him, lying on his stomach, and he instinctively rolled over and reached around for her. She watched his arms, unsuccessful in their unconscious search, give up and wrap around his pillow instead. His eyes were closed peacefully, and there was a small smile on his lips. She wondered what he was dreaming, if it was about her. And right then, she knew; she would wait around forever for him.
Present Day
They stood outside his building, locked in an embrace, for a really long time, each afraid to say something the other didn't want to hear. Just when Chandler had decided he was content to hold her forever, just hold her, and put all thoughts of his wants and needs aside, she whispered something in his ear that made his heart stop.
"Is Joey home?"
How many times had she asked that question in the beginning of their love affair, when things were simple and fun and dangerous? Just hearing them from her lips again was enough to send Chandler's hopes soaring. He shook his head fervently.
"Said he was sleeping out tonight."
Monica wasn't exactly sure what had happened in the last two hours that made her reach up and kiss him as hard as she could, or why she suddenly knew that she had to go up with him, make love to him, wake up in his arms again. Maybe it was the fact that she realized he was always there for her, when her husband was not. Maybe it was knowing that her so-called husband was out there somewhere doing the same thing. But more likely, it was that the kiss on her front steps had awakened a desire, a need she had for him, that she had spent three years burying deep inside.
Neither of them knew what was happening, but they both knew that it was about to get even more complicated.
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