If Rumors Were True by Two-Idiots
Disclaimer: We own nothing, but the plot assuming there is one.
Summary: This story targets people who start stupid rumors, and the people who write about them. Serious bashing of Harry, Quidditch, and practically everything else. But it's done in a funny way.
Ch. 1 - Harry's New and Rumored Look
Our story begins with Harry Potter waking up in a small bed. Small, because he has miraculously grown to 7ft tall in a matter of two months. As he gets up, the bed begins to creak. It's creaking due to all the muscles he has developed in these two months. He has Quidditch to thank for that. Yes, Quidditch. The game that allows you to build muscles while having your ass planted on a broomstick. That snitch must really weigh a ton, to build up those arm muscles. Harry got a serious workout from flying around on a broomstick all day. Oh wait, he's at the Dursley's, so he doesn't fly around all day. But he still somehow managed to develop those muscles.
Harry no longer needs glasses. We don't really know why. Everyone just seems to think he magically somehow gets contacts. He gets up and sees his thin cousin Dudley in the doorway. Wait, his fat cousin Dudley, or is it thin? No, fat. Definitely fat, or thin. Yeah, that's it, thin. His thin cousin Dudley. Harry's fat cousin Dudley, who has now also learned that he too is a wizard, apparated his thin body downstairs for breakfast.
Harry goes downstairs to the kitchen. His aunt and uncle, who were killed by Voldy, are sitting at the table. Petunia is feeding her fat son breakfast, and Vernon is reading the "Daily Prophet". Just then, Hedwig flies into the kitchen and Vernon takes a gun out and shoots it. Hedwig, now missing her head, delivers Harry his letter.
"Oh, Harry's got mail!" Dudley shouted snatching the letter with his thin, bony hand.
"Get your fat hands off of my mail!" Harry yelled taking it back and going upstairs to read it in peace.
It was a letter from Hagrid, no Ron, no Hermione. Wait. It was really from Draco, who is really Harry's best friend. Wrong again. It was only his supply list. While skimming the list, Harry notices that dress robes are required.
"Maybe I'll ask out Cho again. No, Hermione. I'm definitely going to ask Hermione. Or Ginny. Maybe Draco would like to go. Or, Snape. That's it. I'm gonna ask Voldemort, who happens to be my father and/or, grandfather and/or, uncle. Nah, I'll just stick with Cho." Harry finally decides.
Hedwig flies upstairs and Harry gives her an owl treat. Somehow her head managed to grow back in the short span of 5 minutes. Suddenly the Weasleys show up by floo powder. Actually, they drove their car. The car that was completely destroyed in their second year. Ron walks in with Scabbers on his shoulder.
"Hey, mate. We want you to come stay with us at the Burrow for a while. We're rich now you know. Dad robbed the bank. Took all of the Malfoy's money." Ron said greeting Harry.
~AN/ End Chapter 1. The next chapter will be about Harry's vacation at the Burrow. More confusing fun to come.
Disclaimer: We own nothing, but the plot assuming there is one.
Summary: This story targets people who start stupid rumors, and the people who write about them. Serious bashing of Harry, Quidditch, and practically everything else. But it's done in a funny way.
Ch. 1 - Harry's New and Rumored Look
Our story begins with Harry Potter waking up in a small bed. Small, because he has miraculously grown to 7ft tall in a matter of two months. As he gets up, the bed begins to creak. It's creaking due to all the muscles he has developed in these two months. He has Quidditch to thank for that. Yes, Quidditch. The game that allows you to build muscles while having your ass planted on a broomstick. That snitch must really weigh a ton, to build up those arm muscles. Harry got a serious workout from flying around on a broomstick all day. Oh wait, he's at the Dursley's, so he doesn't fly around all day. But he still somehow managed to develop those muscles.
Harry no longer needs glasses. We don't really know why. Everyone just seems to think he magically somehow gets contacts. He gets up and sees his thin cousin Dudley in the doorway. Wait, his fat cousin Dudley, or is it thin? No, fat. Definitely fat, or thin. Yeah, that's it, thin. His thin cousin Dudley. Harry's fat cousin Dudley, who has now also learned that he too is a wizard, apparated his thin body downstairs for breakfast.
Harry goes downstairs to the kitchen. His aunt and uncle, who were killed by Voldy, are sitting at the table. Petunia is feeding her fat son breakfast, and Vernon is reading the "Daily Prophet". Just then, Hedwig flies into the kitchen and Vernon takes a gun out and shoots it. Hedwig, now missing her head, delivers Harry his letter.
"Oh, Harry's got mail!" Dudley shouted snatching the letter with his thin, bony hand.
"Get your fat hands off of my mail!" Harry yelled taking it back and going upstairs to read it in peace.
It was a letter from Hagrid, no Ron, no Hermione. Wait. It was really from Draco, who is really Harry's best friend. Wrong again. It was only his supply list. While skimming the list, Harry notices that dress robes are required.
"Maybe I'll ask out Cho again. No, Hermione. I'm definitely going to ask Hermione. Or Ginny. Maybe Draco would like to go. Or, Snape. That's it. I'm gonna ask Voldemort, who happens to be my father and/or, grandfather and/or, uncle. Nah, I'll just stick with Cho." Harry finally decides.
Hedwig flies upstairs and Harry gives her an owl treat. Somehow her head managed to grow back in the short span of 5 minutes. Suddenly the Weasleys show up by floo powder. Actually, they drove their car. The car that was completely destroyed in their second year. Ron walks in with Scabbers on his shoulder.
"Hey, mate. We want you to come stay with us at the Burrow for a while. We're rich now you know. Dad robbed the bank. Took all of the Malfoy's money." Ron said greeting Harry.
~AN/ End Chapter 1. The next chapter will be about Harry's vacation at the Burrow. More confusing fun to come.
