Nelo – If you like Sirius being back, then read my other fic – Harry Potter and the Vampire Slayer. You might find someone in there that you like J

Chapter 9

The following day passed without much event for Buffy and the others, they attended lessons, Buffy got to try more advanced magic, which she had a little trouble with, and in the evening, there was a practice for all the students who wanted to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team. The old captain, Angelina had left last year, and the Gryffindor team was in serious need of a revamp. There was still one chaser, Katie, Harry, of course, as seeker and Ron as Keeper. Last year had seen the introduction of Kirke and Sloper as beaters which Harry wasn't sure about. He wanted to see people with a view for the beater positions and chaser positions so a group practice enabled him to see how well people flew. The actual tryouts were to be at the weekend.

Together, they ran through basic scrimmages, where they played a variety of positions. Buffy found the flying exhilarating, especially at night when the pitch was lit up by the floodlights. She desperately wanted her own broom, as she had a desire to be a chaser on the team. Harry watched her fly, and he thought she would be in with a good chance, her reflexes were stunning.

After the gruelling practice, Harry, Ron and Buffy trooped back to the common room, tired but still buoyed up by flying. They found Hermione dedicatedly doing her Arithmancy homework.
 "Dumbledore gave me this to give to you," Hermione said, not looking up. She held out a letter to Buffy, which she eagerly grabbed. She quickly left the common room and headed to her training room, without a word to the others. She tore the letter open when she was seated on the sofa and hurriedly read the words.

Dear Buffy,

It's good to hear from you at last. I hope you are doing well at Hogwarts, I have heard a lot about it from many acquaintances. I want you to know that I don't blame you for leaving, I understand why you went. Things are well here, the new slayer, Faith is interesting to say the least. But she does her job.
I know that we will see each other soon, one way or another. Until then, take care of yourself,

Giles

Buff,
Hey it's us,
Willow and Xander! Giles said he was writing to you and we wanted to write too. Hope you're with the good in England and that you aren't wearing tweed on a regular basis. We're missing you, but Giles told us about how you are taking care of that boy, being bodyguard Buffy. Sunnydale high just isn't the same without you, Snyder seems to be missing you, no one to pick on. He also said that sometime soon we will see you, so here's hoping.

 Wills and Xand  XX

P.S Cordy and Oz say hi

Buffy held the letter to her, tears pouring down her face. She missed them all so much, it was almost physical. They hadn't mentioned Angel, which she was glad but she felt like deep down some part of her wanted to talk about it. To let someone else know what she had suffered, what she had truly had to give up. She smoothed out the letter and read its words again, still crying.
 "Um...…Buffy?" Harry said, pushing the door open nervously, looking terrified at the sight of a crying girl. "Are you okay?" Buffy nodded, eyes still filling and overflowing.

"Was it bad news?" Harry asked awkwardly, coming over to her. Buffy shook her head, still crying.
 "No, I just miss them so much," she sniffled. Harry awkwardly sat down next to her and patted her shoulder. Buffy leant against him.

 "It was from your friends in Sunnydale?" Harry asked. Buffy nodded again.
 "Willow and Xander and Giles," she murmured. "I want to see them, and my mom, but I can't go back there, I ju7st can't."
 "Go back to Sunnydale?" Harry asked gently. "Why not?" Buffy sat up and wiped her eyes and sniffed loudly.
 "Because of why I left," she said, not looking at him. "Because of what happened."

 "What did happen?" Harry gently probed. "If you want to talk about it I mean." Buffy looked at him intensely. She trusted him, despite that she had only known him a short while, and she knew he would understand.

So she began, and when she started, slowly at first, she couldn't stop the flow of words that came out of her mouth. She told him about becoming a slayer and meeting Giles, and Willow and Xander, and then Angel. And about how she found out about him being a vampire, but how he had a soul and came to be together. How he helped her fight, and loved her unconditionally, and how she loved him back, so much. And Harry listened. Finally, somewhat reluctant, but eager at the same time, Buffy told him about Angel losing his soul, and what he had done, to her and to her friends, how he had killed Miss Calendar and tortured Giles. And finally when they had fought.
 "He was so fast," Buffy said hollowly, staring into the fire. "So quick and so vicious. Every move he made was to kill, he wanted to kill me. And the whole time I was screaming inside, but you're supposed to love me. And he did, deep down, with all his soul. But that was gone and it was just this shell, who walked and talked like Angel but wasn't. And then I was winning, he was in front of the Acathla and I was about to do it, to send him to Hell and save the world again, but then he was him again."

Buffy stopped and wiped away the tears that streaked her face.

"He was Angel, with his soul and when I looked into his eyes I saw everything which I knew he felt for me. He was like a child; he didn't know what was going on, just that I was there. And so I kissed him. And I said I loved him, which I did, so much. And then I stabbed him. And the look in his eyes, it was like I'd betrayed him. And I have, oh god I have," Buffy broke down entirely, and sobbed, her shoulders shaking. Harry hugged her close and she held on to him, like a small child.
 "Buffy you saved the world," Harry said softly. "And you couldn't have done anything else. You didn't betray him; he would've wanted you to do it."

"But I love him so much," Buffy sobbed. "If I could have given my life, if I could've gone to Hell for him, I would have. But I couldn't, I couldn't save him. And now he's gone, and I won't ever see him, or be with him again. I won't kiss him, or touch him, or even look at him. And it's like I'm dying." Harry hugged her again, but the tears had faded, just traces left on her cheeks. She was beyond crying now.
 "I lost everything that night. My mom disowned me, threw me out for being the Slayer. My friends were hurt, and it was my fault. It was all my fault. And I have nothing to show for it, not my friends, or my mom, or Angel. I can't go back, because I can't see that place." Harry looked at her carefully.

 "You have us now," he reminded her kindly. "But Buffy, you're going to have to go back sometime, you have to face the past. And when you do, you'll be strong, because that's who you are." Buffy looked at him, a defeated look in her eyes.
 "Thanks," she said quietly. "I haven't told anyone about all of this, about Angle getting his soul back. But I think I needed to. And maybe, sometime I will return to Sunnydale. I don't know." Harry smiled at her reassuringly.
"I understand you know, I've been there," he said. "I lost Sirius and he was the only family I had. And that was my fault. It still hurts, he didn't deserve that, he deserved to be still alive. I wish you could've met him, I think you would've got on well, he would've liked you. But it's not to be. I don't like it, but I accept it. I'm never going to forget him, or stop wishing that it was different."
 "You really miss him don't you?" Buffy asked quietly.
 "Yeah I do," said Harry simply, now it was his turn for his eyes to fill. "But we'll live through it, the both of us. Because we have to live, we have to fight another day. And who knows, maybe one day, we'll see them again." Buffy hugged him this time and their eyes met. Slowly, Harry leant down, and brushed Buffy's lips with a kiss. She looked up at him, and went to kiss him, but stopped, centimetres from his lips.
 "I can't," she whispered. "We're just caught up in the moment. We're looking for something that we really don't want. She pulled out of his hug.
 "I'm sorry," Harry apologised. 
 "No, it was me too," Buffy said quickly. "But I can't do this, I'm fragile and I'm no where near that place, and to be honest, I'm not sure I ever will be again."
 "It's okay," Harry said with a swift smile. "I understand. I'm not him." Buffy bit her lip remorsefully, and nodded.
 "If this had never happened, then I totally would." She assured him. "But I can't love anyone but him, not now, and maybe not ever. I gave myself to him, and I'm still his." Harry held out a hand and Buffy shook it, smiling slightly.
"Friends," he agreed, pulling her up. Together, they returned to the Gryffindor Common Room.