Chapter 13

Buffy walked for a long time, without purpose or noticing where she went. She did not want to return to Giles' as she knew that Willow and Xander would be there, and she did not want to go back to her home. So she walked, alternating between muttering furiously to herself, and crying. The one vampire she ran into was dusted almost immediately, the rush of emotions pent up inside her saw to that. And finally she stopped. Her walking had taken her around town, and it had been seemingly purposeless but Buffy realised where she had inadvertently taken herself. The mansion where it had all happened.

She entered cautiously, more than once turning again to leave, but changing her mind abruptly again. She was in the garden, if you could call it that, with the stone statues. She walked to the wall, where she had lain. Voices echoed in her ears: 'Now that's everything huh? No weapons…..no friends……no hope.' Buffy shut her eyes to block out the memories, but when she opened them again, they were still there, crowding her, pushing her and manipulating her senses. She entered the mansion, went into the place where it had all happened. Of course there was nothing there now, the Acathla had gone, removed by Giles, Buffy guessed correctly, and there were no visible traces that anything had gone on.

But to Buffy, there was so much. So much pain and anguish, too much. She sunk to her knees and sobbed into her hands.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry." It felt like an infinite amount of time before Buffy finally wiped away her tears and stood up.
 "I'm sorry," she repeated, her voice wavering. She spoke to the night again: "Why did you have to leave? We should have been forever. I love you so much, more than anyone ever. How could I not? I would have given up every part of me to you. And now you're gone, and that feels like I've been torn apart, like a part of me is missing." She wiped away her tears with a shaking hand. "I can't do this without you, what use is it. You were the one thing I had to hold onto." She broke down again, and her tears fell, spattering on the floor.

"It's so cold without you," she sobbed. "I can't be happy without you, I can't let anyone in because they don't know, and they can't feel it. Oh god, I love you so much."   She bowed her head, and just stood, holding onto something anything, all she had, the memories. But they weren't enough. Buffy took off her claddagh ring; the one Angel had given her and placed it on the floor.

"Goodbye," she whispered and walked, slow resolute paces, taking her from the room. She was beyond tears now, beyond feeling. A cool wind blew threw the mansion, whistling as it went. And behind Buffy a loud thud sounded. She assumed it was a chair being knocked over, but turned anyway.
A man, the body of a man, lay sprawled on the floor of the mansion. Buffy gripped the door frame to stop herself from collapsing. And even then she sunk to the floor, shaking hand covering her mouth. For how long she sat there, staring she didn't know, but she pulled herself up, never taking her eyes off of the man. With legs like jelly, she approached the body and knelt next to it. She reached out, and touched him, then pulled back. She swallowed hard and touched him again, turning him over, so he was face up. The man's eyes opened slowly, and blinked confusedly.  

 "Buffy?" Angel murmured. Buffy lay a finger on his lips and then sat next to him. Wordlessly, she wrapped herself in his arms, and just held him, and they lay there, holding one another close, one being again.