No Way Out by Cosmic Castaway
A/N: Inspired by the song of the same name from the Disney movie Brother Bear. This was written for Unrequited, my Jakotsu/Inuyasha shrine. I needed to fill up some empty space on the site and it motivated me to write this (an idea I'd had for quite some time beforehand ^.^). It's also my first attempt at a songfic, so I hope it turned out okay. Review? ^.^;;
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Standing in the darkness, the lone, shaking figure held high the rusted blade of the life-giving sword. His eyes were deep and pitless, depths too dangerous to explore. His hands calloused, broad and strong, his face was young yet ageless. The man had found what he had saught, and his pain would soon be over once this final task had been completed.
Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can do to change
The things I've done
The skeleton was unmistakable: it was the last to be found amongst seven others, nestled hidden in the fearsome blackness of a mountain crevice. Buried amongst a pile of rubble were the shreds of a pale yellow silk kimono speckled with turquoise flowers; the remains of a dark pink sash and glinting purple snake scales. They were untouched as they had been for hundreds of years, though faded and dirtied with age.
Most notable, though, was the cracked and ruined weapon which still lay stuck in the hard-packed earth. Gleaming silver-white with a hilt which twisted in the shape of the end of a bone, it lay broken and unused, its many blades scattered into shards among the stones. This was the sword Jakotsutou; the remains were of its master.
The man who had journeyed so far to find the grave was sure of it, that this was the one he'd been searching for. It was a moment he had been waiting for for centuries.
Focusing on the corpse, he began to make out the tiny death-imps which clung protectively to the bones. Glaring, he cried out, bringing down the force of the blade and relinquishing the demons in one clean swipe. The metal of the sword clanged loudly on the ground as it hit down hard.
Then, exhausted, the man collapsed, the weapon's handle slipping out of his fingers and falling noisily to the floor. Cheek pressed up against the cold stone walls, the broken traveler turned his head to watch, wearily, to see if the tactic had worked.
Of all the things I've hid from you,
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone,
Something will come,
To take away the pain
Sure enough, the bones began to rattle, shift, and join together. Flesh bubbled up onto their off-white surfaces, becoming muscle, sinew, and organs. The sight would have been grotesque, but little to nothing drew any reaction from the strange, weathered man. He watched on, blankly, as the body began to take shape.
Hands formed and from them slender fingers. Shapeless flesh began to ripple into a chest and shoulders, into long, muscular legs from which sprang feet and toes. From the neck a head became discernable; soft, closed eyes and gentle lips, with swirls of white skin for ears. Lastly came a cascade of black tresses, spilling over the person's face, and two purple-blue stripes which ran vertically down from beneath his lower lids. The long-dead man was now complete, and as his soul jolted back into his body, his muscles twiched and jerked. He was alive again.
A small, hopeless smile seemed to capture the face of the white-haired one who was responsible for the ressurection. Turning his face from his once arch-enemy, he gazed to the invisible black ceiling of the inner mountain, allowing himself a moment to let out a sigh of relief. It was finally time.
"Oi, Jakotsu. I'm ready now. So hurry up and kill me."
There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day
The eyes of the other man fluttered open. Vision was blurred, but Jakotsu soon realized that it was too pitch dark to see much anyways. The last thing he could remember was the face of Renkotsu looming over his, reaching for the shard inside his neck. He remembered the intense pain that burned throughout his entire body, and how he had longed for the sweet release of death. Then, so suddenly, what was he doing here?
"Stop hesitating. I'm sure you'll want revenge for all your comrades."
That voice. Jakotsu recognized it immediately. "Inuyasha?"
The hanyou exhaled roughly from where he sat. "Yeah."
"But that's...impossible! I...you...Renkotsu no aniki..." Jakotsu choked on his words for a moment, pausing to rethink things as hard as he could. "I died, didn't I?"
Inuyasha made no attempt to respond for a very long time. He didn't plan on having to explain everything to Jakotsu; he only wanted the man to kill him so he could get on with his afterlife, if there was such a thing. All that mattered was that his unrelenting suffering be put to a stop. He could not take it for much longer.
"Yes. You died. And I brought you back to life and I am asking for you to kill me."
Jakotsu smirked bitterly to himself, slightly disbelieving that he'd been ressurrected for a second time. Was this some sort of a sick joke? "Why should I? I begged you to finish me, and you refused."
"You should know," Inuyasha responded, "That I cut that idiot leader of yours in two not long after. What was his name...?"
Jakotsu brought his hand to his quivering lips and felt his eyes fill up with tears. The thought of it, happening all over again...he'd watched his leader smile at him hopelessly, while in the holds of the daimyou's soldiers, right before he'd died the first time. And now, a second time, being killed like that...
"Ban...Bankotsu..."
Inuyasha grinned. He'd get the death he wanted. "Yeah, that was it, Bankotsu. What a waste of my time...though I loved hearing him scream out in pain like that."
In a split-second's time, Jakotsu leapt to his feet and had his hands around Inuyasha's neck, fingers squeezing hard. His nails dug deep into the hanyou's perfect white neck. "You...fucking bastard...! You're right - you'll die for killing Bankotsu!"
Inuyasha grinned at Jakotsu as he felt his breath slipping. "You...you cannot kill me so easily..."
Jakotsu tightened his grip. His eyes darkened cruelly. "We'll see about that."
The hanyou tried to jerk his head towards the remains of Jakotsu's tattered sword. "Why don't you use that toy on me instead?"
Jakotsu flung Inuyasha aside, drawing blood from the pinprick holes he had made on the hanyou's neck. "You say some interesting things sometimes, Inuyasha."
"Go on then...slice me in two...like I did to your irritating leader."
Jakotsu grabbed the hilt of his sword and dislodged it from the ground. The damaged multiple blades of the weapon hung limply from its edge, and when Jakotsu tried to flick them back in place, they ended up tangled in a rusted, useless mess. "Damnit...what happened to my Jakotsutou?"
Inuyasha's eyes locked on Jakotsu's own, trapping them in ages of lonely, empty memories. he found himself captivated and lost in those eyes. "It has been a very long time since last we met. A very...long...time."
Jakotsu dropped his useless weapon. He had a feeling that Inuyasha had not meant a word of what he'd just said about Bankotsu - he was only trying to play with Jakotsu's emotions. "How long?" he questioned the hanyou, "And why do you want me to kill you so badly?"
Sighing long and heavy, Inuyasha rested his head against the walls of the cave once again. "It has been four hundred years, Jakotsu."
Tell me where, did I go wrong?
Everyone I loved, they're all gone
Jakotsu's jaw dropped, and he nearly stumbled backwards. "Four...hundred?"
Inuyasha nodded solemnly. He turned his eyes from Jakotsu, gazing past him like he was an apparition. His face seemed so lonely, etched with pain and a knowledge of the world that had surpassed mere understanding - Inuyasha looked as if he knew that there was nothing left for him but darkness.
A pang of empathy seemed to flood Jakotsu. His former contempt for the hanyou had all but disappeared - it was like a fire had been lit inside his chest and was slowly, steadily growing, both warming and burning him. He felt an intense desire to protect this man - it was unbelievable; it was something he'd never felt before. "Inuyasha," he replied, voice cracking with emotion, "What has happened to you? Was it your companions? They...died, didn't they?"
Inuyasha swallowed a lump in his throat. "There is nothing you can say that can change what has happened. Now please, I beg of you - end my life."
Jakotsu inched closer to Inuyasha on his hands and knees, stopping inches from where the hanyou lay. Big, black eyes wide and clear, reflected his sincerity...this was not the twisted, sadistic killer that Inuyasha had known, nor the carefree childlike boy - this was Jakotsu as he truly was, no masks of cheerfulness or blankets of shaded, angry lust. This was nothing more than a man that desperately wanted to be loved.
"Please tell me, Inuyasha. Tell me what happened."
Inuyasha's heart, oddly, skipped a beat at the tone in Jakotsu's voice. It was pleading, desperate, and lined with incredible sadness. Had this man truly lived a life just as shattered as his?
I'd do everything so differently,
But I can't turn back the time
There's no shelter from the storm
Inside of me
"Kagome...." was all Inuyasha managed to say before his voice hitched in his throat, and the centuries of emotion he'd kept bottled up inside began to spill hotly down his cheeks. He bit down on his bottom lip, trying desperately to keep it all from coming out. This was not what he needed, not now.
"Inuyasha, what happened?" Jakotsu reached out his hand to touch the hanyou's face, only to have him flinch and jerk away from him. The stripe-faced man remained in that position, hand raised, dark eyes gleaming with concern, until Inuyasha allowed him to gently, sofly wipe the tears away.
"Kagome and Miroku and the others...the ones I cared so much about...I watched them all grow old and crumble away, slipping through my fingers, no matter how tightly I tried to hold on to them. They faded away into nothing right before my eyes..." Inuyasha paused, sniffling, clenching together his fangs as if being tortured by their memories, "And then, still...others came along...others were my friends...I felt over and over like things would get better, but history only repeated itself."
Jakotsu ran his fingers through the dirtied, silky hair...just as soft and sweet as he remembered it. "You have been through so much, Inuyasha. Just like me...but is that any reason for wanting to die? To give up altogether?"
"I don't need your sympathy," Inuyasha responded, lowering his head so that his bangs concealed his eyes, "Just stop it...and if you really ever did love me, or ever did hate me...whichever...I am begging you, pleading you...kill me. No one else can, and no one else will, and I am unable to do it myself."
"Please don't say that..."
Standing up, towering above the crouching human below him, Inuyasha grabbed the taller man by his hair and proceeded to slam him hard against the wall, nearly knocking the wind from him. Jakotsu's mouth gaped in shock, his pupils narrowed with agony. "Inu...yasha..."
Hard, the hanyou punched him. Jakotsu's head flew sideways against the hard stone wall that they were pressed against. Blood dripped from his lower lip in two places, and his cheek began to throb and swell in pain. "Why are you...?"
"Fucking moron...just kill me...because that's what I am! A Killer! Thousands of innocent people all killed in cold blood, for something stupid that one of them said to me!" Inuyasha's tear-stained face had become pleading, wild and feral in his confession. His empty golden eyes began to flash to red and purple, and he cried out to the darkness, clutching at his head as he tried desperately to seize control of his powers. "D...damnit...."
Releasing Jakotsu and tossing him aside, he began to forcefully throw himself at the walls of the cave, bloodying his face and shoulders, screaming in agony.
Jakotsu turned his eyes away from the spectacle, wincing at every violent, angry sound that he could hear. He could do nothing more than to shut his eyes, hoping the outburst would run its course and cease. He'd been through this more than enough times with the companions that he'd travelled with...and when the noises began to wear down, he cautiously opened his eyes again.
Clawing at himself, the fur on his ears prickling like needles, Inuyasha had pressed himself hard against a large, jutting boulder, his growling and snarling subsiding. The seconds ticked by, and Jakotsu watched with relief as the hanyou's blood-reddened eyes flickered gold and the jagged violet stripes on his cheeks faded away. Inuyasha collapsed, exhausted, onto the cold, hard ground.
Breathing heavily, pushing himself back up, Inuyasha gazed once more at Jakotsu, his face bruised and battered. "You...see...what happens to me? I lost my sword in battle two hundred and fifty years ago. The one that sealed up my full youkai blood...never seen this side of me, have you, Jakotsu? Am I still a cute guy that you want to cuddle?"
Jakotsu was speechless. He'd have never guessed that such a darkness could have lurked within the soul of Inuyasha...he still could remember, as distant as the memory now seemed to him, the hanyou's boyish and innocent face.
"Ke. I thought so," Inuyasha whispered to himself. He brought up his claws and gazed at them with a blank expression on his face. "These talons...ripped through hundreds of thousands of lives. One of those lives...was a companion of mine from long ago. I lost control again, way back then....do you remember Shippou, Jakotsu?"
He nodded gravely. "The kitsune cub."
"He was my first."
The feeling, the fire, was violently expanding within Jakotsu. He clutched a fist to his chest, his eyes feeling moisture flood through them. "I...know how that feels. My own mother, I killed...though it was an accident."
Inuyasha gazed back sadly at Jakotsu. "That wasn't the end, you know. I hated myself...despised myself so much for doing such a horrible thing. Still, they all stayed with me...and it nearly happened again, more than once. But once Naraku was defeated, I was calm again...for a long, long time, I started to forgive myself. But as the years flew by me, and the ones that I loved most were slowly and painfully pried from my grasp by the passage of time...the environment around me grew less and less accepting of my existence. My world was swallowed up...and the things that I knew to be real have faded away into legend and mystery."
Jakotsu felt a shiver run up through his spine. He began to wonder...what had occured in four hundred years that had changed the world so much? What had occured...that had changed Inuyasha into a killer, like him?
"You know, Jakotsu...the time of the wars has never truly ended. People still bicker and fight and do anything they can for power. Yet at least in the time that we came from, there was some sense of honor. There was some sense that what you were fighting for was good and was just, of protecting those you love and those who suffered. That sort of thing is only an illusion in this time. It's no wonder that Kagome wished to leave it."
Inuyasha paused for a moment to reflect on what he'd said. "There is no longer a place in the world...for a hanyou of the past like myself. To them, I am not even possible. I have killed to save some sense of who I am, because eventually, I too will fade away into the mists of human fantasy. It happened already to my brother...how can I stop it from swallowing up myself as well?"
Jakotsu tried approaching Inuyasha once more, hoping he wouldn't lash out again. The things he was saying made little sense to him; they were vague and philosophical. "So...you've travelled the mountains looking for my bones...just so I would kill you?"
Inuyasha nodded. "Yes. For ages, I've allowed the memories of my past to eat me alive...to torture and rip at my soul. Many have tried to kill me, but could not. I tried to kill myself, but could not. When I obtained my brother's sword, however...I remembered you, the one individual who came closest to killing me...and I knew you were the one I had to find."
Jakotsu felt himself blushing at this statement - he was the one Inuyasha had to find. It was an innocent statement, but it made Jakotsu's heart skip. The fire in him was becoming unquenchable...
"So I searched for you and I found you," Inuyasha continued, "And the dying Tenseiga used the last of its powers to pull you back from the dead. Yeah, I know I was trapped as a human when you tried to slay me last, but I have planned it out perfectly: the night of the new moon will be here soon, Jakotsu. The sun is nearly set. And I will request of you again...to kill me. If you want...have your way with me beforehand. I have prepared myself for that. Whatever it takes to get you going."
Inuyasha smiled slightly. "It will be nice, at least...to die of your hand, if nothing else. I do look back on our fights sometimes with a sense of regret that I had to kill you and your companions, Jakotsu...even if I was just protecting myself."
But Jakotsu could not respond. Robbed of his words, he could do nothing but gape at the hanyou's statement, his eyes overflowing with love. "Inuyasha...that is all...that I needed to hear from you..."
"So you'll kill me then?" The hanyou's face seemed to calmed with relief.
Yet without responding, Jakotsu launched himself forward, clasping the surprised Inuyasha in his arms. Tears spilled from his eyes, clouding his vision until he closed them to seal out the world. It was just him then, just him and his hanyou nestled snugly within his embrace. "Oh Inuyasha! How could I ever...after hearing you say that to me?"
There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day
"N...nan da...?" Inuyasha stammered.
Jakotsu was holding him, touching him, running his fingers over and through his hair. But why? Jakotsu wasn't supposed to react this way...he was supposed to cut him up while saying stupid things about him being cute. What had been the cause of this to happen?
"Inuyasha, let me protect you," Jakotsu asked of him, his soft, young-sounding voice seeming to tremble as he spoke, "I don't care about what you've done, because...I've always, always loved you..."
"But why? I though you only liked to work yourself up by trying to kill me."
"I thought I did too, but...I think I always knew that it was somewhat different, when it came to you," Jakotsu paused, looking fondly down into Inuyasha's wide, confused eyes. "You see, growing up, and liking men, I was always shunned...and when I ever loved someone, they'd cruelly reject me...taunt me...and humiliate me. As a fighter, though, I could use the energy built up in me, to toy with guys I found attractive. It helped me to soften the reality of what I had really become...a murderer."
Inuyasha nodded slowly. "I had figured as much. So why is it different with me?"
Placing a hand on the hanyou's face, Jakotsu drew him in for a brief, chaste kiss. Though surprised, the hanyou made no attempt to push the other man away. "I will tell you why, cutie. Because you didn't hate me."
Inuyasha blinked quizically at the statement. "But I didn't exactly like you, either."
Jakotsu smiled. "True, but you showed me mercy. You tried to spare me. So I knew you didn't hate me. I died...with a sense of happiness. Bittersweet, but happiness nontheless."
"That simple?" Inuyasha regaurded thoughtfully. "You're a pretty easy guy to please."
"All I ever wanted," Jakotsu responded, "Was for a guy that I liked not to hurt me. It wasn't as important for him to like me back as it was for him to be kind."
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "And...despite everything I've told you, you still see me as that innocent guy of your dreams? Even though...I am killer, just like you?"
Jakotsu almost chuckled at his statement, and ruffled the hanyou's hair. "Baka...don't you think that I, of all people, would be understanding about something like that? The fact that you were so cute and so blunt...it made me infatuated with you, more than with any other cutie I'd played with." He stopped for a moment, his face becoming serious. "However, when my infatuation turned into love...well, you were special because you were you, and nothing more - be it innocent or a killer like me. I love you for no other reason than...that Inuyasha is Inuyasha."
The hanyou turned his head down, and was quiet for a very long time. His body shook in Jakotsu's embrace, his fingers trembled from where they cluched at his shoulders. Concerned, Jakotsu reached out his hand to pull Inuyasha's face back up, only to find that he was struggling with emotion. Jakotsu was floored by this reaction - what did it mean?
"Inuyasha...what are you...?"
Arms wrapped around Jakotsu's waist, holding him tightly, and Inuyasha was sobbing into his chest. Jakotsu felt like he would burst - from joy, from pain, and from shock all at once. He had said what he'd said from his heart, unknowing that it was all Inuyasha had needed to heal.
Wordlessly, Jakotsu returned the embrace, nuzzling his cheek on the top of the hanyou's soft white head. Was this what heaven felt like?
I can't believe the words I hear
It's like an answer to a prayer
When I look around I see
This place, this time, this friend of mine
"Jakotsu! Jakotsu!" Inuyasha stammered, pressing his head into the human's bare chest. "I don't really want to die! What you said to me...is all I wanted to know..."
Jakotsu stroked through Inuyasha's hair, calming him. "Shh, baby. I know exactly how you feel. Lonely, lost, afraid...and yet..." Jakotsu paused, struggling with himself before asking his next question, but outed it anyways: "C-can you love me back?"
Pulling up from his position, Inuyasha thrust out his neck to capture the other man's lips, drinking in his flavor, swimming in his scent. Eyes wide open Jakotsu could barely react - though he had kissed many guys before, it was the first time in his life that anyone had ever kissed him. Slowly, surely, he began to respond, tilting his head to the side for better access.
"Nnn~!" Pushing in his tongue Jakotsu entwined his with the other's, moving up his hand to rest on Inuyasha's burning face. He felt the wetness there, from crying and from sweat. Tracing the outlines of his tearstreaks, so much like the markings on his own face...were his reminiscent of the pain he'd held back?
They parted, almost reluctantly. Throwing his arms around Jakotsu's neck, Inuyasha buried his blushing face. "I'm so sorry Jakotsu...that I had to put you through all this."
There was no need for apologies. Inuyasha had kissed him! Jakotsu's whole being felt content and peaceful; his heart enveloped in warmth. "No....Inuyasha, had you not come to me...I worry what may have happened to you."
"You're right. And you have no idea...what that means to me."
I know it's hard, but you found somehow
To reach into your heart and to forgive me now
You've given me the strength to see
Just where my journey ends
You've given me the strength to carry on
Jakotsu squeezed the hanyou tight, kissing his forehead. "Are you mine now, Inuyasha?"
The one in his arms nuzzled into him, starved so long for affection. "If you want to keep me."
"Of course, Inuyasha. I've only ever dreamed of this."
Sighing, Inuyasha shifted in Jakotsu's arms, face turning up to meet his. "Mmm...I haven't had someone hold me like this in forever. And Kagome was the last person that ever meant anything when it happened."
Jakotsu frowned slightly. "Mou, don't I mean something too?"
Cautiosly, Inuyasha moved himself up to kiss the other man. Pulling away, his eyes were wide, his face blushing deeply. "I don't think I love you yet the way that you love me, but...if you'll be patient, I think I can try to feel that way too."
Jakotsu nodded. "Take however long you like. For me, I was fighting you as a human just moments ago. For you, however, it's been an eternity. It's understandable that you would need some time to figure things out." Jakotsu paused, smiling at Inuyasha. "Just no more begging to fill you up, okay?"
Inuyasha gaped. "WHAT?!"
The stripe-faced man blinked quizzically, then laughed. "Oh! I meant 'kill you up'. Slip of the tongue, sorry!"
Inuyasha sighed, shaking his head. "Ke, you are wierd. But...I like you that way."
Jakotsu smiled happily at that statement, the facial expression much more familiar to Inuyasha. So this would be his new life: having Jakotsu as his companion and his lover. Just seeing his face brought back memories of happier times. This would be a very good new start, for the both of them.
"So, what do we do now? If the world has changed so much?" Jakotsu asked.
Inuyasha pondered this for a moment. "I didn't really think about it...I was so intent on dying to escape it. However, I think the best thing we can do now is to try our best to make the most of it."
Jakotsu nodded. It was a simple plan, but it was also realistic.
"Can I ask you something, Jakotsu?" Inuyasha said, somewhat suddenly.
Jakotsu blinked. "...Yeah."
"Would you be willing to trade your mortality...to stay with me?"
The human raised his eyebrow. "Of course I would. But that's not possible."
Inuyasha smirked, reaching into his dirty robes. When he pulled out his hand, something was clutched in his fist. Holding it out, palm up, he revealed it: The whole, completed Shikon no Tama.
I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
Your forgiveness has set me free
Oh and I can see another way
I can face another day!
"That's...incredible!" Jakotsu marveled, eyes wide. "How did you get it?"
Grinning, Inuyasha seemed to be proud of it. "It belonged to Sango, the Taijiya girl, since her village was originally meant to protect it. When she died, she gave it to me...it has been my only source of comfort all these years."
"But I don't get it," Jakotsu asked, "If you had it all this time, why didn't you use it to kill yourself when you wanted to? Or to make yourself human, and then jump off a cliff or something? It doesn't make any sense...you could have done so much with it. Oo-aniki said that -"
Inuyasha sighed, cutting Jakotsu off. "Baka, can't you see the difference? It's not pink anymore - it's white. A long time ago, it was purified...and now, it can't be used to do anything but good. It will ignore you if you tried to use it otherwise. Pretty worthless if you ask me."
Jakotsu thought about this for a moment. "Yeah, but...wouldn't me becoming an immortal be for personal gain? It won't work, Inuyasha."
Grinning, Inuyasha placed the tama into Jakotsu's hands. "Yes it will. Because you are not doing it for yourself...you are doing it for me."
Jakotsu's eyes widened. "You're right!"
Inuyasha's face, however, became serious. "Only do this...if you really want it. An immortal life will be no picnic, Jakotsu. Your life will have no end, unless someone kills you. You will have to watch the world go by while you stand still, in the center of it all...never truly belonging. Because if you try to jump in...the pain you will feel in return will leave open wounds on you, that rarely heal. Forever."
Jakotsu diverted his eyes to the side a bit. "Couldn't you...use it to be a human, instead?"
Inuyasha shook his head. "It doesn't trust me. Even if it feels what my intentions are, I have tried too many times to retaint it. You can use it, though - and this will be the only way I can be with you."
"The only way?"
Inuyasha looked off to the side. "You see...I will not let myself love another mortal. I will not even let my self associate with them, on more than a casual level. I just can't have another one I care for being taken from me again. It would make me go back to finding a way to die to escape from the anguish."
Jakotsu closed his eyes for a moment. This was a decision that he could never go back on; he could live forever with Inuyasha or spend the remainder of his mortal life as an outcast in and alien world he barely knew of. However, he could not even coprehend what an eternity alive would be like...would it eventually drive him insane?
Inuyasha looked on at Jakotsu, hope filling his eyes. Jakotsu was the only one he wanted, Jakotsu who loved him unconditionally for no other reason than that he was himself. The stripe-faced man was his only way out of the darkness he was trapped in, both literally and symbolically. If he said that he would not become an immortal, Inuyasha would be forced to leave him and the other option only meant death.
Opening his eyes, Jakotsu smiled. "Had you wooried there, didn't I? Mou, Inuyasha...do you even need to ask? Of course I'll be an immortal with you...it will be fun!"
Inuyasha smiled, a wave of relief passing over him. "Thank gods! Though you are being a bit too cheerful about it for comfort."
Grinning, Jakotsu leaned in to kiss his hanyou on the bridge of his nose. "Oh, you'll see about that later, cutie. Just tell me...how do I work this little ball, anyways?"
Inuyasha's ears twitched. "I...think you just hold it, and think about what you want as hard as you can. Think about how you want to live forever with me."
Jakotsu shugged. "Okay...I'll give it a shot."
Taking the jewel between both palms, he wished with all his might that he could be immortal for Inuyasha. He thought about them being together, laughing and smiling. He thought of them enjoying their lives, despite the darkness in both of their pasts. Suddenly, he felt an intense feeling shoot all through his veins - searing hot and deathly cold, soft and sharp all at once. Gasping, Jakotsu nearly stumbled backwards.
"Ah! Jakotsu, daijobu ka?"
Rubbing his forehead, Jakotsu blinked back in his surroundings. "Mou, that hurt...no, it was...I don't know. It felt good and bad all at once...like two opposites. Weird, huh?"
Inuyasha nodded. "That's what the tama was...good and evil in one. Even if it is purified, the evil part is always there...waiting to be tainted again. Unless..." Inuyasha's eyes grew wide. "Jakotsu! Where is the jewel?"
Jakotsu looked at his hands, which looked slightly burned from the experience. "Huh. That's weird. It's like it vanished."
Inuyasha smiled knowingly. "It cancelled itself out...Midoriko finally won her battle."
Jakotsu blinked at the statement. "Midoriko?"
"Don't worry about it," Inuyasha responded. "So, how does it feel to be immortal?"
Jakotsu said nothing, but took Inuyasha's face in his hands and kissed him fiercely. The hanyou, taken by surprise, tried in vain to push his new companion from his face.
"Jakotsu! Omae..."
Jakotsu wagged his finger at Inuyasha. "I don't think so, Inuyasha. I just gave up my right to die...not that I haven't died enough already....all for you! And you said it yourself, Inu-chan, that you would be mine if I would keep you."
Inuyasha tried to respond, but couldn't get the words out. Finally, he managed to stammer, "Th...that doesn't mean you can just have your way with me, whenever you want!"
Jakotsu placed two fingers up by his head, imitating Inyasha's ears. "If I remember correctly, sweetie, you did say, 'Jakotsu-sama! Please kill me! I'll let you have sex with me if you want!'"
"I do not sound like that! And plus, you're not going to kill me, so no deal." Inuyasha grumpily kneeled down, picking up the rusted remains of Sesshoumaru's sword. "So can we leave now...without you trying to rape my face?"
Jakotsu chuckled. Inuyasha would be fine; he was already back to acting like his old self again. An eternity like this...it just might as well have been heaven.
"Maybe I should get some clothes," Jakotsu suggested, "Before we head out in public."
Inuyasha chucked his fire-rat coat at the once-dead spirit. "I can't believe you were naked the whole time."
"Well, what did you think that thing was that was poking you? A katana hilt?"
Inuyasha twitched. "That's sick! And don't flatter yourself."
Jakotsu sighed, following Inuyasha out of the darkness of the crevice which had been his home for five generations. He crept up behind the hanyou, breathing hotly on his ear. "You know...I could show you right now, that it was no exaggeration..." He snaked his hand down to toy with Inuyasha's crotch. "I was cheerful before because I was thinking that me becoming immortal for you would certainly warrant me an all-access pass on fucking you senseless."
Inuyasha placed his palm on Jakotsu's face, pushing him away. But when he turned around, Jakotsu was floored to see him grin suggestively. "You're right. Maybe later."
Turning around, the hanyou continued on his way, grinning inwardly at the shock it must have given Jakotsu.
"Do you have a thing for people who get brought back to life?" Jakotsu questioned, racing after him. "Does it turn you on or something?"
With no response, Jakotsu leaned over Inuyasha's back, wrapping his arms around the shorter man from behind. The hanyou stopped dead in his tracks.
"I do love you, Inuyasha. More than anything. I hope you know that."
Inuyasha reached up his hand to squeeze at Jakotsu's, leaning back into his embrace. "I know. And I am fairly confident that some day, I will love you just as much, Jakotsu-chan."
"Oh, that's so cute! I love that name! Though I'd prefer you'd call me 'Jakotsu-sama' while in bed. Oh, this is going to be a fun eternity, Inuyasha!" The man broke away from him, twirling around enthusiastically.
"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed. "I guess it will be fun. And thanks to you, Jakotsu...I'll be here to enjoy it."
From the cracks of light up ahead, it was apparent that the two were reaching the outside world again. Blushing, Inuyasha took Jakotsu's hand in his. After a moment he felt the other's hand squeeze his back. It felt so good to be loved by someone again...and it felt so good to see the sun shine down on the earth, and not be burdened by it at all.
I see the path, I can see the path
I see the future
I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
I see the path, I can see the path
I see my future...
A/N: Inspired by the song of the same name from the Disney movie Brother Bear. This was written for Unrequited, my Jakotsu/Inuyasha shrine. I needed to fill up some empty space on the site and it motivated me to write this (an idea I'd had for quite some time beforehand ^.^). It's also my first attempt at a songfic, so I hope it turned out okay. Review? ^.^;;
Standing in the darkness, the lone, shaking figure held high the rusted blade of the life-giving sword. His eyes were deep and pitless, depths too dangerous to explore. His hands calloused, broad and strong, his face was young yet ageless. The man had found what he had saught, and his pain would soon be over once this final task had been completed.
Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone
But there's nothing I can do to change
The things I've done
The skeleton was unmistakable: it was the last to be found amongst seven others, nestled hidden in the fearsome blackness of a mountain crevice. Buried amongst a pile of rubble were the shreds of a pale yellow silk kimono speckled with turquoise flowers; the remains of a dark pink sash and glinting purple snake scales. They were untouched as they had been for hundreds of years, though faded and dirtied with age.
Most notable, though, was the cracked and ruined weapon which still lay stuck in the hard-packed earth. Gleaming silver-white with a hilt which twisted in the shape of the end of a bone, it lay broken and unused, its many blades scattered into shards among the stones. This was the sword Jakotsutou; the remains were of its master.
The man who had journeyed so far to find the grave was sure of it, that this was the one he'd been searching for. It was a moment he had been waiting for for centuries.
Focusing on the corpse, he began to make out the tiny death-imps which clung protectively to the bones. Glaring, he cried out, bringing down the force of the blade and relinquishing the demons in one clean swipe. The metal of the sword clanged loudly on the ground as it hit down hard.
Then, exhausted, the man collapsed, the weapon's handle slipping out of his fingers and falling noisily to the floor. Cheek pressed up against the cold stone walls, the broken traveler turned his head to watch, wearily, to see if the tactic had worked.
Of all the things I've hid from you,
I cannot hide the shame
And I pray someone,
Something will come,
To take away the pain
Sure enough, the bones began to rattle, shift, and join together. Flesh bubbled up onto their off-white surfaces, becoming muscle, sinew, and organs. The sight would have been grotesque, but little to nothing drew any reaction from the strange, weathered man. He watched on, blankly, as the body began to take shape.
Hands formed and from them slender fingers. Shapeless flesh began to ripple into a chest and shoulders, into long, muscular legs from which sprang feet and toes. From the neck a head became discernable; soft, closed eyes and gentle lips, with swirls of white skin for ears. Lastly came a cascade of black tresses, spilling over the person's face, and two purple-blue stripes which ran vertically down from beneath his lower lids. The long-dead man was now complete, and as his soul jolted back into his body, his muscles twiched and jerked. He was alive again.
A small, hopeless smile seemed to capture the face of the white-haired one who was responsible for the ressurection. Turning his face from his once arch-enemy, he gazed to the invisible black ceiling of the inner mountain, allowing himself a moment to let out a sigh of relief. It was finally time.
"Oi, Jakotsu. I'm ready now. So hurry up and kill me."
There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day
The eyes of the other man fluttered open. Vision was blurred, but Jakotsu soon realized that it was too pitch dark to see much anyways. The last thing he could remember was the face of Renkotsu looming over his, reaching for the shard inside his neck. He remembered the intense pain that burned throughout his entire body, and how he had longed for the sweet release of death. Then, so suddenly, what was he doing here?
"Stop hesitating. I'm sure you'll want revenge for all your comrades."
That voice. Jakotsu recognized it immediately. "Inuyasha?"
The hanyou exhaled roughly from where he sat. "Yeah."
"But that's...impossible! I...you...Renkotsu no aniki..." Jakotsu choked on his words for a moment, pausing to rethink things as hard as he could. "I died, didn't I?"
Inuyasha made no attempt to respond for a very long time. He didn't plan on having to explain everything to Jakotsu; he only wanted the man to kill him so he could get on with his afterlife, if there was such a thing. All that mattered was that his unrelenting suffering be put to a stop. He could not take it for much longer.
"Yes. You died. And I brought you back to life and I am asking for you to kill me."
Jakotsu smirked bitterly to himself, slightly disbelieving that he'd been ressurrected for a second time. Was this some sort of a sick joke? "Why should I? I begged you to finish me, and you refused."
"You should know," Inuyasha responded, "That I cut that idiot leader of yours in two not long after. What was his name...?"
Jakotsu brought his hand to his quivering lips and felt his eyes fill up with tears. The thought of it, happening all over again...he'd watched his leader smile at him hopelessly, while in the holds of the daimyou's soldiers, right before he'd died the first time. And now, a second time, being killed like that...
"Ban...Bankotsu..."
Inuyasha grinned. He'd get the death he wanted. "Yeah, that was it, Bankotsu. What a waste of my time...though I loved hearing him scream out in pain like that."
In a split-second's time, Jakotsu leapt to his feet and had his hands around Inuyasha's neck, fingers squeezing hard. His nails dug deep into the hanyou's perfect white neck. "You...fucking bastard...! You're right - you'll die for killing Bankotsu!"
Inuyasha grinned at Jakotsu as he felt his breath slipping. "You...you cannot kill me so easily..."
Jakotsu tightened his grip. His eyes darkened cruelly. "We'll see about that."
The hanyou tried to jerk his head towards the remains of Jakotsu's tattered sword. "Why don't you use that toy on me instead?"
Jakotsu flung Inuyasha aside, drawing blood from the pinprick holes he had made on the hanyou's neck. "You say some interesting things sometimes, Inuyasha."
"Go on then...slice me in two...like I did to your irritating leader."
Jakotsu grabbed the hilt of his sword and dislodged it from the ground. The damaged multiple blades of the weapon hung limply from its edge, and when Jakotsu tried to flick them back in place, they ended up tangled in a rusted, useless mess. "Damnit...what happened to my Jakotsutou?"
Inuyasha's eyes locked on Jakotsu's own, trapping them in ages of lonely, empty memories. he found himself captivated and lost in those eyes. "It has been a very long time since last we met. A very...long...time."
Jakotsu dropped his useless weapon. He had a feeling that Inuyasha had not meant a word of what he'd just said about Bankotsu - he was only trying to play with Jakotsu's emotions. "How long?" he questioned the hanyou, "And why do you want me to kill you so badly?"
Sighing long and heavy, Inuyasha rested his head against the walls of the cave once again. "It has been four hundred years, Jakotsu."
Tell me where, did I go wrong?
Everyone I loved, they're all gone
Jakotsu's jaw dropped, and he nearly stumbled backwards. "Four...hundred?"
Inuyasha nodded solemnly. He turned his eyes from Jakotsu, gazing past him like he was an apparition. His face seemed so lonely, etched with pain and a knowledge of the world that had surpassed mere understanding - Inuyasha looked as if he knew that there was nothing left for him but darkness.
A pang of empathy seemed to flood Jakotsu. His former contempt for the hanyou had all but disappeared - it was like a fire had been lit inside his chest and was slowly, steadily growing, both warming and burning him. He felt an intense desire to protect this man - it was unbelievable; it was something he'd never felt before. "Inuyasha," he replied, voice cracking with emotion, "What has happened to you? Was it your companions? They...died, didn't they?"
Inuyasha swallowed a lump in his throat. "There is nothing you can say that can change what has happened. Now please, I beg of you - end my life."
Jakotsu inched closer to Inuyasha on his hands and knees, stopping inches from where the hanyou lay. Big, black eyes wide and clear, reflected his sincerity...this was not the twisted, sadistic killer that Inuyasha had known, nor the carefree childlike boy - this was Jakotsu as he truly was, no masks of cheerfulness or blankets of shaded, angry lust. This was nothing more than a man that desperately wanted to be loved.
"Please tell me, Inuyasha. Tell me what happened."
Inuyasha's heart, oddly, skipped a beat at the tone in Jakotsu's voice. It was pleading, desperate, and lined with incredible sadness. Had this man truly lived a life just as shattered as his?
I'd do everything so differently,
But I can't turn back the time
There's no shelter from the storm
Inside of me
"Kagome...." was all Inuyasha managed to say before his voice hitched in his throat, and the centuries of emotion he'd kept bottled up inside began to spill hotly down his cheeks. He bit down on his bottom lip, trying desperately to keep it all from coming out. This was not what he needed, not now.
"Inuyasha, what happened?" Jakotsu reached out his hand to touch the hanyou's face, only to have him flinch and jerk away from him. The stripe-faced man remained in that position, hand raised, dark eyes gleaming with concern, until Inuyasha allowed him to gently, sofly wipe the tears away.
"Kagome and Miroku and the others...the ones I cared so much about...I watched them all grow old and crumble away, slipping through my fingers, no matter how tightly I tried to hold on to them. They faded away into nothing right before my eyes..." Inuyasha paused, sniffling, clenching together his fangs as if being tortured by their memories, "And then, still...others came along...others were my friends...I felt over and over like things would get better, but history only repeated itself."
Jakotsu ran his fingers through the dirtied, silky hair...just as soft and sweet as he remembered it. "You have been through so much, Inuyasha. Just like me...but is that any reason for wanting to die? To give up altogether?"
"I don't need your sympathy," Inuyasha responded, lowering his head so that his bangs concealed his eyes, "Just stop it...and if you really ever did love me, or ever did hate me...whichever...I am begging you, pleading you...kill me. No one else can, and no one else will, and I am unable to do it myself."
"Please don't say that..."
Standing up, towering above the crouching human below him, Inuyasha grabbed the taller man by his hair and proceeded to slam him hard against the wall, nearly knocking the wind from him. Jakotsu's mouth gaped in shock, his pupils narrowed with agony. "Inu...yasha..."
Hard, the hanyou punched him. Jakotsu's head flew sideways against the hard stone wall that they were pressed against. Blood dripped from his lower lip in two places, and his cheek began to throb and swell in pain. "Why are you...?"
"Fucking moron...just kill me...because that's what I am! A Killer! Thousands of innocent people all killed in cold blood, for something stupid that one of them said to me!" Inuyasha's tear-stained face had become pleading, wild and feral in his confession. His empty golden eyes began to flash to red and purple, and he cried out to the darkness, clutching at his head as he tried desperately to seize control of his powers. "D...damnit...."
Releasing Jakotsu and tossing him aside, he began to forcefully throw himself at the walls of the cave, bloodying his face and shoulders, screaming in agony.
Jakotsu turned his eyes away from the spectacle, wincing at every violent, angry sound that he could hear. He could do nothing more than to shut his eyes, hoping the outburst would run its course and cease. He'd been through this more than enough times with the companions that he'd travelled with...and when the noises began to wear down, he cautiously opened his eyes again.
Clawing at himself, the fur on his ears prickling like needles, Inuyasha had pressed himself hard against a large, jutting boulder, his growling and snarling subsiding. The seconds ticked by, and Jakotsu watched with relief as the hanyou's blood-reddened eyes flickered gold and the jagged violet stripes on his cheeks faded away. Inuyasha collapsed, exhausted, onto the cold, hard ground.
Breathing heavily, pushing himself back up, Inuyasha gazed once more at Jakotsu, his face bruised and battered. "You...see...what happens to me? I lost my sword in battle two hundred and fifty years ago. The one that sealed up my full youkai blood...never seen this side of me, have you, Jakotsu? Am I still a cute guy that you want to cuddle?"
Jakotsu was speechless. He'd have never guessed that such a darkness could have lurked within the soul of Inuyasha...he still could remember, as distant as the memory now seemed to him, the hanyou's boyish and innocent face.
"Ke. I thought so," Inuyasha whispered to himself. He brought up his claws and gazed at them with a blank expression on his face. "These talons...ripped through hundreds of thousands of lives. One of those lives...was a companion of mine from long ago. I lost control again, way back then....do you remember Shippou, Jakotsu?"
He nodded gravely. "The kitsune cub."
"He was my first."
The feeling, the fire, was violently expanding within Jakotsu. He clutched a fist to his chest, his eyes feeling moisture flood through them. "I...know how that feels. My own mother, I killed...though it was an accident."
Inuyasha gazed back sadly at Jakotsu. "That wasn't the end, you know. I hated myself...despised myself so much for doing such a horrible thing. Still, they all stayed with me...and it nearly happened again, more than once. But once Naraku was defeated, I was calm again...for a long, long time, I started to forgive myself. But as the years flew by me, and the ones that I loved most were slowly and painfully pried from my grasp by the passage of time...the environment around me grew less and less accepting of my existence. My world was swallowed up...and the things that I knew to be real have faded away into legend and mystery."
Jakotsu felt a shiver run up through his spine. He began to wonder...what had occured in four hundred years that had changed the world so much? What had occured...that had changed Inuyasha into a killer, like him?
"You know, Jakotsu...the time of the wars has never truly ended. People still bicker and fight and do anything they can for power. Yet at least in the time that we came from, there was some sense of honor. There was some sense that what you were fighting for was good and was just, of protecting those you love and those who suffered. That sort of thing is only an illusion in this time. It's no wonder that Kagome wished to leave it."
Inuyasha paused for a moment to reflect on what he'd said. "There is no longer a place in the world...for a hanyou of the past like myself. To them, I am not even possible. I have killed to save some sense of who I am, because eventually, I too will fade away into the mists of human fantasy. It happened already to my brother...how can I stop it from swallowing up myself as well?"
Jakotsu tried approaching Inuyasha once more, hoping he wouldn't lash out again. The things he was saying made little sense to him; they were vague and philosophical. "So...you've travelled the mountains looking for my bones...just so I would kill you?"
Inuyasha nodded. "Yes. For ages, I've allowed the memories of my past to eat me alive...to torture and rip at my soul. Many have tried to kill me, but could not. I tried to kill myself, but could not. When I obtained my brother's sword, however...I remembered you, the one individual who came closest to killing me...and I knew you were the one I had to find."
Jakotsu felt himself blushing at this statement - he was the one Inuyasha had to find. It was an innocent statement, but it made Jakotsu's heart skip. The fire in him was becoming unquenchable...
"So I searched for you and I found you," Inuyasha continued, "And the dying Tenseiga used the last of its powers to pull you back from the dead. Yeah, I know I was trapped as a human when you tried to slay me last, but I have planned it out perfectly: the night of the new moon will be here soon, Jakotsu. The sun is nearly set. And I will request of you again...to kill me. If you want...have your way with me beforehand. I have prepared myself for that. Whatever it takes to get you going."
Inuyasha smiled slightly. "It will be nice, at least...to die of your hand, if nothing else. I do look back on our fights sometimes with a sense of regret that I had to kill you and your companions, Jakotsu...even if I was just protecting myself."
But Jakotsu could not respond. Robbed of his words, he could do nothing but gape at the hanyou's statement, his eyes overflowing with love. "Inuyasha...that is all...that I needed to hear from you..."
"So you'll kill me then?" The hanyou's face seemed to calmed with relief.
Yet without responding, Jakotsu launched himself forward, clasping the surprised Inuyasha in his arms. Tears spilled from his eyes, clouding his vision until he closed them to seal out the world. It was just him then, just him and his hanyou nestled snugly within his embrace. "Oh Inuyasha! How could I ever...after hearing you say that to me?"
There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day
"N...nan da...?" Inuyasha stammered.
Jakotsu was holding him, touching him, running his fingers over and through his hair. But why? Jakotsu wasn't supposed to react this way...he was supposed to cut him up while saying stupid things about him being cute. What had been the cause of this to happen?
"Inuyasha, let me protect you," Jakotsu asked of him, his soft, young-sounding voice seeming to tremble as he spoke, "I don't care about what you've done, because...I've always, always loved you..."
"But why? I though you only liked to work yourself up by trying to kill me."
"I thought I did too, but...I think I always knew that it was somewhat different, when it came to you," Jakotsu paused, looking fondly down into Inuyasha's wide, confused eyes. "You see, growing up, and liking men, I was always shunned...and when I ever loved someone, they'd cruelly reject me...taunt me...and humiliate me. As a fighter, though, I could use the energy built up in me, to toy with guys I found attractive. It helped me to soften the reality of what I had really become...a murderer."
Inuyasha nodded slowly. "I had figured as much. So why is it different with me?"
Placing a hand on the hanyou's face, Jakotsu drew him in for a brief, chaste kiss. Though surprised, the hanyou made no attempt to push the other man away. "I will tell you why, cutie. Because you didn't hate me."
Inuyasha blinked quizically at the statement. "But I didn't exactly like you, either."
Jakotsu smiled. "True, but you showed me mercy. You tried to spare me. So I knew you didn't hate me. I died...with a sense of happiness. Bittersweet, but happiness nontheless."
"That simple?" Inuyasha regaurded thoughtfully. "You're a pretty easy guy to please."
"All I ever wanted," Jakotsu responded, "Was for a guy that I liked not to hurt me. It wasn't as important for him to like me back as it was for him to be kind."
Inuyasha narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "And...despite everything I've told you, you still see me as that innocent guy of your dreams? Even though...I am killer, just like you?"
Jakotsu almost chuckled at his statement, and ruffled the hanyou's hair. "Baka...don't you think that I, of all people, would be understanding about something like that? The fact that you were so cute and so blunt...it made me infatuated with you, more than with any other cutie I'd played with." He stopped for a moment, his face becoming serious. "However, when my infatuation turned into love...well, you were special because you were you, and nothing more - be it innocent or a killer like me. I love you for no other reason than...that Inuyasha is Inuyasha."
The hanyou turned his head down, and was quiet for a very long time. His body shook in Jakotsu's embrace, his fingers trembled from where they cluched at his shoulders. Concerned, Jakotsu reached out his hand to pull Inuyasha's face back up, only to find that he was struggling with emotion. Jakotsu was floored by this reaction - what did it mean?
"Inuyasha...what are you...?"
Arms wrapped around Jakotsu's waist, holding him tightly, and Inuyasha was sobbing into his chest. Jakotsu felt like he would burst - from joy, from pain, and from shock all at once. He had said what he'd said from his heart, unknowing that it was all Inuyasha had needed to heal.
Wordlessly, Jakotsu returned the embrace, nuzzling his cheek on the top of the hanyou's soft white head. Was this what heaven felt like?
I can't believe the words I hear
It's like an answer to a prayer
When I look around I see
This place, this time, this friend of mine
"Jakotsu! Jakotsu!" Inuyasha stammered, pressing his head into the human's bare chest. "I don't really want to die! What you said to me...is all I wanted to know..."
Jakotsu stroked through Inuyasha's hair, calming him. "Shh, baby. I know exactly how you feel. Lonely, lost, afraid...and yet..." Jakotsu paused, struggling with himself before asking his next question, but outed it anyways: "C-can you love me back?"
Pulling up from his position, Inuyasha thrust out his neck to capture the other man's lips, drinking in his flavor, swimming in his scent. Eyes wide open Jakotsu could barely react - though he had kissed many guys before, it was the first time in his life that anyone had ever kissed him. Slowly, surely, he began to respond, tilting his head to the side for better access.
"Nnn~!" Pushing in his tongue Jakotsu entwined his with the other's, moving up his hand to rest on Inuyasha's burning face. He felt the wetness there, from crying and from sweat. Tracing the outlines of his tearstreaks, so much like the markings on his own face...were his reminiscent of the pain he'd held back?
They parted, almost reluctantly. Throwing his arms around Jakotsu's neck, Inuyasha buried his blushing face. "I'm so sorry Jakotsu...that I had to put you through all this."
There was no need for apologies. Inuyasha had kissed him! Jakotsu's whole being felt content and peaceful; his heart enveloped in warmth. "No....Inuyasha, had you not come to me...I worry what may have happened to you."
"You're right. And you have no idea...what that means to me."
I know it's hard, but you found somehow
To reach into your heart and to forgive me now
You've given me the strength to see
Just where my journey ends
You've given me the strength to carry on
Jakotsu squeezed the hanyou tight, kissing his forehead. "Are you mine now, Inuyasha?"
The one in his arms nuzzled into him, starved so long for affection. "If you want to keep me."
"Of course, Inuyasha. I've only ever dreamed of this."
Sighing, Inuyasha shifted in Jakotsu's arms, face turning up to meet his. "Mmm...I haven't had someone hold me like this in forever. And Kagome was the last person that ever meant anything when it happened."
Jakotsu frowned slightly. "Mou, don't I mean something too?"
Cautiosly, Inuyasha moved himself up to kiss the other man. Pulling away, his eyes were wide, his face blushing deeply. "I don't think I love you yet the way that you love me, but...if you'll be patient, I think I can try to feel that way too."
Jakotsu nodded. "Take however long you like. For me, I was fighting you as a human just moments ago. For you, however, it's been an eternity. It's understandable that you would need some time to figure things out." Jakotsu paused, smiling at Inuyasha. "Just no more begging to fill you up, okay?"
Inuyasha gaped. "WHAT?!"
The stripe-faced man blinked quizzically, then laughed. "Oh! I meant 'kill you up'. Slip of the tongue, sorry!"
Inuyasha sighed, shaking his head. "Ke, you are wierd. But...I like you that way."
Jakotsu smiled happily at that statement, the facial expression much more familiar to Inuyasha. So this would be his new life: having Jakotsu as his companion and his lover. Just seeing his face brought back memories of happier times. This would be a very good new start, for the both of them.
"So, what do we do now? If the world has changed so much?" Jakotsu asked.
Inuyasha pondered this for a moment. "I didn't really think about it...I was so intent on dying to escape it. However, I think the best thing we can do now is to try our best to make the most of it."
Jakotsu nodded. It was a simple plan, but it was also realistic.
"Can I ask you something, Jakotsu?" Inuyasha said, somewhat suddenly.
Jakotsu blinked. "...Yeah."
"Would you be willing to trade your mortality...to stay with me?"
The human raised his eyebrow. "Of course I would. But that's not possible."
Inuyasha smirked, reaching into his dirty robes. When he pulled out his hand, something was clutched in his fist. Holding it out, palm up, he revealed it: The whole, completed Shikon no Tama.
I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
Your forgiveness has set me free
Oh and I can see another way
I can face another day!
"That's...incredible!" Jakotsu marveled, eyes wide. "How did you get it?"
Grinning, Inuyasha seemed to be proud of it. "It belonged to Sango, the Taijiya girl, since her village was originally meant to protect it. When she died, she gave it to me...it has been my only source of comfort all these years."
"But I don't get it," Jakotsu asked, "If you had it all this time, why didn't you use it to kill yourself when you wanted to? Or to make yourself human, and then jump off a cliff or something? It doesn't make any sense...you could have done so much with it. Oo-aniki said that -"
Inuyasha sighed, cutting Jakotsu off. "Baka, can't you see the difference? It's not pink anymore - it's white. A long time ago, it was purified...and now, it can't be used to do anything but good. It will ignore you if you tried to use it otherwise. Pretty worthless if you ask me."
Jakotsu thought about this for a moment. "Yeah, but...wouldn't me becoming an immortal be for personal gain? It won't work, Inuyasha."
Grinning, Inuyasha placed the tama into Jakotsu's hands. "Yes it will. Because you are not doing it for yourself...you are doing it for me."
Jakotsu's eyes widened. "You're right!"
Inuyasha's face, however, became serious. "Only do this...if you really want it. An immortal life will be no picnic, Jakotsu. Your life will have no end, unless someone kills you. You will have to watch the world go by while you stand still, in the center of it all...never truly belonging. Because if you try to jump in...the pain you will feel in return will leave open wounds on you, that rarely heal. Forever."
Jakotsu diverted his eyes to the side a bit. "Couldn't you...use it to be a human, instead?"
Inuyasha shook his head. "It doesn't trust me. Even if it feels what my intentions are, I have tried too many times to retaint it. You can use it, though - and this will be the only way I can be with you."
"The only way?"
Inuyasha looked off to the side. "You see...I will not let myself love another mortal. I will not even let my self associate with them, on more than a casual level. I just can't have another one I care for being taken from me again. It would make me go back to finding a way to die to escape from the anguish."
Jakotsu closed his eyes for a moment. This was a decision that he could never go back on; he could live forever with Inuyasha or spend the remainder of his mortal life as an outcast in and alien world he barely knew of. However, he could not even coprehend what an eternity alive would be like...would it eventually drive him insane?
Inuyasha looked on at Jakotsu, hope filling his eyes. Jakotsu was the only one he wanted, Jakotsu who loved him unconditionally for no other reason than that he was himself. The stripe-faced man was his only way out of the darkness he was trapped in, both literally and symbolically. If he said that he would not become an immortal, Inuyasha would be forced to leave him and the other option only meant death.
Opening his eyes, Jakotsu smiled. "Had you wooried there, didn't I? Mou, Inuyasha...do you even need to ask? Of course I'll be an immortal with you...it will be fun!"
Inuyasha smiled, a wave of relief passing over him. "Thank gods! Though you are being a bit too cheerful about it for comfort."
Grinning, Jakotsu leaned in to kiss his hanyou on the bridge of his nose. "Oh, you'll see about that later, cutie. Just tell me...how do I work this little ball, anyways?"
Inuyasha's ears twitched. "I...think you just hold it, and think about what you want as hard as you can. Think about how you want to live forever with me."
Jakotsu shugged. "Okay...I'll give it a shot."
Taking the jewel between both palms, he wished with all his might that he could be immortal for Inuyasha. He thought about them being together, laughing and smiling. He thought of them enjoying their lives, despite the darkness in both of their pasts. Suddenly, he felt an intense feeling shoot all through his veins - searing hot and deathly cold, soft and sharp all at once. Gasping, Jakotsu nearly stumbled backwards.
"Ah! Jakotsu, daijobu ka?"
Rubbing his forehead, Jakotsu blinked back in his surroundings. "Mou, that hurt...no, it was...I don't know. It felt good and bad all at once...like two opposites. Weird, huh?"
Inuyasha nodded. "That's what the tama was...good and evil in one. Even if it is purified, the evil part is always there...waiting to be tainted again. Unless..." Inuyasha's eyes grew wide. "Jakotsu! Where is the jewel?"
Jakotsu looked at his hands, which looked slightly burned from the experience. "Huh. That's weird. It's like it vanished."
Inuyasha smiled knowingly. "It cancelled itself out...Midoriko finally won her battle."
Jakotsu blinked at the statement. "Midoriko?"
"Don't worry about it," Inuyasha responded. "So, how does it feel to be immortal?"
Jakotsu said nothing, but took Inuyasha's face in his hands and kissed him fiercely. The hanyou, taken by surprise, tried in vain to push his new companion from his face.
"Jakotsu! Omae..."
Jakotsu wagged his finger at Inuyasha. "I don't think so, Inuyasha. I just gave up my right to die...not that I haven't died enough already....all for you! And you said it yourself, Inu-chan, that you would be mine if I would keep you."
Inuyasha tried to respond, but couldn't get the words out. Finally, he managed to stammer, "Th...that doesn't mean you can just have your way with me, whenever you want!"
Jakotsu placed two fingers up by his head, imitating Inyasha's ears. "If I remember correctly, sweetie, you did say, 'Jakotsu-sama! Please kill me! I'll let you have sex with me if you want!'"
"I do not sound like that! And plus, you're not going to kill me, so no deal." Inuyasha grumpily kneeled down, picking up the rusted remains of Sesshoumaru's sword. "So can we leave now...without you trying to rape my face?"
Jakotsu chuckled. Inuyasha would be fine; he was already back to acting like his old self again. An eternity like this...it just might as well have been heaven.
"Maybe I should get some clothes," Jakotsu suggested, "Before we head out in public."
Inuyasha chucked his fire-rat coat at the once-dead spirit. "I can't believe you were naked the whole time."
"Well, what did you think that thing was that was poking you? A katana hilt?"
Inuyasha twitched. "That's sick! And don't flatter yourself."
Jakotsu sighed, following Inuyasha out of the darkness of the crevice which had been his home for five generations. He crept up behind the hanyou, breathing hotly on his ear. "You know...I could show you right now, that it was no exaggeration..." He snaked his hand down to toy with Inuyasha's crotch. "I was cheerful before because I was thinking that me becoming immortal for you would certainly warrant me an all-access pass on fucking you senseless."
Inuyasha placed his palm on Jakotsu's face, pushing him away. But when he turned around, Jakotsu was floored to see him grin suggestively. "You're right. Maybe later."
Turning around, the hanyou continued on his way, grinning inwardly at the shock it must have given Jakotsu.
"Do you have a thing for people who get brought back to life?" Jakotsu questioned, racing after him. "Does it turn you on or something?"
With no response, Jakotsu leaned over Inuyasha's back, wrapping his arms around the shorter man from behind. The hanyou stopped dead in his tracks.
"I do love you, Inuyasha. More than anything. I hope you know that."
Inuyasha reached up his hand to squeeze at Jakotsu's, leaning back into his embrace. "I know. And I am fairly confident that some day, I will love you just as much, Jakotsu-chan."
"Oh, that's so cute! I love that name! Though I'd prefer you'd call me 'Jakotsu-sama' while in bed. Oh, this is going to be a fun eternity, Inuyasha!" The man broke away from him, twirling around enthusiastically.
"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed. "I guess it will be fun. And thanks to you, Jakotsu...I'll be here to enjoy it."
From the cracks of light up ahead, it was apparent that the two were reaching the outside world again. Blushing, Inuyasha took Jakotsu's hand in his. After a moment he felt the other's hand squeeze his back. It felt so good to be loved by someone again...and it felt so good to see the sun shine down on the earth, and not be burdened by it at all.
I see the path, I can see the path
I see the future
I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
I see the path, I can see the path
I see my future...
