Disclaimer: The X-men are the property of Marvel etc and I have no ownership blah blah, no point suing me have no money yahda yahda yahda whatever.
Chapter 8 – Gnomes, Gnomes, gnomes!
Now we return to our Heroes and their odd predicament. Some of them where having trouble understanding how the Professor and Hank became, how could I say…
F@*ked up.
Ororo was one of them. She had got one of the rawest deals of everybody. She was very upset and most of her problem was with her gnome. You see Ororo has this sense of style and ripping out tasteful and elegant fountains and replacing them with these… these… shoddily painted and hideous abominations really cramped hers. And the fact that her gnome was the sort that widdles into fishponds and peeks over its shoulder with a cheeky leer did not make her any happier. In fact it really pissed her off. There where thunderclouds a-brewing and they were just above their heads.
And that did not bode well for moral.
Everybody except the Professor and of course his side-kick Hank, spent the rest of the day wandering around in a daze. Which was accompanied by feelings of helplessness and being put upon. You would have these feelings too if, Hank found that the gnomes had been re-homed prematurely, found mostly in a head-down position with f@*ked off squirrels underneath. And Xavier decided to set up some rules after some when behind his back and did it again, even though he had carefully and gently explained to them that they shouldn't.
So he called them all before him. The rules were:
1. Your gnome must be with you at all times.
Everyone groaned, Charles put an admonishing hand up. "No." He said firmly. "I am saying this because those gnomes are a deep heartfelt gift to you all from me and Hank, and the least you can do is make an old man like him happy by seeing the joy on your faces because of our gift before he dies."
A worried frown creased Hank's face. " Before I die?" He looked at Charles. "Old man? What are you saying Charles?"
Xavier patted Hank on the shoulder. "Don't listen to me. We'll discuss it later."
2. Your Gnome must be treated with respect, as befits a magnificent example of fine stone carving.
Everybody glowered at this announcement. The Professor sat back in is wheelchair; he shook his head with a mixture of disgust and sadness on his face. "Don't tell me, that you are all so ungrateful for the last gift that a dying man has given you." He indicated towards Hank, who was now sitting bolt upright giving Charles a bewildered look.
"For shame!" Continued Charles, his voice chocked with emotion. " I don't think I know any of you anymore. Where has my loving, caring and well-bonded X-men gone? I… I cannot continue its just so…" He tailed off. And sat in deep contemplation.
At this display everyone felt like scum. They looked at their feet. Except Hank and Logan. Hank sat, still completely confused, whereas Logan stood by the door. He knew Charles, and if he wasn't taking the piss then he didn't know his ass from his elbow.
And Logan was right Charles watched everyone out of the corner of his eye, yes this was good. He suddenly cleared his throat and continued.
"And there is one more rule." He said
3. Everyone is to work together on this project.
They all looked at him. Charles said kindly as he looked at Hank. "It's the least we can do for him."
Hank looked about him, all eyes stared in his direction, some with pity, others with curiosity. Hank shuddered and excused himself whereupon he went straight down to the Med Lab and ran a barrage of tests on himself, and shed everywhere.
Once Hank was gone, Xavier admonished everyone again about how cruel and inconsiderate they had all been. He then issued a warning; anyone caught breaking the rules he had set would be punished, terribly. With this news some of the group looked thoughtful, Xavier looked them in the eye "I mean it you know, believe me I will know that you have done something, I am a mind reader after all. Especially you Logan!"
"I didn't do anythin'!" Logan said hotly.
"Yes you did I saw you!" accused Charles.
"I did not!" Rumbled Logan.
"Don't lie, Logan, you did too! I really hate it when you do that!"
"Whatever ol' man." Muttered Logan as he looked out the window.
The Professor smacked his hand against the armrest of his wheelchair, "No Logan!" he cried. " For once take me seriously, you never do, it's not fair! I try my best by you and this is what you do to me! Oh I have suckled a viper to my bosom…" Xavier put his hand to his and looked up at the ceiling.
Meanwhile the rest of the group watched this performance, not with glee; no they were still in too much shock. But they were still enjoying it. Logan's face was priceless. His lips were moving but no sound was coming out. One could only imaging what he was saying.
Finally Logan spun around, "What!" he roared.
Charles halted in mid sentence. "…and another thing!…Pardon?"
"What th' hell are we fightin' about!"
The Professor paused and rubbed his chin. "I don't remember!" he said lamely.
Logan growled and rolled his eyes. "I think this was about th' Gnomes." He shook his head in disgust.
"Oh… That's right, silly me! No, what I was going to say was that the Gnomes where expensive, and don't get me started on the shipping, oy!" He slapped his head.
He was about to continue when Logan interrupted. "What do ya mean, expensive. I thought ya said that not buying these god-fersaken things would be a crime against economy!"
"Yes."
"Well are they or not!"
Xavier gave Logan an odd look. "I don't know what you are talking about." And he wheeled to the study door. He turned to look at Logan. " Just remember what I said, you don't look after your Gnome, I will take it off you and you wont get it back. And then I will kick you out onto the street and change the locks! So there!" He blew a raspberry and rolled away.
This shocking news made everyone all aflutter. Was the Professor being serious? And had he gone completely insane? And was he telling the truth abou…
Xavier's head popped back around the door. "Yes!" he said fiercely. "That applies to everybody, an, an, you're all poopyheads!"
There was silence as everyone considered this information. Ororo shook her head; the Professor was definitely not going to get three sugars in his coffee anymore.
Chapter 8 – Gnomes, Gnomes, gnomes!
Now we return to our Heroes and their odd predicament. Some of them where having trouble understanding how the Professor and Hank became, how could I say…
F@*ked up.
Ororo was one of them. She had got one of the rawest deals of everybody. She was very upset and most of her problem was with her gnome. You see Ororo has this sense of style and ripping out tasteful and elegant fountains and replacing them with these… these… shoddily painted and hideous abominations really cramped hers. And the fact that her gnome was the sort that widdles into fishponds and peeks over its shoulder with a cheeky leer did not make her any happier. In fact it really pissed her off. There where thunderclouds a-brewing and they were just above their heads.
And that did not bode well for moral.
Everybody except the Professor and of course his side-kick Hank, spent the rest of the day wandering around in a daze. Which was accompanied by feelings of helplessness and being put upon. You would have these feelings too if, Hank found that the gnomes had been re-homed prematurely, found mostly in a head-down position with f@*ked off squirrels underneath. And Xavier decided to set up some rules after some when behind his back and did it again, even though he had carefully and gently explained to them that they shouldn't.
So he called them all before him. The rules were:
1. Your gnome must be with you at all times.
Everyone groaned, Charles put an admonishing hand up. "No." He said firmly. "I am saying this because those gnomes are a deep heartfelt gift to you all from me and Hank, and the least you can do is make an old man like him happy by seeing the joy on your faces because of our gift before he dies."
A worried frown creased Hank's face. " Before I die?" He looked at Charles. "Old man? What are you saying Charles?"
Xavier patted Hank on the shoulder. "Don't listen to me. We'll discuss it later."
2. Your Gnome must be treated with respect, as befits a magnificent example of fine stone carving.
Everybody glowered at this announcement. The Professor sat back in is wheelchair; he shook his head with a mixture of disgust and sadness on his face. "Don't tell me, that you are all so ungrateful for the last gift that a dying man has given you." He indicated towards Hank, who was now sitting bolt upright giving Charles a bewildered look.
"For shame!" Continued Charles, his voice chocked with emotion. " I don't think I know any of you anymore. Where has my loving, caring and well-bonded X-men gone? I… I cannot continue its just so…" He tailed off. And sat in deep contemplation.
At this display everyone felt like scum. They looked at their feet. Except Hank and Logan. Hank sat, still completely confused, whereas Logan stood by the door. He knew Charles, and if he wasn't taking the piss then he didn't know his ass from his elbow.
And Logan was right Charles watched everyone out of the corner of his eye, yes this was good. He suddenly cleared his throat and continued.
"And there is one more rule." He said
3. Everyone is to work together on this project.
They all looked at him. Charles said kindly as he looked at Hank. "It's the least we can do for him."
Hank looked about him, all eyes stared in his direction, some with pity, others with curiosity. Hank shuddered and excused himself whereupon he went straight down to the Med Lab and ran a barrage of tests on himself, and shed everywhere.
Once Hank was gone, Xavier admonished everyone again about how cruel and inconsiderate they had all been. He then issued a warning; anyone caught breaking the rules he had set would be punished, terribly. With this news some of the group looked thoughtful, Xavier looked them in the eye "I mean it you know, believe me I will know that you have done something, I am a mind reader after all. Especially you Logan!"
"I didn't do anythin'!" Logan said hotly.
"Yes you did I saw you!" accused Charles.
"I did not!" Rumbled Logan.
"Don't lie, Logan, you did too! I really hate it when you do that!"
"Whatever ol' man." Muttered Logan as he looked out the window.
The Professor smacked his hand against the armrest of his wheelchair, "No Logan!" he cried. " For once take me seriously, you never do, it's not fair! I try my best by you and this is what you do to me! Oh I have suckled a viper to my bosom…" Xavier put his hand to his and looked up at the ceiling.
Meanwhile the rest of the group watched this performance, not with glee; no they were still in too much shock. But they were still enjoying it. Logan's face was priceless. His lips were moving but no sound was coming out. One could only imaging what he was saying.
Finally Logan spun around, "What!" he roared.
Charles halted in mid sentence. "…and another thing!…Pardon?"
"What th' hell are we fightin' about!"
The Professor paused and rubbed his chin. "I don't remember!" he said lamely.
Logan growled and rolled his eyes. "I think this was about th' Gnomes." He shook his head in disgust.
"Oh… That's right, silly me! No, what I was going to say was that the Gnomes where expensive, and don't get me started on the shipping, oy!" He slapped his head.
He was about to continue when Logan interrupted. "What do ya mean, expensive. I thought ya said that not buying these god-fersaken things would be a crime against economy!"
"Yes."
"Well are they or not!"
Xavier gave Logan an odd look. "I don't know what you are talking about." And he wheeled to the study door. He turned to look at Logan. " Just remember what I said, you don't look after your Gnome, I will take it off you and you wont get it back. And then I will kick you out onto the street and change the locks! So there!" He blew a raspberry and rolled away.
This shocking news made everyone all aflutter. Was the Professor being serious? And had he gone completely insane? And was he telling the truth abou…
Xavier's head popped back around the door. "Yes!" he said fiercely. "That applies to everybody, an, an, you're all poopyheads!"
There was silence as everyone considered this information. Ororo shook her head; the Professor was definitely not going to get three sugars in his coffee anymore.
