Sue Penkivech: Yeah, a thesaurus definitely helps when writing Hank. :D Well this wasn't meant to originally be funny…I tried to put some  humor in here for you guys. I hope it doesn't read too forced. 


ManualImpact: I still feel a bit unsure writing him, so I try not to over do it. Thanks, and yes I'm often told I worry too much about stuff. LOL!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. The X-Men people belong to Marvel and Star Wars belongs to the breaded one.

While little Christopher slept Bobby flipped through the channels on one of the many terminals inside Ship. He was getting sick of all the super-hero related news. Just once he wanted to enjoy an evening without being reminded of what he was. Of the dangers he and others like him had to face on almost a daily basis.

"—you may be insured for water damage but do you have super-hero related compensation? Do you live in New York? If so please contact--"

Click.

"You filthy punk, keep your –beep- paws off my daughter!"

"You stay out of this you old –beeeep- !"

"You're dating him too?! You –beep- I loved you, you -beeeeep-!"

"I am so -bleep- humiliated…"

This is sick…Bobby thought watching in revulsion as the crowd egged the family on.  ….yet strangely fascinating…NO…must change…channel…before it's…too late…

Click.

"See the dashing Human Torch next week--"

Click.

"Show off." Bobby grumbled.

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father…" The mutant bolted upright at the sound of one of his all time favorite movies. Grinning ear to ear he mouthed along to the words.

"No…I am your father!" Luke s' reply was drowned out by the wailing of Christopher. Pouting slightly Bobby turned off the television to make his way to his 'nephew'. He winced as he drew closer to the earsplitting shriek. Kid would sure give Banshee a run for his money, he mused picking up the infant.

"Hey kiddo, what's wrong? Are you hungry?" In responds the baby screeched louder. "You can't be sleepy so…," Bobby sniffed. "…Oh…maaan…" With a great sigh, Xaviers' third student went to work.

Just hold your breath and you'll survive this. Just do it like Scott would, he told himself. Bobby made a mental list of steps to take.

I will not gag, I will not gag, the mutant silently chanted. The soiled diaper was removed and thrown unceremoniously into the trash bin.

"What do they feed you?" Bobby choked.

"Goo ba dee!" Little Christopher exclaimed.

"Well we'll have to see about changing that." The unsavory part was complete and all Bobby needed to do was have the small tape straps things stick to the side. "Hey, that wasn't too bad," he mused. "Was it?" The tape snapped off the diaper. "Uhh…I spoke too soon didn't I?"

Christopher giggled.

The mutant tried in vain to use the same tape to no avail, it just won't stick. Mentally cursing Scott Summers for being such a tightwad, he went in search for a suitable replacement. Scott would kill him if he threw away an unused diaper, so Bobby only had one option.

"Nope not there either…" Bobby muttered, searching through the nursery drawlers. "AH HA!" He exclaimed victoriously emerging with his prize, a roll of duct tape. Though why it was in there in the first place eluded him. Taking a generous amount of tape Bobby wrapped it around the offending diaper until it fitted snuggly about the baby.

"Not really fashionable I'll admit, but hey, it works for me." Bobby stated admiring his work. The infant blinked up at him. "Now we'll play, alright?" Not waiting for a response he knew wouldn't come; the mutant scooped up the little boy and sat down on the rug near the pile of toys.

"Let's see what you got…the standard teddy bear…rattle…boring…blocks…what the heck? An action figure?" The only person that would buy such a toy had to be Hank, Bobby thought. Not far away laid the packaging.

Placing the squirming infant in his lap, he reached out for the toy and the packaging. The little man wore what appeared to be a black outfit with a mask. The odd part was the red, orange, and yellow paint that covered the arms and legs. Curious, he read the back of the packaging.

"When the dangerous hordes of the ninja assassins attack the Baxter Building it's up to the Human Torch to save the day. Armed only with his ninja abilities--WHAT?! Since when has Johnny been a Kung Fu expert?!" Laughing at the absurdity of it Bobby set up a few 'buildings' with the blocks.

"And from the depths of space came an evil mankind had never faced before!" Bobby hummed the Star Wars theme, adding little cries from the invisible 'Earthlings.' "Behold the terror of--THE EWOK!" The little brown bear was thrown into the building blocks knocking over them over in the process. "NOooo--! N-noo…" The baby seemed to give his Uncle a strange look. "Oh come on kiddo, use your imagination. Wait—what's this? Our hero has arrived! Oh…..it's JUST the Human Torch. With his great 'Ninja' knowledge." The man rolled his eyes.

"Ninja Human Torch puts up a good fight against his foe. The Ewok is down for now, but he's hungry!  The outcome though is never really in doubt..." To punctuate this statement he dropped the 'Ewok' on top of the 'hero.' "And the Ewok wins! …What? It could happen. It's more likely than Johnny being…"

"I hate to interpret Robert, but I believe it is time for--" As if on cue the baby wailed. "--Christophers' feeding." Ship concluded.

"Thanks Ship, but I kinda got that message. Hey short-stuff, I'll have your grub in a moment." Not wanting the boy to choke on some toy he placed the baby into the highchair. Hopping to his feet Bobby tip toed around the fallen blocks and maneuvered himself next to the jars Scott had left out on the counter. His brow furrowed at the many post-it notes stuck about the jars.

"'Here is Christophers' baby food.' Really? I would never have guessed that Slim." Rolling his eyes Bobby unscrewed one of the small jars. "Hmm, peaches not bad." Grabbing as many as he could he moved back to his young charge. "Okay, let's see…according to your daddy you have to eat…peas…carrots…eww--er--I mean 'yum.'" He grimaced at the sickly looking pea substance as he spooned some up. How anyone could feed their children such stuff was beyond Bobby.

"Now ooopen up for Uncle Bobby."

Christopher turned his little head away for the offending 'cuisine'. Clamping his tiny mouth firmly shut. Determined his sitter tried to catch the infant unawares by bringing the spoon around the other side. The child turned away again. Bobby repeated this motion with the same results until he got tired of it. Groaning he stuck his tongue out at the child in frustration. 

"Hee ga hee!" The child squealed.

"Ah ha!" Bobby proclaimed taking the opening he was given to put the spoon in the babys' mouth. Six empty spoons, and a whine later he smiled as he kept feeding Christopher. "Since you've been a good boy and only spit up on me twice--" Bobby self-consciously wiped at his shirt, "--we'll watch your show together." Receiving an affirmative sounding coo in reply he shrugged and sat down on the sofa, Christopher sitting placidly in his lap.

A/N: The commercial about being insured for water damage was a nod to Bobbys' ice slides. Just imagine how many he left to melt around New York. Also, in an old X-factor issue it a waiter mentioned a restraint being insured for 'super-hero' damages, so it just made sense. Bobby has fought and befriended the Human Torch. I don't think Bobby really dislikes him but is just tired of hearing about him, at least in my fic. The 'Ninja Human Torch' was a reference to Toybizs' 'Ninja Iceman.' Since I don't think they would make one of those in the MU I made it Johnny. The toy just made no sense.