SCENE: DANGER ROOM
The New Recruits are in the danger room training with Cyclops and Kitty. Razor sharp spinning discs are being fired at them from launchers set into the wall. Jamie is taking a turn at dodging the spinning discs of death.
Jamie: I'm the youngest! Look! Look at me! I'm doing what the big kids do! I can handle it! I ro-
Kitty: LIKE OH MY GOD!
Cyclops: Aww man! Not another one.
Jamie falls over backwards, a spinning disc of death embedded in his forehead. He lands on the floor, next to a pile of other Jamie's, all with spinning discs of death stuck into them. The real Jamie punches himself in the stomach and causes three more Jamie's to appear. They run at the spinning discs of death launcher and start to kick it. Two seconds later all three were lying on the floor, their cloney bodies lifeless.
Amara: Yo! BOB-BAY!
Iceman: Huh wha?
Amara drops out of her flames and gestures to an unoccupied corner of the Danger Room. When Iceman finally makes his way over she leans in close to him and whispers.
Amara: Where my grass at, Bobby?
Iceman: I'm getting it. You'll have it by tommorow!
Amara: That's what you said yesterday!
Iceman: Next month at the latest!
Amara: Right, that's IT, just you and me, Drake, outside on the tennis courts!
Iceman: Eep!
She gets her flame on and melts her way through the wall. Scott begins to shout at her... until he's cut off by a chunk of lava to the visor. Jubilee and Wolfsbane cry and run around in a circle as Scott shoots off a continuous and uncontrolled eye blast at the ceiling. Cannonball charges out of the way as a large chunk of Danger Room falls from above. Sunspot, however, is not as fast and ends up pinned to the floor. Meanwhile, in a sewer not that many miles away...
Callisto: Spyke! TURN THAT AVRIL LAVIGNE SONG DOWN!
Spyke: But!
Callisto: No buts! The slightest sound is amplified and echoed down here. And I do not care if you find some special meaning in that song.
Spyke: But I'm a sk8er boi!
Callisto: Did you just say sk8er boi?
Spyke: Yeah! And I rock on MTV!
Callisto: You are a SKATER BOY and you rock on human waste and dirty pipes.
Spyke: You think I rock?
Callisto: No, I was just saying it to distract you.
Spyke: Distract me from what?
Torpid walks up behind him and gives him a hefty slap on the ass. Spyke's eyes immediately glaze over and he freezes.
Callisto: ...That. You two! Take him out again and dump him. Further away this time, he keeps finding his way back.
She points at Cybelle and Facade and then turns back to Torpid as they begin to drag Spyke's paralysed body away.
Callisto: Hey girlfriend! Good job! Hi five! No, I didn't mean. CRA-
Torpid: *little girl smile*
As Callisto realises her mistake at hi 5-ing Torpid its too late, and she is paralysed too. Torpid shrugs and sits in a puddle.
On the surface Amara and Bobby are having a rumble. She is leaning into Iceman, one arm melting the wall next to his ear. She shouts loudly at him, her flames crackling and bursting up with each word.
Amara: Say it, Bobby! Say you'll get my stuff!
Iceman: Ok, OK! I'll get it! By tommorow! I promise!
Amara: What will you get me, Bobby? Tell me once more! Exactly!
Iceman: I will get your illegal narcotics by tommorow!
Amara drops out of flame mode and pulls a minature microphone out of her ear. She holds it close to her mouth and shouts into it.
Amara: Fury? WE HAVE THE TURKEY IN THE BAG! REPEAT! WE HAVE THE TURKEY IN THE BAG!
Fury: Yes, god, don't shout. Right here you know!
And suddenly Agent Nick Fury is standing behind Iceman and Amara, a full contigent of soliders behind him. Every gun is aimed at the two mutants.
Amara: Call off your bitches, Fury. I got the turkey.
Fury: Stand down, men.
The soliders immediately put their guns on the floor and sit down.
Fury: I said stand down! Not sit down! Get up!
The soliders stand up, leaving their guns on the floor.
Fury: With the guns...
They pick them up and point them at Amara and Iceman again. Fury sighs and shouts loudly.
Fury: I SAID STAND DOWN!
The soliders sit down on the floor again. Fury walks over to Iceman and drags him towards a large military helicopter. As he mutters under his breath Iceman is hauled inside and thrown into a cage. Fury pulls himself up and then reaches inside, before throwing a large silver briefcase to Amara.
Fury: Your payment, as per our agreement.
Amara: Score!
Fury: And you lot get inside the helicopter. Get inside. Now. No, don't forget the guns!
The inept soldiers eventually get in the helicopter and it takes off, the huge blades churning up a cloud of dust. Through the dust a pair of glowing red eyes can be seen, and a monotone voice calls out.
Angel statue: DESTROY!
Amara drops the suitcase and gets her flame on. She turns to face the statue, lava dripping from her hands.
Amara: They're playing my song... Aiiiiiiiiiii!
She runs forward, her feet melting the court and throws a volley of molten rock onto the statue. Meanwhile, in the Professor's office...
Prof X: That's right, Danielle, reach out with your mind. Probe Scott.
Cyclops: Oh that sounds dirty.
Danielle: Aww man! Now I lost concerntration and... and... ah!
Prof X: Danielle... no!
His eyes glaze over and he finds himself sitting in his office, all alone. A pile of bills lie on either side of the desk, with one large important looking envelope lying in the middle. He opens it and then his face immediately pales. Even moreso than usual. The scene fades in around him and we hear a voice narrating the letter.
Letter: Dear Charles,
All your rich uncles are dead. As are all rich family members. And all their money has been stolen by Mexican bandits. Do you realise this means you have no way of paying for your little school?
Love from the Lawyers.
P.S You owe us some money for sending you this letter and sorting out lawyery type stuff.
P.P.S If you don't pay up we'll break your legs. Ok, scratch that, you can't walk anyway. It'd be a waste. We'll... um... do something!
Prof X: No, no. Oh nooooo! They can't have all run out! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
The letter drops from his hands and the scene melts away and he is back... sitting in his office. Dani is standing up and getting ready to leave.
Danielle: Stupid school, I should have known this wasn't going to work out.
Prof X: Fuck! Why did you do that? I almost had a heart attack. Jesus! That's one freaky power.
Dani starts to cry and runs out of the room, her powers going haywire. As she runs through the Mansion and passes the other occupants, screams and shouts of terror are heard.
Storm: NOT A SNOW PLOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!
Kitty: LIKE OH MY GOD!
Cannonball: ...
Wolverine: Woof! GROWL! *WHINE*
Eventually she leaves and everything goes back to normal. Back in the Professor's study Scott is rapidly becoming bored. He gets into one of the Professor's extra wheelchairs and begins wheeling himself around the room making plane noises.
Cyclops: X-Jet to base, X-Jet to base. We require immediate assistance.
Prof X: Get out of my spare wheelchair, Scott. It's not a toy.
Cyclops: But I'm boooooored!
The Professor puts his hands on his temples and speaks slowly to Scott:
Prof X: You are not bored, Scott.
Cyclops: I'm not bored.
Prof X: You want to make me a sandwich.
Cyclops: I want to make you a sandwich.
Cyclops gets up and goes out of the room. The Professor steeples his hands and begins to cackle.
Prof X: Exceeeeeellent. Mwah ha ha. MWAH HA HA H- ahem.
Next time on "X-Men: Devolution":
I couldn't think of anything to put here so... um. Dances a bit There. That'll have to do :P.
The New Recruits are in the danger room training with Cyclops and Kitty. Razor sharp spinning discs are being fired at them from launchers set into the wall. Jamie is taking a turn at dodging the spinning discs of death.
Jamie: I'm the youngest! Look! Look at me! I'm doing what the big kids do! I can handle it! I ro-
Kitty: LIKE OH MY GOD!
Cyclops: Aww man! Not another one.
Jamie falls over backwards, a spinning disc of death embedded in his forehead. He lands on the floor, next to a pile of other Jamie's, all with spinning discs of death stuck into them. The real Jamie punches himself in the stomach and causes three more Jamie's to appear. They run at the spinning discs of death launcher and start to kick it. Two seconds later all three were lying on the floor, their cloney bodies lifeless.
Amara: Yo! BOB-BAY!
Iceman: Huh wha?
Amara drops out of her flames and gestures to an unoccupied corner of the Danger Room. When Iceman finally makes his way over she leans in close to him and whispers.
Amara: Where my grass at, Bobby?
Iceman: I'm getting it. You'll have it by tommorow!
Amara: That's what you said yesterday!
Iceman: Next month at the latest!
Amara: Right, that's IT, just you and me, Drake, outside on the tennis courts!
Iceman: Eep!
She gets her flame on and melts her way through the wall. Scott begins to shout at her... until he's cut off by a chunk of lava to the visor. Jubilee and Wolfsbane cry and run around in a circle as Scott shoots off a continuous and uncontrolled eye blast at the ceiling. Cannonball charges out of the way as a large chunk of Danger Room falls from above. Sunspot, however, is not as fast and ends up pinned to the floor. Meanwhile, in a sewer not that many miles away...
Callisto: Spyke! TURN THAT AVRIL LAVIGNE SONG DOWN!
Spyke: But!
Callisto: No buts! The slightest sound is amplified and echoed down here. And I do not care if you find some special meaning in that song.
Spyke: But I'm a sk8er boi!
Callisto: Did you just say sk8er boi?
Spyke: Yeah! And I rock on MTV!
Callisto: You are a SKATER BOY and you rock on human waste and dirty pipes.
Spyke: You think I rock?
Callisto: No, I was just saying it to distract you.
Spyke: Distract me from what?
Torpid walks up behind him and gives him a hefty slap on the ass. Spyke's eyes immediately glaze over and he freezes.
Callisto: ...That. You two! Take him out again and dump him. Further away this time, he keeps finding his way back.
She points at Cybelle and Facade and then turns back to Torpid as they begin to drag Spyke's paralysed body away.
Callisto: Hey girlfriend! Good job! Hi five! No, I didn't mean. CRA-
Torpid: *little girl smile*
As Callisto realises her mistake at hi 5-ing Torpid its too late, and she is paralysed too. Torpid shrugs and sits in a puddle.
On the surface Amara and Bobby are having a rumble. She is leaning into Iceman, one arm melting the wall next to his ear. She shouts loudly at him, her flames crackling and bursting up with each word.
Amara: Say it, Bobby! Say you'll get my stuff!
Iceman: Ok, OK! I'll get it! By tommorow! I promise!
Amara: What will you get me, Bobby? Tell me once more! Exactly!
Iceman: I will get your illegal narcotics by tommorow!
Amara drops out of flame mode and pulls a minature microphone out of her ear. She holds it close to her mouth and shouts into it.
Amara: Fury? WE HAVE THE TURKEY IN THE BAG! REPEAT! WE HAVE THE TURKEY IN THE BAG!
Fury: Yes, god, don't shout. Right here you know!
And suddenly Agent Nick Fury is standing behind Iceman and Amara, a full contigent of soliders behind him. Every gun is aimed at the two mutants.
Amara: Call off your bitches, Fury. I got the turkey.
Fury: Stand down, men.
The soliders immediately put their guns on the floor and sit down.
Fury: I said stand down! Not sit down! Get up!
The soliders stand up, leaving their guns on the floor.
Fury: With the guns...
They pick them up and point them at Amara and Iceman again. Fury sighs and shouts loudly.
Fury: I SAID STAND DOWN!
The soliders sit down on the floor again. Fury walks over to Iceman and drags him towards a large military helicopter. As he mutters under his breath Iceman is hauled inside and thrown into a cage. Fury pulls himself up and then reaches inside, before throwing a large silver briefcase to Amara.
Fury: Your payment, as per our agreement.
Amara: Score!
Fury: And you lot get inside the helicopter. Get inside. Now. No, don't forget the guns!
The inept soldiers eventually get in the helicopter and it takes off, the huge blades churning up a cloud of dust. Through the dust a pair of glowing red eyes can be seen, and a monotone voice calls out.
Angel statue: DESTROY!
Amara drops the suitcase and gets her flame on. She turns to face the statue, lava dripping from her hands.
Amara: They're playing my song... Aiiiiiiiiiii!
She runs forward, her feet melting the court and throws a volley of molten rock onto the statue. Meanwhile, in the Professor's office...
Prof X: That's right, Danielle, reach out with your mind. Probe Scott.
Cyclops: Oh that sounds dirty.
Danielle: Aww man! Now I lost concerntration and... and... ah!
Prof X: Danielle... no!
His eyes glaze over and he finds himself sitting in his office, all alone. A pile of bills lie on either side of the desk, with one large important looking envelope lying in the middle. He opens it and then his face immediately pales. Even moreso than usual. The scene fades in around him and we hear a voice narrating the letter.
Letter: Dear Charles,
All your rich uncles are dead. As are all rich family members. And all their money has been stolen by Mexican bandits. Do you realise this means you have no way of paying for your little school?
Love from the Lawyers.
P.S You owe us some money for sending you this letter and sorting out lawyery type stuff.
P.P.S If you don't pay up we'll break your legs. Ok, scratch that, you can't walk anyway. It'd be a waste. We'll... um... do something!
Prof X: No, no. Oh nooooo! They can't have all run out! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
The letter drops from his hands and the scene melts away and he is back... sitting in his office. Dani is standing up and getting ready to leave.
Danielle: Stupid school, I should have known this wasn't going to work out.
Prof X: Fuck! Why did you do that? I almost had a heart attack. Jesus! That's one freaky power.
Dani starts to cry and runs out of the room, her powers going haywire. As she runs through the Mansion and passes the other occupants, screams and shouts of terror are heard.
Storm: NOT A SNOW PLOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!
Kitty: LIKE OH MY GOD!
Cannonball: ...
Wolverine: Woof! GROWL! *WHINE*
Eventually she leaves and everything goes back to normal. Back in the Professor's study Scott is rapidly becoming bored. He gets into one of the Professor's extra wheelchairs and begins wheeling himself around the room making plane noises.
Cyclops: X-Jet to base, X-Jet to base. We require immediate assistance.
Prof X: Get out of my spare wheelchair, Scott. It's not a toy.
Cyclops: But I'm boooooored!
The Professor puts his hands on his temples and speaks slowly to Scott:
Prof X: You are not bored, Scott.
Cyclops: I'm not bored.
Prof X: You want to make me a sandwich.
Cyclops: I want to make you a sandwich.
Cyclops gets up and goes out of the room. The Professor steeples his hands and begins to cackle.
Prof X: Exceeeeeellent. Mwah ha ha. MWAH HA HA H- ahem.
Next time on "X-Men: Devolution":
I couldn't think of anything to put here so... um. Dances a bit There. That'll have to do :P.
