Authors note: Well HELLO out there! Where are those reviews guys? You don't get no updates without reviews! So get them fingers busy and type away! Hehe well I was feeling rather creative with this chap so I wrote a poem to kick it off and then it slips back into the fic. Last little verse at the end is a song by Muse called Time is running out. thought you might like to know. Neways, hope you enjoy!

Here goes.

Chap 6

// Everlasting love I hold,

Bared to you, my eyes, they told.

Drowning pools of blue and gold

You did not see what they told

Of how I see you as you are

You have me running so so far

But now you must forget that sight.

Of what you saw on that fateful night.

That lust and love that I showed to you

I want to scream if only you knew,

The truth that lies amidst the past

I want this love to always last

Yet somehow deep down amongst the hope

Lies the fate that I'll have to cope,

Without your love that I'll never feel,

Doomed to emptiness, I'll never heal,

Torn in two, my heart is broken

My screaming silence it has truly spoken. //

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

My head has a beat of its own, my body swaying slowly with the rhythm of my head. Sickness, wavering in motion to the ominous pounding as slowly I try to figure out which way is up and which way is down.

My hands close around the doorknob of my room and I rest my head against the solid wood, feeling the coolness of the door against my burning forehead.

Ow.

Flashes cross my mind, of bumping bodies, laughing people and the disgusting offer of more drink. I reach out and take it, knowing I'll regret it later, but taking it all the same.

What the hell happened last night?

All I can remember is the excessive amount of alcohol I drank. Who was even with me?

I remember leaving the house with Spike, and meeting Willow and Xander in the club. There was drinking and I remember that guy who tried to buy me a drink, but Xander stepped up claiming me as his to get rid of him.

Then Spike disappeared.

I remember searching for him but him wearing his usual black attire meant he was hidden in the darkness of the club.

So where did he go?

I shrug, and peel myself off the door and open it slowly, leaning all my weight on the doorknob and then on the banister as I practically crawl down the stairs.

I enter the lounge and collapse onto the sofa, there is no way in hell that I am moving from here today.

I hear footsteps and turn to look towards the doorway. Spike enters, a newspaper held in his hand and a cup of tea in the other; completely oblivious to the fact I'm sat on the sofa. He walks forward and sits down on a chair, placing the cup of tea on the small table next to it. "Hey." I mutter groggily.

He looks slightly startled and turns to face me, his eyes wide with surprise. "Hi." He avoids eye contact and drinks from his tea. "How are you doing?" He asks, obviously mocking the definite hangover that I am suffering from.

"I feel like I've been hit over the head with a baseball bat." I smile weakly back. "What happened last night?" I rest my head on the back of the sofa, suddenly wishing I wasn't here but back upstairs in bed where Spike wouldn't be able to see me.

"You mean you don't remember?" Is that relief I can see cross his face?

"I remember there was drink, and that I drank the drink. That's about it." I answer sheepishly. "I can't even remember seeing you after we had arrived."

"Oh." He smiles back, suddenly his mood seeming brighter.

"Where were you?"

"Around." He shrugs his shoulder and returns to his paper.

"Around"

"Yes, around."

He found another girl didn't he. I knew I should have stayed sober. My heart grows heavy, as I realise what this could mean. He doesn't like me. If he liked me so much, then surly he would have stayed with me all night. Surely he would have made a move or something?

But maybe he was with me all night and I just don't remember.

"So how did I get home?"

******

Last night was unbelievable. You kissed me.

Ok, ok, I know it was only on the cheek but still a guy can wish can't he?

"So how did I get home?"

I look up from my paper and again avoid your eye contact. I am so grateful you don't remember last night. So grateful that you don't remember the dancing.

"I brought you home." You fell asleep in the club and I ever so gently lifted you from your seat and carried you home.

"Oh, I just don't remember walking that's all."

Well luv, you didn't exactly walk.

"Well you got home safe and sound and that's the main thing." I stand, figuring this is a good moment to leave the room before any more dodgy questions are asked.

Silence follows as I cross the room and I think I've got away with it until she screws her nose up, deep in thought and says:

"Did we dance?"

SHIT.

I stop mid pace and turn around to face her. Two options: Number one lie. Number two tell the truth.

"Sort of." Ok so maybe bending the truth should have been added to that list.

******

"Oh I just don't remember walking that's all." I smile back at him and think once more to the night's events.

Slowly things are seeping back into my memory. Oh, I remember that guy that I danced with. Grabbed him from his chair and grinded up against his muscular body to the beat of the music.

How embarrassing.

Can hardly remember what he looked like.

I remember he was wearing a long coat though, cause I had to slip my hands under it to hold onto his back.

Wasn't Spike wearing a long coat? SHIT.

"Did we dance?" I ask, slightly puzzled and silently praying.

He looks alarmed, like a rabbit lost in headlights. "Sort of."

No. NO. NOOOOO! Fuck I remember now. I remember the bleached hair, and the familiar smell.

This is so not good.

I look at him and he looks as bad as I feel right now. How fucking embarrassing. If only he knew the truth. If only he knew that I wished for there to be no clothing between us as we danced.

He must think I'm insane.

Quickly I stand, hiding the sudden rush of pain to my head and hurry towards the door, sliding past him and up the stairs. Need to escape now. He looks the same, coughing loudly and making a hasty retreat to the kitchen.

******

Colour flushes to her cheeks and I can see the embarrassment and shame hidden in the depths of her eyes. Why was she so embarrassed? Does she think I'm really that repulsive?

I stand in the kitchen, leaning heavily on the kitchen table, the newspaper spread out before me.

I have got to get out of here.

So I flick to the advertisement page and scan the list for rooms to rent.

One bedroom flat

En-suite bathroom

Lounge

Kitchen

Price to be discussed.

Translation: Fucking expensive, for rich kiddies only.

Small flat

With lounge and bathroom.

Translation: Shit hole.

I read the rest of the list and nothing special catches my eye. Looks like I'm staying here for a few more days at least.

"Hey." A punch lands in the base of my back and I spin to find Dawn beaming back at me.

"Hey Nibblet." I smile in return.

"Whacha looking at?" She peers past me and notices the page I'm looking at.

"Your not leaving are you?" She seems disappointed, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Well, yeah, 'bout time I had a place of my own. I'm getting under your feet." I cough and cross the room.

"Spike!" She whines in response. "Your not getting under our feet, stop being such a jerk! Giles is leaving in a few days and then you can have his room!"

It's that pleading look again.

"Look, I have to move on."

"Move on where?" A new voice enters the conversation and instantly I know its her. The slayer.

"Spike's moving out." Dawn folds her arms across her chest and pokes out her tongue at me, knowing full well I didn't want Buffy to know yet.

"You're leaving?" She sounds sad. Why would she be sad?

"Well, maybe, I don't know, just feel like I need to. You have enough to cope with, let alone me burdening you. Plus I'm an extra mouth for you to feed and I know you can't afford it." I avoid those beautiful eyes 'cause I know I'll break if I look at you.

"Your not a burden." She mutters and I'm shocked. Would have thought she'd want me out of there as fast as possible.

"Why don't you pay us rent then? You can have Giles' room when he moves out to his new place and then you can move in." Dawn chirps from the corner.

"Now Nibblet, that should be up to your sister not you" I turn and face Buffy, my eyes falling upon hers.

"If that's what you want." She shrugs, a slight smile lightened in her eyes.

How could I deny it to her? How could I deny such an offer, even if it kills me every single minute of every single day because I can only look and not touch?

"Ok." I smile at Buffy and Dawn makes a leap at me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

******

The day passes and Buffy's hangover passes. Why is she so beautiful even when she feels like shit? That is amazing.

Night draws in and I feel the urge for a fag. Quietly I slip out the back door and sit down on the edge of the balcony, taking out my treasured fag and lighting it.

Footsteps sound behind me and I know its her.

She seats herself beside me, wrapping her arms around herself to shield her body from the cold.

Silence.

And then I ruin it. Not because I want the noise but the fact I can no longer stand just hearing her breathing. It drives me wild.

"You Ok, with this arrangement?" I take another drag from my cig.

She turns to face me. "Spike, I wouldn't have asked you if I wasn't happy about it." She sighs and I see a small shiver ripple through her body.

Why the hell is she outside if she feels cold? I restrain myself from reaching my arm around her and hugging her in close.

Her leg brushes against mine as she reaches across me and picks up a discarded magazine that Dawn had left out here earlier. I swallow hard as she settles herself next to me, her leg still in contact with mine.

I freeze.

She flicks through the magazine aimlessly, her body leaning more towards me as every second passes. Or is that just my imagination? Just stupid wishful thinking?

Her body is almost touching mine now and she glances at me and smiles slightly.

"Kinda cold." She mutters and her head hits my shoulder.

Jesus Christ I think I'm going to implode.

*~* Please read and review!!!! *~*

// I think I'm drowning,

Asphyxiated,

I wanna break the spell that you've created,

Your something beautiful,

A Contridiction,

I want to play the game, I want the friction. //