Authors note: Thanks guys for the reviews!! Keep em coming!! And ill keep saying it: If I don't get feedback about a chap then I wont continue coz if I don't know what the readers think then how am I supposed to continue in a good way?? Hehe, anyway I hope you enjoy..

here goes..

Chap 16

What the hell am I doing?

There I am, my body just inches away from hers, my eyes meet hers and for a moment I can't stop myself. I just want to taste those lips again, feel her skin against mine.

And I almost do.

I lean down and as I am about to shut my eyes, our lips about to meet, she gasps and I'm awoken from my fantasy world.

And do you know what I see in that split instant; when I hear her gasp and my eyes fly open?

Her. Clothed in white, her skin pale, her eyes open glassy and dull. Deep fang marks on her pure skin, dried blood leaving streaks down the side of her neck. My body physically flinches of the thought of her lying dead beneath me.

I clench my jaw and within an instant of me blinking the image is gone and replaced with bright green eyes staring up at me in confusion. That's enough to send me leaping up onto my feet and looking away in embarrassment. Had I just tried to kiss Buffy?

Wanker.

Go on Spike; lead your heart willingly into another ordeal that will defiantly end in heartbreak.

Stupid idiot.

I help her stand and then she leaves the room without another word. Can't blame her really. I am a monster after all.

******

What just happened back there?

I was sure that he was going to kiss me. In fact I was certain.

Well that's another reason to add to his list for wanting to leave. Buffy is a freak - Check.

What happens now? We were going to talk right? Well after the tension I just left in that room I don't think there will be any talking going on just pure get up and run moves.

"I think we need to talk" Or not. His voice is quiet but stern and instantly I take a seat at the kitchen table, gesturing for him to join me.

He sits across from me, his hands placed flat on the table in front of him. He starts to pick the black nail varnish from his nails as if eager for something to do, something to distract him.

Damn I wish my nails were painted.

"So you want to start" I ask after a moment of silence.

"Buffy, do you really want me here?" DUH

"Yes! Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't have invited you if I thought you shouldn't be here." And your so god damn sexy I don't know if I could live without you. *sigh*

He falls silent. And for a moment I think he has ran out of things to say but then he lifts his head up to face me and his piecing gaze meets mine and I see total honesty buried amongst the deep blue.

"Do you remember on the first night when you saw me and you asked me why I came back here and not go on to heaven?"

I nod silently, my gaze never breaking contact with his.

"Well before all this, before I died and I was sat in that white place, I saw you, I saw what you were like after my death."

Seeing as I didn't remember this I just sat in silence waiting for him to continue.

"You were crying like you'd never cried before, like you had lost something so dear to you that your own heart was breaking."

His words were said so sincerely I nearly started crying there and then.

"That what made me come back Buffy. Seeing your heart break after me - a monster - dying, was painful. I know you don't remember but I knew you didn't care for me like you do the others, and I know you never will but I - "

He seems to struggle with his words.

"I can't leave you in this world alone Buffy. I won't let you die at the hands of a demon. I won't stand around and let it happen all because I choose to be sat on my little cloud in the sky. You deserve a life Buffy, that is what I came back for."

He smiles slightly and I feel a single solitary tear drizzle down my cheek, making a little river across my smooth skin.

"Nobody has ever done that to me." I whisper, my throat constricting as I try to fight off the tears.

"Angel came back," He answers out of gritted teeth.

"But he didn't come back to save me, help me. He came back for a reason he doesn't even know yet."

His hand reaches across the table and touches mine so lightly for the briefest moment I believe that he really hasn't touched it at all - that it was just in my mind.

But no.

I look down and sure enough our hands are intertwined as he squeezes mine gently, reassuringly. His other hand comes up against my cheek and wipes away a fresh tear.

******

Her hand is in mine and instant electricity shoots up my arm in a wave of pleasure. She doesn't understand what she does to me.

I nearly told her.

You know what I am on about.

I nearly told her about all those times we had together in my crypt, in that abandoned house. I nearly told her that I loved her and that I can never stop loving her.

But I held my tongue.

This was enough for one day.

Maybe another day I'll bare my soul to her.

*~* Please read and review!!!! *~*